Am I being selfish?

I need a "check" from people who are very, very supportive of bfing....

I EBF my boys for the first 3.5 months with severe nipple trauma due to a poor latch/shallow suck. After 4 bouts of mastitis, sores/scabs on my nipples, etc. - my OB and 3 LC's recommended I pump instead of BF. It broke my heart as I had bf my older DS for 29 months - and am very pro-bfing and pro-extended bfing. So, about 4.5 months ago I started EPing (and latching the babies on 1xday or so just so they wouldn't forget) - about 10 days after doing that - mastitis again. I took about 1 month off from bfing at all to let myself heal. About 1 month later, I tried letting them bf 1xday - sores on my nipples and mastitis again. Beginning to realize that they just don't latch well - despite all the work I've put into it. Sooo, I decide to continue pumping. I was pumping 5x's/day and getting about 40oz. Last month I cut down to 4x's/day and got 32oz, and then just about 2 weeks ago I cut down to 3x's/day and I am getting approx. 26oz/day.

The boys will be 8 mos old on Sept. 3rd. - and I am SO SO SO sick of pumping. I'm tired of trying to cram it in when they are napping. I'm tired of telling my 4-year-old I can't do this or that b/c I have to pump. I'm tired of panicking when I'm gone all day long and cannot pump. I'm tired of worrying about my supply, how much BM the babies are getting, etc. But I also feel HORRIBLY guilty when I think about quitting pumping. Am I being selfish to be contemplating quitting? I feel like I'm getting resentful of the pump - as a mom to 3 kids - 2 of them 7.5 month old twins - my time is sooo limited - and honestly, pumping is just not a fun way to spend 30 minutes when there are so many other things to do. I think what kept me hanging on was 1. the hope, however tiny, that they would latch correctly at some point. 2. how nutritious breast milk is.

Is it horrible of me to cut down to 2 pumping sessions/day knowing that this will increase their formula intake? Right now they get about 15oz for EBM and 15oz of formula. I hate the idea of them getting more formula than EBM.

Anyway, any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated. I could go on and on forever!

 

I don't think you are selfish at all.....I am impressed at you mom's who pump....as I have a love hate relationship with my pump! Do it as often as you can, and for as long as you can. That would be my only advice.


:grouphug:

 

That is SO not selfish of you! It's very selfless, in fact - among other things, you're sick of not having enough time to give to your older child. I did a lot of pumping with just twins, and it was unbelievably hard to find time for. I can't imagine doing it with an older child too!

It's not easy to let go of the guilt and "shoulds" --- but do try not to beat yourself up. ANY milk your babies get is wonderful, and if they get some formula too (or even switch to formula now), who cares? You've already given them so, so much! And most of all, your family needs you to be sane and rested (at least as much as possible under the circumstances ). So just go ahead and do whatever you need to do, whether it's cutting down on pumping or stopping altogether. It's OK!

 

:hug99:

You pumping mama's are my heroes. Really. :bow2:

I pumped (due to poor latches and weak sucks) for less than 2 months. My kids are just about the same age as yours, and I remember how challenging it was trying to fit pumping in, even just for that period of time. I felt like I was constantly neglecting my DD - so I know a little bit of the pain and guilt that you are feeling! (I honestly think that I would have given up, if it weren't for a few factors: a support network including my DH, a great LC, and the boards here; having previous nursing experience under my belt (nursed my singleton for 19 months); and the fact that the boys continued to get stronger at the breast - so the end of pumping was on the horizon.)

I think that you've done a great job, and you shouldn't feel guilty AT ALL about decreasing your pump schedule! You have given this endeavor so much time and effort, and you have given your babies such a good breastmilk foundation!

 

If you're selfish...they need to invent a whole new category for me. Not selfish mom! You're awesome!

 

I think it is amazing how much you have done for your babies with all the issues you have had. But, they need a happy Mommy!!! they have had plenty of BM in my opinion. I know the more they have the better, but heck, how many of us, me included, grew up just fine on canned milk for cripes sake!!!! :blink:
I hope you can do what is best for your babies. In no way are you being selfish!!! I know how that ugly guilt monster can rear it's ugly head over everything!

 

You are definitely not being selfish! Wow - 8mnths of pumping, I am in awe....I basically threw my pump out of the window at about 6wks, i couldn't handle it anymore!! You are amazing for making it that far, there is nothing wrong with wanting a bit of your life back and making some more time for your other child.
I hope you find the decision that is right for you, and whatever you decide to do try not to let any guilt get to you!!

 

I think as mothers we try to do the best we can and do a great job, but then always feel guilty in some way. We should base our decisions on what's working and when it stops working figure out another plan. It sounds like you've made it work this far, but now things are changing---that's okay. Do what you need to do to be happy--your babies will be fine ---maybe better, especially if you're stressed now.


Good luck,
Lisa

 

Thank you, everyone! I knew I could come here and get honest opinions from everyone! I appreciate all of the encouraging and supportive words. It is so hard to know what the "right" thing to do is. For now, I'm going to stick with my 3xday pumping schedule - but I've also "given myself permission" to drop down to 2xday when the babies turn 8 months on Wednesday. We'll see. I would really like them to continue getting EBM until they are a year - even just a little - like their last bottle of the day. But, thanks to all of you, I realize that they have received a lot of BM - more than most babies, and definitely more than most twins. So, I need to remind myself of that when I start comparing their measly 8 months (and counting) versus my older DS' 29 months. But it is just so hard!

 

Is it selfish?? OMHeck no... I think you have done a fantastic job with making it 8 months. I had to pump for 5 weeks while mine were in the hospital and I almost gave up. There is NO way I could pump that long.. NO WAY.. you are amazing.

 

:clapping: take it from one EPing mom to another... you are not selfish. I know exactly what you are talking about. My supply has decreased down to very little over the last couple of weeks, because I can't find the time to pump that I need. My older children went back to school, and I was looking forward to having more time... didn't happen. We began to refinance our house and so the constant work on finishing up some projects, going to St. Louis to meet with Broker, etc., has interfered in my time. Pumping as you know and any other pumping momma knows, is a full time job. Do what feels right to you. My twins' ped., told me (she is a EPing for twins mom, too) as long as they are getting at least one bottle of breastmilk a day, it's good for them. If you feel it is taking time away from your children, quality time, then do what you have to. Our children are only little for a short time. Who wants to remember the times that we could have been playing with our little ones but couldn't cause we were hooked to a pump. I say pump when you have time and let it go at that.

Thanks for posting. I have been kind of battling that issue myself. I am going to keep up as much as I can, but I am not going to sweat it nearly so much. Being a mom is important and feeding my babies the best is important, but sharing quality time and precious moments with our little ones while we can is the most important of all!

Way to go for pumping as long as you have and for realizing what is most important... our children! :wub: