5yo twin determined to be "better" than her sister

Amy has always been a dominant personality, but as they get older and learn more flashy big-kid skills (reading, writing, drawing, biking, skiing, hula hooping...), she seems determined to be better than Sarah at EVERYTHING.

Though they are both within the normal range for everything as far as I know, Amy's always been a bit ahead on most physical skills. She's actually a bit behind Sarah on academic stuff. Sarah catches up by being extremely determined to master things (she hula hooped for about 3 days straight until she got it down), and I'm so proud of her for that. But Amy seems to take every accomplishment of Sarah's as a chance to point out that she, Amy, did it first or does it better. She also claims she can do things she can't (like math), when Sarah can do them.

I know siblings are competitive, twins probably more so, and 5-year-olds extremely so! :catfight: But I hate feeling like Amy is being a brat and always having to deal with her meltdowns or resistance when Sarah gets praised or admired. How do we respond to this in a constructive way (not just by sending her to her room)?

 

Depending on when and where it's happening, I would probably turn it around on her and make her say something nice about her sister. Or possibly say something her sister is better at.

We've been through that stage around here sometimes. During that time I usually try to point out things everybody is good and that they are all different. And also that we can't all be the best at everything. Then I throw out examples like me having to change the oil in the cars or daddy trying to braid Sarah's hair. Then I conclude with "we're all different and that's a good thing."

I hope something helps. I hate that stage.

Marissa

 

I have to point out that it Isn't a race all the time. Jazz wants to be first all the time. I usually threaten to disipline for this behavior as the tone is mean and it usually makes jessy cry

 

Ian is like this also - has to be the first one to get TO the door, OPEN the door ad nauseum...its to the point where I have to physically hold him so his sister can sometimes do something first...

its ridiculous and it makes me want to pull my hair out and scream - I have nothing constructive to offer, just know I feel your pain!

 

I feel like I'm getting a glimpse into our future. Your Amy is my Ana. Right now I am constantly saying "it isn't a competition". Incidentally it's always been that way that Ana does it first, but Meara masters it first (if that makes sense), but I still can't stand the bragging, in your face, annoyingness of it.

 

All 3 of mine always want to be first ... whether it's first in the bus, first to push the elevator button, first in (or out) of the bath ... drives me nuts sometimes.

 

I think all siblings do this, its just more pronounced in twins because they are the learning it at the same age/stage. I know my siblings and I drove my mother NUTS doing this....probably still do.

When it comes to things like having to do something first, ie push elevator buttons, open doors, turn the tv on, etc, I have taught mine that if they are going to have a fight over it or one is going to be pushy about it, neither of them will get to do it, I'll do it. Over the years it has worked. Now I hear okay, this time is your turn, I'll do it next time. YIPPEEEEE Progress!!!

Physically Cassie is just more adept than Holly, she can run, jump, hula hoop better and learned it faster than her sister. BUT Holly is better in the water. She took to swimming like, well a fish to water. Holly learned to read faster, and enjoys it more. We just emphasize that each of them has their strengths and weaknesses, they need to work on their weaknesses and use their strengths to help each other.

Here is a summer example; Holly is learning to dive, and her BIG sister is teaching her. Cassie is learning to jump off the dock....Holly is teaching her. Cassie played softball last year, and this year when Holly wanted to try....Cassie helped her with practice. They played catch in the yard, practiced swinging. This year they are learning how much fun it is to talk about a book they both read and now Cassie is reading faster and comprehending more.