Am I being ridiculous

I know what alot of people think because I have heard that once you have kids, shame goes out the window.

Well not mine.

DH and I discussed that when I was going to be bf, I would excuse myself to the other room so that my brothers/dad and my FIL/BIL would not see me bf.

I mean I am not going to be an absolute pro the minute they are born so getting situated with them feeding is going to take time and if someone were there looking at me do it will make me uncomfortable. Especially when I graduate to tandem feeding and decided to wear tanks to just pull them out and not have to fidget with my clothes. I can't be totally topless in front of our family like that...NO WAY.

Once I am a pro and they latch easily I would just buy a cover up or still excuse myself to the other room but might not close the door.

DH thinks that this is such a natural thing and no one is going to be staring at my boobs in that manner but it just makes me feel really uncomfortable.

Am I being a total nut job?

 

na not a nut job..

i used to excuse myself to nurse.. unless i wanted all the men in the room to jump and run

and i have never minded it when people did it in front of me..

howeever

my inlaws well.. i never wanted to do it infront of them.. my mother inlaw would come in the room i was nurisn in and that didnt bather me..

it was my fil/bil.. and bro that i was alittle skiddish about..

dont be afraid to walk away..
my xh friends would ask where i disappeard to and except it nicely


also i always wore a bra and shorts not always a shirt..

got walked in on by dh's friend.. my thought was that will teach them to just walk in my house

m

 

My father gets VERY uncomfortable if I breastfed in the same room as him. You are not being crazy! I am not very modest when it comes to breastfeeding, I'll do it most anywhere, BUT... around my dad or brothers, I will leave the room. My mom & sister have helped me, so up goes the shirt. Good luck!

 

That is not crazy at all! Everyone's comfort level is different, and you have every right to nurse in way that's comfortable for YOU. There's nothing wrong with wanting some privacy. Just do it your way, who cares what anyone thinks?

 

I tandem nursed in front of DH, my MIL, my sisters and some girlfriends. NEVER did I tandem nurse in front of my FIL, BIL or anyone else. I did nurse one baby whenever, wherever and do now b/c it's much easier to be modest with just one! YOu're not crazy!

 

I ask the other men in the room to leave to another room.... It is MY house, I am the one who needs to be comfortable and I am doing all the work so I just very nicely ask them to leave the room for 10 minutes or so. Now I am very comfortable in front of a few guys other than DH, my dad and Dh's bestfriend who is a father of two breastfed girls and a science teacher (which somehow makes it better)... If they are comfortable with it ususally I am too.

 

I never bf in front of my dad and brother, let alone my FIL....if i can avoid doing so in front of my MIL i do so too, but my SILs i really don't care...i also cover up from my nieces, though both have seen their mothers bf....but i do allow them in the room....

i do have a nursing cover up (hooter hider is what i've heard others here refer to it) but i pretty much always forget it when i need it, and end up using the burp cloth to cover myself....

there's nothing wrong with being modest, i used to always do it with the door closed and only did so in front of my mother, but as time has gone on i have let more and more people be present while i bf....you'll find a balance, i promise!

s

 

I've BF in front of most of my family members - dad included. I NEVER thought I would do this, but the babies need to eat so often at first, I didn't want to be locked away in another room 24/7. I even BF in front of my manager when he came to see me in the hospital after they were born. I still can't believe I did that!

Tandem nursing is another story. I wouldn't tandem in front of anyone - it's harder to conceal things.

For the most part, once the baby is latched on, you can BF without anyone seeing anything. It really isn't that difficult to pull it off and still be modest. You could try one of those "nursing wraps" or drape a blanket across yourself if that makes you more comfortable.

Honestly, what bothered me the most was not the modesty thing, but more that I didn't feel like I could just carry on a conversation while nursing. Family members wanted to just sit there and chat away, but I felt like I needed to focus on the babies and cuddle with them. I didn't feel comfortable acting like I was just doing a chore, whereas everyone else seemed to think that's what it was.

You are NOT being ridiculous! It's normal to feel like this. From my experience though, once the babies arrive and you are nursing constantly, some degree of modestly DOES go out the window. You are so busy nursing, you find your breasts become functional items and you feel less inhibited about them. I think because you start to see them more as the means to feed your babies, not as much sexual any more.


Michelle

 

QUOTE(b/gtwinmom07 @ Sep 27 2007, 03:49 AM) [snapback]425577[/snapback]
I know what alot of people think because I have heard that once you have kids, shame goes out the window.

Well not mine.


You haven't had your kids yet! That's how I felt before my first was born and I was sure I would never NIP (nurse in public), but the hospital starts stripping you of any sense of shame immediately after your baby is born and you have two nurses manipulating your breasts trying to get the baby on. Then anytime the baby needs fed, unless things go really easy with the bf'ing, you've got more nurses coming in to help you.

However, with twins, it is different! You can discreetly nurse one baby, but that's not an easy feat with two. Also, while nursing one baby, no one is actively trying to look at you. While nursing two babies, you are like a circus sideshow and people can't help but stare if they see you. I don't think people are trying to be rude, but tandem nursing twins is just a sight that most people NEVER see.

I'll nurse one baby at a time in front of ANYBODY. But I'll only tandem nurse in front of females, my husband and my own dad. It is really helpful if you can "get over it" enough to tandem nurse in front of those closest to you. If not, life is going to suck for a bit because newborns are nursing all the time and it would stink to have to be in a different room from everyone all the time.

 

I do not think you are crazy!!! I too am planning on bfing the babies when they come. To begin with i will be leaving the room. For me it is not just the modesty thing, but at first i think it will take a bit to get the hang of things and i dont need lots of people watching me and putting in their 2 cents all of the time. Second of all, I will be using it as a way to leave all of the havoc and just have some quiet time with the little ones and let them have a break.

Once things settle down, and the excitement wears off, and i am more comfortable in what i am doing i may not leave but we will see.

Go with what you feel is best for you and your babies...it will all work out :hug99:

 

QUOTE(Chris02 @ Sep 27 2007, 06:29 PM) [snapback]426684[/snapback]
I do not think you are crazy!!! I too am planning on bfing the babies when they come. To begin with i will be leaving the room. For me it is not just the modesty thing, but at first i think it will take a bit to get the hang of things and i dont need lots of people watching me and putting in their 2 cents all of the time. Second of all, I will be using it as a way to leave all of the havoc and just have some quiet time with the little ones and let them have a break.

Once things settle down, and the excitement wears off, and i am more comfortable in what i am doing i may not leave but we will see.

Go with what you feel is best for you and your babies...it will all work out :hug99:



Well said, I agree totally.

 

Personally, between trying to get two preemies to latch, the pumping after each feeding and the lack of alone time I get with each twin - I really cherish my feeding times with them. I like going in the other room. It's my time with them. If I need help I've had DH or my sis come help me but for the most part, I'm enjoying it on my own. It's a great excuse to steal them for a while. Also, I don't really like people staring while I'm nursing. The girls both nurse better if I am in a quiet room away from conversation and if I'm quiet too.

I assume (hope) that soon they will be pro's and I will be a pro and maybe then I'll be more comfortable discreetly nursing with others but for now, I do what makes the three of us happy and makes feeding times as non-stressful as possible.

 

My modestly did go out the window temporarily, but only around my Mom and DH. It kind of amazed me how comfortable I got walking around the house with my nursing bra flaps down, "airing out". It felt to good to get the air on my sore, permanently damp nipples in the heat of July. BUT as soon as my Dad came, my modestly returned and I learned real fast how to keep my shirt on!

Just got back from a trip to DH's cousins and found that I was still kind of negotiating what felt comfortable and what didn't after four days. (Women kind of OK, men absolutely not, tandem only in the privacy of the bedroom...might have been different if any of the women on that side of the family had ever nursed more than a week or two.)

So give yourself time to work it out for yourself. Tell DH he can NIP whenever he wants.