Am I a bad mommy?

I am 32 +1 today, and I have just about had it! Thankfully, my pregnancy has gone very smoothly until two weeks ago when I went in for a regular exam, and my OB told me my baby A may have IUGR and referred me to MFM. They did a growth ultrasound, and found out my cervix was shortening, and I was also contracting every minute (I had no idea!).

Checked into L&D for observation, and two days later ended up going in for emergency abdominal surgery for an ovarian torsion and had my ovary/tube removed. So now, I have a 7 inch incision that's trying to heal inspite of being kicked from the inside and being stretched by my growing girls, and I am on modified bed rest.

I begged my OB to release me from the hospital yesterday since my surgery recovery was going well, and he did, but I am so nervous they'll do another cervical ultrasound and re-admit me, or that they'll have to deliver early for baby A's growth.

And I hate to say this but the selfish part of me wishes that they could be delivered early! I honestly don't want that, but I've hit my wall, if you know what I mean. I want to breathe normally again! I want to NOT feel like a whale! I want to meet my babies and not be in constant pain and discomfort! I want to have my body back!

Thanks for the opportunity to let this out - this is the only place where I'm sure I can find some actual sympathy from you who have been there!

 

:hug: You are NOT a bad mommy! We all felt that! We were all uncomfortable, in pain, miserable and couldn't wait for it to end. But we all knew that the babies needed to be in us a bit longer. It's really hard when you're in the moment like you are right now. But when your babies are 4-5 mo old (or 6 like mine), it will all be a memory and you'll think back "it wasn't that bad." Hang in there!

 

Hang in there girl your so close to the end just a few more weeks .. I know how your feeling i can't sleep i can barely walk without getting tired and im always kicked to death it seems ... and i can't breath most of the time .. Just think of how wonderful its going to be when you see the two bundles of joy you had !! keep positive i know its hard some times !

 

Hang in there! Please try to remember that this is just one little blip in your life! It's so hard now - I've been there. Focus on the goal: babies that are as cooked as you can cook 'em.
Btw, after 32W I refused to get vag u/s. It may sound crazy, but every time I got one- they stirred me up with a million contractions. My doctors actually were ok with it as well.
Good luck. I really feel for you.

 

Hi Stacy,

I was on bed rest from 24-36 weeks. It was physically miserable, and got worse every week as I got bigger. I didn't have surgery, but I had tons of complications. Short cervix, PTL, Gest Diabetes, Pre-Eclampsia, etc. With the GD, I couldn't even eat sweets to deal with my stress! Yes, it's very uncomfortable. I used to just try to get through each day, one segment at a time (morning, afternoon and then evening). I was so relieved when it was bedtime and I could mark it off on my calendar. Hopefully they can keep your twinkies safely inside a little while longer. It will be worth it in the long run.

Getting a prescription for Ambien really helped keep my sanity. I knew for a few hours every night I could sleep soundly and "escape" from being on bed rest. You could ask your OB if you are interested. They gave it to me in the hospital. I used it at home during the end of the pregnancy.

It's normal to have a bunch of mixed/crazy feelings. I would think "I can't wait for this to be over!" Then I would immediately feel guilty because I wanted the babies to be healthy. I also felt ripped off because I didn't get to have one of those nice, normal pregnancies. The whole 3rd trimester was a crapfest. Don't worry...what you are thinking will not harm your babies. Hopefully venting will help keep you sane! This period of time will fade eventually, even though you feel like each day is forever. take care, Beth

 

Hang in there, Stacy. You can make it a little longer. Your feelings are totally valid and we all know you deserve to let out a little vent!! Kudos for making it this far!!

 

No! you are not a bad mommie! Hang in there!

 

I was only on bedrest for 2 weeks and it really bites the big one! I'm really sorry you are going through this and it must be 100 times worse having just had surgery. You can do it though! You are almost there and PP is right, someday you'll look back and think, "What was the big deal?" It doesn't seem like it, but before you know it those babies will be here and you will understand just what you went through all of this for. Hang in there!

 

What really helped me was an excerpt from the book when you're expecting twins, triplets or quads by Barbara Luke see HERE , and HERE ,

It tells you at each gestational week how large your babies head is...in the book it shows you a diagram, it also shows their tiny feet and shows them getting bigger with every week. seeing the visuals of hte head & feet sizes kept me sane! hang in there, for them!

 

I was on bed rest from 30 - 38 weeks and I did not have surgery on my ovary and I had a hard time!! You are NOT a bad mommy!!

 

Its really hard being that big and just having enough I remember the doctor telling me they would give me a c-section at 39 weeks and I just begged him to do it earlier I kept saying thats too long. I think you are doing great and your going to be a great mum! Good luck and it will all be worth the wait :hug:

 

Hang in there Stacy!! :hug: