4th night with CIO

So, last night was our fourth night with CIO. The first three nights - I did not go into the girls room at all when they woke. They whined / yelled for 20-45 minutes and fell back to sleep. Last night, Carley started about 3:30am (they have been waking later and later wich hopefully is a good sign) She whined for atleast 20 minutes or so, then she REALLY started crying. I mean REALLY. I know the difference with the cries, so I went in there and picked her up. She immediately fell asleep on my shoulder. I did not give her a bottle or anything. But literally, by the time I got to my room (wich is right next door) she was asleep on my shoulder. I just brought her to bed with me and she never woke back up until 6am. Did I ruin everything by picking her up? Please tell me no! She must of either had a bad dream or was just scared or something, cause I've never heard her cry like that. Natalie slept through until about 4am (she woke when I went in to get Carley) but fell right back to sleep until 5:45am. I hope this is a good sign too. What would you have done?? TIA!!

 

I'm not sure if you "messed it all up". ardon: We had to do CIO with my son a few weeks ago and with him it had to be DO NOT GO IN THERE. If we went, it was over. Though I'm not sure what kind of cry your little one had. We did go in once at the beginning and picked him up {he sounded very pitiful, and I felt really bad} and he fell asleep right away in our arms too. I would say if you keep going in and she falls asleep, put her back in her crib. If you take them to your bed, that could cause a new habit. But if you don't mind it, then it's okay. I know one of our rules is no kids in our bed, we just couldn't deal with that. :hug99: Good luck to you! I hope they continue to sleep.

 

I probably would have gone in and picked her up too. But i would have put her back in her crib, not in our bed. I don't think you "messed it up", but she may cry a bit more tonight instead of less. By going in to get her, you just reinforced to her that "if i scream, mommy will get me". My two are close to the same age as yours and we started CIO really late too. What i have done with my dd if she screamed that horribly would be to go in and reassure, pat gently, tell her its okay, then leave. Or even stay until she calms and goes back to sleep. But not pick her up. At least she knows you won't pick her up. If my son woke during this time too, he was usually pretty good about pretty much ignoring it. And if he did want me, i would pat him on the butt and say "you need to sleep". He usually stayed quiet.
It's hard, i know. Its even harder since they're older. It will get there, really!

 

You haven't ruined it but you may need to start fresh. With CIO I don't think you should just leave them in there to cry until they sleep. In the Ferber book (he invented CIO) the first night you go in at 3 mins, then 5, then 7 and keep going in every 7 mins until they fall asleep. The next night go in at 5, 7, 10, 12 and keep going in every 12. the next night, 7, 10, 12, 15, 15, 15 etc... You have to let them know that you hear them and haven't left the planet but you go in and say "it's nigh night time, go to sleep'. Don't pick them up, it's hard but that is CIO. Good luck, it rips your heart out.

 

The Ferber method didn't work for us, just made things worse. I agree with the pp, that you didn't mess up, but next time, I wouldn't bring her into your room. If it was crying for attention, she wouldn't have fallen back asleep so quickly.

 

I don't think you messed it up, but the same as mentioned above...if I went in and brought my sons back with me, they would get into that habit. Maybe you want that, I don't know so maybe it's ok?
It might just take an extra night or two now, no big deal.
I also didn't go in at all. If I went in, they were worse.

 

I doubt you messed up, but you will know if she cries the same way tonight I always go in if they sound hurt/hysterical, and if they do it for a few nights then I know they don't really need me and suprisingly they go back to sleep in just 1-3 mins.

 

CIO is so hard, isn't it?
Maybe the next time she gets hysterical you should just go in there and rub her back or soothe her in some way, but try not to pick her up and especially not bring her back in your bed.
I don't think you ruined anything, but maybe will have to start fresh like the pp said.
Hope it goes well tonight!