Am I expecting too much? I'm MAD!

Like many of you, I take the babies to the doctor alone. I took the twins solo for their three-month shots last month. The nurse who administered the shots was pleasant enough but she was the only one present. There were no other nurses there to help me hold a screaming infant so I could soothe the other. The nurse who gave the shots left the room and said, "You can stay here as long as you want..." I'm a first-time Mom and it didn't occur to me to say, "HEY, can you HELP me here?!" My babies were SCREAMING and NOONE even popped in to say, Are you/they okay? Do you need any help here? So for the next 45-minutes I fed, changed, and soothed my little ones until they were calm then left. I called a few days later and politely voiced my complaints and how it bothered me that no one cared enough to check in...I forgot to mention that I saw nurses milling around that day. It was a quiet afternoon and they weren't packed or anything either. The receptionist told me that I should make sure to ask for help next time.

I'm taking the babies for their 4-month checkup on Friday morning which includes shots, and I know this time to be more vocal and ask for help...but it just bothers me that I have to ASK for help with twins at the doctor?!! I read many posts on this forum about babies getting shots and in so many, people mention the nurse or nurses who help them. I love our pediatrician but I'm angry and disappointed that they neglected to help me last time. I don't think it's asking to much for someone to offer some help. In fact, I expect at least one nurse to just be there to help support one parent with two infants. What if this happens again? Inasmuch as I like our pedi, I may leave. I just can't imagine going to an office that doesn't respond to babies crying after shots...

 

Eh... I don't think I would be too pleased either. I don't like people to act like they feel sorry for me or think that I can't handle things, but everyone appreciates a little help in situations like that! Sorry you had such a hard time, shots are hard enough as it is on their own! :hug:

 

I'm sorry you had such a hard time last time. When my two were really little, the way the nurse helped me was to help me get them undressed, and she even changed a dirty diaper once (they both had one). She never stayed to help dress/comfort them after the shots but I didn't ask. I would think, after 45 mins someone would have popped in - but ? I think it's great for them to provide extra help when they can, but I wouldn't expect them to always have extra time to help out.

 

I guess since my office is a family medicine office (my doc takes care of newborn to geriatric) and he only has one nurse I wouldn't expect any help...thats why I don't ever go to the docs office alone unless I'm only taking one twin...I would think they would expect you to enlist your own help - not to mention it could be out of the realm of their liability to help...the visiting nurse I had after my c-section was not allowed to help me with my children (although she would help me by carrying my bag or purse if I was leaving after she changed my dressings)...

while it would have been nice or helpful to poke their heads in after 45 minutes of you being in the room I'd hardly call it neglectful...

 

QUOTE(AmynTony @ Oct 30 2008, 02:36 AM) [snapback]1048141[/snapback]
I guess since my office is a family medicine office (my doc takes care of newborn to geriatric) and he only has one nurse I wouldn't expect any help...thats why I don't ever go to the docs office alone unless I'm only taking one twin...I would think they would expect you to enlist your own help - not to mention it could be out of the realm of their liability to help...the visiting nurse I had after my c-section was not allowed to help me with my children (although she would help me by carrying my bag or purse if I was leaving after she changed my dressings)...

while it would have been nice or helpful to poke their heads in after 45 minutes of you being in the room I'd hardly call it neglectful...


I'm probably in the minority here, but I agree with pp on this. I don't think it's neglectful...however it would've been nice to pop in and see if you were ok...but I wouldn't expect them to help out. I've taken my kids for shots by myself (even as infants) and I take them all 3 by myself now. It's not really the nurses job to help you with your kids...but it would be nice if it worked that way. I agree that it might be out of their realm of what they are liable for. It's kind of like when I left the hospital after having the twins and we were bringing them home...the nurse accompanied us out to our car, but as soon as she got there, the babies were ours and NO help. She said they weren't even allowed to show us how to snap the carseat in b/c they could then be liable if something happened.

HUGS to you adn I'm sorry you had a crappy experience. I hope it goes better next time.

 

QUOTE(AmynTony @ Oct 29 2008, 09:36 PM) [snapback]1048141[/snapback]
I guess since my office is a family medicine office (my doc takes care of newborn to geriatric) and he only has one nurse I wouldn't expect any help...thats why I don't ever go to the docs office alone unless I'm only taking one twin...I would think they would expect you to enlist your own help - not to mention it could be out of the realm of their liability to help...the visiting nurse I had after my c-section was not allowed to help me with my children (although she would help me by carrying my bag or purse if I was leaving after she changed my dressings)...

while it would have been nice or helpful to poke their heads in after 45 minutes of you being in the room I'd hardly call it neglectful...



I get your point about the nurses at the hospital not being able to handle the babies in certain situations...when we left the hospital, the nurses couldn't physically hold the babies once we were out the door due to hospital rules...but I disagree with you on your last note. The nurses CAN help at the pediatrician and while perhaps I shouldn't expect physical help by way of holding or comforting a baby, I think it is EXTREMELY neglectful not to check in and say, "Are they okay?" after such a long period of time. I expect to take my babies to a practice with caring and considerate nurses and don't feel I should expect anything less.

I also disagree that they should "expect us to enlist our own help"...why is this so? My husband works fulltime and my family isn't close by, so I can't "enlist my own help"...

 

I understand how you feel. Thankfully my pedi realized I was alone once and came in right after the shots to help me. She still takes them out of my arms if they are crying even if my DH is there. Before changing, maybe call around and see what the "policies" are. If they can't do it then it might just be what pp said.

I know this is slightly different but the day after my c/s the nurses brought the babies in to be fed and left the room. They were on the opposite side of the room and so was all their feeding/diaper supplies. I had to page the nurse back in and she was so rude and sat there sighing the whole time like it was the biggest inconvenience. I think in that profession is so tough because if you have a bad day or you are just simply not into your job, the patient suffers.

 

I totally would not expect the nurses to help out, but was pleasantly surprised by how helpful the nurses at my pedi are. I took help with me the first few times, but they ended up just sitting and holding the extra baby while I undressed one, and then the nurse/pedi took them and did their thing...so now I go alone. When they got their shots, one was sleeping in their seat first, so she did the one, while I got the second ready, and then held the first. He was easily settled and put him in his seat, and was able to hold the second after hers. But I'm sure if the first hadn't settled, she'd have picked up the second baby for me...though I know she wouldn't be able to just sit there and hold her the whole time. AFter their shots, one was completely crying continuously, and they always offer I can stay in the room if I need to feed before I go, and they knew I did, and she was crying for a good 10-15 mins before I got to feed them, but they never checked in either. I managed okay...but I'm used to that too, I don't have any help at home ever either...I've never expected them to help out as much as they do, but am thankful they are so helpful. They almost always change a diaper for me, and help undress a baby.

So I guess I'm sort of in the middle of the two extremes on what I expect helpwise...but only because they've been so helpful from the beginning. First appt I was expecting to have to do it all alone, with not much help at all.

 

yeah thats normal practice here; i take the girls myself every time to appts/shots and they say you can stay as log as you want; i just adjust and do it all You get use to doing all that stuff alone and get good at it

 

There is one nurse at my pedi's office who is a total witch. At our 6 month, Joel had gone first, and was screaming his head off, so I went to pop him on the boob to soothe him, and she said "uh-uh, you can't do that now, you have to hold the other one." (there were two nurses in the room) The other nurse said "Don't worry, I'll do it!" and held Roman, then brought him to me and helped me get him latched on the other side. I was really upset that day. I think a lot of the nurses there think I'm some crazy hippie because I am still breastfeeding and they wear cloth diapers, but that's no excuse for being mean to a baby.

I was so relieved when the witchy nurse wasn't there for the 9 month appt.

 

Im a single mom and I have never had help with my two during shots or check ups. We have very nice nurses at our pedi too, but they always leave after the shots because their office is busy and have other ones to take care of. I guess I just never thought of it.

 

People have offered to help here... I turned them down because I know it would make my babies even more mad if a stranger was trying to soothe them.

 

I haven't read everyone else's replies, but for what it's worth, no one at my pediatrician's office has ever helped out or offered to. The nurse who comes in to do the shots will assist with getting a baby ready if I ask but that's about it. They'll also carry a baby to/from the exam room if I look like I'm struggling, but I've never received any other assistance. It's a big office and there are many doctors and nurses, some of whom look busy and others who don't. I guess I've always figured that I'm not paying for help, I'm just paying for the exam. I would love it if they helped out, but if they helped me because I had twins, then they'd have to help every other parent who brings in two or three kids at a time.

 

I have taken the boys in for 4 sets of shots by myself. I never expected the nurses to help. Though they often do ask if I would like them to pick up the "next one" to get his shots while I am comforting the first. And when the shots are over with it isn't uncommon for them to leave me with 1 or 2 screaming babies. I don't mind. I handle them at home by myself so I don't look at it any differently in their office either. And if I really needed help I would ask.

To some extent I appreciate that they leave me alone to deal with it so I don't feel like I am performing in front of an audience or being judged on my parenting skills. And I know without a doubt that if I asked for help any of the nurses (mine or not) would gladly help.

 

Same situation here as most other posts...nice nurse, but no extra help. I went alone the past two visits (one for shots) and they just watched me hold both babies to try to calm them after, but didn't offer any help other than, "Maybe you should get someone to come with you next time...a neighbor or something." I thought we did ok, and we'll survive the 4 month visit alone, too, I'm sure. So you're not alone...I think they are just really busy in most cases.

 

I don't expect anyone to help me, but I am very gracious when I get it. I never took the twins alone to the doctor because I knew that I couldn't comfort one and have to help with the shots with the other. My two were not happy as infants. I think it was very nice of them to let you have that room for as long as they did. I don't think there was anything neglectful. Did you ask for help? Perhaps they didn't know that you would accept help. I know mine would probably have cried more if a stranger would have tried to comfort & soothe them.
:hug: I'm sorry you had a bad experience there.

 

I've only had to do shots alone once and the nurses, while always nice, didn't stay to help afterwards. She did let me get one mostly calmed down and in the stroller so I could hold the other while he got his shots. Then I stayed after and fed them so they could go to sleep in the car. I don't think the nurses have ever held the boys at all. We have to put them on the scale, etc. I never thought about it before, but maybe they aren't allowed to - or maybe they just haven't thought we needed the help.

I made DH go with me this morning to get the boys flu shots and there was not one tear. I don't think they even knew they got a shot! It was so great.

 

And you can also have the total opposite experience, too MUCH help.  At our 2 month shots, my babies also had to have blood drawn.  What a day.  So as I'm holding DD for her blood draw, DS spits out his binky and starts fussing in his carseat on the floor.  Without asking a nurse comes along, doesn't wash her hands (my babies are preemies), picks him up and WANDERS OFF WITH HIM!!!  I had to set DD down and go retrieve my son and try to politely tell the nurse that I'm not comfortable with him out of my sight.  Unbelievable to say the least.  I suppose it would be nice to have help, but I don't like people just thinking my babies are public property.  I'm sorry you had a bad experience though and hope it is better this time 

 

I've always handled doctor's appointments on my own (and sometimes with my 4 year old in tow). The nurses never offer to help, and I honestly don't think it's their job...though I do understand that it can be overwhelming to calm 2 babies who have just had shots!

 

QUOTE(amelowe9 @ Oct 29 2008, 09:43 PM) [snapback]1048157[/snapback]
The nurses CAN help at the pediatrician and while perhaps I shouldn't expect physical help by way of holding or comforting a baby, I think it is EXTREMELY neglectful not to check in and say, "Are they okay?" after such a long period of time. I expect to take my babies to a practice with caring and considerate nurses and don't feel I should expect anything less.

I also disagree that they should "expect us to enlist our own help"...why is this so? My husband works fulltime and my family isn't close by, so I can't "enlist my own help"...

Perhaps they were giving you some privacy and didn't want to interrupt, particularly if you feeding/bfing them. I've gone with both alone on several occasions and have been left in the room for 30-40 minutes after without anyone checking so I could change and feed them without any interruption.

 

I can understand maybe being annoyed, but I don't think it was neglectful. I would be angry if I had been sitting in the waiting area obviously overwhelmed and people were just sitting there staring at me, but if I were in a room I wouldn't expect someone to come and check on me. I'd pop my head out if I needed help, otherwise I'd expect to be left alone. It sounds like they'd be willing to help if asked. Hope you have a better experience in the future or find an office that is a better fit for you.

Jen

 

Well, at least they let you use the room for as long as you needed. I went in once, and after the first baby got her shot, I latched her on, and the nurse looked over at me and said, "oh, are you going to breastfeed them right now, we are kind of over booked and need this room." I was apalled. The time before, the nurse helped me, but this time they were very rude. I have always done it by myself though, and never expected help, just thought it was nice when I got it.

 

Thank you all very much for your responses...they definitely help put things into perspective for me. I realize I expect too much and that it is a business. Truth be told, I CAN handle the babies successfully and do take pride in that...and I will ask for help if I absolutely need it.

 

QUOTE(amelowe9 @ Oct 30 2008, 07:43 PM) [snapback]1049538[/snapback]
Thank you all very much for your responses...they definitely help put things into perspective for me. I realize I expect too much and that it is a business. Truth be told, I CAN handle the babies successfully and do take pride in that...and I will ask for help if I absolutely need it.

You seem like you could use a big :hug: right now. You come across as a VERY strong woman. Truth be told I didn't DARE take my two in alone. :bow2: I totally admire how you and many others take the twinfants in to the doctor all by yourself. I have been taking the three of mine in alone ever since Evan was born, but my two were old enough and fairly well behaved.