Am I a bad Mommy?

There are times lately that they are both screaming/crying and since I only have 2 arms, I can't carry both; I've tried the swing, exersauser, bouncer chair, etc...but when I'm trying to comfort and hold one, the other starts crying. The crying gets so loud sometimes, I actually put in ear plugs or the sound of it all gets on my very last nerve. Ear plugs! WTH?? I hate that I wear them because I feel aweful that I can't take the crying. My heart breaks that I can't comfort both so they have to cry. Normally, I've grown immune to the sound of crying and can tone it out, but today, I had to bust out the ear plugs again. I feel like such a terrible person for doing that...a Mom should be able to respond and comfort....I guess I can't and the screaming gets on my nerves.

Ugh!

 

No, you're absolutely not a bad mom. In fact, I would argue that you're a wonderful mom for finding a way to cope with the screaming that doesn't involve multiple forms of neglect or abuse. This does not fall into those categories. If their needs are met and you absolutely cannot console them (and trust me, there are days when we still deal with that here!), then listening to it probably only heightens your anger and frustration, right? Why do that to any of you when you've found a way to deal with it that keeps all of you safe? Some days, it's just like that and I would argue that with two, sometimes they just feed off of each other.

Don't beat yourself up.
:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I agree with pp! You are NOT a bad mother. It's not easy-and there are TWO of them, and ONE of you. I had plenty of days where I couldn't stand or take the crying. So I would say, if I can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em! So-all three of us would be crying! Or-I would walk away, regroup, maybe get the mail, or throw a load of laundry in... Even just five minutes can help bring you back down.

If they need to cry, or you need them to cry. So be it. They won't remember one little bit of it! :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

:hug: When I got to that point, I would either call a neighbor (I had two I could count on) or put each of them in their crib and go outside for 5 minutes. My two were not happy as infants. They were fussy/crabby babies. They'd wake up that way. :hug: Cut yourself some slack. You need to get a break too! It is hard when they both are crying.

 

Not a bad momma at all. One of our guys had extreme colic, I mean so bad that you would think we have a different baby now that it's over. But for the first 3 months of life, he screamed from 5 PM to about 2 AM with basically no breaks. We couldn't console him, all we could do was hold him and let him cry. My husband would take him into the nursery and put in earplugs and just hold him while he cried. I agree with a pp that you've found a way to cope with the crying without neglecting them and without losing (all) of your sanity.

Good luck!
Laura

 

a bad mommy shakes 'em or screams at 'em. a good mommy finds a safe solution like earplugs.

 

You sound like a smart mom to me. It sounds like a good solution for when you just can't soothe them both. It's hard when they are so young. :hug:

 

hugs to you momma! i feel that way sometimes too! i thought it would get easier as they got older but it has stayed the same for me...you are not alone!!!!!!

 

big hugs!!! I think its pretty ingenius for you to put ear plugs in! There are times now when my 22 mo. olds drive me crazy with the screaming and whining... hmm... maybe I need a pair!

good luck keeping your cool and your earing! you're not a bad mommy, just a resourceful one.

 

Heck no! There are times when it's too much I put them in a safe place (crib, etc) & go take a minute. They get a refreshed parent better equipped to handle their needs. Last night my 1 boy was teething and fussy, so I put my non-teether on the floor naked & just looked down at him. He was happy for an hour & it gave me a chance to make my teether happy.

If you were ignoring their cries, that's one thing. Earplugs are a survival mechanism.

 

I dont think your a bad mum... Its damn hard work, and thats the bottom line - I agree with Meg, if you cant beat em, Join em.. Cry with them!!Lol

Lots of hugs - It will get easier ( So they keep telling me )

 

No way does that make you a bad Mom! I used to get so upset by the kids crying when they were that young and my own mother told me to get ear plugs and she said to me if they are fed, changed and okay then it's not going to hurt them to cry. It did not make it easier for me to hear them cry but I was able to deal with it better once I let her words sink in. Don't beat yourself up, as parents we do the best we can :hug:

 

Having two babies crying at the same time is one of the hardest parts of that first year with twins. You are definitely not a bad mom. And I agree with others, if they are fed, changed & otherwise okay, crying for just a bit isn't going to hurt them. Hang in there momma! :hug:

 

You are not a bad mom at all. I was reading this thinking that earplugs were a great idea. You deal how you can.

 

We're only human! Great idea with the earplugs! I always think to myself..."do I have any memories of crying as an infant?" The answer to that is always...NO! This makes me feel better every time! Hang in there!