Advice, Please: One twin is tormenting the other!

My B/G twins are almost 9 months. Emmeline is crawling (at the speed of light), pulling herself up on everything, and standing for a few seconds at a time. Jack is pretty far behind her: he hasn't started crawling yet (he is getting up on all fours and rocking, so we think it could be any day now) and just got the hang of sitting on his own. Everything about them is different: Emme is a little rocket, moving quickly from activity to activity, really rough with everything, and if she really likes something, she beats the heck out of it. Jack is very contemplative, likes to pick up one small object and work with it in his hands for 15-20 minutes at a time, studying it really closely. Now that Emme is so mobile, she is ALL over him at all times. She climbs on him (I found her standing on top of him, peering over the play yard wall just now), sits on him, yanks objects away from him, and probably the worst thing as far as he's concerned, is that she won't leave the pacifier in his mouth -- she yanks it out every time he gets it in (she doesn't use a pacifier). When I'm sitting in the play yard with them, I re-direct her constantly, and manage to get him some peace. But I want them to be able to play independently and the whole idea of the play yard was to be able to leave them to play by themselves for a few minutes while I get some chores done. But if I even step outside for a minute, by the time I have the play yard gate fastened, she's on top of him and he's screaming.

I COULD buy a few more extension pieces and wall off two separate spaces, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do or not. Does he need to learn to how to protect his own space from her without just screaming? He really doesn't do anything -- doesn't try to get the toys back, or the pacifier back, or push her off of him -- he just screams. If I wall them off from each other I'm afraid that they won't ever get over this dynamic they're in, but if I stay in the play yard 24/7 with them, I'm not really teaching him how to deal with it -- yet if I leave, I'm dooming him to misery. I'm stuck. What should I do?

 

My girls were greatly different in size and it took a long time for jessy to crawl after jazzy. I separated them a lot because jessy just was prepared to "defend" her space. If they were two separated children or in a daycare they'd be separated. I don't think it's quite fair for him to have to compete with her. I think some seperation would help

 

Well, that's kind of what I'm thinking...but he's actually a pound heavier than she is, so weight is not the issue -- she's tiny, and she still gets the best of him. I started to wall off the play area so that they would have two separate areas this morning and then thought...what if he gets used to that and they never adjust to playing together? The fact is, he's not a single baby, and will have to adjust to that at some point. I don't want him to be miserable, though...

 

I would seperate them...He will catch up soon and then you can put them pack together...They have YEARS to get used to playing together...

 

If Emme were a cousin or a playdate would you let them 'work it out'? Orion is a bit bullish; Sebastian is just like your Jack. I didn't (& don't) think it's his responsibility in the first few years to defend himself- he's still a baby. So I did separate them- what about a PNP in the play area that 1 can go in?

 

Cousin or playdate, no, but then again, she doesn't have to live with a cousin or playdate. It sounds like you guys are saying that it's too early to start "training" them so play together -- forgive me if I sound stupid here, but these are my first kids and I don't know what I'm doing!

PNP won't work because he sleeps in one at naptime and sees it as a punishment to be in there if it's not naptime. She's way too wild to be confined to a PNP during her awake time. But I can easily get another expansion set for the play yard and give them separate spaces.

 

It's hard- these are my first and both DH & I are only children. We may be totally screwing ours up, lol. I think you start training them to play together when supervised to start- she has no idea that standing on him is wrong/hurts and he has no concept that she's about to hurt him & it's time to roll away.

It took mine a LONG time to get used to the PNP as a playspot- they see it as punishment, too. If she's happier toddling and he's happiest exploring with his hands, can you strap him in a highchair for a few minutes with some toys/ cups or wooden spoons while you work?

 

Honestly I would let them "work it out" with some help from you. With my 2, they traded being the "bully" on and off (and still do!) so if it was a toy or something they were fighting over I just let them be. You'll be surprised how little they care about things and can move on, as for the pacifier, does he actually *need* it in during the day? Maybe just limit it to nap/bed time and then that won't be an issue. I'm sure she's just curious as to what it is.
I would make sure to keep an eye on them for times when she uses him as a step ladder Pretty soon he'll catch up and if they are anything like my twins...get some revenge

 

Okay, thanks everyone. I love that I get a variety of opinions on this site. It helps me work through things! What I am trying to remember is that this, too, shall pass...as with all of the other things I thought would be FOREVER...they move through stages so quickly. Thanks for your help!

 

I'm sorry but my first thought is that this never ends! I've been having to seperate my 6 year old twins lately. I would try to let them work it out with your guidance. :hug:

 

Oh no! Don't tell me that! I wanted my kids to get along as well as Brenda and Brandon Walsh! HA! I guess that's everybody's dream, that a twin would be a readymade best friend. I don't know why I'm surprised -- all during the pregnancy, Emme took up 2/3 of the uterus while Jack was squeezed down in the lower right quadrant, all folded up into himself as though he was trying to get as far away as possible from her. In several ultrasounds we saw her reach out and sock him a few times! Funny how those patterns are repeating now that they're outside.

Thanks for your advice, and good luck with your six-year olds!

 

Sorry.. they may be best friends at some point. I hope mine discover the true meaning of being a twin soon, but I think my sister & I still don't. Ok, I'll shut up now! Haha!

They do look out for one another, more my son looks out for my daughter, getting two of things so he can give one to her. Stickers at the doctor's office is a good example. They are always making sure they get one for the other.

Teach them while they are young (now!). Show them how to treat one another. This is a great question to be bringing up. I wish I had been 'more alert' to things like this when my twins were that age. You are doing great!

 

I'm starting to see with my Orion who is very bullish that he really loves Sebastian, just has no idea what hurts and what's appreciated. Teaching them to hug and kiss has been great for him as he can express his affection without (usually) clobbering Sebastian. Sometimes I have to stop him, though, or he'd hug S for 10 full minutes. :lol:

 

I'm the opposite of you. My boy twin goes all over my girl. She's a real princess and cries when he gets over her. Caught him using her as a step stool a couple of times. She's a contented baby and will never run away from her brother. I still put the both of them together in the play yard and step in whenever things get out of control, like if she's stepping on her. I would agree to let them figure it out on their own. Decide what is comfortable for you and step in only when things are out of your limits.

 

Oh, that's so sweet, JicJac, about always making sure he gets an extra for her. I'm sure that makes you feel better about their relationship. I guess that was my main question -- whether I can "teach them while they are young now." I need to get a book on discipline, because I have no idea at what age they're supposed to start realizing that they're doing something they're not supposed to. But I have to say, judging from Emme's face when she snatches something away from him or steps on him and I catch her in the act, I think she knows she's not supposed to be doing it -- there is no way to interpret the look that she gets on her face as anything but guilt!! So I have started saying "no" firmly as I redirect her. It may be my imagination, but I think things have started getting a little better -- which probably has everything to do with the fact that he started to crawl two days ago, hooray! So the playing field may be a little more even now.

Michelle, I hope prolonged hugging is a problem I will have to deal with very soon!

Chrystal, thanks for the input, I think your solution is the one I've decided to go with. We'll see what happens from here, I guess!