A little too personal.

My babies are at Papaw and StepMIL's for the night. I can't sleep. I miss them, and I feel like getting some things off my chest. I apologize ahead of time for the randomness.

Until recently, I never had a problem with the babies leaving for a night or two. I had major postpartum depression topped off with DH being an emotionally and verbally abusive alcoholic. I needed a break from being screamed at in all directions.

A month and a half ago, I kicked DH out. He enrolled in an alcohol counseling program and admitted to his mistakes(which was a breakthrough for him, because everything he said to me while drunk was always my fault in some way), he took blame for our relationship problems, and asked forgiveness for his wrongdoings. He has taken me on a date at least once a week, and does EVERYTHING I ask of him. He says he has no desire to drink anymore, that he wants to have a happy, functional family. I believe him, although at times I do get resentful and tell him otherwise . He has been so patient with me, because at first I was extremely reluctant to believe a word he said, and was very resentful. I said some terrible things to him. I know he sounds like a real P.O.S, but he's a great person-until he drinks. He graduated Valedictorian in high school, and is back in college full time as of last month, doing pre-pharmacy. I let him move back in on August 31st.

I can't believe how much his behavior has changed my outlook on life, on the everyday. He is becoming the man I always knew he could be. He no longer takes us for granted. He treats me with respect.

I have so much more energy. 8:00 am doesn't feel like a death sentence anymore. I'm generally happy. Even though I had a bond with my babies before, it has grown exponentially in these past few weeks. I haven't been happy in years. Not like this. Maybe it wasn't postpartum afterall.

 

i have to say that i'm very happy that he's doing better and you're feeling better about the whole situation. i pray that he stays this way and realizes what he can lose. my ex-husband became addicted to drugs after we lost our son to stillbirth, and we had him in so many rehab programs and he had so many relapses, even one time where he had 3 months clean and i thought we were in the clear, everything was so perfect. then he slipped up and had a drink, which led to the drugs again. finally i got away from him and made the decision to be a single mom by choice, and now i have twin girls from donor sperm. i am very happy with my situation, but still have love and concern for him, as well as only the best wishes. just don't get lax about it, and don't let him get lax about it, keep going to AA meetings and go with him to support him and help him to realize that he'll always be an addict and that this is a lifelong journey, one day at a time. best of luck to you and your family!

 

:grouphug: You sound like a very strong and supportive wife. I hope things continue down this happy road for years and years to come! Thank you for sharing your story. I think we can really wallow down in the "will they ever STTN" we go through, but to know it could be much worse can bring us back to reality.

 

:hug: I hope things continue to go well b/w you and your husband!

 

I want to commend you for not losing yourself in his alcoholism and abuse, and helping him to realize that he needs help. At the same time, you have every right to be cautious and guarded, because an abusive alcoholic does not change overnight. Are you getting any counseling? Getting some counseling for yourself will help you deal with the resentment and help you, to help the two of you, stay on the right track.

I'm happy to hear things are going well, and you are happy.:grouphug:

 

:hug: I am so glad to hear that things are going much better for you and your family. I agree with Becky in that maybe you should seek some counseling at some point as well. I know its hard to find "me" time right now, but it might be really good for you BOTH in the long run. :hug:

 

Not so sure about whether you were depressed or not, but I DO know that your courage and strength really shined through in your message. I hope that you have all the love and success in life that you truly deserve.

 

I'm glad things are going so well for you right now. You are a very strong woman. :hug:

 

I am glad things are going better! You have been dealing with so much, on top of having twinfants. I hope DH continues to get the help he needs so that he can be a good dad and husband. You are a strong person!

 

Thank you ladies, for your kind words! :hug: to all. I agree, that I should go to counseling to get over the resentment issues I have with him. Again, thank you so much.

 

You are WAY stronger than I think I could be in that situation. I admire you greatly for your strength and I am so thankful that you are so happy with your family

*hugs*

 

:hug: glad you are getting some help for you also! I'm so pleased your future together as a family is looking bright!! You really deserve it

 

I am so happy that things are going better for you. My father is 55 years old and has been an alcoholic and prescription drug-addict since he was 15 or 16. He hid it quite well for the first 15 years or so then it became too much for him to handle and he couldn't keep up the act. He's been through numerous (I would say maybe 20 or so) treatment programs, some long-term, some short and through out all of this he has put the blame on someone else. That is a classic addict trait. They can not accept responsibility for their actions until they are sober. Even then sometimes they still like to play the blame game. I think it is awesome that you are trying to deal with your feelings and emotions too - it's as important for you to get help as it is your husband because you never know when a relapse might happen and you'll have to keep the family together. I know how much strength it has taken me over the last 25 years to deal with my dad's issues and to come to a place of peace with it all. I can't imagine how I would have felt had my DH had the same type of problems - that takes an entirely different type of strength. Your children and husband are so lucky to have you! I've learned to always keep my eyes open, my guard up and to never be surprised by anything...good or bad. Just remember the road to recovery is long and never-ending, but that doesn't mean it can't be wonderful and filled with hope and success. I wish your family all the best!