am I really going to put her on the bus?

One of my girls showed anxiety prior to preschool last year. I didn't recognize the signs at the time, I chalked it up to the attitude approaching 4. Well, this year I'm recognizing those same signs. She didn't deal well when I went over the top prepping she and her sister for the start of preschool. I noticed in the past year that she does better if we talk about it from time to time but not jump for joy everytime we bring it up.

I had a chat with her the other day about whether or not she is excited or nervous for K. She said nervous. I asked her why and she said because she will be away from me for too long. She acts this way when I'm going to the store for an hour, or away to work for a few hours, whenever I go anywhere. BUT, when I'm gone, she is totally FINE. I think she is a little bit like me...fear of the unknown. I did assure her that Kindergarten is a short amount of time, like preschool.

Here's my dilemma, I am getting myself SOOOOOOOOOOOOO worked up about replaying the scene of the first day of preschool last year. Her being anxiety ridden and crying until she sees for herself that it's not a big deal. If she is upset when the bus comes, I honestly don't know if I am strong enough to put her on it and send her on her way. :blush: I know it's a big ol' bag of "what ifs" right now and I just have to wait and see but OMG, I've never been good at "see ya kid" and just leaving her crying.

How do I get that strength to do it? Seriously here. I told DH I'm cracking open a bottle of wine for lunch. Not joking. :wine:

 

You might take them the first couple of days. Here it's to hot to ride the bus(110 plus heat of the bus) so I drop them off on my way to work and my sister picks them up in the afternoon. Is there an older child in the neighbor who rides the bus who could be their buddy? This might help with anxiety

 

I thought of that. They are afternoon K so they will only be riding the bus with K kids. I thought of taking her to our neighbors when her DD gets on the bus (same school) in the morning so we can say goodbye to her.

The good thing is that 2 of their preschool friends will already be on the bus when they get on, and then they'll go pick up one more that they know. So that's good. And she'll have her sister. I firmly believe once she is at school she will be fine. I just don't know that *I* am strong enough to just push her on, regardless!! :cry: :blush:

 

:hug:

Honestly I didn't even think of that. :unsure: You bring up a very good point... there won't be a teacher to take care of them when I walk away. Hopefully all of them do good. :hug: This is something I definitely need to ask about next week ... if we can bring them in if the bus doesn't work out for the first few days.

 

Exactly. I'm going to call my neighbor who has sent 3 kids through this school (and won't think I'm a COMPLETE nut :blush: ) to see what she thinks.

Fingers crossed we have the same bus driver that has been driving our 'hood for the past at least 7 years. All the neighbors love her!

 

our first day of school they require that the K kids are dropped and picked up - no bus and they only go from 9-2...after that they take the bus...

Michelle - you can do this!!!

 

:hug: YOU CAN DO THIS!! :hug: And yes, she probably will cry, but she would no matter where the drop off is. I also think you are "on" about the whole...don't make it a big deal thing. If you are just matter of fact and calm...she feeds off you and will be more likely to be even keel about it too. And like I said, she'll probably cry...but she'll be safe sitting there on the bus crying. If you'd like, you can sneak into the school (not sneak for the school part, just for her to not see you) and check on her. I, too, think she'll be fine 5 minutes after you leave her.

So, hold your tears until you walk away, then :cry: your little heart out, my friend :wub: :hug:

 

One of my friends threatened (in a loving way) to ditch me if I followed the bus and went to the school. :blush: But, seriously, they have to go pickup other kids so I could easily get in the parking lot in an inconspicuous spot and just watch her come off the bus to make sure. Right? :blush: Or maybe I can just call the school? Last time I called to ask a question all I said was "this is Michelle La...." and the secretary exclaimed "OH! How are my favorite twin girls today?!?" :wub: So I'm guessing she would be okay if I called. I'm a wimp when it comes to seeing my kids cry...unless I made them because they are being punished. :blush:

 

Ugh, Chelley, I've got nothing for you as advice, we don't have buses here. I will be walking my two the first day of school. But, I agree that she will adjust quickly enough. The first few days might be a bit rough, but after that it will just be routine. Hang in there, Momma, I will be crying with you on those first days. I get teary just thinking about it now & it is still 2 weeks away!

 

I would be so tempted to go & watch! :spy: How is she with Emma? Does she get any comfort from the fact that she is with her and she isn't alone? I know my 2 will be clinging to each other the first couple of days before they get comfortable & go their own ways!

 

:hug: It is hard and it probably will be hard and probably harder on you. I know here at our school, they really stress the importance of routine and stress that for parents to start it from the beginning and actually say if they are going to ride the bus, have them do it the first day. They do tell those parents that have kids that ride the bus to put the kids on the bus and meet the bus at school if they'd like. But that it really is best if the kids start with the routine they will have all year, it just makes it a bit easier.

But I would think if you could sneak to school without her seeing you so that YOU know she is okay, that is what I would do. :good: That way you know all is fine! I don't think I'd call the school just because they are going to be so busy with everything the first day...at least that is how it is here at our school, but that's just me. I am also a wimp if my kids cry. I just told DH tonight, I will be fine unless one of the kids starts crying then I will lose it.

 

Good luck my friend. Is she excited about the bus at all? My girls are disappointed they dont get the bus this year (prek bus was cut because of insurance issues and funding). Perhaps the excitement of the bus will temper her nervousness about leaving you. Plus she'll know kids on the bus. Maybe you can talk to her about the bus ride like "wow what do you think xyz will be wearing?" "do you think xyz will have a pink backpack or blue?". Kind of deflect to get her through it.

When my girls are nervous or upset its better to start talking about other things and then when they calm down talk about the real thing ( if this makes any sense). Oh and if I lived in your neighborhood I'd call shotgun for the ride to the school following the bus :blush: when I told one of my friends that I won't be in work on the girls' first day, she said " don't you dare sneak into that school! Do I need to come with you to make sure you leave after drop off?!"

 

I found the bus made it some much easier for my one girls who some times gave me a hard time about going into to pre-K. they loved that they finally got to take the bus with the big kids.
SHe will do great!

 

I'm a hard knocks mom, and tears don't bother me in the least, unless they are hurt. Even then, I make them suck it up. Nice. Huh? Anyway, I PROMISE you she will be fine. I am expecting tears from Peyton this year, as she is going through a rough patch with separation, but once she gets on the bus, she will be fine. Give her some credit, and expect her to act as a big girl, because that is what she is becoming. The K bus drivers are usually warm and fuzzy and great with the kids. She'll be fine.

 

I'm a bit more like Heather on this one.

Let me tell you a story about what happened the first day of Kindergarten for my sister's oldest son. He was fine. He was excited to get on the bus, he looked forward to it and was all smiles that day as we waited for the bus to come. SHE on the other hand was a mess. She kept asking him, 'are you okay, are you sure you are ready? etc' The bus came and she was in tears.....he was okay until he saw HER crying. Then he realized it must be scarey to ride a bus, and he should be upset. So he started to cry. She followed him to school.........got there before the bus, and waited for him to get off. He was fine until he saw her. Then he cried. Now she coddles him, she drives him to school almost every day, and is most of the time late because she has to take 3-5 other kids with her. He has learned he can get away with the easy way if he cries and whines and manipulates mommy. He's learned that if mommy cries when he does something new, he can get away with something. He is now starting 4th grade and is one of the most spoiled manipulative children I have ever met.


Moral of the story.....she will be fine, YOU will need the wine. Don't let her see your anxiety and feed off of it. If you want to go to the school to watch her get off the bus, check with the school first, and either let A drive or don't have the wine (and knowing you you will need the wine!!)

 

Thank you :bow2: thank you :bow2: thank you for sharing your stories and words of wisdom and encouragement, etc. I know I probably sound like a freak about all of this. :blush:

She brought it up again this afternoon when we saw a bus and she said "I think I'm a little nervous". So I turned it into this happy conversation and asked her to decide what I could do to make her feel better and happier about it. Before even having a chance to answer, Emma chimed in with "I can snuggle you and I can sit with you on the bus and I can make you laugh and I can hold your hand..." She was being SO sweet!!! :wub:

Lauren came up with the cutest idea! She said she would like me to draw a picture of myself on a piece of paper so she can stick it in her backpack and I need to write "Lauren Love Mama" on it so she knows when I'm away from her that I love her. :wub: I honestly thought that was a super cute idea!!

This is exactly how I've been. I only ask her how she feels about it if she's working herself up about it. And even then, it's not coddling, it's very matter of fact, even though I could leave the room and bawl my eyes out. It's been HARD but I've been very strong in front of her.
I'm going to call the secretary tomorrow to find out what the policy is if she is still crying off the bus. Do they call me after a certain amount of time, etc. Oh, and Anthony's off that day, so he can drive me.
Thanks for sharing this Molly! :hug:

 

I started a convo like you suggested this afternoon and she was SOOOO into it!! We were talking about her preschool friends that will be on the bus and started talking about what they will be wearing or talking about or the songs they might be singing on the way. She was laughing and joking and totally getting into it.

Ya know, I think we all need to do what is good for us as long as it's not harming them. If you and I feel the need to peep to make sure they are not crying, for our own piece of mind, will it hurt anyone? :nea: If we were coddling and not letting them go, etc., then I can see where it would be an issue.

 

I do have to say that I'm generally a "suck it up" hard knocks sort of mom like Molly and Heather mentioned...except when it comes to her being frightened about starting something away from me. Outwardly I'm hard knocks but inside it tears me apart. :blush:

 

They are both so good about taking comfort from each other when one is upset. If I yell at or punish one because she has done something wrong, the other is right there to comfort her. Sometimes I laugh :blush: because they make me out to be the meanest person EVER the way they carryon with each other. :laughing:

 

So sweet !!

 

Awww Michelle, she is such a sweet little girl :wub: She just wants you and that is wonderful! As far as the bus goes, I think that it is nerve wrecking anyway, but also new and exciting! Being with Emma will certainly help her, and I bet with your note, she will be fine and embark on this new adventure! And yes, definitely have wine for lunch! :hug:

 

Have I mentioned how much I :wub: this school?? :yahoo: I just called and spoke to the secretary and she said she doesn't care how many times we want to come in. If it will help - get in there! So we're going to go for another visit after lunch and she said she will show the girls where to go, what to do, etc. etc. when they get off the bus on Monday. And...she said she will inform the teacher of the anxiety she is showing and if there is a problem they would call me IF she was so bad. But she said it's quite common (which I figured :blush: ) and she is pretty sure she will be just fine (which I'm assuming :blush: ). Either way, I love that we get to go today so the area/routine will be fresh in her mind when they get there Monday. :woo:

 

Good, I'm glad you got to go over it again with her. It is definitely very common. All of the girls have showed nervousness/anxiety/crying at school/camp previously, but they are always ok. And this is coming from a person who had HORRIBLE separation anxiety from my mom until 6th grade. I threw up everyday walking to school, I was so nervous. You would think I have sympathy for my kids, but I find the more nice and coddling I am, the more they cry. If I am tougher and tell them they will be fine and that they really have no other choice but to go to school, they usually suck it up and stop. And to be honest, I still remember that feeling and the second I step into a school, that certain 'school smell' brings me right back and my stomach is always in knots. You would think at my age :hush: I'd be over it. The memory is strong and always comes out. Weird. I probably need therapy, lol.

 

:woah: Oh my gosh Heather! :hug:
I do like your approach. I might have to do that today, cut off the coddling and just paste a suck-it-up smile on.



All bets are off. She cried all day yesterday for nothing and I finally got her to talk to me and she is (still) scared. I woke up this morning with knots and anxiety so I'm avoiding her (just "busy" around here) hoping that she won't sense it. I don't know whether I should cry or throwup!!!!!!!! :faint:

 

So we went through this with my oldest this past week and I think it is time where you stick the smile on and just repeat "you are going to love your first day". It took him the weekend but he finally talked himself into riding the bus and going to school. On Saturday he told me he wasn't going and he was staying home all day. On sunday he was scared. You will get through this! Remember, deep breaths

 

Michelle, I'm sorry you're worrying for her! No advice, just hugs.

 

How did it go Michelle? Thinking of you this morning. :hug:

 

Thanks ladies! :hug:

Leighann, they are afternoon K, so they will leave here around 12:15ish. :unsure:

 

Then good luck for this afternoon!!!

 

Good luck!! They'll have an awesome time!!

 

I just posted this on FB:

I held strong but it was HARD. I didn't coddle her at all and kept it light-hearted. PHEW! :faint:

Off to............ :wine:

 

:Clap: I'm glad she did so well!! Now go off and drink woman. :lol: :hug:

 

Aw! Way to go, girls! You too, mama!

 

Yayyyy for no kid-tears!

 

WTG girls (all 3 of you!). I'm sure they are having a blast right now at school and will have LOTS of stories for you when they get home!