14 months and an emotional breakdown

OK moms I really need some help. The boys are now T 14 months.I have one walker who also is an excellent eater. On the other hand his brother refuses to walk and will not eat much more than yogurt. He will not self feed. I believe he's capable but maybe just stubborn. So I stay home with them 24/7. My boys were a nightmare to take anywhere, they cry and will not go to anyone but me. They cry every time anyone is over and every time dad comes home from work or weekends they scream the entire time he is around. We are at our wits ends and are so overwhelmed. We will go to doc at 15 months and hopefully get some better answers but as of now my husband and I are feeling defeated. We can't do anything as a happy family

 

I am sorry you are going through such a rough stage... We had some issues around that age with Vanessa being antisocial and stranger-danger with everyone including my father in law - and she saw him at least twice a week. She was just comfortable around us and my parents who watch them during the day. The only thing that helped her get over it was time... she just outgrew it, now at 3 she is still shy but she talks to people and she has a great relationship with my FIL. I think she got over the crying in about 2-3 months. She had some stages when she was crying even if my DH picked her up - but it was more when she was really tired, it wasn't an every day thing.
 
Your situation must be really weird for your husband, but I hope he understands it's just a stage. Sorry I can't be more helpful. I hope they get over this soon and they become more manageable.

 

Sorry things are so hard... for them, and your DH, and for you (i am sure you could use a break and this must make that impossible).
It is a stage but that doesn't make it easier when you are in it.
 
I thought i would brainstorm a little with you....
-When we visit family that the kids haven't met or won't remember i make a slide show on the computer.  We listen to fun music and talk about the people in the pictures.  I try to get pictures of things they recognize (my brother with a dog, my niece sitting in the flowers, my dad laughing, etc.) but really any picture will work.  I play the slide show daily for just a few minutes daily and get excited about what we see.  They love it AND I have noticed that they 'warm up' faster to people after the slide show.  I have shared this with a number of friends and they have all seen a decrease in the 'warm up' time.
It wouldn't be a 'fix' but it might help speed the stage along.
-Another brainstorm idea -- Maybe share your trouble with a friend and see if she will come spend the day with you in spite of the crying.  She should be prepared to ignore the boys completely. ONE - you must feel very isolated and the company would do you good and TWO - having someone there who isn't emotionally involved and willing to ignore the crying might be good for your boys.  If she knows what she signed up for, it will reduce your stress about their reaction and provide an opportunity for them to just deal.  If she is willing to sit on the floor, play with their toys and ignore them all the better.
(ETA- too bad i don't live in AZ.. i would love to come over and spend the day playing with your kids toys )
 
As for one son walking and the other not.  My two were like that.  DD was on her feet a month before DS got up into a real crawl position (he was only military crawling).  
If they were preemie, most states have a free program through social services that will do a developmental assessment at no charge.  They usually come to your home.  I took advantage of that for my son and it was helpful.  I could relax knowing they were monitoring it and they assured me he was okay.  They also gave me some PT exercises to do with him that helped move things along and therefore reduce his frustration (and therefore mine).  Like your son, i do believe it was personality.. he was perfectly content until suddenly he was frustrated.  
Anyway might be worth a call to see if your state has that program.
 
Hang in there.. the happy family days will come.  This is not forever.
keep us posted.

 

Thanks so much guys!! I will try your tips Daisey smd see if it helps. At this point there's not much that I'm not willing to try. The crying around daddy is the worst part for all of us. Its weighing on our patience. They have been this was for a while. They were not preemie. In fact they were 38 weekers. I think the doctor may have him assessed though, for his eating issues.

 

The Daddy issue must be the hardest, on Daddy especially.  Have you tried making him the fun parent?  He, and only he, gets to play with the most fun toys, do the fun activities with them, gives out the treats etc?  If there is part of the day they particularly enjoy like bath time or reading, only Daddy does it.  

 

Yes it's very hard on him and unfortunately by the time he's home from work they are cranky and want to sleep. He tries hard to make them happy. I'm fact as long as I'm holding them they will play and laugh with him. But that is absolutely the only time. Unless we leave the house. If we go out and do things they are typically better with him. Its just so strange to us. My daughter was no where near this tough

 

Did he try ignoring them and playing with your daughter and doing something really funny with her? Maybe if they see how much fun she's having, they will walk/crawl towards them and try to be included. Maybe dancing, or tickling and laughing on the floor or something easy like that. But he has to ignore them at the beginning and just focus on her, maybe they will want to go and get in the middle of that - at least my kids would have done that. If all fails, Angry birds should do the trick , or any toddler type game.
 
I hope they get better as they grow, hang in there!

 

You have received some good advice! Hopefully it's a short phase! Hang in there!!

 

I just wanted to say that you ladies are all phenomenal! Fantastic advice all around. Ashley, big hugs.

 

Just thought id jump on here and post an update!! I am so busy I rarely have time to chat.

My boys will be 2 in two weeks!!! I cannot believe how time has passed so quickly.

We were in a rough spot when I wrote this post, and in fact most of it has been ongoing for some time. The boys both walk, in fact the other was walking by 15 months. They have no physical problems.

As of right now we are starting therapy. Early intervention. Jaydon still does not eat solids foods nor does he self feed. They are also speech delayed and only have 2 or 3 words at this time.
We were worried of a possible autism diagnosis, but it seems as if one of them just has some sensory issues. We can finally go shopping and out of the house without meltdowns!! Both babies love their daddy finally!

One thing we have changed, other than moving back closer to home and family is we have started using essential oils on them to help with brain function, and emotions. It has turned them around completely.

Now we are just praying for some speech and of course for little man to start eating!!

 

Thank you for giving us this update.  It reminds me of the difficult times that we have had and that we are now ok with so many issues.  Wishing you good luck.  Keep us posted.