4.5 yrs old but Jr K question re: behaviour

** I also posted this in the 1-4 forum, but would appreciate advice from anyone!

My DH and I have been really structured and strict with both our boys and what they have been exposed to through their entire young lives. As a result, they eat at the table with good manners, they are polite, they are very social and not agressive. My little bubble just popped when they went to Jr Kindergarten! All of a sudden, we have major attitudes, they are getting in trouble for name calling, hitting, spitting, they talk back to me and most of all have stopped listening. I feel like all we do is correct them and send them to their room.

My DH's answer is to "drop the hammer" and ramp up the discipline until they get back in line. I somewhat agree, but they aren't responding to it now, so adding more doesn't seem to make sense. But, I won't have little monsters for children, especially because they were so good just 3 months ago!

Help!

 

I can say that my Jr. K kiddos have had a rough couple of months as well. DS's behavior had finally gotten so much better and was good for about 6 months and then they went to Jr. K and it regressed. DH and I decided that we just needed to be consistent. We do 1-2-3 Magic and had gotten kind of lax (lots of warnings, starting the counting over, etc.). In the last week or so since making sure we were both being really consisitent, the behavior is starting to improve. I think that your boys know right/wrong behavior, but they are seeing this kind of stuff at school and testing it out. They want to see what they can get away with and if you continue to let them know and show them your expectations, they will eventually come around to being your well mannered boys again. It just doesn't happen overnight (I wish!!). The newness of the poor behavior will wear off too and it won't be as exciting. Maybe sitting down with them and explaining your house rules/expectations again wouldn't be a bad idea. And then outline what will happen if they behave in ways that are not appropriate and then be consistent with consequences, but also provide that positive feedback when they are behaving well. I find that whenever mine start in a cycle of poor behavior choices, I need to up the positive reinforcement b/c usually I have slacked on that and it almost always starts to get the good behaviors going again. Good luck!!

 

My boys are a few months older but something I did with them when they started K and were suddenly exposed to behaviors I do not allow was to ask every day about what happened at school that day. They don't respond well to "what happened at school today?" (too general) but I'd ask "did anyone get a card pull (warning) or a toy from the treasure box (reward) today?". Then we would talk about behavior of the other kids as a way for them to learn to model the good rather than the not-so-good. We've talked about the school's rules so that not only do I know what to expect, they've had it reinforced that I'm on board with those rules being followed.

I do believe some of it is copying what they are seeing from others to see how you will respond. I agree that you will need to be more diligent for a while to send a clear message that the rules at home have not changed and pour on some extra positive reinforcement. But I also want to point out that fatigue could be a factor. It's very draining on a young child to start school and if your kids are like mine, their behavior goes sour when they haven't had enough sleep. You might try having them go to bed earlier until they settle in more.

 

Mine did this when they first went to daycare. Just stick to your guns and keep telling them it's not acceptable to behave this way. We go thru spill "we don't hit our friends we don't call our friends names we don't take our friends toys". Reinforcement of good behavior has been the key. My girls are in prek and we haven't had too much issues