15 months - still wake up

CIO does not work in this house! And at 15 months 13.5 adjusted - and only 18 pounds), one of my babies still wakes up at least once. We try to wait, we hold, we change diapers, sometimes we eventually have to give a little bottle. He's been crying since 3:00 and, of course, he woke up his brother. He goes to sleep as soon as we pick him up, and cries as soon as we put him down. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do. I didn't think this would still be happening. It feels like we still have a newborn. Any advice other than CIO?

 

Patience and do what works.


I am very anti-CIO and my twins never consistantly slept though the night until they were 2. They are terrific sleepers - so have hope


I felt (and still do feel) good in nurturing them whenever they need it. Often in the middle of the night it takes just a moment to reassure a child and put them back to sleep.

At your babies ages, I would still nurse if they wanted/needed - and don't be taken in with the "they don't need to eat at that age". You know what? Sometimes they do.


I also had my children sleep with me. Not every night, but when anyone needed too. I got so much more sleep this way.

A little one who is restless will often settle peacefully next to a parent. No, co-sleeping all or P/T will not make your children unable to sooth/sleep/be independant/turn into a bad habit/etc/etc. I believe and have years of in-house practice to show that quite the opposite happens. My children always knew that we would be there if they needed us - even if it wasn't convenient for us. Just because they are not wet, feverish or starving doesn't mean they don't need you.


Did that mean we were woken up? Yep. Did I want to get up in the middle of the night - not always, but it's not all about me No matter how much I would like it to be.

I am an instinctive parent. I trust my instincts and only seem to regret decisions when I don't.

Cuddle your baby, sleep with them, feed them.....it passes so fast and honestly looking back on my parenting for the past 12 1/2 yrs, I do not regret my lack of slumber or even one time I snuggled a baby at 3 in the morning.


Follow what you feel is the right thing. Your insticts will rarely lead you astray.

 

Is is possible for you to separate your babies in the short term? Just until you get this night-waking issue under control? We had Evan and James in different rooms while James was having issues. It's not ideal, but at least Evan didn't get woken by James' midnight parties. Unlike the previous poster, we did sleep training with James. It was a tough few days, but he soon began sleeping 12 hours and was a much happier baby as a result. Different strategies work for different babies, but consistency is the key. I'm not a big fan of the term "CIO" because to me the crying part is not the focus, it's just an unpleasant but sometimes necessary part of the sleep training process. If you opt to do sleep training, and then send mixed messages by sometimes allow a child to cry, other times going in to soothe, other times offering a bottle...then the baby doesn't know what to expect and crying is intensified and prolonged. So no matter what you choose, be consistent. Write down a plan, make sure everyone is on board, and then stick to it for a few days before you adjust. Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child? I borrowed a lot of ideas from that book. Although I always soothed James to sleep at bedtime, we did have to teach him to self soothe for his frequent night wakings. He was never getting into that deep phase of sleep that is truly restorative. Once he learned to sleep well, he started walking, waving, clapping - a huge range of new skills appeared! He was much happier too. I realized he had been walking around in a haze for months. Sleep training isn't for every parent or every baby, that's for sure (we never did it with Evan, for example), but sometimes it can work beautifully. It's not easy though, that's for sure. I'm glad I followed my instinct though.

Ultimately, no matter what you choose, time will help. Babies sleep better as they mature, I think. There are always ups and downs though. I really feel for you - I know what it's like to be soo tired and still have two babies to care for all day. I was to the point where I didn't trust myself to drive a car because I was so tired. For months and months I never got more an hour at a time, and sometimes I'd be up with James 7 times a night, for up to 3 hours at a time. It was tough! Co-sleeping didn't help, night feedings didn't help - nothing seemed to help.

I did take James to the doctor before I did any sleep training. Just wanted to make sure there were no medical issues at play. I recommend doing that. Wouldn't want to find out there was a hidden ear infection or something.

 

QUOTE(CHJH @ Mar 19 2008, 09:47 AM) [snapback]676650[/snapback]
Is is possible for you to separate your babies in the short term? Just until you get this night-waking issue under control? We had Evan and James in different rooms while James was having issues. It's not ideal, but at least Evan didn't get woken by James' midnight parties. Unlike the previous poster, we did sleep training with James. It was a tough few days, but he soon began sleeping 12 hours and was a much happier baby as a result. Different strategies work for different babies, but consistency is the key. I'm not a big fan of the term "CIO" because to me the crying part is not the focus, it's just an unpleasant but sometimes necessary part of the sleep training process. If you opt to do sleep training, and then send mixed messages by sometimes allow a child to cry, other times going in to soothe, other times offering a bottle...then the baby doesn't know what to expect and crying is intensified and prolonged. So no matter what you choose, be consistent. Write down a plan, make sure everyone is on board, and then stick to it for a few days before you adjust. Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child? I borrowed a lot of ideas from that book. Although I always soothed James to sleep at bedtime, we did have to teach him to self soothe for his frequent night wakings. He was never getting into that deep phase of sleep that is truly restorative. Once he learned to sleep well, he started walking, waving, clapping - a huge range of new skills appeared! He was much happier too. I realized he had been walking around in a haze for months. Sleep training isn't for every parent or every baby, that's for sure (we never did it with Evan, for example), but sometimes it can work beautifully. It's not easy though, that's for sure. I'm glad I followed my instinct though.

Ultimately, no matter what you choose, time will help. Babies sleep better as they mature, I think. There are always ups and downs though. I really feel for you - I know what it's like to be soo tired and still have two babies to care for all day. I was to the point where I didn't trust myself to drive a car because I was so tired. For months and months I never got more an hour at a time, and sometimes I'd be up with James 7 times a night, for up to 3 hours at a time. It was tough! Co-sleeping didn't help, night feedings didn't help - nothing seemed to help.

I did take James to the doctor before I did any sleep training. Just wanted to make sure there were no medical issues at play. I recommend doing that. Wouldn't want to find out there was a hidden ear infection or something.



Thanks for your replies. I don't like the term CIO either, but I believe in sleep training; I know others don't. I know we have to be consistent, but sometimes I can tell he just needs me, and it might not be the same as the night before...it's so hard sometimes!! Throw a 3-year-old in the mix who still needs us sometimes in the middle of the night and it is just exhausting. I am one who can function with less sleep, but it takes a toll after a while. I know it's about them, not me, but I am a much better mother when I am somewhat rested. There seems to be no easy solution...just really needed to share with someone! Last night was a rough one for everyone.

Jacob gets really bad colds, and it always seems like once he starts sleeping better, he starts to get sick and then it is like starting the whole sleep-training all over again. And each time it is harder. We've talked to his doctor, and she has just really encouraged us to be patient and do what works for us...so far, I'm not sure what that is!!

I like the idea of writing down a plan. Thank you for the book recommendation - I will look for it. I haven't read that one, just Baby Wise, and I didn't follow it to a "T", we just used what worked for us. It seemed a little harsh sometimes.

Thank you!! If anyone else can share their experiences, I would appreciate it.

 

I just did CIO with my girls at 11 mos. I hate hate hated it. BUT - I knew and felt that my girls were waking out of habit at that point. Alot of people told me I should have done it sooner, or when I was in the grip of getting up once or twice a night with 9 mo. olds, everyone told me I should do CIO. You know what? I went with my instinct. I KNEW my girls were hungry and gave them a bottle when they woke. I could tell by their cries etc. and I went with my gut feeling and intuition. At 11 mos., they were eating more during the day and at dinner time etc. and I KNEW then that they were waking out of habit and felt okay doing CIO with them. If I didn't, I wouldn't have, no matter what anyone said. This said, go with what YOU feel. You know your babies best. I have also picked my babies up in the middle of the night after doing CIO with no problem etc. Matter of fact, last night, Natalie woke at 3am. I could tell by her cry that she was uncomfortable. I picked her up, changed her diaper, gave her some teething tablets (getting molars in!) and a drink of water and some wonderful snuggles and kisses. I didn't say a word to her. Put her right back down, and she went right back to sleep. I think with infant / toddler sleep, it's 2 steps forward, one back. 3 night they'll STTN - 2 they'll wake for what ever reason. I am a firm believer of gut feelings of the parent. I have brought them to bed with me when they've woke also. I struggled with "Am I doing this right? SHOULD I do CIO with them? (when they were 9 mos. etc.) blah blah blah" Do you know what? I stressed that whole time thinking I'm doing it wrong - my babies should be getting more sleep - I'm spoiling them - yadda yadda. I was miserable for about 2 weeks. then - I just stopped asking etc., and did what I felt was right for my babies, and everything fell into place. Yes, I wasn't getting as much sleep as the Mom who did CIO at 6 mos. and yes I was exhausted most days, but that didn't compare to the peace of mind I had that I was doing what my babies needed at the time. And I think it changes often!! Good luck with what ever you do and feel comfortable with - and that will help you get some sleep.

 

QUOTE(Callen @ Mar 19 2008, 09:17 AM) [snapback]676576[/snapback]
Patience and do what works.
I am very anti-CIO and my twins never consistantly slept though the night until they were 2. They are terrific sleepers - so have hope
I felt (and still do feel) good in nurturing them whenever they need it. Often in the middle of the night it takes just a moment to reassure a child and put them back to sleep.

At your babies ages, I would still nurse if they wanted/needed - and don't be taken in with the "they don't need to eat at that age". You know what? Sometimes they do.
I also had my children sleep with me. Not every night, but when anyone needed too. I got so much more sleep this way.

A little one who is restless will often settle peacefully next to a parent. No, co-sleeping all or P/T will not make your children unable to sooth/sleep/be independant/turn into a bad habit/etc/etc. I believe and have years of in-house practice to show that quite the opposite happens. My children always knew that we would be there if they needed us - even if it wasn't convenient for us. Just because they are not wet, feverish or starving doesn't mean they don't need you.
Did that mean we were woken up? Yep. Did I want to get up in the middle of the night - not always, but it's not all about me No matter how much I would like it to be.

I am an instinctive parent. I trust my instincts and only seem to regret decisions when I don't.

Cuddle your baby, sleep with them, feed them.....it passes so fast and honestly looking back on my parenting for the past 12 1/2 yrs, I do not regret my lack of slumber or even one time I snuggled a baby at 3 in the morning.
Follow what you feel is the right thing. Your insticts will rarely lead you astray.


Ditto

But you can read "The No Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers" by elizabeth pentley to help gently encourage sttn.