advice for sympathy gift

A friend of mine just experienced a m/c around 14 weeks gestation. A group of friends are contributing money to buy her flowers, but at this point I've got so much money that I'm wondering if I should get her a HUGE flower arrangement or get her a smaller one and then buy her something else (any ideas? restaurant gift certificates? some other touching gift?). I know that many of you have experienced a loss or have someone close to you who did. Did anybody do anything extra special for you?

Thanks for any advice/input you can give! I brought my friend dinner the day of her surgery. I offered to get friends to provide meals for her for a week, but she didn't want that.

 

I would do a small flower arrangement and then a gift card to a spa or something you know she would like that is just for herself to help her relax. I know that this has to be the most awful time in her life. She is in my thoughts.

 

Okay, I know I sound weird but I did NOT want flowers after my losses. The thought of watching them die was too much for me (I admit I had a very very hard time). I suggest a nice plant (rock garden?), a nice card and perhaps a donation made in the babies memory?

We have a hospital around here that has a beautiful garden in memory of lost babies and someone made a donation to the hospital for that when I had a loss. It was very touching to me.

 

A good friend of mine also had a miscarriage recently (at 22 weeks) and was confined to bed for several weeks afterwards due to complications. She got lots of sympathy gifts and mentioned a few that she really liked:

1. Already prepared meals from one of those places like Pass A Plate that she could keep in the freezer until needed
2. A basket full of goodies - trashy magazines, herbal tea, thank you notes, hand lotion, etc.
3. Gift certificate to a spa for a massage

Like the PP, she said that flowers just made her sad.

 

My daughters aunt gave her a rose bush to plant in memory of the baby she lost. It's the only plant that my daughter takes the time to care for. The rose bush is her special memory.

 

After my m-c I got a special Angel that sits on a shelf right next to my boys pictures!

 

QUOTE(aandax246 @ Oct 22 2007, 08:03 PM) [snapback]462211[/snapback]
My daughters aunt gave her a rose bush to plant in memory of the baby she lost. It's the only plant that my daughter takes the time to care for. The rose bush is her special memory.


I've never had a miscarriage, but this sounds like a great idea!

 

sorry to hear of your friend's loss.

Hear are some threads mentioning gift ideas:

this thread

Angel bells

That's very nice of you wanting to do something for her.

 

QUOTE(iluvpugs @ Oct 22 2007, 07:13 PM) [snapback]462095[/snapback]
I would do a small flower arrangement and then a gift card to a spa or something you know she would like that is just for herself to help her relax. I know that this has to be the most awful time in her life. She is in my thoughts.



That exactly what I was going to say! A massage or a nice, relaxing spa treatment would be great. I got flowers when I lost mine at 16 weeks, and I loved them. It felt good to see something beautiful.

You are a good friend.

 

The most important thing is that she just knows you're "there for her." A nicely written card would be nice. There are lots of nice little figurines online if you look around. Precious Moments makes some cute angel ones. If she's into jewelry, you could get her something like a necklace or bracelet with a little birthstone angel in remembrance of her little one. Maybe a framed poem about loss (I wrote my own when we lost Caylia and Molly). Does she know anyone else who has experienced a loss? Being able to talk about it with someone else would be very healing for her.

I'm so sorry she's had to go through this.

 

UPDATE:

Gals, thank you SO MUCH for your help. I have picked up a small poem for her, along with this ornament. I'll also send a flower arrangement, since that is what the group originally intended.

Thanks again!

 

It's thoughtful that you're considering something beyond just flowers for your friend. A smaller flower arrangement paired with a gift that offers comfort or distraction could be a good idea. A nice blanket or a book could offer some comfort during this tough time. A restaurant gift certificate could also be a kind gesture, giving her the option to take a break without worrying about cooking. Sites like working advantage can sometimes have discounted gift certificates, which could help you find something suitable. Just showing her you're thinking of her means a lot.