16 months old and NOT SLEEPING!

I have written on these boards numerous times over the past 16 months about my Callie. She is a terrible sleeper and her sister is a perfect sleeper. Callie is NOT getting better. She has her own crib in her own room. She takes naps just fine, but her sleep is all over the place at night.

We have a consistent bed time of 8:30. Lights are out at 8, but we give some winding down time. Callie does not fight going to bed 95% of the time. We have tried several different things in her room to see if it was the room that she does not like. We tried classical music for about a month, we tried a loud fan for several weeks, and most recently we put a night light in her room. None of these make a difference, and she is not any better when we spend the night at grandma's maybe 2 nights a month, so I have sort of ruled out it being a problem with her room. She wakes at random times screaming like she is dying. For the last couple of weeks, the screaming starts about 9pm. I have not quite determined if she has been asleep, or if she just sat in her crib quietly for 30 minutes. Anyway, the Dr. said to do the thing were you go in after 15 minutes one night, 20 the next, etc. and we are up to nearly an hour and honestly I think she would just scream all night. I don't feel like there is a thing wrong with her when she is screaming, because when I go in there and pick her up, the screaming stops and she acts just fine. Last night, she not only woke at 9pm, but woke at 4am as well. My mom happened to be here last night and she went and picked her up at 4am and put Callie in the bed with her. She said Callie was fine until she would try to take her to the crib and she would start screaming again. I am getting indications from Callie that she wants to sleep with DH & I. AIN"T GONNA HAPPEN. We let DS 6 sleep with us when he did not feeling good when he was 2 and it took us 3 years to get him out of our bed. So, I vowed that these girls would NOT be sleeping with us and I have managed to stay true to that for 16 months.

Should we go to a sleep Dr. or something? I am just so tired of being tired, it's ridiculous. I want her to freakin' sleep all night. My sleep is suffering so bad because of it. On nights that she does sleep good, I keep waking up thinking I hear her, so I am not getting good rest. Thanks for letting me vent. I am off to bed to get some shut eye while she is sleeping.

 

First of all.. sending many many many hugs your way :hug: :hug: :hug: I know it's hard, I been there. If CIO doesn't seem to work based on your pedi recommendations, maybe a sleep dr. is the next step you need to take. Does she seem hungry at all? How long are her naps during the day, and how long has this phase been going on for? I doubt it could still be separation anxiety at that age but I don't totally rule it out. I'm curious to see what other people say.. GL MAMA


EDIT: because I seem to never get the icon codes right :laughing:

 

Lots and lots of hugs!!!!! I know it is hard on you and on her. Wish I had some advice. But we caved in and now put Dillon in bed with us when he wakes up at night. Horrible habit to start but I couldn't figure out what else to do.

Dianna

 

:hug: I also have one DD who occassionally wakes up in the middle of the night and its very stressful. I can't imagine dealing with this every night. Is she overtired by 8pm and having a hard time falling asleep? Can you try to put her to bed earlier? Have you done CIO without going back in? I've found that more I go to my DD the more it works her up. DH and I compromised and will go into her room so she can see us, but we sit in her chair and just shush her or are just quiet. Wish I could be more helpful...:hug:

 

:hug: I am sorry that you have to go through this. I agree with Leighann, perhaps trying CIO where she can see you sitting in the room but each night you move the chair closer and closer to the door.
A sleep book that I found helpful was by Ann Douglas-Sleep Solutions for your Baby, Toddler and Pre-Schooler. She does outline some sleep problems, what might cause them and what could help. If things don't improve, I would also recommend talking to your pedi about seeing a sleep doctor. Good luck!

 

:hug: That has got to be so hard. I would definitely call your pedi, that's what they are there for. You have got to get some sleep. I don't have any advice but I wanted to send a hug, and to encourage you to call your doctor. You are right, this has got to stop! :hug:

 

It sounds like she is a high needs baby and doesn't want to be alone to sleep. Have you thought of bringing the crib into your bedroom if you are firm on not wanting to co-sleep.

 

I have a difficult sleeper too - he has gone through many phases making me want to pull my hair out. It sounds similar to what we recently went through, and I'm pretty sure ours was related to separation anxiety. I could be wrong, but I thought I heard separation anxiety peaks again around 18 months?

My son would wake constantly during the night and we'd always go in and soothe him, pick him up, whatever it took. But then it got to the point he would not let us put him back down and we'd be right back where we started. We did do CIO, but we opted to not go in at all. The first couple nights it took an hour of screaming and then a couple more additional wake ups during the night with maybe 15 minutes of screaming. After that he hardly woke up. When he did, we let him cry, but it was only for a couple minutes tops. Now when he wakes it is rare, so I usually go in and sometimes it leads to us having to do the CIO thing again because he starts to relearn that we come in when he cries. But it's never been as bad as the inital CIO spell we went through. Oh, it was awful and I'm praying it doesn't happen again when he gets older. I imagine the older and smarter they are, the harder it is.

With your situation, it sounds like going in is just teaching her you will come in eventually. So she knows to cry and cry until you come in and pick her up. I would try not going in for a few nights. It is so hard and she may cry for a long long time, but she will eventually go to sleep. This is what our pediatrician recommended after we explained our situation. It made me feel better knowing she would (and has done) the same. Especially what you described about your mother trying to put her in her crib - sounds all too familiar, and like separation anxiety to me.

Good luck, sleep problems are the worst!

 

Thanks to everyone for your hugs and suggestions. We tell our pediatrician every time and they were never concerned until their 15 month visit, and then he was really concentrated on changing something in her room. He is the one that suggested a night light.

I did try one night to let her just cry and never go in there and she cried for 2 hours.

I don't think she is hungry because I have offered her food when she woke up and she did not want it.

 

I have TWO bad sleepers right now...however it is hit or miss which one will get up and who will sleep if anyone. I have no problem letting them CIO however, my daughter has started banging her head againt the crib rail leaving huge bruises on her forehead. SO now instead of having her look like we beat her we end up sleeping with her. She could be dead asleep and as soon as you go to put her back in her crib she stands up and starts everything all over. SO I feel your pain, and hope it gets better for all of us!
I have to mention that my husband wants to pad her crib so she can bang away and not get hurt!

 

oh my gosh..i could have written your post..wow. so similar. my DD has just started doing this. it has been happening randomly for the past month or so and for the past two nights, it's been brutal. i really think she would cry all night if we let her. she goes to bed without any issues (typically..maybe 15 minutes of crying) and then she wakes up at random hours and SCREAMS!! i went in initially to check to make sure she was OK last night and she was walking around in her crib screaming. i put her down in the crib and she objected but then calmed down a bit as i rubbed her back. i left the room and she started screaming. i didn't go back in and she cried for about 30 minutes. it went from screaming to more of a complaining cry to a weak almost-asleep cry and then back to SCREAMING! i actually went out and sat in the car last night to get my bearings as the crying was too much for me. my husband gave in after about a half and hour and she fell asleep with him on the couch. i came back in from the car and he put her back in her crib and she slept really well for the rest of the night.
my poor DS shares a room with her. thank GOODNESS he can sleep through all this. but i would assume that it is affecting his sleep as he definitely is not able to be in a "sound" sleep with all the noise.
i am bringing them in for a checkup today as DS has a cold and DD has a slight cold (just the slightest bit of congestion) and i want them to check both for ear infections. there have been no signs of one (no pulling on the ears, fever, etc) but, i just want to make sure everything is okay physically.
but..my big question...why would she nap just fine and be great during the day and then cry/scream at night if this was an ear infection or something else??? i am thinking that it's separation anxiety.
as far as CIO - how long do you let these poor little kids cry?? i mean..she gets hysterical and if i go in there is makes it that much worse. i keep the room dark (only a night light) and i just say "shhhhhh" and rub her back after i lay her back down in her crib. she calms down, i leave the room and she screams again. this is really frustrating. ugh. ugh. ugh

 

lots of hugs and sympathy..... we also have one who wakes several times/night, screaming for a bottle. at first it was ebm, but then we started giving him watered down formula. anyways, after several months and several books (and a consultant who ttold us to try a variation of cio which would never work w/him), i finally found a book w/a program that helped us immensely--it's called good night, sleeep tight. basically, it recommends getting the child to sleep on her/his own, even if there's crying, but you stay wthe child and sort of coach him to sleep from tthe sidelines. so he is not alone. but he is learning to sleep..... we did one round of this and cut the wakings down from a dozen a night to 3 or 4. we are planning to do another round soon and eliminate the feedings all together.....

i highly recommend the book. it's by kim west.

best of luck!
jl

 

My DS is the same~I have been fighting sleep issues with him since day one. My DD does not have these issues. My dreams of them sharing a room are gone, we gave up and put him in his own room. Doesn't change his behavior, nothing in his room helps. What finally helped was cio but I don't believe in not going in at all. They need to know you are still there as it probably is sep anxiety. So when the crying starts, I do go in, give him a pacy and a small blankey, turn on a music that has a 10 min timer and I leave and then I do not come back. First night it took 2 hours and he did it 3 times, at 11pm, 3am, and 5am.....second night only once for an hour and a half, 3rd night, once for 10 minutes and by the 4th night I didn't hear from him at all. He will go months and not have a problem and then he'll try me again so even in the am now I have to do the same thing to get him and now his sister too to sleep in, check on them, give them what they need and quickly leave. It is hard, I hate it, it is the worst part for me about parenting. I can handle all the rest. I hate cio but it really does work eventually. I can't stand hearing the cries, he sounds like he's dying in there....but I have to do it, for him and for me.....you might have to give it a few more nights....

 

I have one like this and he will NOT sleep unless there is another person in the room. He is crying right now (should be napping) because he is alone in his bedroom - his brother is sick and fell asleep on the couch, whereas normally they nap together. For about a month recently, he screamed bloody murder the entire time every naptime because they were napping in separate rooms but together in the same room at bedtime. CIO was not effective at all for him. In exasperation, I moved him to the same room as his brother, and now he naps again!! Maybe you could try moving her crib in with her twin, so they are in the same room?

:grouphug: This sleep stuff can be so draining and frustrating! Good luck - keep us updated!!

 

I just wanted to give an update since you guys have always been so helpful with our sleep problems. My Callie finally started sleeping through the night at about 18-19 months. Once or twice a month she may wake and scream, but other than that, it is like a dream come true, a pray answered, etc. Thanks so much for your support.

To anyone else still having this problem. Hang in there, they will sleep.........eventually.