4 year old behaviour...at my wits end

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Kerry1976, Feb 16, 2011.

  1. Kerry1976

    Kerry1976 Well-Known Member

    ok...so our twins are almost 4 1/2. Our DD....is strong willed...she is very smart....already reading and has a great memory.

    Her behaviour lately, is more than we can handle.

    So...to sum it up.....we cannot ask her to do anything without her saying No...but she doesn't say it...she yells it. So...then we put her in time out...she hits, spits, throws things, yells, screams, it takes a while, but eventually she does her 4 minutes. Sometimes though, it esculates to such a tantrum that I have to shut her in her bedroom to calm down...where she proceeds to kick and bang the door.

    We have sat her down and explained that her behaviour is not acceptable. We have had talked to her about listening and respect. We have tried to be compassionate and listen to her needs. Nothing we do seems to work. She definetly understands us, it's like she doesn't care.

    She is very oppositional....if I say black, she says white...so I'll say..ok, white then...and she will start yelling..no black. I can't catch a break with her.

    Does anyone have any advice? Any tricks that may work to get her to understand that everything isn't a fight and that we are not against her?

    Seriously, DH and I had such an argument after she finally went to sleep tonight. I am worried that our relationship will suffer.
     
  2. frickandfrack

    frickandfrack Well-Known Member

    I could have written this post about my son. 4 was a rough year. 5 has been better, but he still has his moments over the smallest, most insignificant things. I wish I could offer you some advice; unfortunately, nothing I tried really worked. Hopefully she will grow out of it. Hugs to you!

    Leslie
     
  3. SMax

    SMax Well-Known Member

    My kiddos are only 2.5, so I do not have any age-specific advice. I will suggest reading Raising Your Spirited Child. I have a very smart, strong-willed DD that I am trying to head off at the pass and I found this book very enlightening!

    GL!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Mellizos

    Mellizos Well-Known Member

    One our boys went through this. He would throw the most amazing tantrums when put in time out. Kicking, screaming, banging on the door to his room. We found it was worst when he was bored. But if we kept him involved in activities, he did better.

    You might consider whether time out is her right "currency." She may dislike a different punishment more. So what if you took away her afternoon video, or walk around the block, or whatever it is that she really likes? We always have pizza and watch a movie on Saturday nights. The one night our son lost that movie, you would have thought he had tortured him. He had to sit at the dining room table and eat while we all sat around the tv. I keep that punishment in my back pocket now.
     
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