3 month olds screaming

Our boys are 3 months old, and we're having a LOT of trouble with them.

The littler one (4 lbs smaller, had more health problems overall) wakes up at sunrise every morning. And screams most of the day unless he's being held. Will ONLY sleep if he's being held. (Which is obviously a problem, since I have another baby to feed, play with, comfort. And I have a few human needs of my own to tend to during the day.) And then when the sun goes down, he's willing to sleep anywhere, and only wakes up a couple of times to be fed. Because he WILL sleep on his own at night, the pedi doesn't think it's anything health wise, gas pains, or even really related to his formula - why would it only bother him during the day? And the very unhelpful suggestion I've gotten from everyone is "you'll just have to hold him, or let him scream". And the perennial "it gets better" - if I had a nickel for every time someone has said that to me lately, their college educations would be paid for already!

As a side note to that - we're struggling with his weight gain, so expending all the extra energy isn't ideal. I've tried letting him just cry it out for a bit, and it results in him getting so upset it takes me HOURS to calm him down enough to feed. And baby-wearing isn't an option as he's still too small and slumps to the side in/falls out of front-carriers (and abhors slings).

The other one starts his fussing/screaming at 3 PM and goes until midnight. And as an added fun bonus has added a 5:30 AM screaming fit to the mix. Bedtime is simply AWFUL. We've tried every variation of white noise/music/talk swaddle/no swaddle paci/no paci. We usually start around 7 with him - he'll sleep for a total of maybe 45 minutes between then and midnight. Letting him try to cry and comfort himself winds up with him spitting up all over himself and the crib. Keeping him awake more during the day doesn't work either. We had him on meds for reflux for awhile, but they made things worse. (Giving the prevacid got him so worked up that it just prolonged the process of getting him to bed, and it didn't lessen the screaming or spitting up.)

Does anyone have ANY suggestions for EITHER boy? The bedtime one is the bigger one for us at this point - I've sort of accepted the baby holding/screaming cycles during the day, but by the time 10 PM rolls around, I'm out of patience for the day, and DH is at the end of his rope after all those hours every night for the past 6 weeks.

Thanks!

 

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to be dead honest here- cuz that's HOW I AM.. No sugar coating here............

Reading your post made me soo nervous.. Just thinking about it.. I am not a person who gives the same advice I was given.. "Take a hot bubble bath with candles, go for a walk, swaddle, rock blah blah..." I assume from the very get go that ANYONE going thru "IT" (as I call it), has tried IT ALL!!!!!! So.. I would NEVER suggest any of the stuff you already know..

Few questions: How old are they? How preemie were they? Give me details, how much do they each weigh, etc.?? I get from your post that they are formula fed correct?

I never went the baby wearing route for a number of reasons-- 1. They were too big, bad back and frankly, it isn't for me-- I have another baby and I can't deal with him with one growing off of my chest.. Swaddling NEVER WORKED here!! Nothing did. We had "Four o'clock fun" (3 hours of meltdown psychotic behavior) EVERY NITE for 14 weeks and we still have it once a week......... They are 5 months old now, 4 adjusted. It got MUCH better at 14 weeks ADJUSTED age... Actual age will do nothing for you- you have to go by ADJUSTED when it comes to behavioral issues, I think.

Both of my boys have reflux and are on Zantac. I HAD one COLIC baby and OMG OMG OMG.. By the Grace of God, I am still here to talk about it with you.. He had to be held, bounced, rocked, juggled, and LITERALLY walked around the house for hours and hours and hours to be content. I tried GripeWater, gas drops you flipping name it......... NOTHING WORKED except TIME.

He was truly uncomfortable and miserable and I could see it in his face and in his actions. He was in HORRIBLE pain to be honest and so was I! I dreaded being with him and I was truly intimidated by my own baby!!! And poor Gabe, he just sat there by himself while I put out fire after fire....

Anyway, this isn't supposed to be about me but I am trying to let you know that I have had a taste of HE**, so I do know where you are coming from.

I really really really feel for you here. You are in a TOUGH TOUGH spot and I do not know if I would be doing as well as you seem to be. I would crumble to my knees EVERY DAY for 14 weeks screaming for mercy.

Okay... so.. you have tried the Nutramigen and Alimentum right? You have, I am sure, run the gammet on formula choices but I do have to ask...

Soy?? I agree with your Ped that if he is sleeping at nite- he might not be in serious PAIN-=--- HOWEVER, Nicolas ALWAYS slept thru the night-- NEVER NAPPED, but did STTN and he WAS in pain. I think the difference was night time was easier to sleep through the pain.... Just my observation...

So.. I would not rule out pure and simple colic and agony there. Again... TIME is your only hope with this.

*I am focusing on your daytime screamer first cuz he sounds like the most work...

What I ended up doing is putting the vibrating bouncy seat on my dining room table with a toy hanging f/ the chandelier and BLASTING the kitchen exhaust fan right next to him. I had to leave him completely alone. And then one day I was like "screw it" and I went about my housecleaning business and LO AND BEHOLD-- used the vacuum.......... Well.. it put him to sleep instantly!!!!!!!!!!!! So.... from that moment forward, I would turn on my Dyson EVERY SINGLE TIME I needed to calm him down and OMG OMG OMG IT WORKED!!!!! NEVER ever once failed me!!

I would sit with it on for hours and hours and hours on end and it kept him calm and content. It was and still is the only thing that lets them nap. As I type, I have a boombox on BLAST with a VACUUM CD I bought on Amazon. If I do not have it on- the babies will not sleep. It's incredible. I feel like going on Oprah to talk about it. It saved my life!

Try the Vacuum and if you have already-- TURN ON TWO VACUUMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get it as loud as you can and see what happens. Trust me. I have a tough case over here and it works like magic.

As soon as you write me back about how old your niteowl is- I will tell you what I would do. I have a feeling I would have him in his own room where I could not hear him and hope for the best.. (I know, I'm mean.. but I'm really not).. If he's eaten enough during the day, weighs enough etc.. I'd just make him get used to it..

I may change that if you tell me he's very young and small etc--- Just re read your post and they are 3 mos but what are they adjusted?? 3 mos is too young to have him CIO all nite w/o eating I think.. I would, however, only get him up when he needs to eat and make him stay in his crib for the whole nite otherwise..

Get back to us.. I'm really sorry you are going through this and hopefully we can help you out!

Please PLEASE PM me if you want to talk more privately..

 

I agree with the vaccum it is amazing what that machine does, or try different white noise things. Works at all ages.
This may work to for the baby during the day make your house dark and cozy, we did that and it always has done wonders. But we still had noise, it seemed the light bugged my son maybe over stimulated him at times. But as he got older we were able to lighten things up again. Another thing that works is take the clothes off sometimes they are just hot. How old are they?

 

I really like what IVFbound said... and agree that the vacuum can do wonders. You have probably tried it all, but just in case, what worked for us was:

Nutramigen. The difference between regular and soy formula to Nutramigen was amazing. It took about 48 hours but 50% of the crying went away just like that.

Reflux medicines. One of my girls had the typical reflux symptoms (arching her back, throwing up, etc.). The other didn't, and we dealt with crying and general fussiness until we put her compounded Prilosec. I agree that giving medicine to babies is awful... but we learned from our Pediatric GI that you can just put the medicine in a bottle of EBM or formula. My fussy daughter turned into a happy baby who actually liked to eat after we got her on medicine. I would never have guessed she had reflux... and maybe she didn't really... but the medicine certainly helped.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. It does get better... hang in there. We're all sending positive thoughts your way -

 

They were born at 36w4d, so as of today that would make them 9 weeks adjusted. The bigger (night screamer) has really never been/acted "preemie" after the first few days - he's hit all his developmental milestones on target for his real age - if not a little early. The smaller (day screamer) has always been VERY preemie - we had IUGR issues and he lost weight the last 10 days of pregnancy, which REALLY set him back - they estimate he was more like a 32/33 week baby - his physical development is like that, but his mental (eye tracking, cooing, social skills) have all been pretty well on target unadjusted. (So says the pedi, PT, and OT.)

The night screamer spend a week in the Level II nursery learning how to eat. He was 5 lbs 1 oz to start - and is now up to 12 lbs. He's on anti spit-up formula (Enfamil A.R.) at the moment - we've talked to the pedi about switching to something else, but she really feels his problem is reflux and this formula should be better for him. (But, like I said, the reflux meds made ZERO difference except to add another 45 minutes of screaming to our day.) We've tried several kinds of white noise, at different volumes. He hates the swaddle. Hates vibrating. Spits out his pacifier every time we put it in. He's pretty ok during the day (thank GOD, because if they were BOTH awful all day, I'd DIE). Baths rile him up, so we don't do that anywhere NEAR bedtime. I mean, we don't know what to DO to make him SLEEP. Sometimes we just give up, and sit there and hold him so he'll sleep - even if that means we're sleeping in a chair. He only wakes up once overnight to eat - and he IS honestly hungry then. And up until a few nights ago, would go right back to sleep after.

The day screamer ... he started off at 4 lbs 4 oz. Didn't have the stamina to suck so had a feeding tube. One week in Level II, and then transferred to Level III for other health concerns. (Problems with the formation of his skull.) He was there for a week and then came home. He's on 24 cal formula at the moment, and just hitting 8 lbs. I THINK some of his problem IS the formula - it's too harsh on his system. He's got a lot of gas issues, but he has those at night too and it doesn't bother him then. But he couldn't gain weight on any less-dense formula, and the specialists (endocrine, mostly) have to evaluate everything he eats for nutritional content - for his bones. (Which is why they are formula-fed. The day they came in and started saying my breastmilk might be doing more harm than good is the day I put the pump down and never looked back.) He's generally pretty happy if I'm holding him - he smiles at me and coos a lot, and falls asleep. But the SECOND I put him down, he starts wailing. I've tried "pretending" it's night time - blackout shades, closed off from the rest of the house, in his crib, with his blanket ... he won't STOP until the sun goes down - even if he can't see the sun. He likes constant motion, but swinging won't cut it, or vibrating - he has to both rock AND bounce AND see me (which is how we get through feeding the other guy).

I have NOT tried the vacuum yet though (too scared to wake the night-screamer once I finally get him down during the day!). But, I have several floors in despeate need of attention, so I'm totally going to try that once I get through the next feeding.

Don't let the calm typing demeanor fool you, I am at the END of my ROPE. I went to the doctor the other day (only my third baby-free trip out of the house in 12 weeks!!! and one was a funeral!) and she, in all seriousness, offered to let me have the exam room for a couple hours for a nap.

Ok, time to feed and then vacumm. Let's hope it works! Any other tips?

 

Oh, we have also tried the day screamer on reflux meds - zantac made no difference, and he can't tolerate the quantity of liquid the prevacid involves. His nutritionist is pretty adamant that we keep on the zantac, but this behavior started while he was ON the zantac. So we took him off - no different! He feeds the same on or off.

 

Reading your posts, you sound VERY level headed.. I don't think I would be able to see to type at this point...

Okay, I had mine on the Enfamil Enfacare High Cal stuff too.. They were six lbs a piece at 35 +2, so I do not know WHY.. Anyway, my boys were MISERABLE on it.. Gas, puke, crying so I took them off of it AGAINST medical advice. I didn't care- because they were truly in agony w/ it. Life was better when I put them on Similac Sensitive, I donated 2 entire cases of the Enfacare- that is how much I hated it..

No, you cannot "pretend" it's daytime or nighttime. That never worked for me. It makes no difference in my opinion- it isn't going to change what's happening IN your home.

There is this new machine at Babies R Us and Target and it was next on my list IF it hadn't stopped when it did.

It is like a spaceship and it vibrates, bounces, spins- YOU NAME IT. I was willing to spend ten thousand dollars on it at that pt. Please go ck it out. You NEED THIS!!

Put the Zantac IN the bottle. Doc said NOT TO but I have to. To this day- they SCREAM their guts out when it's dropper only!!!! Keep him on the Zantac!!

Baths: They only stopped wailing at those at 10 weeks old.. They were terrified before that. It sounds like you have one who is very sensitive to things.. Give him space. My sensitive colic one loves to be ALONE in his crib. Try working on having him alone.. I know he screams but little by little-- try this.

I'll be back later w/ more advice. Pls let me know on the vacuum!!!

 

I was going to suggest the swing or bouncy - swing was a LIFESAVER for us! Oh and you can make 24 cal formula out of ANY type of formula so don't let that stop you! If you think its the formula it might be - once we switched to soy our lives became much brighter!

24 cal formula is 2 scoops of formula to 3 oz of water (instead of the standard 4) - we got this calculation from the hospital since ours were on 24 cal formula for the first 4 weeks (born at 36w also and they were healthy just EXTREMLY low birthweight - DD was discharged at 3 lb 8 oz) - so you can get soy or Nutramigen or Alimentum and try - just use the powdered!

 

Well, they are both fed. And miraculously quiet - but it won't last, I can guarantee that.

I tried the vacuum. It worked for the little one, at least stopped his screaming. But he was still flailing his arms around, and drooling a lot (which is what he does when he's upset). Meanwhile, the other one got so freaked out by it that he was all wide-eyed and shaking, staring at me. Had to shut it off, pick him up, and calm him down.

So then I tried our white noise machine, situated right next to the little one's head. The heartbeat made him cry louder. The rain had no effect. The ocean waves calmed him down for about 10 minutes.

My biggest concern with switching formula on the little one is that it seems to be the density of it that bothers him most - and he NEEDS 24 cal formula. So even if it was made from some other base formula, he would likely still be bothered by it. He was FINE (relatively) on the 22 cal Enfacare. But he wasn't gaining weight (like we were getting an ounce a week), and we were feeding 8-10 times a day.

And now he has the hiccups, and there goes my chance at lunch ...

 

No matter what advice people give you TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. My one girl likes to sleep on her tummy especially during the day naps. She gets too stimulated and won't sleep. In the beginning I'd have to put her in a separate quiet room. Now I put her on her tummy and put a blanket over her head. At night I put her on her back or side (more dark and quiet at night less stimulation) I've heard of some babies who are tummy sleepers it was the only thing that worked. Heck soon they will be rolling over anyways. Ohh also I'd put her on my knees and swing my knees, then on her tummy on a pillow on my knees, then just straight into the basket on her tummy. I found the more sleep she'd get the better she became. they need like 20 hours of sleep a day. so I'd settle her after 1.5 hours of being awake, and get her back into sleep mode. Often in the beginning I had to be there, but I'd just watch T.V. and have food handy.
Please tell us how it works out for you. You really are doing it tough !!!

heather

 

:icon_eek:

oh, i feel for you. i don't know that i have much advice, but i just wanted to say i am so sorry it is so difficult.

do you think maybe they are over-stimulated? i know all my kids would shake their arms pretty bad when they were tired and over stimulated.

i hope it gets better really really soon. do you have any help? can you call anyone to come over and give you a break?

 

Thats tough on you!

My two boys are the same age and Ive had two days similar to what you've described, but feel the second child only
cried because he realised I finally had time for him as the first one slept.

On these two days I couldnt even touch the brother to change his diaper and he screamed, so I started bringing them
both together as "team work" more often(if they dont adjust to sharing mammies attention now there'll be bigger
problems later).

Now they are fed, changed and ideally sleep together ... If one is getting more attention than the other, then Ill grab
the second one and cuddle with them to ensure this is balanced.

This has been a great help as they have developed a relationship of they're own (conspiring against their mammy) and
I feel that they're now in better form (they do have their bad days still, but a lot less).

If all else fails then Ill either go for a walk or go for a drive (even at midnight)!

Cheers Geo

 

Thanks everyone!

We wound up going and buying the mother of all swings. The one that sort of looks like a rocketship. It swings 3 different ways. It vibrates. It plays white noise. And music. AND plugs into an outlet so we can stop eating through batteries.

Yes, this makes our third swing (plus 2 bouncers). But this swing rocks my world. The day screamer has been sleeping in it all day. Only screaming when he's hungry or needs changing.

So I've spent the day observing the other one, and he fusses during the day like he does at night, but self-settles by finding something interesting to watch (mobile, dangling toys). He has no interest in his crib mobile or other toy, so we're going to work on that tonight. And hope. And HOPE.

 

Oh, I wish you luck!!! I am new to this board, but have twin boys that are 2.5 months old non adjusted. They can really be screamers at times, one started at 3 weeks and would scream nonstop for a few hours each night, now the bigger one is fussy about all day several days a week. The thing that works for us is swings and white noise. I have noticed that mine are fussier when they eat formula instead of breastmilk ( my supply isn't 100% for them ) The little guy got reflux meds Zantac and Prevacid which took a few weeks to kick in and he's on rice cereal too. When they get really mad we can drive around which always puts them out even if they are starving or do a warm bath (they eventually stop hating it!! we had to warm the bathtub back by laying a warm wet washcloth on the back of it so it wasnt cold) They have recently started to get really mad about laying down and we found if we sit them up either in their bumbo seat or just hold them upright that they are less fussy. Often times, we have just had to leave them alone in the crib until they calm down, it can take about an hour because nothing has worked for us. But I can honestly say as they have gotten older it has gotten better. Sounds like you have tried a lot of stuff. Do you think you could put some rolled up blankets in the carrier so your little guy won't slide around?? I second the idea about making higher calorie formula out of whatever formula you use, its true that you can do it. I used to mix Enfamil Prosobee 24 cal formula for a preemie in our local NICU- 2 scoops powder to 3 oz water. Sometime, even if it's just for an hour and you can find someone, just get a friend or family member to come over so you can get away for an hour or two or go nap somewhere. Maybe the doc will let you borrow the table I am curious, which swing is this that you've bought?? Good luck!!

 

My one girl has reflux and she sleeps in a bouncer now at night (i remove the toy bar so she knows it is her bed) I also made a pillow on the change table and when I feed her I have her on an incline -- even when I nurse her in bed. I only tummy play when I know she hasn't eatten for a long time. She seems to be happier.

I'm glad things are looking up for you -- that swing will be worth it I'm sure.