3.5 year olds -- capabilities for doing things on their own

All: I've been wondering if I'm "babying" my 3.5 year olds too much. Mine are on the small side for their age and they will be our only kids, so I guess I still think of them as "little ones!" But, with the kids getting ready to start preschool in September, I've been wondering if they need to be a bit more independent.

Can you share your experience/thoughts with this age group on the following:

(1) Do they dress themselves for daytime or in pajamas? Put on and take off their own pull-ups? Put on their own shoes?

(2) We're still using the old booster seats at the table. Do you still use them? Until what age? Is it worth it to get some of those Kooshie booster seats?

(3) We still use bibs -- the big Crumb Chums -- most of the time (and always for really messy stuff). When do the bibs sort of fade away?

(4) Do you put them on the potty and help with pants/underwear down and up? What's the usual deal with this at preschool (and "wiping" for poop at preschool)?

(5) Do your kids wash hands on their own? If not, how much supervision/help?

Thanks!

Meg -- mom to 3.5 year old boy/girl twins

 

What we do here:

(1) They need help with zippers/buttons/snaps on daytime clothing, but do everything else. They put on and take off their own pajamas and pull ups, but need help sometimes with their shoes (the tongue in the shoe causes problems time to time). They have velcro on their shoes, so this helps.

(2) We don't use booster seats since they have never wanted to even though there were offered at one point. I think they started eating at the table about a year ago and just kneel on their seats. They don't even like to use booster seats in restaurants.

(3) We don't use bibs and haven't since they were maybe 2 or 2 1/2, but I do have to pretreat laundry from time to time. The only exception is with messy foods like spaghetti and will probably be that way for a few more months. They're getting to the point where the bibs don't get that dirty anymore when we do have foods like spaghetti, so I will phase them out soon.

(4) We don't help them with the potty unless poop is involved (we supervise that just to make sure they get cleaned well). I'm not sure when I can stop doing that, but I imagine that when they do a good enough job on their own, I can stop.

(5) Our sink is very hard to turn on (it's the kind with one knob where you pull it up to turn it on and is rather stiff), so we turn the sink on for them. Other than that, they do it all on their own. I do keep an eye on them just to make sure they get all of their hands clean, however.

Hope that helps I just sorta encourage to do everything they can on their own. If they have a great deal of trouble, I offer to help, but I haven't a clue if that's coddling them or not, either.

 

Mine just turned 4, but at 3.5...

1. Could dress/undress themselves for the most part. Some trouble getting shirts off. DS often did not want to do it himself, but was capable. DS still sleeps in diaper and had not problems getting it off himself.

2. Still in highchairs pulled up to the table. Our regular chairs are too low for them to eat comfortably.

3. Still use bibs at 4.

4. Pee/poop on their own, but did not wipe until recently. As 3s, their teachers would help if needed.

5. Love to wash their hands on their own. Occasionally DD loses the priviledge because she likes to squirt soap down the sink to make bubbles .

Best of luck!

 

(1) They are capable of dressing themselves (both daytime and PJs), but we often do it for them or nudge them through every step. If left alone to do it, they wander off. Ditto for pull-ups and shoes. (They can't do zippers/snaps/buttons, but at least in summer, most of their clothes don't have many of those.) Sometimes Amy will decide she's going to be all grown up, and will get herself all dressed in the morning, which is wonderful, but happens for a few days in a row and then we're back to dressing her.

(2) We use Stokke Tripp Trapp chairs and probably will keep using them for a few more years. They can sit on adult chairs but have to kneel. If we didn't have the Stokke chairs, I would probably get boosters.

(3) I would love to give up bibs, but DH and the kids still insist on them! They don't use them at school or when we're out, and they do fine. But at home it's just part of the ritual that Must Be Followed.

(4) Amy likes to go potty all by herself (in public, she locks the stall door and everything). Sarah likes me to sit her on the potty and help her with her clothes. For poop at home, I wipe them. I think the teachers help wipe poop at school (though they still come home with skid marks sometimes) -- they're expected to do pee all on their own, though the teachers will help with clothes if necessary/desired. All preschools are different though.

(5) Again, capable of doing it, but often need help/supervision/nudging. Sometimes they scrub with soap for a full count of 10 -- sometimes they just swipe their hands under cold water. So if it's important (like if they're really dirty, they just pooped, or someone in the house has a tummy bug), I supervise. Also, sometimes they decide to fill the sink with soapy water and give baths to their baby dolls, so if I don't want them to do this, I have to hover.

So, to sum up, they are physically capable of doing a lot more things than I actually rely on them to do on a regular basis. For us, it's the follow-through, not the ability, that is lacking. I think they do a lot more on their own at school because the teachers simply can't do all that stuff for 16 kids.

 

Elie is almost 3 1/2
(1) Do they dress themselves for daytime or in pajamas? Put on and take off their own pull-ups? Put on their own shoes? Yes, just this summer she started dressing herself. Sometimes she can't get the neck of the shirt over her head, but mostly she's all good. She does put on her own tennis shoes, but it's been mostly flip flops this summer.

(2) We're still using the old booster seats at the table. Do you still use them? Until what age? Is it worth it to get some of those Kooshie booster seats?She stopped her booster awhile ago. She needs to kneel because she's tiny, but she won't use one.

(3) We still use bibs -- the big Crumb Chums -- most of the time (and always for really messy stuff). When do the bibs sort of fade away?Bibs have been long gone in my house! It's probably been at least a year.

(4) Do you put them on the potty and help with pants/underwear down and up? What's the usual deal with this at preschool (and "wiping" for poop at preschool)? I was helping her on the toilet because she was too short to get up by herself and she decided she was done with the little potty. She does her own pants and underwear. I still wipe her poops, but I'm trying to get her to begin to do it. Her teacher will help at school if necessary.

(5) Do your kids wash hands on their own? If not, how much supervision/help?Well, I have had to up the soap up high, otherwise it would be gone in a day. So I squirt the soap, but then they are on their own.

 

(1) Do they dress themselves for daytime or in pajamas? Put on and take off their own pull-ups? Put on their own shoes?
They can mostly dress themselves, but still need help with donning/doffing the shirt unless its a button up. Hannah needs a bit of guidance regarding the front/back of things, too. They can put on their own shoes, too, but need help deciphering left from right. alot.

(2) We're still using the old booster seats at the table. Do you still use them? Until what age? Is it worth it to get some of those Kooshie booster seats?
We use the boosters simply because it helps contain them and makes the meal less messy because they don't seem to squirm as much in them. They could do without, but it's easier on me this way.

(3) We still use bibs -- the big Crumb Chums -- most of the time (and always for really messy stuff). When do the bibs sort of fade away?
We still occaisionally use bibs for thisngs like spaghetti and yogurt, but regular foods not so much. They don't help my cleaning time, so they're not that necessary I guess.

(4) Do you put them on the potty and help with pants/underwear down and up? What's the usual deal with this at preschool (and "wiping" for poop at preschool)?

They get on the potty and do almost everything themselves unless poop is involved, and then for my sanity I wipe them because otherwise they complain their hiney hurts later because they don't do a good enough job.
(5) Do your kids wash hands on their own? If not, how much supervision/help?
They do wash on their own, but they need verbal guidance if I hear them in their splashing around or goofing off, and they still need reminders about how to do it properly (i.e. don't put the soap on your hand and then immediately rinse it off... washing must be involved).

 

(1) For the most part they dress themselves and put on their own shoes (velcro). But they do have trouble with shirts every once in a while. My rule is, you try first and if you need help ask.

(2) We just got rid of ours. They had been able to climb in and out of them by themselves for a while, but I got sick of the crumbs getting stuck underneath. I had asked several months ago if they still wanted them and they said yes, but I asked again a couple weeks later and they were fine with getting rid of them.

(3) Couldn't tell you the last time we used bibs. If it is something really messy, I'll strip them at home or put a big t-shirt over their clothes.

(4) They can pretty much go to the potty by themselves. They put the potty ring on and move the stool over in front of the potty. They pull their pants down and get up themselves. They also wipe pee on their own, but call for help with poop. We'll do that until I'm certain they can handle it on their own. DS also stands to pee most of the time and lifts the lid and pulls his penis through the "hole" in his underwear and wipes up any misses or drips.

(5) Completely on their own. We keep our hot water heater down so they couldn't really burn themselves. They use a stool and can do it all themselves.


You didn't ask this one, but we had a huge break-through this week with DS learning to buckle himself in his car seat. DD has been doing it for about 6 months, but DS just got the hang of it. He just isn't as coordinated. I've been encouraging him to do it himself for a while and he's been practicing. Well, just this week it got to the point that I refuse to help unless he is really having a hard time.

I encourage them to do as much as they can. Even if they can't do it completely on their own, I just try to help, not do it for them. It isn't always easy since things take 10 times longer this way, but the look of pride they get when they do it on their own is completely worth it!

 

Mine are almost 4 now so I'll answer for what they were doing at 3.5:

(1) Do they dress themselves for daytime or in pajamas? Put on and take off their own pull-ups? Put on their own shoes?

They are able to dress/undress entirely on their own unless they are wearing a button-up shirt (they sometimes need help getting the correct arm in the correct hole so it isn't upside down). They do buttons, snaps, and zippers on their own but will whine for help when they are in a foul mood. Their current shoes are velcro and they can do those as well as socks on their own but they cannot yet tie laces. They are fully PTed so no pullups.

(2) We're still using the old booster seats at the table. Do you still use them? Until what age? Is it worth it to get some of those Kooshie booster seats?

We ditched the highchairs at 2 and they knee-sit in regular chairs at the table.

(3) We still use bibs -- the big Crumb Chums -- most of the time (and always for really messy stuff). When do the bibs sort of fade away?

We ditched bibs at 2. I've taught them to lean over their plates when we eat messy foods.

(4) Do you put them on the potty and help with pants/underwear down and up? What's the usual deal with this at preschool (and "wiping" for poop at preschool)?

They potty independently but will call me for wipes sometimes. Other days, they want to do it all. T&T aren't in preschool.

(5) Do your kids wash hands on their own? If not, how much supervision/help?

Yes. I sometimes have to remind them but they do it on their own. I go in if the water is running too long or I hear giggling.

 

Briefly answering(may elaborate more when we're home)

Yes, totally dress themselves, need help w buttons, zippers, and snaps though. Clothes, pjs, and pull ups. Shoes too but often get them on the wrong feet. Have been dressing themselves for maybe a year? Clothes do not always match though!

Booster seats- gave those up around 2.5 yrs.

Can get on and off the potty at home, sometimes need help in public restrooms though. Same w washing hands. The sinks are usuaslly too high. Still following up their poop wipe job w my own, more for my own sake, they don't always do a good job.

 

I have to lay clothes out for them to put on. They are JUST starting this! I don't have the patience to rely on them. They can't turn something around from inside out and get it on. I lay it out.

Our biggest hurdle at that age was wiping poop! :bad: Mine only went at school like ONCE each (phew) because they are not great wipers. I haven't totally let go of that because it's just icky! :blush:
They are expected to wipe at preschool. Liability reasons!!!

Also, I put them in as much pull up pull down stuff as possible for school to get pants up and down etc.... I kept shoes fairly simple for preschool as well!!

 

1. For the most part, they could dress/undress themselves. They still need help with buttons, zippers, etc. They do get the shirts/pants on backwards.

2. No boosters at the table. Haven't used them since they were 2 maybe. They hated them and do just fine without them.

3. No bibs. Stopped using those around 2 as well. Like some pp's, we do have to do some pretreat from time to time.

4. Occasional help with on/off the potty, but not very often. We did (and do) still help with poop wiping.

5. They were pretty good about washing their hands on their own. I usually will listen to make sure the water is running long enough. Sometimes they still need encouragement to scrub a bit longer.

BTW, mine will be 4 next month so we're not too far from the age you're talking about. At least it's still in my memory...can't say that for some things. lol

 

Every kid devlopes differently, and if they were premies that might still be affecting them.

(1) Do they dress themselves for daytime or in pajamas? Put on and take off their own pull-ups? Put on their own shoes?

Dress themselves, with the exception of buttons on the back. Pull ups were a thing of the past for us long before 3.5. Put on velcro shoes, but not ties and buckles.

(2) We're still using the old booster seats at the table. Do you still use them? Until what age? Is it worth it to get some of those Kooshie booster seats?

We had trayless highchairs that pulled up to the table and we used them until they were 4. From then on just sitting in a regular chair.

(3) We still use bibs -- the big Crumb Chums -- most of the time (and always for really messy stuff). When do the bibs sort of fade away?
Ours faded away around 2.

(4) Do you put them on the potty and help with pants/underwear down and up? What's the usual deal with this at preschool (and "wiping" for poop at preschool)? The deal will depend on the preschool. Mine were fully potty trained earler, I wiped their bottom until around 4.

(5) Do your kids wash hands on their own? If not, how much supervision/help?

If they come out of the bathroom on tooo fast, I smell for soap on their hands. But otherwise they've been washing alone for quiet some time, a skill they learned in daycare.

 

Mine dress themselves for the most part, with some things they need a little help. We are fully potty trained so no more pull ups. But they were putting those on themselves when they wore them.

We use the Fisher Price Healthy boosters still. They wouldn't sit high enough to the table without them. But they climb into them themselves and we don't buckle.

We haven't used bibs in quite a while. We do have them wear them for really messy food still (mostly red sauce stuff).

One I still put on the potty at home, the other climbs on herself. At school they do it all on their own because the potties are shorter. Ideally, I'd like them to get help wiping poop still, which they get if they ask at preschool. But my more independent child tends not to ask for help - ugh! But with pee they are self-sufficient. They also wash their hands on their own.

 

Oh yeah, I missed a few things. Bibs, don't use those any more, haven't in a long time. They could still probably use them for pasta or messy foods, but I did away with them, so they just take their shirts off at home, or I deal with the stains.

They pull their own clothes up and down for going potty, might need help with snaps/zippers.

They do dress themselves, but Ainsley sometimes needs a bit of encouragement, even though she can, she just takes her sweet time about things.

 

(1) Do they dress themselves for daytime or in pajamas? Put on and take off their own pull-ups? Put on their own shoes?

My girls put on their own clothes. They need help with buttonw, but snaps or zippers they can do on their own. They can put on their own shoes and are learning their left and right foot, but they still need help from time to time putting them on the right foot.

(2) We're still using the old booster seats at the table. Do you still use them? Until what age? Is it worth it to get some of those Kooshie booster seats?

We don't use booster seats and only use high chairs if they aren't sitting at the table like they should (as punishment really). They eat at the table with us in the regular chairs or at the coffee table in the living room when its informal.

(3) We still use bibs -- the big Crumb Chums -- most of the time (and always for really messy stuff). When do the bibs sort of fade away?

We haven't used bibs in ages. My girls are pretty picky about getting dirty, though, so I place a napkin beside them and they wipe their mouths and hands when they need to, but even if they do get dirty, I don't care, I just spray n wash

(4) Do you put them on the potty and help with pants/underwear down and up? What's the usual deal with this at preschool (and "wiping" for poop at preschool)?

We have a step stool and my girls use the step stool to get on the potty. If the step stool isn't in front of the potty, then they need me. Allison still wants me to take her, but Sarah can do the whole thing on her own..gets the stool, turns on the light, wipes her bottom. They both know that they are suppose to yell for me if they poop..but Sarah a lot of times won't.

(5) Do your kids wash hands on their own? If not, how much supervision/help?

Yes, again, we have a step stool in the bathroom, so they move the step stool to the sink and I have taught them how to turn on the water, turn it off, where the towels are and how to use the soap. If I hear the water running I go and check it out, but they usually are doing what they should and turn off the water and dry their hands when they are finished.

 

1 no dressing yet, they do their own panties, yes almost always

2 no we have a little tykes picnic table they eat at, we do use boosters when out

3 we haven't used bibs since like 1.5

4 they can go by themselves i still wipe

5 yes

 

My twin boys can totally dress themselves from underwear (we don't do pullups anymore since they turned three) to shoes, which are Crocs or velcro. Bibs have been long gone, they just eat over their plate. They sit in regular chairs at the table. They go to the potty by themselves and are fine with pulling down/up underwear & shorts but I help wipe and will turn the underwear right side out for them to put back on because they usually peel them completely off to sit on the potty to poop and they end up inside out. With my first I told him when he turned four he'd have to wipe himself and that's what I'm telling my twins. At the preschool they go to the teachers cannot help with wiping...so if they can't wipe they will call me to come in and wipe them. So annoying!!! Good thing they will only be there three days a week for under three hours. They can wash their hands fine by themselves.

I should add that my older son is an awesome big brother and has helped me show them all these things! I could not have done it without his example!!

 

Hmmm...after reading this thread I'm starting to think that I might coddle my boys too much.

1. They don't dress themselves at all. The most they seem able to do is pull of a t-shirt, but only if really angry because I put on the 'wrong' one. I know they can put on their own pull-ups/underwear, but they only will if I bribe them with treats. I have started getting them to put on their own crocs lately, though, which is huge progress....

2. We stopped using booster seats for one ds about a month ago, but the other refuses to let us put his away.

3. We stopped using bibs a long time ago unless they're eating something really messy.

4. Since my boys STILL aren't potty trained, they still need a lot of help with the potty. At home I often let them run around naked, and when they're like that they can use the potty on their own, but they have a lot of trouble getting their pants and underwear down on time on their own.

5. They wash their hands on their own most of the time, but if they are particularly dirty I supervise to make sure they scrub for long enough.

 

(1) Do they dress themselves for daytime or in pajamas? Put on and take off their own pull-ups? Put on their own shoes?

I think this one kind of varies from kid to kid. My dd has been dressing herself since she was 2 (probably before). She refuses help! Ds, on the other hand is the opposite...cries for my help & gets stuck all the time. Lately I've been trying to talk him through it, to get him better at the whole dressing thing. Shoes will probably be a little trickier once we get back into tennis shoes.

(2) We're still using the old booster seats at the table. Do you still use them? Until what age? Is it worth it to get some of those Kooshie booster seats?

I wish mine still sat in booster seats!! Seems like since we stopped using them, they started wandering off during meals - taking the food with them. As a result, I'm constantly cleaning up messes & stains on the floor & they don't eat as well.

(3) We still use bibs -- the big Crumb Chums -- most of the time (and always for really messy stuff). When do the bibs sort of fade away?

Mine at some point started refusing the bibs, but I can't remember when it was.

(4) Do you put them on the potty and help with pants/underwear down and up? What's the usual deal with this at preschool (and "wiping" for poop at preschool)?

I did at first, and they're just now getting good at doing everything on their own. I was told at preschool, nobody can help them at all. So they need to be able to go, get their clothes off and on & wipe all on their own. For dd especially, I've been trying to teach her how to wipe properly so she doesn't get a bladder infection. It takes a lot of practice.

(5) Do your kids wash hands on their own? If not, how much supervision/help?

Usually they do, but I'm watching to see how well they do.

 

Thanks, everybody, for all the great responses! This was extremely helpful to me (and helps me understand that I need to set some expectations for a bit more responsibility.)

Much peace,

Meg