Advice for the first several weeks at home w/twins?

This is obviously on my mind now that I'm past 35 weeks! Depending on when the babies come, my sister might be here for up to a week after they're born. DH will take several days off (he's going to have to play that by ear depending on when they come) and he'll help as much as he can when he's home--he works about 45-60 hrs/wk--but otherwise, I'm on my own. (No family in the area; a few friends have offered to come help, maybe once every week or two. And we will have people from our church bringing dinner 3 times a week.)

So I'd love whatever tips and advice you all have for those first several weeks so I can feel as prepared as possible! Just for a little more background, I'm tentatively planning to EBF (and I will have a hospital-grade breast pump right from the beginning; I'm participating in a BFing study so I get one free the first 2 months!) and to have the babies sleep in an Arm's Reach co-sleeper attached to our bed at first. We'll also have a crib set up in the nursery if that doesn't work, and a PnP with bassinet and changing table downstairs so the babies and I can spend the day on either floor. And I do have an EZ2Nurse twin pillow, a Moby wrap, two different types of bouncy seats, and an FP cradle swing--all things I'm hoping might make this a little easier.

 

I'm not the best to offer advice, being a stay at home dad, but the main thing...I think...is to have as much help available as possible. Take whatever offers for food that you can get (from friends, neighbors, church, etc...). And try to get some sleep whenever possible.

 

Hi,

Well it sounds like you are well prepared! My twins are now 2 months. . .I had the same fears when I was pregnant and I didn't think I would handle all of it very well. My husband works 65+ hours a week and I do have family near by but they are busy with their own families so didn't really have any help from them either. I also have a 3 year old and we were in the heart of potty training when I had the twins. . .My husband was only able to take 2 days off work when the babies were born, and this was when I was in the hospital so that he could take care of our son. The babies were in the NICU for 2 weeks so I was on my own when they came home. Unfortunately, we can't afford to hire help so I was very scared and overwhelmed with the thought that I would have to do everything. . .But I just want to tell you that it is possible to do it all and I am very impressed with how well I have managed everything in the last 2 months! We don't give ourselves enough credit. You get used to being able to juggle everything. . .and even though the house isn't as clean as it used to be and I am still sleep deprived, the babies and my 3 year old are doing great and I can't believe it has really gone pretty smoothly so far! Don't get me wrong, there were definitley times that were really hard and exhausting but you can (and will) do it! And at times you will feel guilty that you can't meet ALL their needs at the exact moment they need it. . . The BEST piece of advice that I got was right here from TS and it was that it is OKAY for one of the babies to cry. As much as you don't want them to be upset, dont feel bad that you can't get to one while trying to meet the needs of the other.

Well good luck! And just remember that no matter how much planning you do, not everything is going to go according to plan, but that's okay. . . try not to stress over the little things! Here's to healthy babies!!

Laura

 

Pre-cook and freeze AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!! That way you never have to worry about dinner, and you wont waste the money getting take out. Thats the only thing I can think of right now.

 

My babies are almost 3 months old and these three months are one big blur! I do want to tell you that it is okay if your babies need some formula at first. I also planned on exclusively BF my boys, but when Sean failed his blood sugar test, he had to have some formula. Then when Owen had jaundice and my milk wasn't in yet, he had to have some formula. I learned very quickly that it is okay if you need to supplement. You twins might be small and need the extra calories at first. My boys then went on to BF well, but I ultimately decided to just pump for them. Pumping kept us all on a better schedule than just BF on demand. I never planned to pump only, but it has turned out to be what works for us. So, just be prepared that everything might not go as you plan and just give in to it. Do what ever you need to do to get through each day. That might mean your babies will be sleeping separately, together, with you, in a swing, in their carset-whatever works for that moment! They might want to BF, take a bottle with breastmilk, take a bottle with formula, a little of everything-whatever works for that moment! If you get caught up in the fact that it isn't how you planned it, you will only make yourself feel guilty. I wish someone had told me all this before I brought my boys home! Good luck!

 

My two three suggestions are to get a lot of individually wrapped healthy snacks, like nuts, granola bars, raisins. Try to prepare and freeze several cassseroles now. Also, go ahead and lower your (and DH's) expectations for a clean house!! It'll be OK if things aren't picked up/washed/folded for a few weeks (months) while you recover and learn to juggle two babies!!

 

Like a PP said, I planned on EBF, but I pump and supplement with formula. It is not what I had hoped for, but I am able to keep a good schedule. I feel prepared - or at least as much as I could be. In the hospital, we did not get much rest b/c we had a lot of visitors during the day, and the babies were awake at night. That made for a really hard 1st week home. I was sooooo tired. I wish I had asked some of the visitors to give us a few hours to sleep, now that I look back. My in laws drove from Az to Cal. the day the girls were born, so I felt bad - but i really should have asked them to leave for a bit. The hospital started us on a 3 hour feeding schedule, and we have just kept that up - to this day. It's so much easier (especially when you are by yourself) to be prepared - although not everything goes as planned, and thats ok too. Don't worry, you will be able to get through it, especially with a supportive husband. The first 3 months are the hardest (at least thats what everyone told us, and for us it has proven to be true), but they will go by quickly. Sleep when the babies sleep...feed them at the same time (or as close to it as possible). If one wakes to eat at night, I used to wake the other one too (now they sleep through the night) to stay on the same schedule.

 

I agree with all pp! I was planning on pumping and I wasn't able to, so now I am strictly ff. You will get into a routine and like pp said, you will amaze yourself at what all you can do. Now I can feed both girls and answer the phone all at the same time! You just do what you have to do and you learn quickly! Absolutely sleep when they sleep and feed them both at the same time, even if you have to wake one up- it's a necessity to keep your sanity and get some sleep! I have used both my bouncy chairs the most and I have 2 boppys (well, they are the Wal-Mart generics that I actually like better than the boppy brand because they have a strap to keep the babies in) that I use all the time. Accept all the help you can get but don't freak out when you don't get it. Now I get up with the girls by myself every night because DH goes to work and honestly I have a routine that when he helps, it just screws me up (and I feed every 3 hours).

Good luck! I was in your shoes not too long ago and had the same fears. Don't worry, before you know it, you will be offering advice to other new moms on how you managed so well!!!! :lol:

 

I just have to add...just like the pp said, when someone helps (my mom occasionally on weekends) - it just makes things more difficult! lol It just throws off our routine. I've got it down when I'm by myself - like pp said also, you learn very quickly!

 

My guys are just a little over two weeks and i had wondered the same thing. I also have two preschoolers so i think that made life even more interesting. Like a lot of the PP's said make sure you have lots of food prepared. Our church also had meals three days our of the week, and i found we had plenty of left overs for the other days. Although i would have a frozen pizza or two, because sometimes meals come that you just don't like, or people may forget so you may want a back up. My husband was able to stay home for the first two weeks which was nice he would get up at night with me for the first week or so to help with changing diapers etc. I didn't produce enough milk so we had to go to supplementing with formula about day 4, and no they are actually at about 75% formula 25% breast milk, so if EBF doesn't work don't feel guilty, do the best you can. My husband had to go out of town for a month when the boys were three weeks old, he only got to come home for two-two day periods. My mom lives about 45 minutes away and actually went out of town for ten days at the same time so i was panicking on what i was going to do also. I would say take anyone up on any help, i didn't at first and learned i needed to pretty quickly. Something i finally did was put a list of "to-do's"on the fridge in priority order. That way when people came over and asked if i needed anything done i would just reference the list and say anything they could do would be great. At first i had a hard time asking people to help do my housework, etc...but you have to get over that. I was also on bed rest for ten weeks this summer so all i can say is this has been a very humbling experience but don't feel bad about asking for help. I hope this helps.

 

Id start relaxing more and worrying less. I do agree with a PP about the house. I started letting little things go and I didnt worry about them so much. Laundry gets done and dishes get done, when they get done. I dont stress over it. And let them sleep whenever and however they can and try to nap when they do. Dont try to be a super mom theres time for that when they are in school. :hug: You will be fine. Good luck!

 

I would get a couple of miracle blankets and watch the video on the website about how to tightly swaddle your babies in them before they are born. Other than that I would just get as much sleep as you can, while you can!

 

Basically when they are born and you are alone with them, you are in survival mode.. do whatever needs to be done to get everyone fed and cleaned. Once that is done, you can think about doing whatever else needs to be done, or even just relaxing and sleeping.. cleaning can be put off like everyone else said. They'll hopefully sleep a lot between feedings at that age.. I know once they were fed and had clean diapers, I was always able to take a sigh of relief and tell myself, ok made it through that round, now I can relax just a little bit.
Also like everyone else said you do your best, if both are crying you start learning what you need to do first - who is the most upset? who is easier to calm and maybe do first then the other..

 

I am not sure how everyone else feels, but in my case I did not have nearly as much help as I was assured I would get from everyone! In the end I am glad I did most everything on my own because I know exactly what they need and I can handle them both on my own perfectly! My advice is it is very easy in the beginning because you are high on life and need little sleep, just amazed by your beautiful babies and it feels great! After the sleep deprivation starts to set in and the euphoria wares off it gets a little hectic..feed at the same time! I made the mistake of trying to do it one at a time and I never slept at least when I fed them both at the same time I got a full 2-3 hours.. Don't be afraid to step outside and catch your breath if you are overwhelmed. If you plan to FF get boppys they help so much. Oh and with twins the crying seems like it is constant because there are two just remember if you are doing the best you can you are doing a great job and babies cry. There were a few nights I cried right along with them LOL hang in there it will get easier and easier every day. My boys are already on a schedule for the most part bed time at 8:30 and they STTN when this happens you will feel like you won the lottery LOL Good Luck!!!

 

QUOTE(HeyThere @ Dec 20 2008, 10:44 PM) [snapback]1117982[/snapback]
Pre-cook and freeze AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!! That way you never have to worry about dinner, and you wont waste the money getting take out. Thats the only thing I can think of right now.

DEFINITELY!!! this is the advice i would offer as well.

 

QUOTE(aimeethomp @ Dec 21 2008, 09:44 AM) [snapback]1118206[/snapback]
I would get a couple of miracle blankets and watch the video on the website about how to tightly swaddle your babies in them before they are born. Other than that I would just get as much sleep as you can, while you can!

I forgot to mention this also. Definitely without a doubt get two miracle blankets. They are the absolute best way to swaddle a baby. I didn't discover them until my boys were 1 month old and I wish I had them from day one. It is impossible for them to wiggle their way out of those blankets. Also, miracle blanket has a money back guarantee, so if you don't like them, they'll refund all your money.

 

I would also recommend to have a third person staying with you (if possible) the first night home. I thought our kiddos would be like they were in the hospital, sleeping every 3 hours and waking to feed and have a diaper changed. Little did we know that the first night home, they were screaming for most of the night. DH and I did not expect that and only got a couple of hours of sleep the first night. Being first time parents, we were totally freaked out!

 

It's hard for me to remember but I brought home twins to a toddler that wasn't even 2 yet.
Best advice I can give is to do the same sleep, change, eat schedule and get rest yourself.
Dishes and laundry can wait until DH gets home.

 

We hired a baby nurse and she immediately put them on the same schedule. She was able to do it because she was so experienced. My husband and I are trying to keep to her schedule as much as possible.

 

I'll just add that in addition to making freezer meal dinners for yourself--make some lunch and snack type foods too. Quiche worked great for me because you could eat it any time of day. Healthy muffins were life savers too. Although they don't freeze really, other types of pasta, or grain based salads were really good to have on hand for lunch.
I suggest freezing things in smaller portion sizes --like if you do make a casserole you might want to do enough for dinner one night, then portion out the other part for lunch portions for yourself before freezing. That way you don't actually have to eat a casserole that serves 6 all those times in a row.

Breastfeeding is wonderful, but it really takes a lot out of you. You will really need to be aware of eating and drinking enough water to sustain you and the babies.

 

Drink lots and lots of water. Eat lots of food. Don't feel badly if you need to add a bit of formula or give breast milk by bottle now and then. Many twins have difficulty staying on the breast long enough to get their fill. Do you have a couple of boppy pillows? I don't mean for nursing, but they are so handy for putting the babies in.

All the advice here is great. The fist few weeks are tough. It passes quickly, though, and things progressively get easier.

I'm like you - no family nearby, nobody to help, a husband who has to work long hours and we are dependent on his job so he is only able to help a few hours a day. I handle the nights so he can sleep so that he can do his job. When left to your own devices you get a handle on it sooner and gain confidence. You'll get your own routine going and figure out what works for you.

Frankly, I found that "help" really wasn't much help. Most people's help actually hindered me because I ended up hosting guests rather than having relief. I had to make extra food, extra cups of tea, extra glasses of water, etc. It also meant I had to be reasonably dressed. You see, I have difficulty saying no, and have difficulty specifically asking for things, and didn't want to be rude. So whenever I needed a glass of water, I offered one to whomever was there to "help." When I made myself a sandwich, I made one for my "helper." Why wasn't the helper doing it? It was difficult for me to ask. When I was home alone it was easiest for me to stay in clothing that made it easy to access my breasts since I had to feed/pump every 2 hours - and often that meant I was going around topless in my house. If people were over, I had to cover up and felt awkward whenever I had to bf or pump.

 

QUOTE(marisa55 @ Dec 21 2008, 11:30 AM) [snapback]1118322[/snapback]
I forgot to mention this also. Definitely without a doubt get two miracle blankets. They are the absolute best way to swaddle a baby. I didn't discover them until my boys were 1 month old and I wish I had them from day one. It is impossible for them to wiggle their way out of those blankets. Also, miracle blanket has a money back guarantee, so if you don't like them, they'll refund all your money.


Most definitely on the Miracle Blankets or even SwaddleMe blankets. Our boys wriggled out of the best tightest blanket swaddles (one more than the other) and we needed something more substantial. Also, these blankets make it possible to do diaper changes without unwrapping the entire blanket, though, my boys liked the opportunities to stretch whenever they got a feeding and new diaper.

 

I agree with pp that you will basicaaly just survive those first three months and not remember most of it! I would have gotten "Happiest Baby on the Block" on DVD (They usually have them at the library). We had two fussy babies for 3 1/2 months, and I wish we had watched it sooner. As pp have said, also I would invest in some swaddles or miracle blankets. We used kiddopatomous from Babies R' Us. The meals from your church will be a real blessing.

Get plenty of diapers and wipes now so that you don't have to worry about running out. We went through way more than I ever imagined of the newborn size. Diapers.com is great. If you spend over $50, shipping is free. THey come right to your door in two or three days. If you set up an account, you don't have to reenter your credit card or shipping info everytime. That might be something worth setting up, if you're into online shopping.

As pp have said, we put the babies on a three hour schedule (2 1/2 at first) and woke one when the other woke to eat. We followed the book "Babywise" for advice on schedule. It worked well for us. Good luck!

 

I know a lot of people said to swaddle, and while I agree in some ways, I also am skeptical. I swaddle my twin daughters, and I do think it helps them sleep better.. however, I'm at a lost of how to get them out of this habbit. The doctor says it's still fine, but I am worried it will be difficult to stop the swaddle.. I have tried for a couple of naps but they never seem to be such great naps unswaddled.. I always wonder if I hadn't started to begin with, maybe they would have been fine without it??
They are almost 5 months, still being swaddled in the kiddopotimus (called something like that) swaddleme's.
Anyone who suggested the swaddling figure out how to put them to bed unswaddled? I know a lot of people say when they are ready, they'll let you know...