A little worried about Abbie

The last few months Abbie has developed a nasty temper, now this may be normal, I don't know. She can (and usually is) the sweetest little girl in the world, SO gentle and loving, BUT when she gets mad, she is really mad. Now the things she gets angry about are things that most toddlers get angry about, but she has SO much fight in her, and is so strong! At there 12month appt the nurse giving shots commented on how strong she is. I can NOT hold her down for shots, I have given up trying to take her temp, and it takes me and her dad to keep her still enough for medicine. (these are just some examples). On monday I also took them to the dr because they have been very sick, she fought so hard she banged her head on the table, now Harlie got angry too, I know that part is normal, but her strength and anger worry me, Harlie was no where NEAR as mad as Abbie. Abbie actually started her fit when she saw H getting examined first, so she was pretty worked up. I know I probably sound crazy, but I am really worried about her. Does anyone know what normal is for a child this age, how angry is to angry (oh p.s. the dr ALSO commented on her strength at the appt, so I know it must not be completely normal) I just dont want her to grow up w/ anger issues, I feel like maybe Ive done soemthing wrong here, I don't know. I guess the best way to say it is she gets mad for normal toddler stuff, but is a lot more intense about it then her sister, or other kids her age.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with her. Everybody has their own personalities and some kids and people have fiery tempers. (Like me :blush It will take some careful coaching on your part to help her learn to focus and control her temper. It's ok to be mad, it's just not ok to be mad and hurt people.

 

I wish I had an answer for you. DS has that same firey temper you are describing. He gets so frustrated so easily when whatever he is trying to do doesn't work on the first try. I have seen him bite toys and literally tremble with anger when he couldn't get a shape sorter toy in the right hole. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!! One thing that I try to do, and I don't even know if it is the right thing, but I clamly encourage him to work it out on his own. I don't "fix" whatever it is that he is getting frustrated with, I tell him he can have his fit, reassure him that everything is going to be okay and that he can calm himself down. He gets so worked up so easily, and can throw a fit in no time at all, but I think it is just his temperment. Our twins are the same age, and I don't know about yours, but mine aren't talking yet at all, so I am hoping that once they can speak a little bit, they will have a better way of communicating, rather than just screaming and fighting.

I understand the guilt though, sometimes I think the fact that he is a twin and has to be around and share EVERYTHING, especially toys and attention, with his sister spurs on that anger too. But please don't feel like you are the cause. Kids are born with certain temperments, some are easy going, some are more high strung. It's all in how you react to their outbursts.

Hopefully in the long run our little fighters will turn out to be assertive, ambitious go getters!!

Good luck!

 

One of my girls is exceptionally strong. She will fight with anyone who tries to giver her medicine or a shot or anything she doesn't like. I will hold her and speak calmly to her explaining what is happening and why and try to get it done quickly. I admire her strength. She rarely uses her strength in a negative way. She might pull her sister's hair or play with me while sort of slapping my hand. This I set a clear boundary for. I will say NO and show her, guiding her hand, how to do the same thing in a more friendly manner saying "gently gently". As time goes by she's learned that when I say gently it's a cue for her to tone down her strenght and she does it without my guidance.
My other girl has hypotonia and is the other extreme- only recently has she started to be able to push me or herself away if she doesn't like what's happening.
So you can imagine my perspective is a little different. When the one with hypotonia is pushing my hand away from her if I'm doing something she doesn't like (like cleaning out her nose) I'm so pleased wth her progress!
I don't mind the fiesty one as long as I can understand her behaviour. And if I understand correctly your girl also gets angry only when there is a good reason to. I'd say that's good news. She will be a strong woman growing up able to protect herself.

 

:blink: I could have written part of your post. Addie was such a laid back , sweet baby, and then ............she really started getting fiesty. She can be so so sweet and melt your heart and then , turn and have a thermal meltdown over not getting her way. It is starting to get better. I think around 18 months it really started showing. I admire her strength and persistence because she's had to overcome some obstacles , and we are working on calming down. If she screams and can't calm down, she goes to her room to "get the tears out" and then can rejoin us. I also gave made her a Quiet Box which I filled w/soft sensory items hoping they will help her to relax. For example, I put a soft foam ball, a squishy ball filled w/pellets, a feather ,etc. So far, she carries it around, but still working on using. I guess just try to encourage her to express her feelings and use her words. I think when I react calmly and don't show anger/frustration, she tends to not get so worked up. That can be challenging at the end of a day, but I really try to stay. If she gets too worked up, she sits on her bed to calm down.I think it scares them sometimes when they get so upset. Oh, and the doctors have always commented on her strength! I remember her pulling her rocking horse by one hand across the room.