advice please

hi

This is my first post and i need a lot of advice! I have five month old b/g twins.....I( live about two and a half hours from any family that i have and my boyfriends family live even further. I really do not have any help at all. All of the friend that i had before i got pregnant have now disappeared or one of them will come over every so ofter, but i am happy that she takes that time out for me. As far as my boyfriend he has another daughter who is 3 years old. I dont feel like he helps me very much. He seems to think that working is his job and everything else is mine. He has improved from the begining but it is still not enough! I feel like i'm doing this alone. He will give a bottle change a diaper or pick up a baby but he has yet to wake up with, feed solid food to, or bathe either baby. I am having a hard time doing the whole thing, sometimes i feel like a single mom. I need help, i know you all know that twins arent easy so please i need some advice......


Also Im having a hard time putting the twin on the same schedule or any kind of schudule at all. I think that putting them on a schedule , i think this would make my life a lot easier... one baby wakes up much earlier then the other even though i put them to bed at the same time, which Ultimately throws off the whole day...I have been trying different schedules to see what works for them but if anyone has any advice please let me know!


Thanks

 

:wavey: Welcome to TS and the First Year.

I am sorry that things are so stressful right now. Have you communicated to your boyfriend what you need from him about getting up at night or having some help feeding and bathing? Men are not mind readers so if you havent had "the" talk, do it! And if you have, its not sinking in so try and have it again.

Do you take anytime for yourself and leave him alone with the babies? That might be a good first place to start if you dont. You need to relax too! Try and find sometime for yourself.

At 5 months the only thing we were on a schedule with was the morning nap which was about 1.5 hours after they woke in the morning. We were pretty much on a 3 hour feeding schedule but sometimes they couldnt go that long so I did feed them on demand. At about 6 months our afternoon nap started to come into focus and then we were on 3 naps a day.

Here is a link to other TS members 5 month schedules. Try browsing through them when you have time and see if there is anything similar to what you are trying to do. :hug99: GL!

ETA: I loved the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. That might help you figure out when they are tired and better help you get on a schedule.

 

Hi and welcome!
I'm sorry to hear your struggles babies are difficult enough for a couple but 2 babies and a single parent the majority of the time is super hard!

At 5 months you can get them scheduled. A book called Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child helped me tremendously at this age.
He gave easy to follow tips like what to watch for as far as sleep cues and how long between naps they should be asleep again. The book was super practical, but being sleep deprived and stressed made it hard for me to see the obvious patterns myself w/o him pointing them out to me!

 

I know it's such a pain to stay on schedule when they don't wake at the same time. We're still all over the place with that. Sometimes I wake the other one, but it's hard because you don't want crabby babies either. I try to judge how much sleep they got - if it's the one that took me forever to get to go to sleep the night before, or was up 2 hours straight in the middle of the night, I will let them go and just try to get them back on the same schedule later in the day. Sometimes I try to get the awake baby to go back to sleep in a swing. Or, if you fed just the one, would they go back to sleep for a little while? Guess it depends how much of a gap there is. Sometimes mine are a half hour off or so, which doesn't it make it too hard to get back on track the rest of the day. Good luck with finding a schedule. I know it really does make a difference. We're still trying to get a good one down. I am still jealous of parents of singletons that just follow the baby's cues all day though. It's hard getting 2 babies to conform to one schedule sometimes.

 

Welcome to TS and congratulations on your twins!! Sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I would suggest talking to your boyfriend. Have you looked into if there are any twin groups in your area. Local support is a huge help.

To keep the boys on the same feeding schedule, I wake them if it is coming up on the three hour mark to eat. There are some great books out there for sleep and schedules. I say find the book that works best for you. I was too lazy to read them LOL

Dianna

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Aug 11 2008, 10:21 PM) [snapback]925462[/snapback]
:wavey: Welcome to TS and the First Year.

I am sorry that things are so stressful right now. Have you communicated to your boyfriend what you need from him about getting up at night or having some help feeding and bathing? Men are not mind readers so if you havent had "the" talk, do it! And if you have, its not sinking in so try and have it again.

Do you take anytime for yourself and leave him alone with the babies? That might be a good first place to start if you dont. You need to relax too! Try and find sometime for yourself.

At 5 months the only thing we were on a schedule with was the morning nap which was about 1.5 hours after they woke in the morning. We were pretty much on a 3 hour feeding schedule but sometimes they couldnt go that long so I did feed them on demand. At about 6 months our afternoon nap started to come into focus and then we were on 3 naps a day.

Here is a link to other TS members 5 month schedules. Try browsing through them when you have time and see if there is anything similar to what you are trying to do. :hug99: GL!

ETA: I loved the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. That might help you figure out when they are tired and better help you get on a schedule.


Hi DATjmom..... Thanks for your reply and everyones i was really shocked that i had so many reply's so fast.... I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about this numerous times but he just doesnt seem to get it. Like i said he has help more then in the begining but its not enough. The most time i get to myself is maybe going grocery shopping and within the 2 hours im gone i get a phone call complaining. I wish he knew what i was going through. I try very hard to give my babies what they need and to read and play with them, but this is something i dont think my boyfriend can give. I just want him to have the same values as far as the kids as i do... I dont know if this is all men or just mine. I will try to have the talk again and hopefully it will work. Thanks so much for your reply. You all have made me happy about joining this site. It's nice to have people to talk to about my problems

-Jamie

 

QUOTE(DeniseT @ Aug 11 2008, 10:37 PM) [snapback]925494[/snapback]
I know it's such a pain to stay on schedule when they don't wake at the same time. We're still all over the place with that. Sometimes I wake the other one, but it's hard because you don't want crabby babies either. I try to judge how much sleep they got - if it's the one that took me forever to get to go to sleep the night before, or was up 2 hours straight in the middle of the night, I will let them go and just try to get them back on the same schedule later in the day. Sometimes I try to get the awake baby to go back to sleep in a swing. Or, if you fed just the one, would they go back to sleep for a little while? Guess it depends how much of a gap there is. Sometimes mine are a half hour off or so, which doesn't it make it too hard to get back on track the rest of the day. Good luck with finding a schedule. I know it really does make a difference. We're still trying to get a good one down. I am still jealous of parents of singletons that just follow the baby's cues all day though. It's hard getting 2 babies to conform to one schedule sometimes.

 

Thanks so much for replying! And yes schedules are hard (i thought maybe it was just me). I have been trying different things to get both on the same schedule as well as getting each baby what they need. They were feeding about every 2.5 to 3 hours (5 ounces) at a little different times but managable. Then i started solids...I feel like to have anytime in the day, i need to feed them at the same time. My ped. says to feed solids after a bottle so that they get the nutrition they need, so they also have to get on the same bottle feedings...They were both sleeping until like 9-930am when they first started sleeping through the nigh but then my daughter started waking at 8-15 which is good for me, but my son want to get up at like 5 or sometimes earlier! This is just too early for me no matter what time i go to bed. I am planning to try a new schedule tomorrow where they eat every three hours instead of four to see if this can make my son sleep awhile long. Let me know what you think! Thanks for your reply again and talk to you soon

-Jamie

PS if you have any activities for babies let me know! i run out of things to do with them

 

Welcome to twinstuff. Everyone here is full of good advice. Maybe ask for more help as you need it. Like if it is feeding time, hand him the baby and bottle and ask him to feed it. Having twins is very very hard. It will get easier in the next couple of months for you. It is still a lot of work but it does get fun. The babies will start playing with each other and moving around and they will get on the same schedule and it will be easier for you.

When I was trying to get them on a schedule, when one would wake in the morning, I would wake the other so they would be on the same schedule. Then I would put them to nap 1 1/2 -2 hours after they woke up. They would sleep 45 min-1 1/2 hours, then I would put them down for another nap 1 1/2-2 hours after they woke up. They will get on a schedule. You just have to be concistent. I know when I got mine to take their first nap at the same time, the house was so quiet and I was like okay, what do I do now? I was lost b/c I was so used to taking care of a baby.

P.S. We also have a buddy club that is very fun to be a part of. The link is in my sign.

 

QUOTE(Dianna @ Aug 11 2008, 10:46 PM) [snapback]925508[/snapback]
Welcome to TS and congratulations on your twins!! Sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I would suggest talking to your boyfriend. Have you looked into if there are any twin groups in your area. Local support is a huge help.

To keep the boys on the same feeding schedule, I wake them if it is coming up on the three hour mark to eat. There are some great books out there for sleep and schedules. I say find the book that works best for you. I was too lazy to read them LOL

Dianna


hey dianna thanks for your reply...I have not checked into this and im not sure where to look if you have any ideas of where i could look let me know! I live in ohio..

-Jamie

 

QUOTE(moontwins @ Aug 11 2008, 11:25 PM) [snapback]925562[/snapback]
Welcome to twinstuff. Everyone here is full of good advice. Maybe ask for more help as you need it. Like if it is feeding time, hand him the baby and bottle and ask him to feed it. Having twins is very very hard. It will get easier in the next couple of months for you. It is still a lot of work but it does get fun. The babies will start playing with each other and moving around and they will get on the same schedule and it will be easier for you.

When I was trying to get them on a schedule, when one would wake in the morning, I would wake the other so they would be on the same schedule. Then I would put them to nap 1 1/2 -2 hours after they woke up. They would sleep 45 min-1 1/2 hours, then I would put them down for another nap 1 1/2-2 hours after they woke up. They will get on a schedule. You just have to be concistent. I know when I got mine to take their first nap at the same time, the house was so quiet and I was like okay, what do I do now? I was lost b/c I was so used to taking care of a baby.

P.S. We also have a buddy club that is very fun to be a part of. The link is in my sign.

 

thanks for the reply! This site is great i wnet from feeling like i had noone to talk to, to having a lot of peole who understand what im going through....I'm glad things will get easier and thats what i figured. We already do have a lot of fun times but sometimes it just can get very overwhelming for me! I really appriciate the advice and please keep it coming i really need it and some direction means the world to me....It is different with twins and unfortunately my parents and grandparents do not have twins and therefor thier advice, while good just isnt the same for twins vs a singleton

 

I think TS is the greatest website - I would be lost without it!
Ok, yes you have some great advice here. Feed them at the same time or one right after another for sure, even if one isn't quite hungry yet, try and feed them anyway, they will get used to it for sure. At 5months mine were eating every 3hrs or so - I was always flexible on the time, so if one was hungry 20min early I fed them both early!
As for the wake up times, at 5months if one baby woke up to start the day at 6am, then I woke the other one up, it hurts to do it, but for me to get a break in at all during the day it HAD to be done. My babies could only be awake 60-90min at a time, and then they needed to go down for a nap. So my whole day was feeding, playing, napping - sometimes they napped for 45min sometimes 1.5 hrs - but when one baby woke up from a nap I would wake the other one up (sometimes I would let them sleep an extra 15min or so, as that didn't seem to get our schedule off by much).

Good luck - it will get easier, the morning nap should be falling into place soon.

 

QUOTE(isis @ Aug 12 2008, 01:06 AM) [snapback]925666[/snapback]
I think TS is the greatest website - I would be lost without it!
Ok, yes you have some great advice here. Feed them at the same time or one right after another for sure, even if one isn't quite hungry yet, try and feed them anyway, they will get used to it for sure. At 5months mine were eating every 3hrs or so - I was always flexible on the time, so if one was hungry 20min early I fed them both early!
As for the wake up times, at 5months if one baby woke up to start the day at 6am, then I woke the other one up, it hurts to do it, but for me to get a break in at all during the day it HAD to be done. My babies could only be awake 60-90min at a time, and then they needed to go down for a nap. So my whole day was feeding, playing, napping - sometimes they napped for 45min sometimes 1.5 hrs - but when one baby woke up from a nap I would wake the other one up (sometimes I would let them sleep an extra 15min or so, as that didn't seem to get our schedule off by much).

Good luck - it will get easier, the morning nap should be falling into place soon.



Thanks so much! Hearing everyone elses experience helps a ton because i guess i think that they should be on some kind of perfect schedule...Sound like it takes time to get them there which makes me feel much better and all the advice helps tremendously

 

Congratulations on your babies and welcome to FY! Everyone else has given you some great suggestions. Also, do you have any neighbors with young preteen or teenage girls. Maybe see if any are interested in making a little money and they can come play with the babies while you are home so you get some down time. Not exactly alone time but better than nothing. Also, what my husband and I did that helped tremendously was split up the night. He'd get home from work around 8 pm, we'd feed the girls together and then the girls and I went to bed. He kept the monitor so I could get some uninterrupted sleep. If they woke up, he dealt with them. Then he'd give them another bottle around 11pm or midnight and then put them back to bed and come to bed himself. If they woke up again in the middle of the night I got up, but at least I had about 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Maybe see if that works for you and your boyfriend. It means that you and he won't get a lot of alone time, but its only for a short period of time until your kids are sleeping through the night. GL and come here often! :hug99:

 

Welcome! Everyone else has already given you some great tips. I'm glad you found TS--it's been a lifesaver for me. I have one good friend with twins that are about the same age as mine; but she lives in another city and either she's lying or her kids are completely perfect . So if nothing else, it helps me to read that others are facing similar challenges.

You asked about activities--I'm always running out of stuff at the end of the day too. But FWIW, mine love their exersaucers (thank goodness), and they are now really into playing with soft blocks (I got them at Target--I think they are Infantino brand). They like to play with them propped up in a boppy or leaning on me (not quite sitting up yet); and they will also play with them on their tummies. Walks were good for us when it wasn't so hot as well.

GL with your boyfriend and with getting some time to yourself!

 

Hi,
I just wanted to say Welcome! Keep in touch on here...this site saved me during the first few months, that's for sure!

As for the schedule, I really worked on watching for sleepy cues (the book mentioned in pp really helped give us some ideas - Healthy Sleep....)
and tried to keep their morning nap routine (an hour to an hour and a half after they woke up in the morning) everyday. I also have a 2 year old, though, so there were some times when I let a baby sleep in a little so things weren't as hectic around here. (It was much easier for me to manage one infant + toddler in the very beginning). So, with that being said, as you establish your schedule, just do your best to keep them on the same routine, but the times may vary a bit b/c they are so young still.

I really hope you can get your boyfriend more involved, too. I know my husband was nervous about having the twins at the same time, but he got much more confident after I left him on his own AND as the babies got older, could do longer between feedings, etc. Sometimes, when I go out to run errands I take one baby, so he does not have both twins at the same time. That makes it less stressful on both ends. Now, he's pretty good w/ all three kids for a little while. On the weekends,I try to schedule some type of outing for myself that goes on during nap time and I know that he can handle it when they all get up for a little while, too. Make sure you try to get out and do something for yourself. ;-)

As for activities, mine love any toys that they can chew these days. The jumpy seat has been a big hit around here, too. I rotate who gets to go in that and the exersaucer/swing. I also try to read to the babies for small time periods throughout the day. They love the book Brown Bear by Eric Carle b/c of the colorful pics (plus I act like a total idiot making all kinds of animal noises...it's ridiculous).

Take care and know that every day seems to get a little more managable. ;-) ~Erin