actual age vs adjusted age

my guys were born at 33 1/2 weeks and they'll be 8 weeks old on monday. however, their due date was 10/31 so their adjusted age will be a week and a half at that point.

i was looking through the week-by-week milestone information on baby center and realized i have no idea what to expect from them. they're doing some of the things mentioned all the way up through week four, but they aren't necessarily doing all of the things mentioned in any given week. what i was wondering is, should i expect them to be like 1 week olds right now? because they seem to be beyond that at this point. how do i know what's "normal" if i'm not sure where they are along the developmental spectrum?

i guess there's a part of me that's just a little bummed out because they've been here with us for almost 2 months but we still don't have smiles or the connection we might have with 2 month olds who were developmentally on time. there's a part of me that's just so so so exhausted from dealing with reflux and i just desperately would love to see one of them smile, just to have that moment of connection. i find myself really focusing on the idea of them finally smiling and i'm finding it difficult to be patient. i sing to them and rock them and play with them and after 2 months i'd really really love to feel like maybe they were connecting with me.

i'm just finding it tough because we're sleep deprived from the reflux and dealing with a lot of crying and fussing and it's been weeks and weeks and it feels like we're never going to get that smile. it's just so hard some nights and i'm desperate for something to tell me that it's all worth the discomfort because these are our children and not just vomiting, crying, poop machines who otherwise just sleep all the time.

has anyone here reached that milestone before the adjusted age? am i just being way too impatient?

 

i don't know that i have answers to your questions but i know EXACTLY how you feel! :hug: my girls were born at 34w1d & waiting for those first smiles was hard. i too just wanted to know that there was going to be something more than feeding, pooping & sleeping. and then, one day, it just happened & it was so cool. they'll get there soon - and then they won't stop smiling! :hug:

 

Looking back I think that was the milestone that took the longest to reach. They hit all of their other milestones closer to their adjusted age versus actual. Nathan started walking at 12 months (10 adjusted) for heaven's sake but smiling... that took a while. I want to say mine may have even hit that one a bit late - maybe 10 weeks instead of 8? Mine were born at 31w 4d so that may have something to do with it. If it's any consolation, they do know you. You may not be able to see it but they know your voice and probably your face or at least the shape of your head. :lol: Your presence is calming to them. The first 12 weeks are sooo very hard. I think it's as hard for them as it is for us. Hang in there. The smiles are coming. Then you'll get to hear them coo and talk. It is so worth it.

Christy

 

Mine were born at 32 weeks and the smile was the milestone (besides STTN) that took the longest to come. One of mine smiled at 12 weeks and the other closer to 16 weeks actual age. It is so hard to have to tack on the extra weeks to everything. For me that was one of those things that I never thought about until I got home and read about it and thought to myself, "crap I have to add on 2 months to everything." But the good news is that they catch up fast and adjusted age will become less and less prominent as they age. For example, my boys sat at 8 months, crawled at the end of 9, and walked at 13 months-all actual age-pretty good for a couple of preemies. Hang in there. Give them time and give yourself a break from high expectations. You are doing a great job!! :hug:

 

I am so there with you! I can't wait for the first smile! I'm so jealous when I see term babies at 2 months smiling. . . where's mine?

I know it will happen, I can just feel it coming soon!

I HATE the adjusted vs. actual age thing. . . I'm no good at math

 

I completely understand how you are feeling. Mine arrived at 32.5 weeks, and all I did was to keep asking the doctor when they would smile! It did take 3 months, but it was worth it...as for all other milestones, I've stopped reading books--if I read or follow anything, I look at their adjusted age milestones. There are some they are hitting early for their adjusted age, and others on time...but not to worry--they will grow and develop! I am in awe every day that I made it to 6 months and that the babies have come such a long way. I have NOT forgotten those first 3 months at all and feel for you, but I promise you that you will see such wonderful things soon enough!

 

Mine were born around the same time. I found that I do not pay attention to the "adjusted age". Mainly because both are acting the months they are. So, be prepared.

 

I dont pay attention to adjusted age either. DS started smiling at 9 weeks actual age and DD shortly after. Mine are hitting the milestones on time and, in DS´s case, earlier! I know exactly how you feel about the sleepless nights and reflux, etc. Hang in there, they know who you are and your presence and voice calms them more than you think. Those smiles will come and when they do, they will melt your heart. Be strong, what you´re feeling is totally normal :hug: