Adapt to your babies or they to you?

I just got through talking with a neighbor (and her 2 yr old son) who had invited me and the babies (6 months) to a music kids program at 1030 during the week. I thanked her and said we'd love to except they nap then really need the nap. I tried to be pleasant, friendly and made a joke- sometimes I feel like we are home a lot but I knew it would get easier(and harder) when they don't nap as much and we can get out more. She said, well you can go one of two ways- you can adapt to your babies schedule and never go out; or your babies can adapt to your schedule. My babies don't nap well or at all in the stroller or car and they need at least 2 hrs in the am, 2 hrs in the afternoon. I have no problem right now gearing towards their schedule- seems only fair that as their mom who chose to stay home, I help them get what they need and deserve, and sleep is fair for them to need. Plus, having one baby who needs a nap is easier to handle in public than 2 sleepy babies who set each other off.

Am I wrong to try to work around their nap schedule??

 

I always stayed at home so that they could get their naps. I didnt have enough arms to comfort overtired, cranky babies in the evening. So I would rather stay home and have happier, well-rested babies. But with that being said I have and still do on occasion get them to nap in the car instead of in their cribs so that we can get out and do something. But its definitely not the norm in this house.

 

Nope you're not wrong. I mean, my babies have to adapt to some of our quirks (like we NEED our caffeine break after their first bottle), but their naps is our priority, as well as bedtime, or everyone is unhappy.

 

i totally agree with you. i also work around our nap schedule because if i don't, i'm the one that pays the price and the babies are miserable. i figure there will be plenty of time in the future when they are napping less that i will be able to socialize more during the day, right now it just isn't worth it IMO.

i think that many parents of singletons are often more flexible with their LOs schedules and don't understand why twin moms aren't. that is the same reason they are constantly asking "how do you do it????"

 

QUOTE(lmayer @ Feb 13 2009, 02:34 PM) [snapback]1189240[/snapback]
I just got through talking with a neighbor (and her 2 yr old son) who had invited me and the babies (6 months) to a music kids program at 1030 during the week. I thanked her and said we'd love to except they nap then really need the nap. I tried to be pleasant, friendly and made a joke- sometimes I feel like we are home a lot but I knew it would get easier(and harder) when they don't nap as much and we can get out more. She said, well you can go one of two ways- you can adapt to your babies schedule and never go out; or your babies can adapt to your schedule. My babies don't nap well or at all in the stroller or car and they need at least 2 hrs in the am, 2 hrs in the afternoon. I have no problem right now gearing towards their schedule- seems only fair that as their mom who chose to stay home, I help them get what they need and deserve, and sleep is fair for them to need. Plus, having one baby who needs a nap is easier to handle in public than 2 sleepy babies who set each other off.

Am I wrong to try to work around their nap schedule??


You are not wrong to work around their naps! Sleep is important and that much more important with 2. Before I had kids, I would get irritated with how "inflexible" parents can be, now I understand.

That said, if I only had one, I probably would have looked to break the rules now and then because while I know (and have seen firsthand) how important structure is, testing the status quo once in a while is also important.

When they go down to one nap, you'll have more flexibility.

Miriam

 

The babies need their sleep. It's not a frivolous thing to plan around their needs. It's being a good parent.

That said, I have no problem with occasionally disrupting their schedule for an event. Going every time to that class? No. Going once with your friend to get the babies out? That's fine.

It's hard to get out much when they're so young and napping a lot, but I think it's important to give them (and you!) a change of scenery now and then. It's good for them to have new experiences and be stimulated like that. I think also that my strictness about naps changed a bit when my first child got a little older and I realized the value of getting her out more often. Sometimes getting them and you out of the house is valuable enough to mess up one nap, you know?

 

I think it really depends on you and your babies. Mine are okay with missing a nap once in a while, especially if it is something that will keep them happily entertained. But, for the most part we stayed home for at least 2 of their 3 naps a day and never made it a habit for them to skip the same nap repeatedly. I also know that my particular babies will be okay even if they get overtired while we are out. One gets cranky and loud, but can easily be quieted by rocking, or putting him in a sling and walking with him. The other just likes to snuggle when he gets tired and naps on mommy without any fuss. With the sling I can easily carry both so I go for it if it something I think they will really enjoy or a rare something I really want to do. They also sleep really well in the car so even a 15 minute catnap between destinations in the car will keep them going happily for a couple of hours. Then they are right back to their normal schedule the next day.

 

we work around our girls' naps here too! although, like some of the PPs, every once in a while, we'll disrupt the schedule - but it really, really, REALLY has to be worth it. also, i usually try to do it when i know DH will be home & available to help in the evening if we end up having two complete & total melt downs. i figure in the grand scheme of things it really isn't going to be that long till we can get out & about more without dire consequences, and i don't mind too much for now. if i get really stir crazy i invite my MIL over to watch the girls while i go out, or i try & invite a good girlfriend or two over to my house. then i get some social stuff in without having to disturb the girls.

 

I have always planned around nap time, nap time is my time to get things done. For those people that don't get it, having 2 babies off schedule is so much different than just 1 (yes I can now say this from experience). Do what you feel is right, I wouldn't even make a joke about it. You do what is best for you and your bugs and that is that.

 

I'm going to be devil's advocate for a moment here and say, babies that don't nap in their stroller or car seats are either 1) in the wrong stroller or car seat, or 2) not been given enough opportunties to do so. Of course there isn't really anyway for me to prove that statement. But where I live most mothers simply strap their babies to their backs and go about their business, these babies are almost always asleep. That's the way my DH's early years were and now he can sleep anywhere, anytime, through just about anything and my 4 year olds sleep through all sorts of noise, because they were never exposed to quiet as infants. That said, during their first year I did nothing but take care of them (someone helped me with the housework) and never had them on a set schedule at all. I usually brought a book with me places and if they were sleeping in the car I'd just sit in the car and read until the first one woke up. And where I lived there were convience stores that I could walk to, so I'd load them in the stroller and go out to the store, if they fell asleep, I just wheeled the stroller back inside when I got home and left them in the stroller until they woke up. The stroller was my life saver, I highly recommend all twin moms try to get a top of the line stroller that will be comfortable for you and your babies to use all the time.

 

I also work around my girls' naps. They will nap if we are out and about if they are tired, but its never as good as a nap at home. During the FY I was a lot more militant about it, but now that they are getting older its easier to be flexible. So if it works for you then keep doing it. Someone will also have advice and you don't have to listen to any or all of it!

 

Original poster here- I just want to add that I have found that b/t dr appts, people coming/visiting (ie Grandparents, etc) and errands, that disrupts things enough so I try to do what I can to give them some regular, predictable naps and life the other times. Sure I wish I could carve out more time for what I'd like or they'd like, but at 6 mo we are still somewhat in survival mode so we do our best. In regards to the stroller, I thought we had a super one- I have the prams for the Mtn Buggy, very cozy and comfortable- never have they slept in them longer than a quick snooze for about 10 minutes and I've taken them out since about week 2 or 3. We live in a very walkable area. I tried the car seats/snap and go also for the walks- no such luck there either. Maybe switching them from the prams to the seats will allow more sleep, although I think when they can see SO MUCH more, I am not sure they will tune it all out and nap when I need it.

I appreciate the input and various points. I think what I'm learning is perhaps make less exceptions for visitors/company which will free up more opportunities for me/us to do special things that we want. Frankly the music group would most likely be too much for my 6 mo olds anyway, I sense it would be a bit overwhelming.

 

Naptime is precious to me, so I have always worked around it!

 

I do a little bit of both...... If I need to get out of the house and I know the long nap is coming I drive for a really long time (today I went through a drive through and then drove along the beach... they slept and I got out Othertimes I wait for them to go out after they take their long nap (to go shopping, etc), and then I know they will be in a good mood... it was all trial and error.... having said that...my ds is a lot easy going than dd when we are out...

but I'm almost always home for bottle/bath and bed... Im tired by that time of the day too!

 

I think it's a little bit of both. For the most part, I work around their schedules. I make sure we are home by the time their nighttime schedule begins cause getting a good night's sleep is important to all of us! If they are napping well in the am, then I have no problem taking them out in the afternoon for chores, walks, fun, whatever. They do nap ok in the car and in the stroller so it's not usually a problem for us. The restaurant visits are only in the early afternoons while they are in a good mood and more flexible with their schedules. late afternoons they tend to get cranky and it's close to feeding time. We'll feed them outside the house, but it's not as easy if they are cranky.

If worse comes to worse, we get a babysitter so we CAN go out and they are watched after and hopefully taken good care of. We have only worked with people we trust to watch after them and so far so good. I love the visits from family cause we always get a chance to go out. Even if the care is slightly different, they are fed, loved, put to bed, bathed, loved, treated with kindness and respect, loved, etc.... The point is, I can't be too picky as long as they get what they need and I get what I need. If I don't take care of my needs, how can I take care of theirs? I need to get out of the house with or without them. I need my sleep, so I make sure their needs are met so my needs can be met, so their needs can be met continually. It's a give and take situation. Give what you can, take what you can get.

 

My DH, who is a stay at home Dad, would keep them in all the time if he had it his way (I'm at work 2 days a week, so most of the time they have two caregivers.) My guys love to go out, and they behave wonderfully when they are out. I started taking them out at 3 weeks old, and they would sleep in their Snap and Go while we I sat in the park. That said it got a little hard around 5 months, which is when I started trying to follow that Healthy Sleep Habits book. Even today, they will always sleep in the car and we do exactly the same thing as Gimena. We drive a little longer, so they can sleep.

I was in a similar situation with a library activity--they have a music program for babies, and I wanted to start taking them at 3 months. It was on Wednesday at 10:30AM, and I wasn't home. I begged my DH to take them, and he wouldn't because to him it was too hard to schlep them out, and it would mess up their schedule (BTW--the library is literally across the street). I was upset with him.

So this semester, the program is on Saturday at 10:00, and I decided to take them even though this is often a time where they sleep. I just asked my DH to put them down at 8:30, and I get them up at a quarter after 9. They love the program, and to me it's one day a week, and it's great for their development. Sometimes they are tired, and I'm tired because it has interfered with my sleep schedule, but to me it's worth it.

That said, I also have babies that behave very well in public, and even when tired they don't have melt downs. I've also found going out actually makes them much more relaxed and less jittery. When we get back, I give them solids and send them to bed.

I think it works both ways..we need to bend for the babies and the babies need to bend for us.

QUOTE(Gimena @ Feb 13 2009, 07:37 PM) [snapback]1189334[/snapback]
I do a little bit of both...... If I need to get out of the house and I know the long nap is coming I drive for a really long time (today I went through a drive through and then drove along the beach... they slept and I got out Othertimes I wait for them to go out after they take their long nap (to go shopping, etc), and then I know they will be in a good mood... it was all trial and error.... having said that...my ds is a lot easy going than dd when we are out...

but I'm almost always home for bottle/bath and bed... Im tired by that time of the day too!

 

Mine have had to adapt to their older sister's schedule for the most part. I had them over the summer when I'm home on summer break anyway. We went somewhere everyday for the most part. We attempted to work it around their naptimes but it never really worked. They have been great sleepers and are very easy going about schedule change. And they have fallen asleep in their stroller ONCE! After a long day at the zoo. They will sleep in their carseats but are much too alert to fall asleep in their stroller.

 

I am very protective of naps and bedtime, even with my 2 yo. I've had a few tiffs with family over not going, leaving early or being late to family get-togethers/functions, and have gotten some of the same comments. You know, I have to live with these babies, and giving them the sleep they need when they need it makes all our lives a whole lot easier. If you have a good schedule in place, then an occasional event that interferes isn't very bad, but I wouldn't make it a habit.

 

I think it goes both ways. If I'm disrupting one nap, I'll make sure they get the other. But mine sleep in their car seats very well, so like others have mentioned, I'll just take a long drive sometimes to let them get a little sleep too.

Naps are very important around here though.

 

At 6 months old, I kept to the nap schedule. We didn't start any classes until the boys were around 14 months old, and walking. We did a music class and Gymboree class, each once a week, so we were somewhere 2 days a week. That actually helped us work into one nap. We did do a few MOM meetings, but that was once a month, so it worked out. You have so much time to get them into classes, etc. and they will really get more out of them if you wait until they are around a year.

 

No you are not wrong at all. Babies at that age (and even toddlers) require sleep for a lot of things, one of which is health. I hated that age b/c I felt that we couldn't go anywhere and if we did, we had to rush but we got through it. It will get better when they drop down to 1 nap a day (mine did at 14 months old) but let your babies nap. Go on their cues, not your schedule.

 

Naps have been very sacred around here, especially during the FY! I think once they get older you can be more flexible with them but for now I would continue to follow their cues. Eventually you will be able to get out and do more. I always say happier babies=happier parents.

 

I rarely adapted to my older DS nap schedule - if we wanted/needed to go somewhere - we'd go - and I'd deal with the consequences of short or no naps......

However, when I had TWO babies - I try my best to never mess with their naps. I savor their nap times - and I try to leave the house right after a nap or enough before the nap that we'll be back in time for their nap.

People without twins really do not understand. Don't feel like you are doing anything wrong - you aren't!

 

You know we always said we wouldn't live around their sleep schedule. Maybe if there was just one to deal with it wouldn't be a big deal but once I get these babies on a nap/bedtime schedule I will do everything in my power to protect it!! Two crabby sleepy babies is just too much to handle if you can help it.

 

I did the same - stayed at home so they would get their naps. There were times, however, when I chose to go out as I had an extra pair of hands around and if they didn´t nap, well then I dealt with it later. Now, I go out regardless (mine are 8.5 months) as they will sleep in the pram if they´re tired enough. Mine never used to like sleeping while out and about but they got used to it. Dont feel guilty about not going out, I was stuck at home a lot and still am (I live in flats on the top floor and my pram doesnt fit in the lift. I cant take one baby down then get the other) and till they start walking I wont be able to get out much.

 

I guess I'm an exception here...for the most part I think they have adapted to my schedule, but that said, I do try to adhere to the two nap rule at home if it's possible...and I would never, ever judge another parent for doing what's best for them or their babies. I decided early on that what's best for me is getting out every day (unless they're sick as they've been this week)...I am a happier person out and about which in turns makes me a better mommy, I believe. I am usually home for the morning nap, but their afternoon nap (unless we are home) might be in the car or stroller. And since I've taken them out since a young age, my little ones fall asleep easily in both.

 

I've always worked around my kids' naps. Partly it's out of respect for their needs, and partly it's pure selfishness - like pps said, I don't want to be stuck with two cranky, sleep-deprived babies!

 

I think A LOT of it has to do with your particular baby(ies). My DD1 (a singleton) NEEDED her naps and was inconsolable if she got over-tired. There was no way I was going to ruin our day by trying to go to a playgroup or something during her naptime. Ditto for bedtime. If we were out visiting friends/family, we definitely left by 6pm so we could get her into bed by 7pm. Now, with the twins, they seem to be more adaptable than their older sister and I've found I've been able to get them to sleep in more places than I ever could with her. I still work around their naps if possible (or stay close to home so I can make a quick getaway, if necessary) because a nap in their room, in the dark, is always going to leave them better rested than sleep in a stroller, a car seat, or at a loud place.

 

Twins are TOTALLY different than one baby! Most moms can comfort/nap one baby out of their bed/schedule. Two babies? Are you kidding? Totally depends on your kids. Do what works for you!

 

Even now, I'm fairly protective of my boys' nap (from 11:45 to 1:45). I was most certainly protective of the "schedule" when they took 3 and then 2 naps. Now, that's not to say, we didn't go out and do things during their nap time but it was always when I had someone else with me and when I knew I'd either be in the car for a while (they love to sleep in the car) or walking with the stroller (they also slept fairly well in their stroller).

Do what works for you...there is no wrong there.

 

With my first, a singleton, I took her everywhere and she adapted to my schedule. No bother at all. Now with my twins, I fall right in with their nap schedule - I have gladly stayed home for almost a year of my life to have them napping and sleeping like pros!! It is worth it to me! As far as discussing napping schedules and that kind of thing with a mother of one ... I say, she knows NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING!