A Question

Hi, I was just wondering a question, I myself am a twin and im doing my major my my HSC on twins and im asking parents of twins questions as well as twins themselves and i was gathering the questions to ask last night for the parents.
So here is the question, is it to rude or straight forward to ask parents how their twins were conceived if it was naturally or IVF?
I asked my mum lastnight and she said no, as long as i word it correctly, but her being my mum i guess she wants to help as much as she can. If you ladies were asked this would you be offended?

Thanks

 

Personally, no, I would not be offended. Now, do I think someone coming up to me and randomly asking me how my children were conceived is necessary? No, but I do understand the curiosity factor when it comes to twins, so I usually answer anyway.

But, as far as your research goes.....will these questions be asked in a poll type situation(online/questionnaire) or in person?

 

Yes, it's offensive to many people. First, many people have a problem with the word "natural." Would people call a person "unnatural"? Plus, many people feel that conception and fertility related issues are private matters.

 

I don't think it's rude if you are doing research. I was asked just tonight at a store if my twin boys were conceived naturally by the clerk. I've had several strangers and random people ask. I wanted to say, "Well, it's none of your business actually." My twins were conceived via IVF; but my Dad's brother and sister were twins, so they do run in our family (and that's what I tell the curious strangers). I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone that unless I knew them well. Research is a different thing....just ask if they are comfortable talking about it. Good luck!

Allison

 

I think it is rude to point blank ask someone how their twins were conceived. Are they "natural" bothers me even more...are babies less natural if modern science helped out? It's like asking parents of singletons, "How was the sex the night you conceived your baby?" It's private and no one's business. This is just my opinion

**I realize that you are conducting research here...but this is honestly how I would feel (and how I do feel) when people ask me this. It blows me away that complete strangers think it's okay to ask this. However, if you're polling people under a disclaimer that it's for research about IVF, than maybe I'd feel differently

 

It depends on who is asking. If someone (like yourself) is doing research, I'd be happy to share. If someone is TTC, I'm also willing to talk about my experiences. Most of my friends and some of my family know that we used fertility drugs, but others I chose not to tell just because they are too gossipy and would enjoy telling and retelling my story just a little too much! Honestly, it's the nosey people in grocery stores that get to me...total strangers who just want to make conversation and decide it's appropriate to ask me something so personal. I don't really get offended, but sometimes I lie and just say "we were just lucky" rather than divulge my personal issues. HTH!

Just reread your post...are you asking them the question or giving it on a questionaire? You might preface it by asking if they are comfortable sharing whether or not they had fertility assistance. I know some people get really annoyed by the phrase "are they natural" since the babies themselves most certainly are regardless of what help the parents had! GL with your project!

 

Personally, it doesn't bother me at all.

 

Research vs Curiosity: If you are doing research and the parents are given the questions ahead of time or they just know that there are going to be questions related to conception; I don't think people would be offended. Asking someone just b/c you are are nosey is offensive to many people. If someone knowingly is participating in a research study, they expect to be asked all types of questions, IMO.

 

I don't really like it when strangers ask me that question. It's just b/c I wouldn't see a woman with a new baby and ever think of asking her that, but since I have twins it's like people feel they have a right to know about my OB history! I am not a very friendly person though.

 

Nobody's business. Not interested at all in telling total strangers or even some of my family for that matter.

 

I actually had a guy the other day in my doctor's office ask me if I was taking fertility drugs because it came up in the conversation that I had twins. It was out in the open for everyone to hear. I don't have a problem with people asking because we were not on fertility drugs. The Lord just blessed us doubly. It did take a while for my husband and I to conceive though and we had a miscarriage along the way so I think that it is sensitive to many people who are on fertility drugs. I might be a little more offended by it if I was. By letting people in on your feritlity history, it's somewhat like announcing to the world that you had trouble getting pregnant, which is a VERY sensitive issue because it's very painful when you are trying to conceive and you can't.

Hope that helps!

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Feb 20 2009, 09:47 PM) [snapback]1198830[/snapback]
Nobody's business. Not interested at all in telling total strangers or even some of my family for that matter.


:good: Exactly my thoughts. I, personally, would not like to be asked this. Maybe because I had "help" getting my babies, but I don't understand why I would be asked that question. It would bring up to many feelings that I try to put away on a daily basis.

 

Thank you have your responses, What the assessment is about is twins and being compared (I myself am compared to my twin fraternal sister) So after not being able to figure out a topic came to doing this, but because i really cant write a minium of 7500 words on just comparing we have added what type of twins there are, and some reasons for the increase.
Its not to be rude and im sorry if i have hurt your feelings by asking. I just wanted to see other parents of twins responses first incase my mum just said it because shes my mum and she wants to help, and i thought getting a couple of other feedbacks before going ahead and posting out this questionniare would be better then being rude asking it.

Ill post the questionniare to what i have done so yous can see what i mean.

Draft.
1. Mother/Father:
2. How old were you when your twins were born?
3. Age of twins:
4. Sexes:
5. Type of twins? Fraternal or identical?
6. Are your twins close?
7. If you have other children are the twins closer to each other or the other siblings? Please describe.
8. Do they get on well together? Please explain your answer.
9. Are they in school, University or workforce?
10. How were your twins conceived, naturally or IVF?
11. Do you compare your twins? If so please explain why.
12. Do you feel that your twins are compared? Please explain your response.
13. Do your twins compare themselves?
14. Did/do your twins have any connections (such as feeling if one was hurt) please explain.
15. How do you feel about this statement? Please explain in depth.
“Dr Peter Neubauer believed that twins posed such a burden to parents and themselves in the form of developmental hazards that they were better off to be separated and raised without any knowledge of their twinship”

Before starting these major works I personally never thought anything of being a twin, all i knew was yeah twins, i knew there were two types of twins but really didnt know what they meant (in genetic makeup ect.) Since starting this i have gotten so much information that would of never thought of, learnt so much.

I honestly am sorry if i have offended some of you ladies, it was the last thing i meant to do. If there is any other way that i could word these to not be offensive or rude, please feedback would be helpful

Thank you.
Codie

 

I personally am not offended. I feel very lucky that IVF was able to help me bring these babies into my life and I'm happy to talk about my experience to someone genuinely interested.

I think the questionnaire sounds interesting. Maybe instead of saying "naturally or IVF" you could just ask if IVF was used to conceive the twins. I do agree about the whole natural vs unnatural. That part is frustrating to people who have gone through it.

 

No I would not be offended if I was asked if Max & Lily are IVF babies because they are. I had issues and so did DH. Thanks to a wonderful fertility doctor we have our beautiful babies. I figure if you need medical help why be embarassed to tell people about it.

We also had three factors for twins in our favor too. I was 37 at the point of the IVF treatment, twins run in our family (every 3rd generation, which is me and my sister), and we were doing fertility treatments. It was definately in our odds that we were going to get multiples.

I guess I am one of those people that if you ask me a question you will get an answer; sometimes it may be more than people wanted to hear, but they asked :laughing:

 

I personaly am not offended. I love telling telling my story as I hope it can give people hope who have to go through infertility. I lost two babies and went years trying and feel so blessed that we were able to concieve our precious gifts through infertility. I do hear alot of women say it is offensive but I think people are just curious. I always get the "Does it run in your family" question. It actually does, however I usually tell them ours were infertility. Infertiltiy can be such a long, lonely, dark road I like to give people hope. I also find if you talk about it you usually hear alot more stories like yours which has helped me not feel so alone.

GL!!

 

QUOTE
10. How were your twins conceived, naturally or IVF?


I would change the 'naturally' to spontaneous.

QUOTE
“Dr Peter Neubauer believed that twins posed such a burden to parents and themselves in the form of developmental hazards that they were better off to be separated and raised without any knowledge of their twinship”


Never heard of this guy, but wow! He really thought that? :crazy:

 

QUOTE(becky5 @ Feb 21 2009, 10:46 AM) [snapback]1199207[/snapback]
I would change the 'naturally' to spontaneous.
Never heard of this guy, but wow! He really thought that? :crazy:


Thanks i will.
Yeah he did, which i personally think is politically incorrect.
Because Im doing two majors on pretty much the same thing i have already almost finished one which just involves twins at my school (there are 8 sets alone in my year!) but here is how i responded to it
"How would you feel to know that someone separated you because you were a multiple birth? The statement that the Dr made is both politically and morally incorrect, how can separating be the answer? The answer it can’t! Otherwise it would the same as saying separate singletons because they will be a hazard to each other, and really what would be the point of having siblings to separate them?"

I found it in a book on twins, its about genes, environment and identity. Its really interesting, i found it on ebay and brought it then my teacher told me not to buy any more resources cause i have spent a fair bit hehe!
But how i figure its my assessment, ill do what ever i can to get a good mark, the effort iv put in will reflect it

 

Codie, regarding question 10, in your questionnaire, maybe you could change the wording from "naturally" to spontaneously?

As one PP mentioned, I dont mind people asking in the name of research but I feel offended that complete strangers feel that they have the right to ask me.

Oops! I´ve just read Becky´s answer so I see this has already been mentioned - lol!

 

I agree with changing from "naturally" to "Spontaneously" ... but what about twins who came about through a fertility treatment other than IVF? (e.g. the mother was taking Clomid)? How would they answer that question since it was neither spontaneous nor IVF? Perhaps you could just say "spontaneously or through the help of fertility treatments"?
And I agree with others who have said it's fine if someone asks me that in the name of research, but for someone else to ask how my twins were conceived is rude and intrusive.

 

QUOTE(SC_Amy @ Feb 22 2009, 05:47 AM) [snapback]1200036[/snapback]
I agree with changing from "naturally" to "Spontaneously" ... but what about twins who came about through a fertility treatment other than IVF? (e.g. the mother was taking Clomid)? How would they answer that question since it was neither spontaneous nor IVF? Perhaps you could just say "spontaneously or through the help of fertility treatments"?
And I agree with others who have said it's fine if someone asks me that in the name of research, but for someone else to ask how my twins were conceived is rude and intrusive.


Thanks fertility treatments is a better way of wording it, ill change it now

 

IF I agreed to answers questions for a "researcher" and the question came up, no I would not mind.

Out in public I don't like it as much. Having multi's weather through a little help or just drawing the lucky straw should not matter. Twins are special and a blessing no matter how they get here. Im not a huge fan of answering personal questions any way. Im also not a fan of being stopped half a dozen times in the grocery store to answer the same question over and over. I have a very limited time frame to get things done and accounting for every one elses amazment is not on my list.

 

I have no problem with it at all. Hope you get all the info you need x

 

I too have no problem answering questions. I enjoy telling the story of my twins!

 

My boys were from IUI, so I'm glad you are changing the wording to be fertility treatments instead of IVF. Honestly when people in the store ask me about IVF, I'll say no, since that is not how my boys were conceived, but then they get really confused when I say we did IUI. Usually people become very uncomfortable when I start sharing more information. Most of them ask about IVF as a way to start a conversation. I think I get more bothered because of the general lack of knowledge about fertility treatment in general and the fact that I am judged because of a medical diagnosis I can't control. As for the wording natural, that one bothers me. The babies are by all means natural, just as "real" as any other babies. Again it goes back to the lack of knowledge about ART in general and twins specifically (I'm sure you've been asked if you're a paternal twin)

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Feb 20 2009, 08:47 PM) [snapback]1198830[/snapback]
Nobody's business. Not interested at all in telling total strangers or even some of my family for that matter.

Yep, immediate family members know how my twins were conceived.. but not anyone family outside of them. I do share with mommy & me classes in school... esp. after I conceived twins spontaniously after the twins. But, I consider it a rude question. It is along the lines of 'does obesity run in the family.' It just isn't a question that needs to be asked. (ok, that example was pretty strong, but you catch my drift.)

 

If it is for research, then no I don't think it's rude. I do hate when total strangers ask me. I would never ask a stranger that. It's just weird. When people I know ask, I don't mind telling them. I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of if you have to do IVF. I think people are just curious. Whenever I tell people I did IVF, they act like it's totally normal. Not a big deal to me, but I can see how it offends other people. Some people are just more private.

 

Thank you all for your replies really been helpful and insightful!
Lets hope the parents i ask dont find it rude or hurtful, last thing i would wish to do!

Thanks again!!