Almost 4 and still get into everything

Please tell me it's going to stop soon? I'm at a loss!!!

My kids will be 4 in 3 days, and they still get into things they shouldn't. We received some nice flowers for dh today, I put them on the dining table and told them that it was for Daddy and not to touch them... they got into it. This week end they unrolled the paper towels everywhere (again), dumped a box of tissues (again), of wipes (again), and just now I let DD use the potty, and she sneaked out the hand soap and poured it all over the window sill.

Every time I send them to their room, where they cry, then say they are sorry, and they get into something else again the next day. I'm so sick of it. When do they start to learn? No other type of discipline seems to work. They just don't care. I know I've posted something like this before... but I think that they don't care about being punished because they just have so much fun doing it... I can't for the life of me figure out how anyone can leave their kids use the bathroom alone at night, considering that my kids trash the bathroom every time we forget to close the door (empty toothpaste tubes, use bandaids as stickers, you name it). One of the reasons I haven't bothered doing the potty training booty camp again... I'm starting to think that my kids are just naturally way too naughty (and that was after going to school this morning and playing in the yard for an hour today).

Please tell me they'll outgrow this... They've gotten much better about cleaning their messes in the last month though, but still no progress on the no making messes in the first place...

 

For me, if I know it will be a temptation, I remove it. So bathrooms would get a lock of some sort, tissues/wipes put up in cupboards, ect. Mine are potty trained and have been for a year....I still supervise them for the most part. They get us in the middle of the night (annoying) and during the day if they take more than minute, I'm there! I can't wait for the day I can hang my tp like a normal person again but for now they want to wipe themselves with half the roll do its put up!

No advice but I'm sure they'll outgrow some of it and for the things you foresee being a problem, just try to remove the temptation

 

Oh man... I can't even imagine how frustrating that must be to have your kids into everything at 4. Some kids must just be wired differently because I can probably count on one hand the number of times my girls have gotten into things they shouldn't have and made a mess. Before they were about two, we had most messy stuff (like liquid soap, toothpaste, etc.) in child proof cabinets, but since then they haven't been really interested. They do use bandaids as stickers if I leave any lying around, and they make huge messes outside, but inside has been pretty good. So no real advice here, just a hang in there! It has to stop at some point, right?

 

Yikes, Fran! :hug:

That seems a bit extreme for 4 year olds, but obviously not unheard of. What techniques have you tried with them to curb this behavior? Has anything seemed to work at all? Do they do these things as a team? Or together and apart? Do they do this kind of stuff at preschool or just at home?

What happens after they have made a mess? Are there certain times of the day that they are more destructive? The teacher in me would want to start analyzing the behaviors to try to see if there were any patterns to it and then go from there. Sorry for so many questions!

The first thing I think of is maybe it is attention seeking behavior, some kids are perfectly happy getting negative attention.

 

I don't have any good advice, but you are making me nervous! My kids still get into anything and everything at almost 26 months. I keep hoping it will get better, but so far, no go - it is totally exhausting to take them somewhere that isn't toddler proof.

Like pp's said, I try to minimize what they can get into as much as possible, but some days it's enough to make me crazy. :grr: :gah:

Hang in there! :hug:

 

Only at home now... it's the big improvement of the last year I think, lol.

Oh and whenever the tv is off usually. I'm guilty of too much tv so I know they're not getting into stuff (although it's not really working anymore because they don't watch that much of it). Going out all the time is not an option. They go in the backyard but it's been chilly and I usually get too cold to stay out there too long (and sadly, bored out of my mind, lol).

They both do it. Sometimes together, sometimes alone (then the other joins in). I usually get them to clean up, and send them to their room if it's really bad. It would probably be more effective if they didn't share a room but I don't have another room that is safe enough for them to be in... at least they do clean up now... Oh yeah, and I yell. Sigh. It seems it's the only thing that works nowadays.

 

I think the only thing that truly works to keep kids out of things you don’t want them into is to provide them with supervision and attention. I also keep anything I don’t want them into out of reach or behind locked door. I also don’t make a big deal out of it when they do make a mess but that is just me I tend to be pretty relaxed about stuff. I do have them help me clean up. I do not yell or punish them since really it is my lack of paying attention or my lack of putting something away I should have that created the circumstances in which they made the mess. It is exasperating but they are kids.
Kids explore and make messes. I find that they make bigger messes when I have not paid enough attention to them in a positive way. So sitting down for 30 minutes to play with them, read to them, do art together and then let them play on their own with you in the room while you do chores or better have them help you with your chores. At 4 they can wipe tables, sort clothes, get things for you etc. It is difficult when you have so much to get done around the house but I would personally step up your supervision and positive interactions with them. At four I really wonder if they are not looking for some attention even if it is negative. The bigger deal you make of it the more they will do it.

And when I say I am relaxed that does not mean I let the boys get away with anything or run wild. I am not a permissive parent.

 

Have you tried structuring your time at home with them? 20-30 minutes of structured playtime/activity time with you and then 20-30 minutes (or less if they cannot handle it) unstructured/free play time.

Honestly, at their age, it sounds a lot like attention seeking behavior. You might need to scale back their freedom and increase the amount of attention you are giving them. Any time I see an increase in fighting between my boys - or even whining - it resolves when I either sit down and read a book or play a game with them - or I bring out a toy or activity that is a change of pace (playdoh, water color pants, scissors and paper, etc.) But, you have to teach that type of play initially, or else you just end up with playdoh, paint, or scissor/paper messes.

 

I agree with mama dragon and Jori. It sounds like they are trying to get some attention, or manipulate you into putting the TV back on. Mine do this too and what helps is getting undivided me time.

 

NOOOOOOO, please tell me it will not last that long.
My guys are endlessly getting themselves into anything and everything they shouldn't (from all I've read on these types of topics, it seems that some kids are simply more prone to do this than others--and, I believe strongly that there is power in numbers. I'm convinced that my one DS, on his own, wouldn't get himself into nearly as much "trouble" if he wasn't watching and following his brother!).
Maybe the reasoning why they do this is different for 2 1/2 year olds vs. almost-4 year olds, but nothing works for me either. I have tried numerous approaches to stop a particular behavior (i.e. unloading the fridge) and they'll literally repeat the behavior a half hour later (all the while repeating "no go in fridge!"). I don't agree that I create the circumstances for them to make a mess, get hurt, or whatever. You'd need to see my house. It's like Fort Knox. Child-proofed to the MAX. We've taken away all of our end tables, coffee tables, stools, table decorations, low-hanging decorations, kitchen chairs, you get the idea... They get into things (like the fridge--no so-called child-proof lock has ever held) that simply cannot be removed from the room! I am sure some of it is attention-seeking, but it seems impossible to circumvent this completely by giving attention. You'd get nothing else accomplished during the day.
My expectations are that if I take my eyes off of my kids for 5 minutes to make dinner (having given them a snack, a favorite video, or what-have-you to keep them occupied), that they won't repeat a behavior they've already been corrected for a million times. Maybe some call this creating circumstances for them to get into trouble. I call it having expectations of appropriate behavior when the appropriate behavior has been expressed/demonstrated time and time again.
I wish I had advice, but I do have empathy!!!!

 

Yeah I think it just really depends on the kids... some 'get it' faster than others, some never get into stuff etc... I refuse to spend all my days hovering over them. Yes they have some free time, but really, whether they get into stuff has nothing to do with how much time I play with them that day, if we went outside or not, if they had school or not... it just happens any time.

Two days ago DS got very upset when I told him not to get in dh's flowers, because it was going to make dh very sad. He cried for 10 minutes. Well, today he got into them again, and got very upset when dh got home and saw the flowers. Clearly, they understand that they're doing something wrong, it's like they have no self control whatsoever...

 

Fran, this is just random thinking, but do you have any activities you can do with them that actually let them go nuts making a mess?

For example, my girls *love* when they get to use scissors and just cut up huge piles of paper. They call it making bird nests. Yup, total PITA to clean up after, but it allows them to be silly, not destructive to anything they shouldn't be. Sometimes we'll also have a "snow storm" and fling packing peanuts in the living room. Again, pita to clean after, but I think it helps them when we have moments we can totally get our yayas out.

It's also made very clear that they need to have my okay do that and I'm usually right there with them to help reign in a little if they go over the line.

 

unfortunately, you may NEED to "hover over them" all day, until they become more "disciplined" when it comes to not getting into things they shouldn't get into. it's all about consistency, and it's tiring, but it could pay off in the end.
and i agree with angela (chillers) on doing a messy, (safe), supervised activity with you where they can just get all that "tempted to mess sh*t up" out of their systems.

i also find that when i do an activity with my girls (game, puzzles, crafts, "school", etc) for about an hour, they are really good about playing nicely (and calmly) afterwards. they really need that time with you.

 

I was just going to say that some kids need to learn how to play independently and appropriately. Some kids need constant supervision, they need someone to teach them how to "get it" and if left to their own devices will continue to cause the issues you are having. I'm not saying your kids are those kids, but you are obviously concerned and frustrated, so I'm just trying to give ideas.

They seem to be doing those things and not caring about the consequence, which means the action itself is more rewarding to them than the possible consequence that will follow. If you can sacrifice a few weeks of dedicating yourself to "hovering" them, that may be all they need to learn how to:

1. Play appropriately.
2. Handle free time.
3. Not be destructive.

Some kids have to be taught how to play, it doesn't come naturally for all kids. A little sacrifice now could result in a big payoff to you in the years to come, you know?

 

My girls are 5 ( turned 5 in Jan) and if I tell them not to get into something I swear that is the one thing they are going to get into the second I turn my head. I have given them general ask before you do almost anything rules and it seems to work. I also try to have them sitting at the table coloring or building with their blocks while I cook so that I know where they are and that they are not into anything. I also do things like - after 10000000 times of asking them not to dump my shampoo into the tub - I thought it worked but no the other night they did it anyway so no more tub baths. They have to shower with me. Or I bathe them and get them out without letting them play. My singletons were NEVER EVER as bad as my twins are about getting into stuff. And also just doing what they want to do UGH, LAST TIME I TOOK THEM TO THE PARK - I was big and pregnant with Easton - I was reading a magazine when I heard other parents screaming come back! Don't go to the road! Never in a million zillion years thinking it was my 4 1/2 yr olds! WRONG! And we had been there tons of times and they knew the rules! So we haven't been back. I will take them this spring but they have heard why we haven't been back every time they ask to go.

 

I know a 12 year old who was hit by a car because he didn't look before he ran into the street. He was not seriously injured. Kids forget the rules in the moment especially young children. You would think a 12 year old would know better but when he was racing his sister he simply forgot.