Someone help me here. I'm clueless. My boys are now five. I can honestly say no real age has been hard. Really. Sure one gives me a run for my money, but rarely has there ever been back talking, sassy-ness, attitude, etc. Then came Annabella. :faint: Seriously. This child. She can be as sweet as can be. She's happy, lovable, adorable, you name it. But it's loaded with a heaping portion of attitude. It's the "NO!" that she yells back at me(in public, which I can.not.stand-not *my* child). With three kids, one would think I've dealt with this before, but nope. She's the only one! She's just fresh. I can't stand it, and I can't take it. I try to ignore it, but I certainly don't want her acting that way to other peers, family members, etc. I won't stand for it. I see glimpses of my niece in her, and I don't want that. But, I have to say, it's got to be a girl thing. My nephew was raised the exact same way as my niece, and he's sweet and angelic, and my niece is bossy, attitude, etc etc. Lol! So. How in the heck do I put an end to this? If you say it doesn't end...I may come hunt you down! :laughing: Anything work? Ignore? Taking things away(oh...but the crying and whining is a whole other post!)? She has a bear she sleeps with...the world would end if she didn't have it(and honestly-she wouldn't sleep, so I think that's more of a lose/lose for me lol). Any insight would be great. She can be awesome in public(which I'm happy for), but I don't want my three year old telling me no in public and ppl thinking she gets away with it, kwim?
My daughter is the same way. Might be a girl thing LOL. I have no solution really. We mostly ignore. We've carried her screaming when we were out. Carried her screaming to her room when we just couldn't take it anymore. It gets really old. We just try to make sure she never gets anything out of behaving that way (which is not easy by any means).
I don't think it's a girl thing, I think it's a stubborn thing. I have two of the most stubborn little beasts in the history of kids. Everything is a chore filled with sass. Things that work for me: 1) Giving them options rather than asking them what they want to do. I find that whenever I forget this we're in for a fight because they get something unreasonable in their head. 2) Getting down to their level and explaining calmly why we have to do x, y, z and how it will benefit them. 3) Automatic time outs for sass. No matter where we are, they get disciplined. Even if they're in their car seat I tell them they're in time out. 4) Give in on the things that don't matter and/or let them learn the natural consequences of their behaviour. 5) If you know you're going to be doing something, talk about it well ahead of time and what your expectations are for their behaviour and what the consequences will be if they don't behave. I find that with my two this goes in phases. Unfortunately I always seem to have one stubborn one at a time, but I think for them it's more about who feels like they're not in control at the moment. If I find ways to give them a bit of control over their life, like choosing what to wear or whatever, their behaviour improves exponentially. Also buy ear plugs and vodka.
We pretty much do exactly what Jen said. I've found that talking about expectations before hand is *huge*. And I don't just let them get away with telling me "I need to be good." I want specifics... is it good to yell "No!", is it good to run off, is it good to hide in the clothes racks at the store, etc, etc. And when they do start to reach the non-listening phase (but before the pick up screaming child and leave phase), getting down to their level and speaking softly is also very effective. And when they were Annabella's age, I did pick them up and leave, errands/fun stuff undone. It sucked, especially if it was grocery shopping (which I already hate to do, let alone twice), but it was effective.
This 100%. I don't think it's a girl thing. I have a girl and boy that can give real good attitude when they want to.
Liam is soooooo much worse when he's tired. And so it Kaelyn. So I have one of each. The above suggestions definitely help. And following through is huge. If you let them get away with it just one time, it's going to be a nightmare next time. I'm cracking down on my twins right now, at age 3.5 my older kids could walk nicely with me while I did my grocery shopping. But these two hellions run bat **** crazy all over the store when I'm trying to shop. I can buckle one up at a time in the cart, but then I start to run out of room for groceries, and the other one is still wandering aimlessly. Today, they got two spankings and a slap on the hand for not listening. Rylee ran into two different ladies and I made her apologize to them both. I'm tired of them being little hooligan's, and this mama is fighting back with spankings and time outs, even in the middle of the grocery store.
I've always wondered how you got soo lucky! Your kids have always sounded sooooooooooo nice and sweet it just didn't seem right! LOL. All 3 of mine have been sassy pants since the day they were born. Sure changes your perspective on parenting Makes it a bit more challenging for sure! I've been screamed at at least 50 times since 5 am (it's 6:21 am). So, no real words of advice, but she is a female and I know from my own personal experience (being one) that they typically do only get WORSE with age Good luck! I'm sure you'll do fine! At least you don't have 3!
I promise, I am laughing with you. Three is HARD. Sorry. We do a lot of options (and even with options, still get NO!) and I do a lot of holding. It sounds counter intuitive but when Henry really starts pushing my buttons, I pick him up and hold him. He flops of course but eventually he calms down and will let me know why he is so mad. I also do a lot of coaching. We talk about how we are going to act at the store/playground/whereever we are going and what happens if we don't. The plan isn't foolproof but it eliminates a lot of the power struggles. One thing you may want to do is when you plan someplace to go, ask her what she wants to do there. I find Henry often has a plan and will freak out if I don't have the same plan. Usually his is very simple like if we go to the Harris Teeter (grocery store) he wants a cookie, if we go to Wegmans, he wants to look at the lobsters.
I agree. I HATE when people say " It is a Girl/Boy thing. " that just goes to perpetuate gender stereotypes. Its a personality thing. An developmemtal thing. Excellent advice above! I also find that behaviors (even at 7) are impacted by sleep. No enough sleep and everything is worse, but that goes for me as adult too! This is so negative!! It sounds like 3 kids and/or girls is not a positive thing. I am a woman, and saying it 'gets worse with age' is awful! Each child, like each person is going to have stages that are easier and harder. Not really reflective of age or gender. I have two girls and each is very different. On DD is similar to OP. The other is not. Both same gender, same age. Same parenting style. Different personalities! For one of my DD== holding instantly calms her down. The other--it just makes her angrier! Find what works, and it may be different for each child! Good luck. :grouphug: So far for my DD that has a stronger/stubborn personality-- I have had to change my approach as she gets older. Younger and she simply needed to be removed from the situation. Now that she is older, we can talk through it. I also do a lot of 'preventative' control (talking about expectations, going over the schedule, etc).
Like Irene suggested try holding her - I also have one who responds very well to holding, much better than to a time out. Some children's feelings are so intense they cannot control them alone and are overwhelmed by them, my DD needs me to help her/hold her calm down enough to say what the matter is and what she wants and to listen to my response and my expectations. By now she is learning that she needs me and even comes to me tantruming/crying etc. explicitly asking for comfort. We also do a lot of coaching and talking about expectations, options instead of open questions and I do try and pick my battles, especially if I know they are tired, hungry or overwhelmed already.
I have a daughter who tends to have some sass. She is also so super sweet and positive most of the time. I think that is part of what makes it difficult to handle when it happens. My first thought when she back talks or acts ugly is "where did my sweet girl go?" but that doesn't help at all! My sassy girl is 5 now and what I have found that works best for us is to give her more 1-on-1 time completely separate from the rest of the family. Sometimes we go and do something but mostly I just hang out with her in her room. I think it gives her a chance to just be herself and relax with me and it gives me an opportunity to talk to her about things like frustration and self-control in a calm neutral setting. I've been focusing on talking to her about how things make you feel and how to find appropriate and fitting responses. I think it is helping! I've seen her stop before doing and glance over at me and then do the thing we discussed might help like to punch a pillow instead or walk away. I've also found that it actually does change and slightly improve around age 4 because they start to have so much more empathy and awareness of their love for other people. Deep down they really don't want to hurt or embarrass Mommy.
I think you've gotten some great advice. The only other thing I would add is that I would make a specific consequence just for screaming no in public, since that is the behavior that mortifies you the most. I would sit her down and say, "It's very important that you use nice words when you talk to mommy. The next time you forget to use nice words and shout no at me in a store, there will be no TV show that afternoon (or your dolls go in a box until the next day, or whatever consequence seems best). What will happen the next time you shout no at mommy at a store? That's right, no TV show that afternoon." And then I would remind her that you expect her to use nice words every time you get out of the car to go somewhere in public. You might also try prompting her to use "big girl words" and remind her that big girls get to do special things. As frustrating as this is, this is pretty typical, age-appropriate obnoxious behavior. Just be consistent in making sure that rude behavior never results in her getting good results, and in commenting when she remembers to use nice words.
