Am I losing my mind? New to the board and need encouragement

Hi everyone:

I am the mother of two five month old b/g twins, and the day always starts out well, but by 5pm, they become unhinged, screaming and basically inconsolable. I find myself getting angry with them, and my situation. I can't help but wonder what my life would be like with just one. Sometimes, I think I made a mistake, that I just can't do this, and wishing I could go back to work. Has anyone else felt this way? I hope I'm not the only one that (sometimes) resents their situation.

Thanks for listening,

Prairiegirl

 

:hug99: I'm so sorry you're having a hard time.

I had feelings like what you're describing (feeling like I made a terrible mistake) when I had PPD. Once I got treatment (meds + therapy) it got much better. There are plenty of hard days in the life of a twin mom, but that kind of resentment and regret sounds like it could be PPD. Would you be comfortable talking to a doctor about it? You deserve to feel better, and you can feel better.

Also, do you have or could you get any help (friends, family, even a mother's helper for a couple hrs here and there)? Does your DH help you out and let you take breaks when he's around? It sounds like you need at least a 2 hr vacation!

This is just a nuts and bolts thing, but how well are your babies napping during the day, and what's their bedtime? Good naps can go a long way toward easing the "witching hour"...

But anyway, lots and lots of hugs coming your way. You are not alone, and having the feelings you're struggling with doesn't mean you're a bad mom - you're a great mom who's having a very difficult time. :hug99:

 

Aaah yes, the witching hour. That is NOT fun for sure. I had many days like you are having. Just wondering when it will get better, will they ever stop crying, how can I soothe them, on and on.

I have heard many stories of other mom's having a tough time with staying at home and trying to deal with all this. You are definitely not alone at all. :hug99:

 

Hi everyone,

thanks so much....I don't think I have PPD, but I do have a raging thyroid problem, which makes me more irritable, for sure. I think my problem is control (the idea that I would like each day to run somewhat sanely...) and I see my friends with their one baby each, and sometimes, I am envious, knowing how much simpler my life would be. I wouldn't take away either of them, but man, I can feel my blood boiling somedays and I just wonder if I'm cut out for this. They're pretty good nappers (one needs to be rocked right to sleep and they're at 5 mos, so when I leave the room, they scream. It drives me nuts.

Anyone else see a difference around the 5 month mark?

PG

 

QUOTE(Prairiegirl @ Nov 28 2007, 07:34 PM) [snapback]513041[/snapback]
Hi everyone:

I am the mother of two five month old b/g twins, and the day always starts out well, but by 5pm, they become unhinged, screaming and basically inconsolable. I find myself getting angry with them, and my situation. I can't help but wonder what my life would be like with just one. Sometimes, I think I made a mistake, that I just can't do this, and wishing I could go back to work. Has anyone else felt this way? I hope I'm not the only one that (sometimes) resents their situation.

Thanks for listening,

Prairiegirl


when i read this aloud to dh he asked if i wrote it, and i could have, we have had a patch of very bad days. no advice, just hugs. know that you are not alone.

 

:hug99: It does get better.

 

i feel the same way. I fell apart last night b/c I also have two other sons that have to be cared for and I am only one person.

 

Mine lose it at night too. I have felt the same way you feel. Not that I would REALLY have it any other way if I could ... but I have OFTEN wondered what it would be like to have only ONE baby ... Again, I couldn't imagine NOT having one of my beautiful girls ... but I get sad that I can't give each the attention she needs all the time.

I have found that if I have mine take a late afternoon cat nap ... say 5 to 5:30 ... they do much better. Mine start to lose it around 6 or 6:30 unless I have them nap ... that being said, they won't ALWAYS take a nap then ... but I TRY to make them take a nap ... we at least go to the nursery and get out of the bright lights and TV on and hustle and bustle of the day. I rock one and put the other in the cradle swing (and eventually rock her if she doesn't fall asleep in the swing) ... again, sometimes they sleep and sometimes they don't ... sometimes it is 10 mins and sometimes it is an hour and I have to wake them up ...

Anyway, just try and stay ahead of the overtired rages and they are A LOT easier to deal with! This coming from someone who threw the baby monitor across the room last week ... Oh, and screamed and punched pillows too ... from being exhausted from the constant soothing of screaming babies. People keep saying it gets easier and my husband and I keep telling ourselves ... surely easier days are just around the corner ... whatever it takes to make us feel better!

Also, I "hired" a babysitter to come and help me with the girls twice a week ... it helps to know, say, on Monday if I am having a hard day that Tuesday she will be there from 3-5 or whatever ... it helps me get through each day to know that help is on the way. Also, build a network of friends ... people really love to hold babies ... even if they are crying. Get over the guilt of how hard they are to deal with and let someone else deal with them while you go take a bubble bath or get out and do some yardwork or something. Even an hour a day to do something other than babies will do wonders for your patience!

Good luck!

 

big :hug99: ! we've all been there....definitely use these boards for support. do you have any help?

my kids have been going to bed at 6pm for a long, long time. they were ready to go to bed...think of all the stimulation they get all day. they are exhausted. also, at that age, mine were taking 3 naps a day.

it does get better, but then it brings a whole different bag of issues

hang in there....it's worth it!

Lois

 

It will get better, just hang in there and get help when ever you can. Time for yourself is important so try and find some you time just for you. :hug99: Most of us have had these thoughts and know how you feel this will pass and soon you will know you are the one who is blessed by having twins.

 

It really will get better! :hug99: I agree with pp, maybe take a look at their sleeping schedule and tweek it a bit if possible. Don't feel bad about yourself, I have days that I wonder what it would be like to have just one (but like you, would NEVER really want that) and get a little envious of moms with just one. You are on the verge of them becoming fun and entertaining, at about 6 months, that's when I really started to enjoy the girls and some of the bad feelings came less and less. Once their sleep issues get sorted out you'll probably feel tons better, I hope! :hug99:

 

It will get better!! 4 months was better, and then around 6 months things got really good!!

Hang in there!

 

our boys were horrible at that time of evening as well - we called it "UNhappy hour". it's just starting to get better for us and it will for you too, so hang in there - there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!

 

5pm is when the International Loudest Crier of the Day contest begins. 6 months will be better! One day you'll be mentally gearing up for them to cry for a few hours and nothing will happen. It will stop as quickly as it started.

All babies do this, and your singleton mommy friends deal with this too BUT you have 2 of them and screaming is always worse in stereo.

Have you tried swaddling them? Turning on the bathroom fan, vacuum or white noise machine? Sometimes loud noises are soothing.

:hug99:

 

Thanks to all of you for your advice. Sometimes it's enough to know that others are going through it too, or have survived it.
We do all the old colicky tricks -- fans, white noise machines, etc. I am vigilant about naps, but they seem to crank it up around 4pm and I can't get them down for that precious, albeit short, 5-530pm nap. I will work on it today. Somedays I think I am trying to do too much in between naps/bottles (laundry, phone calls...oh, I don't know, maybe eat?)

Thanks to all -- I find this board invaluable!!

PrairieGirl

 

What time do they wake up in the morning? Mine would wake up around 5-5:30am, so guess what? I put them to bed for the night at 5-5:30pm! People thought I was insane, but that's what they needed. I highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth. Even if you aren't having sleep issues, it really helped me organize the day and get us on a smooth routine. Before that, I had no schedule or routine. The one place where I did deviate from what he recommends is having them wake so early. He says to let them cry and fuss until at least 6:00. I couldn't do it, so I let them wake early, but also put them to bed early. Once we got going on this routine, that "witching hour" pretty much went away.

I also had one (Ainsley) that would only fall asleep on me. I did it until 10 months, when I just couldn't take it anymore so I did CIO to break the habit. It was getting to where it would take over an hour of holding her, putting her down, she would wake back up and cry, repeat. I was resenting it big time.

We've all had the "this would be easier with one" thoughts. It really, truly, does get better! I'm at the point now where I think having twins is better, if you can believe that!

 

You are definitely not alone! I can't tell you how many times I have cried, screamed and threatened to run away. When my older twins were 3 months old, I found out I was pregnant with a second set of twins, this time identical. I didn't think I would survive. There were many times I would get into the car at 5 am and drive with the kids to my parents 2 hours away just for a little relief. My husband works second shift, so it is only me at night. By 5pm, I am so tired I can't think straight.

I am not sure what your financial situation is, but the best thing I ever did was hire a high school student to help me a few days a week after school. I didn't have much to pay her, but she loved coming and helping out (some in your neighborhood my help for nothing). I at least felt like I could breathe a little easier and had someone to get a diaper changed while I cooked dinner. I also found it helped to get out and stroll at the mall, etc. an hour or so each day. If folks offer to help, don't turn them down!

My husband always told me I tried to do too much. I wore myself out! I finally got a clue (to some extent) when the second set arrived. I learned that taking naps when they do is most important. Not rushing in at the drop of a hat (or cry) is key. And realizing all the housework will get done at some point.

My mom used to say that from 4-6 pm was the worst time. You bet it is true. This became our swing time from 3-6 months of age and after that was stroller time. Anything for a little bit of sanity.