Am I doing something wrong?

Jack and Lily (6mos.) have never been the fall asleep in your arms type of babies. If Jack is tired enough he will eventually fall asleep in your arms but, not often. You can pretty much assume Lily will NEVER fall asleep all cozied up next to you. She basically goes to fussing and then screaming and I never really get past that as I have learned that she does much better in her crib. That being said, they are same with sleeping in the car, in a stroller, or anywhere else that people (meaning my family) assume they SHOULD sleep. And, to top it off, apparently there is something I should be doing to MAKE them more flexible.

What I am trying to say is the my sister has a baby (singleton) that is one week older than Jack and Lily. Her baby will fall asleep anywhere, go to anyone, and eat everything. Jack and Lily could not be more different. The basically have to be in their cribs every two hours for naps and in their cribs by 7 or 7:30 for sleep or all **** breaks lose. Personally, I feel like I am doing them a disservice if I do not have them where they need to be to sleep well. My mother; however, thinks that they run me and it is my fault they are so unflexible.

We live in FLA and my family lives in OHIO. THerefore, this is usually not a problem (other than me thinking my sister is a better, more capable mother than I ). Well, X-mas is coming and we all go to my parents house in West Palm Beach for the holiday. They spend most of the year in OHIO but the winter in FLA. My sister and her "easy" baby are going to be there and I can already tell that there are many things on the "AGENDA" that are going to make me a nervous wreck AND keep Jack and Lily from being anywhere near a crib when nap time roles around. Again, my sister's baby will sleep on the towel at the beach, in the carseat, in your arms while shopping, etc.. This leads to the same thing every time....me warning everyone that I would be more comfortable if Jack and LIly and I could leave said place and go back to the house to take naps and everyone saying "maybe they will fall asleep here (at the beach or wherever the day's activity may be)" and then the inevitable meltdown and screaming babies ride back to the house occurs. Anyway, I am sorry for the long post but I am very anxious about going to spend time down at the house with them this year because they all assume my babies "should" be like my sister's and that there is something I can do to make them that way. Besides the fact that we are all going to be in one house and Lily is a very light sleeper and there is no way I am going to be able to get the rest of the family to quiet down a bit for her to nap. I wish we did not have to go but they are already "disappointed" in me for wanting to drive back to our own home in Jacksonville for Christmas day to spend xmas day as a family (DH and I and the babies).

My questions are...Does anyone else have twins that pretty much only sleep in their cribs and have to be put down for naps every 2 hours or else the day is shot? Or, am I doing something wrong or not pushing them enough or something. We do try to take them out to dinner a couple of times a week and end up being okay for about 45 minutes before one starts to meltdown. I also take them on many walks and we go out for a bit here and there during the day when DH is home on the weekend. I have a nanny so I get out plenty and that is not an issue.

Also, does anyone else have babies that are difficult to take out to dinner?

Am I doing something wrong here? My DD is a screamer in the car and hates being in it so I don't really take them far away from the house when we go out. Am I being too protective of their naps and their schedule?

Thanks,
Amy

**My sister's want to get a family portrait done for my parents while we are in West Palm Beach and the thought of expecting Jack and Lily to "pose" for an extended period of time, probably during a time when they should be napping, makes my stomach turn.

I hope this made sense to someone.

 

QUOTE
Does anyone else have twins that pretty much only sleep in their cribs and have to be put down for naps every 2 hours or else the day is shot?


Me me me! DS will still occasionally nod off in the carseat if he's really tired, but mostly they can ONLY sleep in their cribs, and heaven help you if they're up longer than 2 hrs at a time, esp. DD. (Her ideal is really more like 1.5 hrs.)

Don't worry, your babies are normal. They may fight sleep a lot, but you're a great mom for protecting their sleep needs. Try not to compare to other people (ha ha, easy as that, I know ).

 

All of my kiddos are like this. It does make it hard to socialize and do stuff, however, I would so much rather have happy babies then try to push and know we will all be miserable later.
With my older son (going on 3), life got much easier as he went to 2 naps and then to 1, you will have more freedom in the future, but in the meantime you are being a great mom, who is connected to her babies and knows what they need and respects that! How to get that across to family, hmm good luck. Maybe let them deal with the aftermath once and they will change their tune.
I would take a white noise machine/sound soother with you, may help block out all the ruckus to allow for better sleep.

 

Yep, us too!! Well, they'll sleep in a moving car or stroller, too. Otherwise, they need their crib and they need it w/in 2 hours of the last nap or else! They'll occasionally go to sleep in a pack n play at a relative's house when it's dark and very quiet, but they won't STAY asleep (though that's a problem at home now, too). On the other hand, at the new mom's group I've been going to, while all the other babies are sleeping or looking kind of drowsy, mine are bright-eyed and alert to everything going on!

As for taking them out to dinner, we've never even tried, mostly because they've had an early bedtime for months. We're going to try church for the first time this Sunday; my fingers are crossed that we can get an hour of fussless alertness, cause they ain't gonna drift off!

You're a great mom for defending your babies' individual needs and understanding their temperments (sp?). Laughingly blame it on your husband's genes, maybe? And think again about minimizing the time with them? They may try to make you feel guilty, but it sounds like it's going to be better for everyone until they can get their heads around the idea that babies are more nature than nurture at this stage.

 

Right there with ya too! In fact I just made a comment last week when I saw a sleeping baby at the store - MINE NEVER DO THAT!! They will occasionally fall asleep in the car, but then they are horrible to try to put back to sleep when we get home, and they do not stay sleeping once the car stops!!!

You are there mother, and you know what is best for them (and for your sanity). Keep up the great work!!
Suzi

 

All three of my kids are like yours. I sometimes think I "caused" it because I am adamant about being home for their naps -- but then, they're all great sleepers, so this works for us.

I have no advice for you, unfortunately, other than getting a hotel and not staying at your parents' house -- not sure that would go over well with your family, though. (I grew up in West Palm, and my parents still live there, off Village Blvd in the Bear Lakes community!)

We were having the same problem, as we're planning a January trip to Disney with all of the kids and my parents -- and we ended up renting a 4-bedroom house so everyone can have their own space to sleep. I will just crank up the white noise LOUD....

ETA -- it's definitely not *you* -- kids have different personalities. My DS is able to be soothed if he's cranky at night -- he will fall asleep if DH holds him, but not if I do. DD, on the other hand, has NEVER fallen asleep in anyone's arms -- she sits bolt upright, and just needs to be in her crib before she even shuts her eyes.

 

They are your kids and you need to decide what is best for them. Every baby is different and just because your sister's kid can sleep anywhere/anytime doesn't mean that all babies are supposed to be that way.

Here is what we do when we go visit DH's family (all two trips )... we always have our own vehicle. If we are going somewhere we drive ourselves. That way if we have to head back to the house for naps or whatever we can without a big discussion (Dh has 7 sibs with families so its quite the crowd). In August when we visited, one of DH's sisters commented that I "just need to relax about naps." Thats her opinion, but for my sanity and for the babies' well-being they need to sleep.

Now that the girls are older they really don't sleep anywhere and everywhere like before. They want to be part of the action so when we visited at thanksgiving, we had two pnps in a separate bedroom and I put them down for naps in there. It was what was right for them. We did get off schedule a bit, and they didn't always get their third nap and they stayed up late almost every night, but actually handled it quite well because there was so much to do, so many cousins, aunties and uncles to play with, they weren't very cranky.

As for taking them out to dinner, we haven't tried that yet. We may actually take them out tonight because we are going to the mall to do some christmas shopping.. We'll see how they do in a restaurant high chair. Now that they sit up well I'm ready to let them use it.

GL and remember, its not a competition, who cares what anyone else thinks, they are your kids and you are just trying to do what is best for them. If anyone has a problem with it that is their problem not yours... oh and try to have some fun too

 

amy,

YOu are doing a great job. I have these issues too. My girls might be a little more flexible about where they sleep, but it has to be very quiet. Their favorite place to sleep at night is in the baby bed, but during the day for naps they love to sleep all cuddled up to each other in a pillow palace on my bed. They will sleep in their car seats but not all the time. Do not worry about your sister. Easier said than done I know but just try. They are your babies and do what is best. It is hard not to compare. Heck I compare my girls all the time and they are identical but they are still 2 different babies. Like the previous posters said maybe you could take a sound machine. Does your mom have a crib at her house? Good luck and try to have a little fun. I know it will be hard but I have faith in you. have you been on your business trip yet? If you have how did it go?


Missy

 

QUOTE(CROSSTWINS @ Dec 6 2007, 02:53 PM) [snapback]523046[/snapback]
amy,

have you been on your business trip yet? If you have how did it go?
Missy



Hey Missy,

Thanks for asking. I am actually sitting in the Jacksonville (home) airport right now waiting for my bags. I took the red eye last night back from Las Vegas and ended up getting separated from my bags during my connection in Charlotte - I made the connection, they did not. Therefore, I have to sit here and wait for them to come with the next flight in about an hour. Figures, right !? It is so funny because I switched my flight to the red-eye because I am so anxious to see the babies but I am not getting home until noon anyway. I would come back and pick the bags up but we live 45 min. from the airport.

Anyway, thanks again for asking. I will say that I did get 4 nights in a fancy hotel room with a huge bed all to myself. I basically slept from 8:30 (vegas time) to 5:30 am every morning - WOW!!! Everyone else was going out and being social and I said no thanks , I am going to sleep the week away!

Amy

 

QUOTE(ahmerl @ Dec 6 2007, 03:10 PM) [snapback]523079[/snapback]
Hey Missy,

Thanks for asking. I am actually sitting in the Jacksonville (home) airport right now waiting for my bags. I took the red eye last night back from Las Vegas and ended up getting separated from my bags during my connection in Charlotte - I made the connection, they did not. Therefore, I have to sit here and wait for them to come with the next flight in about an hour. Figures, right !? It is so funny because I switched my flight to the red-eye because I am so anxious to see the babies but I am not getting home until noon anyway. I would come back and pick the bags up but we live 45 min. from the airport.

Anyway, thanks again for asking. I will say that I did get 4 nights in a fancy hotel room with a huge bed all to myself. I basically slept from 8:30 (vegas time) to 5:30 am every morning - WOW!!! Everyone else was going out and being social and I said no thanks , I am going to sleep the week away!

Amy



I am proud you made it back home. Silly airports.. when you try to get in a hurry something always comes up. I bet you are excited about seeing your babes. I am proud you got some good sleep.
Missy