aggressive behavior

One of my girls has gotten progressively worse with aggression. If her sister is in her way, she will pull her by the hair and knock her down. She will also get in her sister's face and just start smacking it. As a result, she has a nasty gash on her cheek from the fingernails scratching her. I don't know if she realizes what she is doing is hurtful, do they at this age?

My question is what the heck can I do to stop it? I have taken her away, told her no, redirected her, put her by herself to play, and even spanked her hand today, which I HATED doing. Any other suggestions? I know timeouts don't work at this age but seriously, her sister can't walk around looking like she got in a cat fight.

 

:hug99: Michelle. I am dealing with that issue right now as well. Nicky is a big ole bully boy. He attacks just to hear Alex scream, I think. I give him my "mean it" look and very sternly tell him no and grab him away from Alex. I have started time outs with him when he acts this way. I have to hold him in it, but he doesn't like it, and that's the purpose of it.

Just hoping it's a phase that will turn to loves all the time instead!

 

Jackie was that way for a while, but now that Beth is much more mobile, Jackie is getting out of it, and now Beth is going after Jackie. I am hoping it is just a phase that they are going to outgrow quickly because I haven't found anything that works yet, either, although I have tried everything you have. Maybe someone else will have some words of wisdom?

 

I am going through the same thing. If Georgia wants something that she will grab it and snatch it away from Ella. Then Ella will push Georgia and try to smack her in the face. I have tried to do timeouts as well and like Heather, I had to keep putting them back until they understood not to move from that spot until their minute is up. I hope this phase goes by fast.

 

No advice either, just a :hug99: We're going through it too. Yesterday Sarah bit Ben on the nose, right in front of me because she was frustrated he was in her way I have a VERY stubborn child on my hands...I've tried nearly everything and nothing phases her, she just goes right back to it. I'm just being very consistent and not allowing them much alone time w/out an adult in the room and hoping (fingers crossed) she will outgrow it soon.

 

Hi there. I've not had the joy of twins yet, but I do have two other children, one of whom goes to a developmental program where several of the children are extremely aggressive. Here's my two cents (for what it is worth), and what I learned from his teachers. When the one who is aggressive gets going, hitting for example, you say "That is NOT NICE, hands are not for hitting." be very stern. Sit her down close to you, and swoop in and pick up your little victim, "I'm so sorry you got hurt. Let me love on you until you feel better... etc. etc. etc." After a short while (and hopefully the poor thing has been able to calm down), put the other twin in a high chair or pnp with a toy. This is not punishment per se, this is so you can give extra attention to the child who was hurt.

The idea is that the aggressor learns that she receives very little attention for her actions, while seeing the other child lavished with attention. After the five minutes of "individual play", you reiterate that "hitting hurts" and it makes Mommy and sister sad. Then you sit down with both and play with them together.

I hope it gets better for you soon!

Donna

 

I was actually going to ask you all about this today, too. Jacob is biting Tyler very regularly. Plus, he's started biting himself when he gets mad. Example: Tyler took a toy today and scooted off. Jacob couldn't catch up with him, so he took to gnawing on his own arm! I don't get it! Is this his way of showing his frustration? You'd think he'd realize how bad it hurts and stop. Whatever it is, I hate to see my babies hurting. Not to mention, I hate to think what people think when they see the marks on their arms.

Sorry, Michelle. :hug99: I don't have any answers. I am looking at the silver lining, though. At least all of us with kids this age are going through the same thing. Hopefully, it is a phase they will outgrow soon.

QUOTE(MamaD @ Dec 27 2007, 08:23 PM) [snapback]548192[/snapback]
Hi there. I've not had the joy of twins yet, but I do have two other children, one of whom goes to a developmental program where several of the children are extremely aggressive. Here's my two cents (for what it is worth), and what I learned from his teachers. When the one who is aggressive gets going, hitting for example, you say "That is NOT NICE, hands are not for hitting." be very stern. Sit her down close to you, and swoop in and pick up your little victim, "I'm so sorry you got hurt. Let me love on you until you feel better... etc. etc. etc." After a short while (and hopefully the poor thing has been able to calm down), put the other twin in a high chair or pnp with a toy. This is not punishment per se, this is so you can give extra attention to the child who was hurt.

The idea is that the aggressor learns that she receives very little attention for her actions, while seeing the other child lavished with attention. After the five minutes of "individual play", you reiterate that "hitting hurts" and it makes Mommy and sister sad. Then you sit down with both and play with them together.

I hope it gets better for you soon!

Donna

That's awesome, Donna! I'll try that.

 

I'm there too Michelle! Rebekah does the same to Rachel. What I've also been doing is taking Bekah's hand and patting or petting on Rachel and say to her that we are supposed to be "nice" to sissy. At the same time I tell Bex that it's not nice when she hits/scratches/pulls hair. So, now Bex is starting to go to Rachel and pets her and in her own way says "nice." I'm not so sure she gets it, but I hope so. Also, when Rebekah is getting the no word from me she'll also pull her own hair...not sure exactly what to do about that but I've been taking her hand then and saying be "nice" to Bekah's hair. Just a thought...like the rest...hope it's a phase! :hug99:

 

QUOTE(MamaD @ Dec 27 2007, 05:23 PM) [snapback]548192[/snapback]
Hi there. I've not had the joy of twins yet, but I do have two other children, one of whom goes to a developmental program where several of the children are extremely aggressive. Here's my two cents (for what it is worth), and what I learned from his teachers. When the one who is aggressive gets going, hitting for example, you say "That is NOT NICE, hands are not for hitting." be very stern. Sit her down close to you, and swoop in and pick up your little victim, "I'm so sorry you got hurt. Let me love on you until you feel better... etc. etc. etc." After a short while (and hopefully the poor thing has been able to calm down), put the other twin in a high chair or pnp with a toy. This is not punishment per se, this is so you can give extra attention to the child who was hurt.

The idea is that the aggressor learns that she receives very little attention for her actions, while seeing the other child lavished with attention. After the five minutes of "individual play", you reiterate that "hitting hurts" and it makes Mommy and sister sad. Then you sit down with both and play with them together.

I hope it gets better for you soon!

Donna



Hey - it's something to try that's for sure!!

Michelle, my Gabe sounds like your's. He's gotten so perfectly wicked! He bites, hits, kicks. Naughty naughty!! Anthony goes running when Gabe is coming, but poor Nate doesn't know what to do yet! I hope it's a phase. I don't remember my oldest ever acting like this...but he didn't have siblings at this age. :hug99:

 

mine go back and forth with this - Ian was quite the aggressor for a while - and now the tables have turned a bit and Abby is just as aggressive...while I don't let them hurt each other (biting warrants removal from the situation) I generally let them fight it out now...and generally within seconds their giggling at each other - mine are also a bit older than yours Michelle - so the phase does pass - or the tables turn and the situation does get better...right around 13-16 months was the worst of it and now they tackle each other and laugh!

 

Michelle, I would definitely be firm with her about hurting her sister. You are right -- timeouts don't work yet (or sometimes never), and giving her too much attention (negative, that is) will only reaffirm what she wants-- attention! So definitely console the hurt sister and remove and ignore the aggressor. Mine are doing it too. It started with Patrick and now it is Kevin and sometimes it switches back. They love to keep ya guessin'! I hope things get better with her. :hug99:

 

No great advice here, either. Just lending support & letting you know that I'm in the same situation. :hug99: My two seem to take turns with the aggressive behavior. Anyway, with so many bugs checking in & saying we are all having the same problem, I'm thinking a lot of it is their age. Donna's advice sounds good to me, definitely worth a try!

 

:hug99: Michelle, apparently there are alot of aggressive twins out there! Angie is my aggressor. She's been this way for as long as she could do it. I've tried EVERYTHING. Timeouts did nothing for her, it got to the point where she knew she did wrong and went and sat on the timeout spot. I am definately going to try what MamaD suggested, worth a shot! I only intervine when it gets bad, otherwise I do try and let Anthony "fight his own battles" and I have noticed a bit less aggression between them. I really don't know, I'm hoping it's a phase. :hug99:

 

This is why this site is so awesome!! I have been dealing with this as well. I thought having experience with my older children would prepare me for twins but this is a whole new world! All I can say is I hope it's a phase and we come out of it without any permanent injuries!!

For the holidays I told my relatives that if they get a toy for the boys to get the exact same toys because I can't stand the fighting.

It's nice to know there are others out there going through the same stuff!

 

Going through the same thing here too. Matt has always been more aggressive, but Mia is really starting to hold her own now. I usually let them try to work things out on their own, unless someone is getting hurt.

With Ava and Aidan, Aidan is a big bully. He's bigger than her and insists on getting every toy she tries to pick up. He also has started pouncing on her while she's playing. He thinks it's funny, but she doesn't!! I just keep removing him from the situation, but try not to give him too much attention about it.

Crystal

 

Wow- same here too with DS being aggressive towards DD. i currently get down to his level and say sternly "No hitting" and then plant him on his bottom away from the scene of the crime. I usually get a giggle from him but he seems to stop for the moment. I think it is age-appropriate, but we are not deeming it as acceptable behavior.