Am I being unreasonable?

I'm due Nov 1 with our first two children...It took us a long time to get here and I am more than thrilled! I am going to be a SAHM and then eventually get a job in the evenings and dh will watch the children when I go to work-daycare is too much here for two. Anyways..DH sprung on me today that he wants to go back to school and get his Master's. I'm all for him continuing his education. However, the babies can come anytime in that fall semester. We are shooting for anything after Oct. 2. So I am going to be home ALL DAY by myself with two infants, a new mom...and he's going to go to work, and then take night classes?!?! When is he going to have time for me or the children? Not to mention I will need a break?!! He got upset at me and said, "Well I guess you don't care about me going back to school...I guess I just won't become a CPA." That's not it! Just NOT NOW! Am I being unreasonable to think that? Not to mention-what if they are born early and require hospital care, etc...???I don't want to jump the gun or anything-but I'm just thinking of different possibilities. And it's not like we wouldn't have help..We have plenty-but I want a husband around to bond with his kids, not off doing school work and being bogged down by it.

Just let me know if I am being silly about this! If so-I'll let him go!

 

No you are not being unreasonalbe. It is a bad time for him to go back. I went to school with just one child and that was kind of tough...let alone twin infants. You need him there for you, and going to school takes up a lot of time. Explain to him this, and that you completely support him furthering his education, but needs to wait til the babies are a little older. If he is still being kind of "not nice" about this, could he just take one coarse online??

I don't have a choice in the matter. I HAVE to go back and take classes within the next year or my teaching licenses won't be anygood. I have to have a 3 credit hour class in by July 2008. I have no desire to take a college coarse within the next year for the reasons of A) I am going to being have twins this summer and that is going to be busy enough. B) I haven't even had my BA a year so I am still in the "glad I am done" mode. C) Don't really have the money to do it D) I don't have an actual teaching job yet...just sub....and who knows when I will get one with how saturated we are with teachers.

However, thanks to the wonderful state of Ohio, I have to do this....most likely take it on-line so I am not going to the university.

 

Are there any classes that he could take online that he could get credit for? I would probably look into that option since the classes are obviously important to him. Other wise I would ask him if he could at least wait until after the winter break when the twins will be a few months old and everyone will (hopefully) be established into a good routine. I would also make sure if he is going to go at night that you also get a night away during the week when he can have his Daddy night!

 

Alot of times guys panic and think they have to do more in the way of finances when it comes to becoming a new dad. That panic can be much much more when it comes to multiples.

I think you both should sit down and have a talk and find out what he is really thinking and why, then let him know what you need. Perhaps he can start in the winter quarter/spring semester instead or even take online classes.

I wouldn't want my DH starting something big now either.

 

My DH has been getting a second Engineering degree for the last couple of years. I asked him NOT to stop taking classes when we found out that the girls were coming. I want him to finish because in the long run it will mean a better paying job and less chance that I will have to go back to work. It is HARD!! His class schedule changes but when the girls were born he had class Monday and Wednesday till 9 and Tuesday and Thursday till 7. Because of this I had someone help me out 2 mornings a week so that I could rest and run errands (my mom also lived with us for the first 2 months). This semester he is taking one online class (costs more but worth it) and one class on Saturday from 9 to 1.

If he had not already started school I probably would not have wanted him to start - I don't think that you are over-reacting. Is it possible for him to put it off for another semester or year? The difference between taking care of the girls now and when they were newborns is huge. I am more comfortable with them now and am used to taking care of them alone - in fact sometimes I am happy the weekend is over - my DH tends to ruin my schedule

 

Thanks for the responses! We talked about it over dinner(through tears naturally! It's the hormones, right?!?!). He was upset with my reaction-of not being 100% supportive. He said he's doing this for the children. And he threw out the scenario of going to school during the day-but I just don't think that's a possibility. He's thinking 3 classes in the fall, one during the spring(TAX SEASON). I'm just afraid I will never see him. That's my biggest fear. And-I need to get a job in the new year. His taking classes will make it difficult for me to do so. And he even threw in taking a Saturday course. Did I mention he just started golf lessons?!?! Money for school will not be an issue because it will be taken care of by the business(he works for dad). Unfortunately-that works against me! I'd prefer he wait the year-like a pp said-and I've had a routine, etc... We will see what the future holds! I also told him to ask other people's opinions...Mainly his mother because he listens to her. I just don't want her saying she will help out. They are not her kids-they are his. I'm a little overprotective....I've waited for this my whole life and it was not an easy road! Well-nothing written in stone yet! I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable! And-the online courses would be an option-I wouldn't have a problem with that...

 

My dh spent the first two years of the girls life commuting interstate for work. He was going from Sunday night to Thursday night each week. I had no support from friends or family. I was on my own. And we survived.

I know that you find the prospect of having multiples daunting at the moment but once they are born and you have your routines sorted out you will wonder why you ever worried.

Perhaps dh, could defer for a semester if you feel really strong about it but the sooner he starts the sooner he finishes. In retrospect the easiest year for us was their first year. After that every year gets busier and busier so I think that if you get him to defer now you may never feel like it is the right time.