Am I favoring one??

I am feeling guilty, my first twin Jenna, loves to be swaddled and cuddled and is in a bad habit of being held to sleep, she also does not breast feed but takes a bottle of breastmilk. My other twin, Kaylee breastfeeds, but does not want to be cuddled with. She likes to just sit on your lap and play. But she doesn't like to cuddle much so I am feeling like I give Jenna more time am I? My husband says they just need different things, what do you think??

 

I am feeling guilty, my first twin Jenna, loves to be swaddled and cuddled and is in a bad habit of being held to sleep, she also does not breast feed but takes a bottle of breastmilk. My other twin, Kaylee breastfeeds, but does not want to be cuddled with. She likes to just sit on your lap and play. But she doesn't like to cuddle much so I am feeling like I give Jenna more time am I? My husband says they just need different things, what do you think??

 

No your not favoring one over the other, you are giving them what they want and taht is the best thing you can do for them

 

You are not favoring one over the other. Maybe YOU would enjoy being held more, etc. But, she does not prefer it. I felt the same way with my ds because he does not like to be touched as much as my dd and I thought I was giving her more love.

Well, I realized that I was putting my perceptions on him. For example, I love my hands rubbed and that is a sign of love for me when my husband rubs my hands. So, I thought he would love that too, but he hates having his hands rubbed. SO, I had to learn how to show him love that works for him. It is the same thing with our babies. We just have to find what works with them.

jen

 

You are not favoring one! If you weren't holding Kaylee at all, then that's a different story. It is funny, because my ds nurses and my dd is bottlefed. My mom (when she was staying with me and helping out) would always tell me that my dd wanted some mommytime. I think she was concerned that because dd took a bottle and dh or my mom could feed her that I wasn't holding her enough? I don't know - but I always hold her just as close as when I am feeding my ds. The pp was wise in that we do tend to pass our perceptions on.

 

Nope, doesn't sound like favoring to me. My boys have very different temperments, so I know how you feel. At times, I catch myself feeling guilty about snuggling with Braydon more than Parker, but Parker just isn't a snuggly baby.

 

Different twins have different needs, and you are right in meeting them. My dd is a big cuddler, but my ds is a total squirmer. My husband says he doesn't like to be held, but he actually does... just in a different way. He likes to bounce on my knee or be tickled, not just lay there and be cuddled. When he is sleepy, he squirms some but I hold him tightly and kiss his forehead. He settles down after a minute and really enjoys it. I only really do that each evening before putting him to bed. I find that when I don't, he is less peaceful about being put down in his crib. You could try some things like that and see how they work. But basically, it sounds like one twin isn't into the cuddly thing as much, and that's OK.

 

I think your husband sounds smart! I think you are just fine!! They are going to flip flop their needs so many times you'll lose track of who got what and when and how much. Just enjoy the snuggle time!!!

 

I think you sound like a considerate mom, nurturing your individual babies differently.
Also, I wanted to tell you that my dd3 is SUSIE! She's named after my mom, Suzanne. I just don't see it spelled the 'old fashioned way' very much! Love it!

 

This post could have been written by me 10 months ago! One of my boys needed attention of one kind or another all the time, while the other boy was fine on his own. I would read on here not to worry, and not to be surprised if they switched before they were one. Well, they are almost one and for the past 4-6 weeks it has been the complete opposite of how it used to be. My former "snuggle bug" wants to be down on the floor playing and exploring, and my "smiley boy" who used to be on the go all the time wants nothing more than to be held and snuggled!

You have to meet the needs of your girls as the needs arise, and it sounds like you are doing that. It's hard though, because you have 2 and can easily see that one may seem to be getting more attention - but that's your perception of things. She sounds to be perfectly happy and content with how things are and her sister is the one, right now, that needs you more. Enjoy them and try not to worry. And don't be surprised if they flip-flop on you in the future!

 

I also feel like a favor my daughter over my son too and I think it has to do with that I breastfed my daughter for 6 monhts but my son was never too interested in it. Also, my daughter looks exactly like me. It's interesting because my son looks just like my husband and is also much closer to DH.

 

not at all...When my girls were that age, Maddie was a big cuddler, needy baby and Gracie was not...that has changed a hundred times since then. My girls go through phases where one will cling to me and the other won't, then they will swap places. All you can do as a parent is meet the need of the child, and if one doesn't need to be cuddled as much, then that is just her way. Don't beat yourself up about it.

 

I used to feel the same way about my DD with reflux that I held upright for 30+ mins after feeding and fell asleep with at bedtime sitting up in bed. My other DD would just twist and squirm. Now, my little snuggler plays so independently and pays no attention to me, while the other constantly crawls over and holds her hands up. She still doesn't want to snuggle, just be held and kissed on. (It took me about 10 mins to type this because I had to stop and pick her up 3 times I think you are doing perfect. Stephanie

 

I feel the same way. My daughter that was very sick, I very seldom held as much as I was afraid to bond to her because I was afraid she was going to die. Now, I am trying to pay more attention to her. I think me and my other twin have a better bond especially since the other one (sick one) has to sit in a bouncy seat after she eats due to reflux. If we sit and review everything we do with the twins, we are bound to make ourselves crazy.

 

quote:
Originally posted by expectingtwo:
My dd is a big cuddler, but my ds is a total squirmer. My husband says he doesn't like to be held, but he actually does... just in a different way. He likes to bounce on my knee or be tickled, not just lay there and be cuddled. When he is sleepy, he squirms some but I hold him tightly and kiss his forehead.


I have two boys and they sound exactly like your kids. I too have to find him at the right time to do some cuddling, such as right after his naps or just before he's going to bed. But he cries and squirms a lot when he is sleepy so I find it's best to do that with him just as he wakes up from sleeping.

I try to take advantage of any time when one is asleep and I can give all my attention to them one at a time and do exactly what they like to do best.

This was such an interesting post and looks like you're not the only one with this concern!!

 

You just described my daughters to a tee!! Arwen will reach out for me to pick her up and hold her but she doesn't want to be kissed or hugged. She is just content to be sitting on my lap or have me walk around holding her. Lorien on the other hand gives ME kisses and hugs and loves being kissed and tickled and so on. It still bothers me sometimes and I can't help myself and I WILL give a ton of kisses to Arwen anyway. But I figure it's just the way they are for now and who knows, maybe one day they will switch on me or decide that neither want to be showered with affection OH GOD please don't let THAT happen!

As pp said, no you are not favoring one over the other. You are just giving them what they need and want.