3yr, 8mos - Am I expecting too much?

The girls are almost 4yrs old now. They have recently entered this phase where they flat out ignore us when we tell them or ask them too do something. Perhaps we ask them to do too much? Maybe I expect too much of them?

For instance, when they carry a toy through the kitchen and just throw it on the floor, I tell them to come back and pick the toy up and put it away OR play with it. If they get up from the table before they've been excused, I make them come back and sit and ask to be excused (I have to say that they do this pretty well now and it's really reduced the incidents where they are constantly up and running around during meals).

I guess with two of them at the same age, it seems we are giving "orders" alot around here.

What do you guys think? Any tips for getting them to listen and act on what we are saying? I'm really tired of asking them something multiple times and even getting to the point of time outs or yelling. I feel like there's too much of that. So I want to reduce it. I am not, however, willing to let them just run wild and throw things all over the house. So, there has to be some direction and discipline.

 

My daughter is almost the same age as your girls. My opinion? You are not being too hard on them! Not at all. Joy knows she has to pick things up, stay at the table, put her things in the right place. Of course there are plenty of times she "ignores" me (she is very passive aggressive) and then she gets in trouble. This goes on ALL day. I went through it with the boys as well. They are older now and listen better, though they are still not model children.

Sadly for me the most frustrating part of parenting is that we have to repeat ourselves a million times a day. There are so many times where I feel I am just barking orders all day long. My sister felt the same way 15 years ago, but she now has wonderful responsible children. It is tiring, but it works. I have to tell myself that every day! :hug:

 

QUOTE(Cristina @ Nov 14 2008, 09:47 AM) [snapback]1070139[/snapback]
Sadly for me the most frustrating part of parenting is that we have to repeat ourselves a million times a day. There are so many times where I feel I am just barking orders all day long. My sister felt the same way 15 years ago, but she now has wonderful responsible children. It is tiring, but it works. I have to tell myself that every day! :hug:


Yes, that's exactly how I feel! Thank you!! I'm facing the possibility of being a SAHM again and this whole thing worries me that the entire day will be nothing but me demanding things and them not listening.

 

QUOTE(Cristina @ Nov 14 2008, 02:47 PM) [snapback]1070139[/snapback]
Sadly for me the most frustrating part of parenting is that we have to repeat ourselves a million times a day. There are so many times where I feel I am just barking orders all day long. My sister felt the same way 15 years ago, but she now has wonderful responsible children. It is tiring, but it works. I have to tell myself that every day! :hug:


Oh, that's encouraging! Thanks for that.

Jennie, I have no good advice, I'm in the same boat as you.

 

We are in the same boat as well. I also feel like I repeat things a million times. I guess they are acting the way most almost 4-year-olds act! You are not alone!

 

I too, am in the same boat. I say the same thing over and over as well. How many times do you all tell them to do something before you make them do time out? (or any form of discipline for not listening) I will usually tell them to do something i.e. They dropped a toy in the kitchen and walked out. I will say "come get your toy and take it back to your room." If they dont follow direction, I will repeat it but add, "if you dont get the toy now you're going to time out, 1, 2 , 3" And they know when I start counting I mean business.

Other times I feel like I say the same thing over and over, but for a different situation.. if that makes any sense.

What do you do if your child is crying for 'no reason'??

 

QUOTE(2plusbgtwins @ Nov 14 2008, 01:07 PM) [snapback]1070455[/snapback]
I too, am in the same boat. I say the same thing over and over as well. How many times do you all tell them to do something before you make them do time out? (or any form of discipline for not listening) I will usually tell them to do something i.e. They dropped a toy in the kitchen and walked out. I will say "come get your toy and take it back to your room." If they dont follow direction, I will repeat it but add, "if you dont get the toy now you're going to time out, 1, 2 , 3" And they know when I start counting I mean business.

I do this for most things, too, and find it effective for first time offenses or when they haven't done that particular thing in quite a while. But there are a few things that they repeatedly do that earn an immediate time-out. For example, Anna is really bad at telling us "no." She does it a lot! We have told her so many times that she is not allowed to do this that there is no chance she doesn't know. Now, if she says "no" it is an immediate time-out. I refuse to remind her or count for her. She already knows that she is disobeying!

Obeying is a big word at our house. We talk about what it means to obey (do what Mommy or Daddy says right away the first time we say it with the right heart attitude) and what it means to disobey (say "no," not do it at all, dilly-dally and have to be told again, complain while they do it, etc). Now, if they don't follow directions I can say, "You aren't obeying me. You need to do what Mommy says," and they often realize what they are doing and start to obey.

 

QUOTE(2plusbgtwins @ Nov 14 2008, 12:07 PM) [snapback]1070455[/snapback]
I too, am in the same boat. I say the same thing over and over as well. How many times do you all tell them to do something before you make them do time out? (or any form of discipline for not listening) I will usually tell them to do something i.e. They dropped a toy in the kitchen and walked out. I will say "come get your toy and take it back to your room." If they dont follow direction, I will repeat it but add, "if you dont get the toy now you're going to time out, 1, 2 , 3" And they know when I start counting I mean business.

Other times I feel like I say the same thing over and over, but for a different situation.. if that makes any sense.

What do you do if your child is crying for 'no reason'??


If she is crying for no reason and just wants attention, she has to go to her room until she calms down.

Another thing that works for this age is some kind of visual cue. For example, if they disobey, I say, "Are you going to choose to obey?" and put up one hand, "or disobey?" and put up the other hand. Suddenly they "see" they have two choices. 9 out of 10 times they make the right choice. It worked really well for my twins when they were this age. It works with Joy too, though like I said, she is a little more passive aggressive.

 

QUOTE(Jennie-OH @ Nov 14 2008, 02:57 PM) [snapback]1070154[/snapback]
Yes, that's exactly how I feel! Thank you!! I'm facing the possibility of being a SAHM again and this whole thing worries me that the entire day will be nothing but me demanding things and them not listening.


Same here Jennie. I am a SAHM now and my days are full of repeating myself, etc. Morgan is in this stage now where if I tell her to do something, she will do it as slow as humanly possible...which makes me even more mad. If I tell her to "come here" she will walk VERY slowly, shuffling her feet the entire way. Really grates in my nerves!!! and, to make matters worse...I have my twins who are almost 3.5, and I watch a 4 yo and 2 yo...they are ALL the same when it comes to that stuff. I did decide to start a preschool curriculum (which I ordered through Mother Goose Time) for the fall/winter since we can't go outside. This really helps them focus and do some fun things and is relaxing for me b/c I don't feel like I'm constantly yelling at them to behave. They LOVE it!

 

I can totally relate to what you are saying because my kids are about the same age and are the same way.

What has worked best for me is motivating them in some way. For example, if I want them to clean up their room, I tell them they can watch tv only after they put away all their toys. I used to have trouble getting them ready for school, so I made a sticker chart where they get a sticker for putting their clothes on, their shoes on, their jackets on, and their backpacks on all by themselves. When they are motivated, they move fast. When they're not motivated, they drag their feet, they whine, they get distracted...well, you know how it is.

In your example of a child throwing a toy on the kitchen floor, I would probably ask my child to either pick it up and put it away or I pick it up and put it in the trash.

I've never used timeouts to get them to do things, like picking up after themselves. I've always heard that timeouts work when you want a child to STOP behaving in a certain way, but it doesn't work to MOTIVATE a child to do something. So I use it for unacceptable behavior like hitting, kicking, biting, etc. but not for getting them to actively do something.

 

Jennie, you are not alone. I usually bribe them it goes something like this....

"If I have to pick up those toys, I am going to KEEP them and you will not have them anymore" "You can either eat XYZ off your plate, or there's no cartoon after dinner"

I also challenge them "Who can pick up the most cars the fastest (this might be more effective with a boy in the house that's old enough to participate)" and

Everything I pick up is going for SALE or in the Garbage! (THIS IS PARTICULARLY effective and used RARELY!