Advice Needed

So over the last few days I have noticed something that I do not like. Whenever I pick up one baby the other starts screaming. They also start screaming if I put them down. I cannot hold 2 babies all day and it breaks my heart when one cries.

The other thing is when they wake in the night instead of rolling over and going back to sleep they holler (not cry) at us until we come. I tried letting them holler until they gave up but they just went on for over an hour. Finally I went in and picked them up. Immediately they fell asleep in my arms.

Is this seperation anxiety. When I put them down to play, I am right there sitting next to them. I cannot imagine they feel seperated.

I know this is not of big concern, but what can I do to put an end to the tears and fears?

 

Tammy, I wish I had an answer for you. :hug99: It is so hard to hear the other cry, but we are only one person. Honestly, what I did was if neither "needed" to be held, I just didn't do it unless dh was around. Or I would get on the floor and hold both of them, which still wasn't an easy task. If one was hurt or something and needed to be comforted, I just let the other cry while I kept trying to console BOTH of them. Luckily, it has gotten better. It came and went in spurts, some weeks they were very jealous of one another, then it stopped, back to jealous, etc.

 

My girls have started doing this recently too. I either put both down on the floor and they fuss for a short time but then stop of I hold one and sit by the other and that works. If nothing else I hold one and the other cries for a short period but moves on - I guess they have to learn sometime. I know that isn't the best solution but that is the part of the roller coaster that is twins.

 

DD just screamed like I was murdering her when I went to change her brothers poopy butt!

Seems like this is something I just have to live with. I hope it passes!

 

Ugh it is so hard sometimes. At some point along the way I found myself (like a PP) not holding either one because it would be unfair to the other. It felt silly because it really wasn't good for anyone to not be held at all but I did it anyway -- didn't hold either one (unless crying) until DH got home.

What I've settled on is, I hold the one who needs to be held more. The one who just hurt themselves, the one who is super tired and cranky, etc. While doing this I talk to the other one in a soothing voice. I tell them why I'm holding their twin and not them right now, that I will get to them next, be patient, etc. I make eye contact if I can, and say their name. As they've gotten older they sometimes still whine but mostly they are used to it and know it will be their turn next and that it all evens out in the end. It's actually kind of funny now because they've learned to fake-whine -- and they do the crying part pretty good but one look at their face and I know they're faking so we end up laughing together.

 

QUOTE
What I've settled on is, I hold the one who needs to be held more. The one who just hurt themselves, the one who is super tired and cranky, etc. While doing this I talk to the other one in a soothing voice. I tell them why I'm holding their twin and not them right now, that I will get to them next, be patient, etc. I make eye contact if I can, and say their name. As they've gotten older they sometimes still whine but mostly they are used to it and know it will be their turn next and that it all evens out in the end.


Totally agree! Having twins feels like an ER sometimes - it's all about triage, and somebody always has to sit in the waiting room. They will get used to it. It is SO hard when both babies need 100% of your attention at the same time, but they do learn to live with it, and they learn that they always get plenty of loving, even if it's not right this second.

 

This stage for me was rough. I bet it's a bit of separation anxiety and like you said, just some jealousy. I would do my best to be with both when I could and let them know my lap was built for two. :hug99:

 

boys are already doing it and they are only 4 months... eeeck
glad u posted this, its comforting to know im not alone!

 

I agree with pp's- sometimes a baby has to cry especially if you changing a diaper on one and the other is upset. I talk to the one in a calming voice saying things like "Sweetie I'll be right with you. I'm just changing your sister." Sometimes it works and other times, not so much. Its rough trying to figure out who needs you more at any given moment... :hug99:

 

QUOTE(MichelleL @ Feb 26 2008, 12:27 AM) [snapback]640212[/snapback]
This stage for me was rough. I bet it's a bit of separation anxiety and like you said, just some jealousy. I would do my best to be with both when I could and let them know my lap was built for two. :hug99:


Our 8-month olds just started going through this phase about 2 weeks ago - how long does this last?? I mean, it is nuts--they can be on the floor playing, happy as can be--if I even stand up like I'm going to leave the room they freak out. I used to think 'oh how cute it will be when they start getting clingy/needy and only want us'. UGH, how wrong I was. It can't go by fast enough! :wacko:

 

My boys do that. Luckily, it does seem to become less of an issue as they get older. They used to scream about every little thing. Now they save it for very important things like me handing a drink to one before the other. (Even though one is standing right next to me and the other is in the living room. ) I think this is a phase that passes in way because the kids still feel the same but they learn to deal with it in a way other than crying.

The separation anxiety passes when they are about 18 months - 2 years and it's pretty trauma inducing to see your toddler run away in a store when last week she wouldn't get more than 2 feet away from you. :shok: