am I crazy?

I am sick and the babies are too. We all have colds. Well they do but I got it from them and I think I have a sinus infection. So I asked dh to stay home today and he has no sick days left. I told him I didn't care and could he please stay home so I can go to the doctor. He went to work anyway because we really do need the money. So now of course we have gotten into the whole argument again that we have been having for the past year about how I need help and a break and how he need to work to make money. He works at his job and then does freelance when he gets home and on the weekends. I say, he should only do that when the babies are sleeping. He says, no, he needs to do it whenever he has work which is all the time. I am sure he is not working every second he is in there and it is not like he is bringing in the money that warrants working supposedly as much as he does. So anyway, he is good at these arguments and sometimes almost really does make me feel crazy and wrong (I'll never admit that to him though), when I know I'm not. He truly makes me doubt myself. This is insane. I must be crazy!!

 

nope you are not crazy at all... I think he should have stayed home so you can feel better too... Hang in there... :hug99:

 

QUOTE(jschaad @ Oct 26 2007, 02:16 PM) [snapback]468087[/snapback]
nope you are not crazy at all... I think he should have stayed home so you can feel better too... Hang in there... :hug99:


Totally agree!!

 

He should have stayed home. The other argument about money and working sounds like a simple math equation. Keep track of his freelance hours for a few weeks - then look at what he earned for those hours. Divide the earnings by the hours to come up with an hourly rate. Chances are it's really low. You can tell him that you need a break and want to hire some help for a few hours on the weekend or during the week. If the rate to hire someone is more than his hourly rate doing freelance, then he should take the "job" of helping and gicing you a break.

 

We have 4 boys . So needless to say we have had your fight. However I stopped fighting, when I'm soooo upset and he is not helping I reach a breaking point and could yell or cry. I pick cry now my husband won't fight/yell at tears. Don't want to over use it but it makes my point. In the three months are twins have been home he has taken 2 days for me. He used all his time when the kids were born. As to in home help I like Girls! idea. Good luck and in no way are you crazy. Men get so focused on money. big hugs :hug99: Katherine

 

Ok not to sound mean, but it happens. I have a fever today as do both of the girls and my dh had to go to work as well. I know I am going to get flack for this, but I know in our case my dh can't stay home whenever I am sick. Does it suck yes, but it is a fact of life sometimes.

I think you need to stand up for yourself Ilyse and just take some time off this weekend. Leave them both with him and get some serious me time, whatever that might be. It will be ok, he will survive and so will Justin and Ellie.

 

I hope you feel better soon. It's terrbile being sick and having to take care of others.

QUOTE(~ilyse~ @ Oct 26 2007, 07:11 AM) [snapback]468073[/snapback]
He truly makes me doubt myself. This is insane. I must be crazy!!

You really need to stop blaming him for YOU doubting yourself. He can not MAKE you feel a certain way. Get upset that he refuses to understand your needs. Be angry that you have no help from him. Be confident that you are doing the best you can, no matter what he says. HE is the crazy one if he expects you to care for the babies all by yourself while he "works" by himself. Where is all the money from working so much? Maybe he needs to raise his prices if he has so much work available and make more for his time.

I hope you are just venting and are frustrated and not truely feeling crazy. If you are, you need to call a counselor today.

 

Dawn, I know he can't stay home when I get sick but this is only the second time in a year that I have asked. If I asked everyday then surely I could understand. Also, he sometimes he stays home for nonsense when it is about himself and I try to tell him nicely that he can't stay home because it's raining or a little headache because something like this may come up.

About this weekend, I intend to have some me time. I already told him that I am taking it easy this weekend. I know they will be fine. He is ok, can do more than he gives himself credit for. The thing is, he would never truly "get it" unless I was gone for like a month or something. Sure he can care for the babies and follow the instructions I would have to leave. But can he do laundry, go through the mail, pay bills, do the shopping, keep the dr/therapy appts, etc. That is what would really make him see, but I could never go away for that long. I'd miss the wee ones too much!!

 

QUOTE(twoplustwo @ Oct 26 2007, 10:58 AM) [snapback]468139[/snapback]
I hope you are just venting and are frustrated and not truely feeling crazy. If you are, you need to call a counselor today.


Thanks. Yes, I guess it is more of a vent. He did make me doubt myself, which upset me but I didn't really feel crazy. Just confused as to why I could actually let that happen.