A little tired of hearing singleton moms complain

I have some friends that have babies and they go on and on about how they can't even take a shower and their babies are like 6months old. And, i sit and politely listen, but I am really thinking, if I can manage to take a shower regularly how is it that with one baby you can't do it.

I had an issue with my sister recently - her kids (7 & 5 yrs old) came over to where I was living for a visit, but they came at 6pm (the babies are in bed by 6pm), and her kids were so loud and energetic that they woke both babies up, then she left the house, leaving me and my cousin to settle down two screaming babies (my babies go down for the night great, they rarely if ever wake up after we put them down, so I didn't even know how to settle them back sleep)- needless to say I was MAD! Anyway, when I talked to her about it later that night, telling her that she could not bring the kids over that late anymore because I couldn't risk the babies being woken up again, she got mad at me, saying that she knows exactly what it is like to have young children, that she hasn't forgotten what it is like. I felt like screaming at her - I don't pretend to know what it is like to have a baby and a toddler, I am sure that brings some hard challenges with it, but DON'T pretend to know what it is like to have two babies, it is nothing the same! But, she just doesn't get it. All I wanted was for someone not to wake up my sleeping children, was that too much to ask?? Argh!

Sorry for the long story, just needed to vent for a bit!

 

Sorry you have this issue with your sister. :hug99: But it's your house, and you get to set the rules, and who gets to come over and when.

 

QUOTE(isis @ Jul 21 2008, 06:50 AM) [snapback]886711[/snapback]
I have some friends that have babies and they go on and on about how they can't even take a shower and their babies are like 6months old. And, i sit and politely listen, but I am really thinking, if I can manage to take a shower regularly how is it that with one baby you can't do it.

I used to feel the same way. So at times like this, I would beam with PRIDE that I could get it done and they couldn't.

As for your sister, your house, your rules. Lay down the law with her. I don't like to confront my family but when it came to my girls' schedule and my own sanity, what I said goes, and I stood firmly by that. :hug99:

 

You are so right about this....This is so different...and I have done BOTH! my older guys are about to turn 17 and 18 they are just 13 months apart.....this is HANDS down harder. These guys are still not sleeping through the night....UGGH! my older two did early on.


I would set my alarm and call her at about 3 am!


:lol:

 

It's "slightly" irritating when moms with one baby complain!

 

:hug99: I'm sorry it was rough. It's okay to say you're frustrated and that she doesn't understand what it's like with two babies (it's hard). You ca help her to understand :hug99: .

 

QUOTE(isis @ Jul 21 2008, 10:50 AM) [snapback]886711[/snapback]
I have some friends that have babies and they go on and on about how they can't even take a shower and their babies are like 6months old. And, i sit and politely listen, but I am really thinking, if I can manage to take a shower regularly how is it that with one baby you can't do it.


Not trying to be Devils Advocate but just trying to share perspective since I was on the "singleton side" first. And that is that having a baby turns your world upside down and it is hard for any first time mom to adjust whether its to one or more children. Some Moms just deal better under pressure than others.

But as for your Sister I would say its your house and you set the rules. No kids after 6 pm seems fine to me.

 

QUOTE
Some Moms just deal better under pressure than others


I have to agree with this statement. I have also heard complaints from mom's of singletons, but what makes me feel great is when they say "I don't know how you do it with two". I have been very blessed with two fairly easy babies but the singleton mom's that complain might have a colicky baby or one that don't sttn. When they ask how I do it, I tell them and hopefully it will help.

Now you're sister, if she can't keep her kids quiet and know your's go down at 6:00, then I would not invite her over that late. If she is offended, oh well, she is not the one that has to deal with it.

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Jul 21 2008, 06:56 AM) [snapback]886781[/snapback]
Not trying to be Devils Advocate but just trying to share perspective since I was on the "singleton side" first. And that is that having a baby turns your world upside down and it is hard for any first time mom to adjust whether its to one or more children. Some Moms just deal better under pressure than others.


Yeah so just think, the fact that you are able to get things done with 2 just means that you are super mom!

I know what you mean though. A friend of mine was having a BBQ and wanted me to bring the twins. I said I'd only bring them if DH was coming with me, because they are both mobile now and she replies "well such and such has two kids and is coming by herself." Well, such and such has a 3 year old and a baby, the 3 year old is capable of following directions and uses the toilet, that is NOTHING LIKE coming with two 8-month olds who like to crawl in different directions and get into everything!

 

I have admit, that when my niece was born a few months ago, that I didn't want to be in my sister's shoes. My niece had a very high pitched squawk of a cry. It was ear piercing, and she did it alot....not a super easy baby. So sometimes, that singleton baby can be very tough and trying.


I cannot beleive your babies are in bed at 6pm!! DH would never see mine if they went to bed that early, plus we would have no life. My girls would be up at 4am since they only sleep about 10hrs.

April

 

As a former "singleton" mom, there's now way to understand what it takes to care for twins unless you have twins yourself! I wasn't much of a complainer with just one, but it was definitely a challenge. I'm greatful that my sister (mother of 3 under 3) never compares her baby experience with mine. Even though she has 3 little ones running around her house, they're all at different stages. When we're together she sees that babyx2 is much harder!

 

My oldest by himself was more difficult than the two sweet babies I have now. But with ANY babies (no matter how many you have) bedtime needs to be respected!

 

I hate how all my friends with only one baby can't understand why I don't get out and sit around the pool with them during the day. Are you kidding me? Nothing like sitting on a pool lounger trying to wrangle two 6 month olds. My babies eat every 3 hours.... as soon as I would get there we would have to start the whole feeding process. I could go if I only had to hold 1 baby.

I also hate when my friend that has a 22 month old and a newborn tries to say "I think this is harder than twins."

 

QUOTE(lilly_&_hunter @ Jul 21 2008, 10:02 AM) [snapback]886999[/snapback]
I hate how all my friends with only one baby can't understand why I don't get out and sit around the pool with them during the day. Are you kidding me? Nothing like sitting on a pool lounger trying to wrangle two 6 month olds. My babies eat every 3 hours.... as soon as I would get there we would have to start the whole feeding process. I could go if I only had to hold 1 baby.

I also hate when my friend that has a 22 month old and a newborn tries to say "I think this is harder than twins."



I feel your pain.....and you can ASSURE her that it isn't! I swear I am going to write a book about it!

 

I guess we need to be long-suffering with one another as moms of babies and young children.

Hey, I have a 20 month old and twins. I'd be inclined to say that I don't want to hear anybody complain about twins even. . . but having experienced a singleton who wouldn't sleep, twins, twins with a toddler - well 5 kids under a certain age at once with no help after 2 weeks postpartum. . . I know that none of it is easy. And sometimes we want to complain to another mom who understands.

You are justified in saying "no visits" after 6 pm! I do not blame you!

QUOTE
I also hate when my friend that has a 22 month old and a newborn tries to say "I think this is harder than twins."


Sorry to say, but I can attest my young twins are much easier than my 20 month old. The twins sit in their seats, confined, right now. My DD is into everything and requires more energy and vigilance.

 

I always secretly hated when friends complained about a having a baby and a toddler. But these are my first, so I couldn't compare. But I always felt like this has to be harder! I'm glad to hear the perspective of people on here that have done both. It is reassuring.

 

It's all relative, you know? When I had a singleton, I found it difficult -- and she was an easy baby, too. Now with the twins, I laugh at myself, and can't imagine what my problem was when I only had one baby. :lol:

But, to be honest -- I find it challenging now with a 4-year-old, and 1-year-old twins. I think life would be SO much easier with just the twins....

So, like I said, it's all relative!

(And yeah, I'd be beyond irritated if anyone's kids came over and woke up my babies after bedtime. I wouldn't invite them over again...)

 

QUOTE(MichelleL @ Jul 21 2008, 06:01 AM) [snapback]886722[/snapback]
I used to feel the same way. So at times like this, I would beam with PRIDE that I could get it done and they couldn't.



Yep! Ditto!!! I always take a shower, and have since almost day 1. There is a LOT we get done that others do not MoMs are awesome!

As for your sister- that sucks that she reacted like that. But really, it is your house, your rules- she can live with it. I would have probably said to her, If you remember what it's like having babies, why didn't you quiet your kids? That's just rude IMO. And people who have singletons don't understand how important it is when we get both to sleep, or how important it can be to keep to our schedule.\

I found it funny this weekend- I was at my friend's kids b-day party and she was holding Maya. It was time for their feeding, and I said I had to feed her. She said, "But they are not even crying" Well, I keep to my schedule and my girls are hungry every 4 hours. I think they don't cry because I know their feeding habits and get tehm fed before they are over hungry. I think us MoMs are able to (HAVE to) pay attention to these types of details where singleton moms don't have to.

Hang in there!

 

actually I'm the opposite. When I hear my friend complain about her baby keeping her up all the time I feel more lucky that even though I have two I don't deal with half the problems she deals with and she only has one.

 

QUOTE(Becca34 @ Jul 21 2008, 10:13 AM) [snapback]887125[/snapback]
It's all relative, you know?


I completely agree with this - it really is all relative. Kind of along the lines of what Emily says - I am sure a mother of triplets reads some of our posts and says "what the heck do they have to be complaining about? Two babies? That's easy". Every one has a different perspective on what is hard and there is always someone out there who has things tougher than we do. But we still have every bit as much right to vent about our particular situation that we find difficult as anyone else out there and so I think your friends of singletons also have every bit as much of a right to complain as you do, ya know?

As for the 6:00 thing - I totally feel your pain on this. My ILs came over to watch our kids Friday night so my DH and I could have date night. They brought my SIL's kids with them because they had to go to a wake and our girls wound up staying up until 10:00 at night. My MIL said "they weren't tired, they were wide awake". Well gee, why do you think that was, when you have my 5 yo neice who is like the tazmanian devil. I think you did the right thing telling your SIL she can't come over after 6. Whether she remembers what it's like to have kids or not is irrelevent - you are your children's mother and you are allowed to raise them differently than your sister raised hers so if you want their bedtime to remain firm, that is your right.

 

I have been on both sides of it and it doesn't matter if you have one or two, things are diff going from being all about yourself, taking a shower when you feel like it, eating when you get hungry to having a baby who all of a sudden cries when you go to take your first bite.
When I just had Sean, he went through this phase where he couldn't entertain himself for longer then 5 min. Luckily my showers were usually pretty quick, but a lot of days I didn't get to take one because of it. Or I wouldn't eat till 10 pm becuase thats when he finally went to sleep for longer then 30 min. Then we also went through a phase where the only way he would nap was if I held him, I got nothing done during that phase.
Then I moved to two. I still look back and say wow those singleton days as a NEW mom was hard, still after having gone through twins. I still hear new moms complain and have to remember that I went through those hard first days as a new mom or heck even the first YEAR of a singleton. Trying to figure out all this mom stuff, one on one, no help type stuff.
Twins are hard but to some or to new moms singletons can be new, nerve wracking, weird and hard too.

I would just stick to your rules and say no visitors or whatever after a certain time, make playdates for earlier in the day or if they must visit later, then say that you all will have to visit outside.
I made rules with the babes about RSV, about colds, about bedtimes and naptimes and calling before visiting just in case etc. Everyone knew them and we only made very rare exceptions.

 

QUOTE(mar66rus2 @ Jul 21 2008, 01:17 PM) [snapback]886911[/snapback]
I have admit, that when my niece was born a few months ago, that I didn't want to be in my sister's shoes. My niece had a very high pitched squawk of a cry. It was ear piercing, and she did it alot....not a super easy baby. So sometimes, that singleton baby can be very tough and trying.
I cannot beleive your babies are in bed at 6pm!! DH would never see mine if they went to bed that early, plus we would have no life. My girls would be up at 4am since they only sleep about 10hrs.

April


On a side note, mine too, would go to bed at 6 pm if I let them!! They are just big sleepers, so we do what makes them happy, because in turn, we're all happier! Our life is them for now..we figured there's plenty of time for "our" life later, just as there was before the twins came along! I have to say, sometimes people just don't get the 2 baby thing. Seems like even with 2, I didn't complain as much as some people I know with 1 and mine were big time colicky..yes we are ALL supermoms :drinks: for having twins, but still a bit irritating when people with 1 complain! (At least to me).... ardon:

 

I would have been mad if someone woke the babies after they were slumbering for the night! Your house, your rules! How would she like it if you went to her house late at night and woke her 7 and 5 year old?

I have been fortunate any Mom's of singletons don't usually complain to me about their little ones, they usually say "I don't know how you do it with two!" and I think, "Me neither!"

 

I look back on my 2 singletons (and I sure did my fair shair of whingeing with singletons) and can't beleive what on earth I had to complain about.... 1 would be so easy now... but as PP mentioned... it is all relative.. and until you experience twins - then you just don't get it.

All my friends and family understand that if they want to see me or catch up - they are more than welcome to come visit at the farm - but there is just no way that I could envisage enjoying myself on an outing when they feed every 3 hours.... by the time you load them into the car, drive where you need to go, unpack, get settled - it is then feed time (without all your bits n pieces that you rely on for feeding 2 at the same time) and then time to go back home again... NOW WAY !!!!!

And they are quite understanding (thank god)... I have a few friends now who are having their 3rd and have their moments of panic about manageing 3 - and then they say they think of Nicky - and realise - they are lucky... haaaa haaaa... this makes me feel better...

And as for your sister.... if she comes over at that time and wakes the babies up - then she needs to stay and resettle them by herself - no matter what time it is....... 'he who waketh the baby - resettle the baby'....

Totally understand where you are coming from..

 

yes I can totally understand that it is relative, if I had only had one baby I would be thinking it was tough too. And moms of triplets or more are wondering why we vent, because in their mind we have it easy.

I do feel proud that I can get a shower in when I want, and that I still eat during the day (ok, sometimes I eat).

I think I was more frustrated about my sister and that she has forgotten what it was like to have someone wake up her baby (I remember when hers were babies, she wouldn't even let adults walk around her house for fear that they would wake up a baby, we couldn't even flush the toilet at her house!)

Thanks for all your support! : )

 

I've known people who have had singletons that I wouldn't trade for my twins (horrible colic, screaming for hours, etc) but then I have someone like my SIL who has a 4 month old who is like a little angel and she STILL complains.. it absolutely drives me crazy. Her kid started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, will sit in her bouncy chair and not make a peep so she can get stuff done yet she calls me (sometimes 4 times a day) to tell me how tired she is or how it's so overwhelming... I'm like...are ya kidding me?! She's like... I haven't even showered yet! Well maybe stop calling people to complain and get your self showered! Plus her husband is a huge help...when he gets home from work he completely takes over baby duty and puts the baby to bed, etc... and lets her sleep in BOTH Sat and Sun! Ahhh... I could go on and on but yes I hear you there are certain people that just have NO clue!!!