Almost 4.5, still poops his pants

I'm at a loss. We started potty training in May for 3 weeks, they got it but he still pooped in his underwear, so we gave up for our vacation in June, then switched back to underwear a month ago. DS still poops his pants 5 times a week. We've tried everything to entice him to use the potty - stickers, putting stickers on a chart and get a toy when it's full (DD has got 3, him 0), we got them a piggy bank and we give them a penny to put in when they go.. Nothing works. He's super excited with each idea but apparently not enough. I've started throwing away the really dirty underwear (some with characters that he likes), he doesn't care. I tried leaving him naked, he poops on the floor.

He'll be 4.5 in 2 months, and he has to be potty trained for school in September. What in the world am I supposed to do? He poops once or twice a day (usually at least some on the potty), I don't think he's constipated and frankly don't want to spend hundreds of dollars in tests to find out, but I'm seriously at a loss here. I was going to give them both a popsicle, found the poop, and he didn't get one. I know it's not supposed to be a battle of wills but really, he's 4, not 2!

Any tip? DD hasn't had an accident in a month and keeps getting rewarded, and it doesn't seem to phase him one bit. I know people say to get him to wash his underwear, but I really don't want to deal with a kid with poop under his nails or something.

 

Some kids, it honestly just takes a while for them to realize the sensation of a bowel movement. It probably took Timothy about 3 months before he really and truly got it. And I still remember his face when he did. It was like a huge lightbulb went off.

If you feel like it's a battle of wills vs. accidental I know something that my sil and a friend both tried. When their sons (yes, it was boys again) had an accident, the boys had to sit by the washing machine and by the dryer till their underwear was clean. After about 2 hours of sitting in laundry rooms, both of those boys decided in about 3 days they could use the toilet.

Marissa

 

Have you tried instantly rewarding him when he does poop in the toilet? I know for mine they needed that instant gratification...sticker charts mean nothing to them! Otherwise, I like the idea of making him sit by the washer and dryer And if you don't feel like its a battle of the wills then you really should take him to the Dr to make sure its nothing medical so you can stop being so frustrated over it and maybe the ped will have some suggestions if it is a battle of the will, I'm sure he's not the first (or last) 4.5 year old to be this way

 

Yep. He actually loves putting a sticker on his chart, or putting money in his piggy bank... at first they actually got stickers but we gave up because it wasn't helping and there were stickers all over the house.

 

Can you try to focus on him for a few days and see if he has a "poop routine". Does he go about the same time of day. Maybe after lunch or something. You need to see if he's even realizing he's about to poop before it comes out.

If he just stands there and continue's playing while he poops then chances are he's either not feeling the sensation, isn't ready developmentally, or has an underlying problem and needs to see the doctor about it.

If he kinda glances around and then poops, or hides in a corner, or goes into another room to do it, then it might be an emotional issue (scared to poop in the toilet), or a battle of wills.

It's gonna be up to you as the parent to make the call which it is. Personally i may take him to the dr and start asking some questions. Also, when a child is constipated you don't always see the normal "signs" that they are constipated. That might be his issue too.

 

We had this same thing with Eleanor (except she was about a year younger when she trained). She was not scared of going on the potty or unaware of needing to go, she just did not want to poop on the potty/toilet. I know you probably don't want to hear this but literally nothing we did made a difference, and believe me we tried. It took about two months before she changed her mind and started using the toilet; once she did we went from having an accident every day to maybe one every week/fortnight-and then usually only a little bit when she hadn't wanted to stop playing and had waited until the last second to go.

I think it would be worth while trying to watch him and assess his behaviour like Danielle suggested to work out if it is that he's not recognising the sensation or if he's just avoiding the potty. If you notice he likes to go and hide in a specific place you could try putting a potty there, some children like to be sort of hidden away to poop and it could be that he dislikes having to announce going.

 

It happened to us. DS refused to poop in the potty. I never figured out why. He just didn't. I don't think anything we did ever made a difference. You might try explaining to him (if you haven't already) the difference between big boys and little boys is that big boys poop in the toilet, get to use underwear, get to go to school in underwear, etc. while little boys wear diapers and don't get to go to school in big boy underwear. I think the PP is right in that it is a decision thing for some. I like the idea of the washer/dryer, too. GL!

 

Oh we've explained to him that if he still poops his pants at school he won't be able to go, last night DD got to go out to play and he didn't because I refused to give him more underwear for the day (yes, he had to stay naked). He was very upset but I doubt it's going to do anything... I guess I'll just have to be patient and hope he gets it at this point. Sigh.

 

We have been in the same boat. We started potty training when they were three--last May (2011). Jack wasn't getting it--particularly the pooping. It seemed like over a year we made no progress. Or we'd start to make progress and then go right back. It was always a fight. I would have quit and put him back in pull ups, but daycare insisted that he should stay in underwear. We tried bribing, cheering, explaining, making him clean it up, making a big deal of it, giving him control, everything. Everything. For big chunks of time (over 14 months). He's now gone about 12 days with no accident. I have no idea what changed, why now. I had begun to believe that he was, in fact, going to kindergarten pooping his pants. But now, knock on wood, almost two weeks without an accident. He actually goes to the potty to poop. I guess he was just ready.

 

The one thing I can maybe point to that may or may not have had anything to do with it for Jack is that we are going on a Disney cruise early next year and we told him that he couldn't swim or go to the kids club if he wasn't potty trained. I think that's just a coincidence, but it may not be.

 

That's the thing, when we switched back to underwear a month ago there was no accident for a week... now for three days he hasn't even pooped once in the potty Just poops in his underwear twice a day...

 

Fran, what does he do after he poops in underwear? is he upset and want to change or would just go on playing and be fine with it?

 

He doesn't care one bit and sits in his poop lol

 

Have you taken him to the doctor? There might be a medical underlying reason.

 

It's my next step. I don't think so though... but we'll see if it's not better in the next week or so... I just don't want to spend $100 or more in tests just to find out there's nothing wrong.

 

I'm going to buck the trend and surmise that it is mostly behavioral and his currency needs to be found...in Ian's case it was computer time (he's loved PBS kids since he was 2)...after pooping in his pants constantly we told him that we would take away his computer time, that big boys that played on computers didn't poop their pants...it worked like a charm...

whether his currency is a favorite toy, TV, computer time or what ever special privilege it is, you may have to make it punitive for a short time to get the point across...