2 weeks old and completely overwhelmed

The first couple of days were nearly impossible, I did not think we were going to make it. We finally broke down and had my mother come down from Ohio (we are in FLA) to stay with us a week earlier than she was planning on. Now my parents are here and they are driving me nuts. I feel like I have to fight them for my babies and I really really want to practice doing things on my own so that when they leave on Saturday and it is just DH and I we don't freak out. We have been insisting on doing nights ourselves but I am soooooo sick of them offering to help. Everytime I pick up one of my children they run over and say "why don't you let me do that". I told them that the most helpful thing would be for them to wait for us to ask for help.

Now, about the babies...

zero sleep for either DH and I the first three nights. The hospital we stayed in was room in only and did not have a nursery for nighttime. We came home and after a couple of nights finally got into a decent "schedule". I go to bed around 10pm and my DH stays up and gets them both down for the last time vby 1am. He comes to bed and I get up with them around 2:30 or 3am whenever they wake up and are hungry. It takes me until about 5am to get them both fed and down again and DH gets up at 6:30 when they wake up and I pump while he quiets whomever is up until he has to leave for work around 7:30. Does this sound normal to everyone? I am completely horrified for Monday when I am here by myself with both babies all day long. I know I can do it, but I am scared that one will always be wanting and upset while I attend to the other.

One more thing...

We are nursing, supplementing with formula, and I am pumping for expressed breast milk feedings. Our baby girl is sooo gassy and seems like she is in tremendous pain during her formula feedings. We were using Similac and after she threw up last night I called the ped. and we switched to the soy Similac and added Mycolen (sp.) drops. This morning, during her formula feeding she continued to push and turn red and scream. She only does it for a minute and then quiets down (unless she gets too upset). It seems like she is in sooo much pain though and I don't know what to do for her. I cannot tell if she is trying to go to the bathroom or pass gass. She definitly passes gas quite often. She is only having bowel movements 1x a day now and in the hospital and for the first few days (on Alimentum at the hospital) they both had about 4 or 5 bowel movements a day. My son is not as fussy; however, he hasn't had a bowel movement in over 24 hours.

Help! I am new at this and completely freaked out.

Thanks,
Amy

 

the soy can take up to 5 days to work so don't despair...the nights were hardest for us as well and we finally got to where we'd take 3 hour "shifts" and if the kids fell asleep during our shift we'd go to bed too...also you might try swaddling or a swing or bouncy - the swing was a godsend and ours slept in their swings from the time they were a month old until 4 months and then successfully transitioned to the crib....carseat works for some too...

just remember the first 3 months are all about survival - you sleep when they sleep and worry about the house later!

 

Hi Amy,

I understand you and DH wanting to figure things out on your own; however, I would allow your parents to help as much as they would like. You may want to ask them to do a whole night or two so you cand DH can get a couple good nights of sleep before you are on your own. Things will be fine when you are by yourself. I always found the anticipation more frightening than actually doing it. You can do it. There will be days that feel sooo long. Just warn your DH that you will be calling to vent. I did that already this morning. DHs often want to try to fix the situation when you just need to vent.

The sleeping (or lack thereof) seems normal to me. You'll have nights where you're up every 2 hours and nights that you're up every 3 hours. My DH and I both did all of the night feedings so they would go quicker and we could get back to bed. I also pumped for 5 months. I eventually quit pumping at night and that was such a relief. Grab sleep anywhere you can get it.

It is totally normal to be freaked out! Don't expect too much out of yourself right now. Best of luck to you!

 

Unfortunately that sounds completely normal!! I don't even remember the first month with the girls. Nights were really hard but you will be able to get through it. It will get better! By 3 months, you'll be totally into the swing of things. I know it seems like so far away but you can do it!

I can't help with the formula (we only used BM) but I do know it takes a few days to kick in. Give it some time.

As far as your parents, assign them jobs that will help you. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. All you should be doing is taking care of babies!

 

It does get easier. It is still tough but you can do it. Everything that you are saying and feeling is normal. Hang in there!

 

It is really hard in the beginning. Emma slept in the swing for the first 3 months, and Jacob with me. Anything for momma to get some sleep! I would take the help while you have it, you will have plenty of time to figure it all out when they leave. I did all of the night feedings myself, and always fed them at the same time, it was a definate time saver! The fussiness is normal at that age, but if she's arching her back, and screaming, she could be having a bit of reflux. Do whatever it takes to get you through these first 3 months are so, they are difficult! :hug99:

 

I know that you want to be very involved but please remember that your folks are leaving in four days!!! You will have plenty of time to bond with the babies and learn everything to need to do. My advice is take the help now and sleep!!!! Your body needs to heal also and the next few months will be very busy....rest as much as you can and if they want to help I say let them and sleep!!!!! The first three months are the hardest but the first year goes by so fast....you will be tired but you will survive!!

 

I totally get the freaking out thing ... we brought the babies home on a Friday and my honey had to go back to work on Wednesday and I had no one around to help. But honestly, you just dive in and do what you gotta do, it will all come to you. I'd take PP advice and let your parents take the babies for a night or two so you can get some good, deep sleep before all heck breaks loose. Believe me, you have MONTHS to try and get a handle on things (and do you ever really have a total handle on everything? I'm thinking NO ), so take them up on their offer and let them tend to the babies! They really are just looking out for your best interests, my parents were the same way in the hospital, wanting me to have the nursery take them overnight so I could get some sleep and gear up for going home. I fought it but then the third and forth night I let them and it was great. Just make sure to get up to pump whenever you would have nursed, and just go right on back to sleep.

And when you're alone, during the day ... like others said, nap when they sleep, and leave the housework, cleaning, cooking, all that by the wayside. You will get the hang of it all, believe me. What can really help is getting them on the same schedule right away - when one wakes up to eat, wake the other. That way you aren't always nursing/feeding one or the other.

I've been there, believe me ... PM me if you want!!!

:hug99:

 

I agree with the other posters.. take help when you can get it! If you want to spend more time with the babies right now, ask your parents to do stuff like give the house a deep clean, prepare some casseroles etc. for the freezer, stock your kitchen with healthy snacks that you can eat quickly and with one hand (granola bars, dried fruit, nuts etc), do weeding in your garden.. all sorts of stuff that you won't be able to properly get to for a loooong time.
Your night schedule sounds pretty normal... you'll figure out a schedule that works for you with time and the babies will get faster at eating. If breastfeeding is going well and you're just pumping to start stocking up on milk, maybe hold off on pumping at night for a bit, and just bf overnight. Also, swaddling (as per "the happiest baby on the block" by Harvey Karp) was a GODSEND for us- the babies slept sooo much better when swaddled.
You'll be fine on your own– there'll be lots of trial and error but you'll figure stuff out in no time!

 

I completely understand your feelings about help and needing to learn how to do it on your own. I felt the exact same way. So, my advice is a little of both. Try to let them help as much as possible -- believe me when I say you will have plenty of time to get to know your babies and I promise they will always know who mommy is. You will not regret letting someone help. That being said, when you have the energy it is OK to say -- I got this. You do need to learn and the only way to learn is by doing.

I promise it will get better. The first three months really are all about SURVIVAL. Do whatever works for you. They want to sleep in the swing - fine. The vibrating seat - great. In bed with you - if it works for you - awesome. We didn't start getting any decent amount of sleep until the babes turned 4 months, but now we are out of the haze and really enjoying everything. Swaddling really worked for us and tandem breastfeeding. I know breastfeeding is hard, but the hard work you put into it know pays off one-thousand-fold later on.

Hang in there...this too shall pass.

PS. Take lots of pictures including some with just diapers on. I know it is hard to believe now, but they do grow up fast and in just a few months you will be marveling at how tiny they used to be.

:hug99:

oh yeah, and sleep when you can - not just at night -- an hour nap during the day can really help

 

I think what you are feeling is completely NORMAL! I felt this way with my first child. It is such a HUGE change in your life and it can be so overwhelming as you try to figure out what to do with them plus deal with the fact that there is no more time for you! With one baby, you can at least pass him or her back and forth to have some "down" time, but it's awfully hard with twins. The first month is the worst in my opinion - I barely remember it for any of my kids. It does get better or at least we learn to deal with it better. You can do it! I suggest you accept all the help that is offered. If your parents are willing to help during the night, let them! The whole situation will seem much better if you are well rested. Secondly, have you tried swaddling. I read a lot of posts about it on this board before the twins were born and thought I would give it a try. My twins were down to two feedings during the night by 6 weeks and sleeping 11-6'ish by 8 weeks. As each week passed, they have slept a little bit later and didn't get up today until 8:45. They also slept in their bouncers quite a bit during the night in the beginning. It didn't have to be on, but they seemed to like being in the close confines and sleeping slightly upright. We also had a hard time with formulas and switched 3-4 times before we settled on the soy. It does take about a week before you're supposed to notice a difference. Also, did your doctor mention anything about reflux for your fussy twin? Both of mine take medication for it. We could all tell a difference in one of my twins after she had been on it for several days. Much less fussiness and spit-up! My oldest DD also was on medication for it. If your doctor doesn't want to give you anything, you can try Mylanta. My doctor had originally told us to use it with our oldest before she gave us a prescription. 1/4 tsp 3x a day. You can always call your doctor's office and talk to a nurse. They may be able to help without you having to bring the twins in. Also, how do feel about breastfeeding? I saw that you are bf and pumping with the twins. I breastfed my oldest and the twins for about 5-6 weeks before switching mostly to formula. It really stressed me even though I wanted to do it. I didn't have any time to do anything (having a messy house, laundry to do, etc. bothers me) and I was always worried they weren't getting enough. I also pumped with my oldest and I can only imagine how much time it takes to pump for two! I'm certainly not suggesting you give it up (I believe bm is the best), but I don't think it's for everyone. I agonized over it for weeks with the twins before I finally let myself give it up and I'm a much more relaxed mom. I can actually get things done or spend time with my oldest if other people are around because they can give them a bottle. Again, I'm not telling you to quit, but don't beat yourself up if you want to give them formula once in a while or all the time.

Things will get better as you get into a routine and you become more comfortable with the babies. Hang in there!

 

Ok! I completely understand where you are coming from with wanting to figure things out for yourself & not have family do it. HOWEVER!!!! I agree with the other posts. PLEASE let your family help while they can! I know that I felt like I wasn't being a good mom & that I wouldn't know my babies if I didn't spend every second with them. TOTALLY not the case. Those babies will never forget who is the mom & dad. But at this point, you need some rest. You can't be at your best if you don't take care of yourself too! My mom & grandma & MIL took turns staying the night with us for a month. YEP! AN ENTIRE MONTH!!! At first I would get up with them every feeding & I'd take care of one baby while they took care of the other. DH had to go back to work 2 days after we came home from the hospital. I live in a townhome & didn't even want the girls to be downstairs if I was upstairs. I was very Obsessive. But my grandma finally talked me into taking one night & letting her do it. I felt so much better the next day & I felt like I was better with the girls because I wasn't nodding out while trying to play with them that day. I had a rough delivery with a lot of complications, so my Family hovered for a while. If you still want to spend the time with the babies, than definetly see if your family will help with the house work, cook meals, etc... It would be great if they could make several meals & freeze them. That way when they are gone next week that will be one last thing you have to worry about.

My girls started sleeping longer periods right around 3 mos. But until then, my DH & I would both get up at each feeding to make it quicker. We sometimes put them in out bed if they were fussy. Otherwise I kept them in the bassinet on my side of the bed. It really helped to have him het up too. That way we had them feed, burped & diapered & back in bed usually within an hour.

As for the fussy baby. Have you tried a very warm bath. (Not scalding hot). My little one Sarah would suck on the bottle for 3-5 sucks like she was SOO hungry than she would just start screaming. We tried car rides, myelicon, bouncy seats, swings, walks, soy formula, Alimentum formula, etc... The only thing that really helped was a very warm bath. My ped's son had colic for an entire year & she had suggested the sponge bath. You can buy a sponge in the baby section at target $5.00, fill the tub until the water is upto their sides. Take a wash cloth & dip in the water, than place it on their tummy. Repeat until they are calm. The warm water will relax the intestines & help them to pass the gas. Sarah would scream until she would start holding her breath! But as soon as we would put her in the tub & start with the wash cloth, she would calm down instantly. It was such a blessing! If you don't want to buy the sponge, I would just use a bath towel. Layer it & use maybe a handtowel to elevate their heads so they aren't in the water.

One of the hardest things I dealt with was being alone with them for the first week during the day. I would get so worked up about how the next feeding was going to go. I developed a few strategies.
1. Try to start feeding one baby 15 minutes before they are suppose to eat. Hopefully you will be done by the time th eother gets fussy to eat. If not,
2. Feed one baby an ounce or two, burp, put her down & get the other baby & do the same. go back & forth until they have both eaten.
3. Once they are bigger, you can put them in bouncey seats side by side & fed them that way.


You are a great mom! You will survive the next 3 mos! This is a very crazy time! Sleep when they sleep, let the house work go until the weekends when DH can help. And please take your family up on the night time help while they are here. That way when they do go home, you will be revived & ready for chaos!

Please let me know if you need anything else!

Jess

 

Wow! I was reliving my newborn experience in reading yours! It sounds to me like everything is totally normal - including feeling frustrated with the parents. I was frustrated with mine, but really appreciated their help - you need it right now!

The night schedule seems like a good one - it sounds like the trading off sleep time with DH is the best route. It took us a whole week to realize we needed to do that instead of both tending to the babies at the same time!

I hope your daughter's gassiness eases up! My James had the same problem. Our pedi told us he probably had an immature digestive system and would have a rough time for a while. We used Mylicon religiously and the problems seemed to disapear by month 2.

Hang in there...I know it's hard, but it sounds like you are doing an amazing job!

 

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone! My guys are five weeks old and I definitely feel overwhelmed all the time, but it is getting better every day. I was really scared about being home alone with them for the first time, last week was my first week by myself. One thing that finally helped me settle down was realizing that these first few months are just going to be crazy and I won't be able to completely figure these little guys out. What works one day may not work the next day, and as long as we survive until my husband gets home at night I feel like I accomplished something. I spend most of my day trying to figure out how to feed them both and then how to get them back to sleep afterwards. What works best for me is to feed one fifteen minutes early and HOPE that the other one won't wake up until I have finished feeding and burping the first one. It doesn't always work out, sometimes I have to feed them at the same time in their carseats, or bouncers, or boppies and sometimes I have to just let one cry. Getting them to sleep has been the biggest obsticle, we're still trying to figure out what works best. Swaddling is a MUST for us, we use the miracle blanket because they break out of any other blanket we try to use. Right now one is asleep in his carseat in front of the dryer while it's running, and the other is asleep in his swing in front of the t.v. which is on a "static" channel. We learned two days ago that really loud white noise (bath water running, dryer, vacuum, static radio or t.v.) helps calm them to sleep. Hang in there, hopefully these next few months will go by fast and we'll start to feel somewhat sane again.

 

QUOTE(ahmerl @ Jun 12 2007, 12:42 PM) [snapback]288834[/snapback]
I am completely horrified for Monday when I am here by myself with both babies all day long. I know I can do it, but I am scared that one will always be wanting and upset while I attend to the other.

One more thing...

We are nursing, supplementing with formula, and I am pumping for expressed breast milk feedings.
Thanks,
Amy

 

Ok - I can't get the quote thing to do what I want - just wanted to tell you when you are by yourself one twin will have to wait often. It will make you feel terrible but they will be ok I promise. :hug99: Do yourself a big, big favor & don't beat yourself up over it. Because 1 - that is just how it is - you are out numbered & 2 - the babies will pick up your stress/mood & they will be fussier if you are upset than if you are calm.

I would try to get tandem BF down ... it will save you tremedously on time & hungry waiting babies & $$. I tell you as someone that decided she wanted to BF seperately as I did w/my older DD...by the time I realized I really, really needed to tandem, the babies were used to "dining solo" and Hannah in particular really screamed & was MAD when I tried to tandem( I switch off nursing one, bottle of formula for the other for feedings). I really don't want to add to your stress or for this to sound judgmental to those that FF because it is not, but if you want to BF - the more you use formula, the more you will need formula. Also, it is extra work making & washing bottles, not to mention the expense of formula.

As far as your parents, have them do everything & I mean everything "non-baby" Also - take advantage of the opportunity to SLEEP while they are here!!

HTH

 

I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed right now. My first 6 weeks were just awful and I honestly think I had a little mini breakdown.

My boys were indredibly gassy for the first few months and I tried everything.

We did try soy and it made them so constipated that that was worse than the gas, so we switched back!

Please know that it will get better. In another month or so, they will start to sleep longer, become more predictable, etc.

I didn't think that day would ever come, but it did. ((((hugs)))

 

HI,

i was very clear with my mom who came to stay with us that I needed help with LIFE, not with the babies. She was awesome about it -- so when your parents ask if they can help, say YES!! please make me lunch, dinner, snacks, do my laundry, hold a baby while I take a shower and pump. But please don't expect that I need help being a mOM, just help me live for the next few weeks. It really works!!

We were so psyched to have my mom here, and this is what she did.

you gotta assert what you want, cause people can't read your mind.

All the rest isnormal is my guess -- I breastfed but my kids have never had formula so I just didn't experience all the problems formula can bring. If you can cut out the formula, you may be happier and the babies will not be constipated (breast milk is a natural laxative, no constipation)

hang in there, it gets better

Teri D

 

I know I was just going to ask how everyone is managing. My best advice is let everything else go and sleep when you do finally get them down. Now if I could just practice what I preach. I always find something that I need to do between pumping and preparing bottles or dishes or something. As far as parents I make my mom do all my house work when she's here and I take care of the babies. The one thing that might give you hope is that once your house has quieted down and it is just you and DH the babies might be a little better. For me the more I have other people over handling them the worse they are at night. I try to stay to the strict rule of feed, burp, change, give a pacifier and lay them back down and hope they go right back to sleep. When I do have to suppliment I mix ebm and soy formula it seems to cut down on the gassiness. You are definitely not alone I'm right there with you. I am soooooo tired all the time and DH helps all the time. I also figured out that if I have to I put a pillow on either side of me on the couch with a baby on each and give them both bottles, one is usually so out of it by the time he is done eating that I can burp the other and change him before the other one starts fussing to get burped. Hang in there.