1-2-3 Magic Users

We're embarking on 123 Magic, and I wanted to see what kind of feedback everyone had on their experiences with it. It fits in nicely with my natural lean toward Love & Logic parenting, however, I'm a bit suspicious that it will truly be 'magic' with 26-month olds. The boys have decent communication skills for their age. I guess the part that seems most important (I still have a few chapters yet to read) is the 'initial discussion', which I don't really see being all that effective as most lecture-type conversations we have with them are generally retained for about, um, 3 seconds.

Anyhow, just wondering what you all thought...rant or rave? Any modifications you made to make it work better for the two-year old demographic?

Appreciate your input.

ETA: Oh yeah, my other 'this-isn't-going-to-work-for-2yos' thought was that Phelan encourages you to count behaviors aggressively, even when in doubt of whether it should be counted, in the beginning. I was thinking that focusing on 2 or 3 behaviors at a time might be more appropriate for my boys' age (26m).

 

:8714bumper:

 

I am in the exact same spot you are, almost to the day. So far it is working hit or miss and I hope we get some input from those using it with slightly older than our children.

 

It works really well with our girls... and we started about the same age. I am not as aggresive as they suggest and save 1-2-3 for rules that they KNOW ( out of cuboards, no standing on sofa, etc), and dangerous situations( hitting, aggresion, not listening, hand holding).

I try to redirect a lot- for example: if they are jumping on a book(lets not jump on the book- the trampoline is for jumping! Lets go play on the trampoline....) or fighting over a toy ( I know you want the princess doll. Your sister is playign with it. You can have it when she is all done. Here is the baby doll while you wait).

We do a 1 min. Time-Out and/or a logical punishment and it sometimes takes one of my DDs 2x , but she then stops whne we start to count. I also state the punishment and then talk it over after the timeout ( brief statement of rule and what to do correctly).

KC

 

I also started it for the behaviors that they know. For something that was new, say like they just figured out how to open the sliding door, I give a warning first "No opening the door. Only grown-ups open the door." Then if it happens again, I start with "That's 1". I do also give a natural consequence sometimes instead of it always being a time out, and I'll throw in what the consquence will be at one, i.e. "That's 1. If I get to three, I'm taking the blocks away" (say if she was throwing blocks).
I admit, I don't follow it to the letter, because I was getting tired of it. I do more natural consequence, and yes still at approaching three years, I still find myself redirecting a lot. The same rules as before still are holding true, that unpleasant behavior seems to happen when they are bored, tired, or hungry. Honestly, if I know they are acting up because of one of these, I feel like it's not serving any purpose to keep trying to get them to serve their time out, I just try to fix the bored/tired/hungry situation. Not that it excuses the behavior, but you know what I mean.

 

S~ I picked my battles for certain at 2! I used it for hitting and stuff. I strapped them in at that point to their feeding seats for the time out. Now I don't have to do that, but they learn VERY quickly.

I absolutely recommend following through. IF YOU START don't STOP. SO - - don't start counting and then not finish. If they continue the behavior don't look the other way.

I don't think that's your style anyway.

 

I didn't read the book but I do a 1-2-3 count with some things and it is magic for us (and I've got a couple of challengers, you know). It's a complex system of consistency around here and it's work for me to remember it all because I haven't found any one thing that works for all situations. We've got timeouts (instant for hitting, warning first for other behaviors that need to stop NOW), 1-2-3 for behaviors that need to stop but aren't destructive or imminently dangerous, taking toys for screaming squabbles that are escalating and destructive tantrums, redirection for annoying things like playing with the curtains, and bribes for pooping in the potty. Makes me tired just thinking about it. But if you ever doubt that it's worth it, watch Supernanny sometime.

 

I don't have anything useful to add, because we started using it when Nadia was 3.5 -- but it worked very, very well for us at that age. So if it doesn't work for you now, put it away and keep it in mind for when they're older....

Also, we acted out the initial "lecture" for her -- I threw some blocks across the room, and DH told me to stop. I then started having a little hissy fit, and DH started with the counting. He got to 3, and then walked me over to the back steps (where we do time-outs), and told me to stay there until the timer rang.

Nadia thought this was all very entertaining, and she grasped it immediately....but, there is a huge difference between 2 and 3, of course!

 

We started around 22 months when they had started to whine about EVERYTHING.....and it's worked nicely. I don't send them to their rooms, they get a time out at three. They're in time out for about 2 mins and then like a time out I talk to them after they're out of it and they have to say sorry. We all hug make up and go on. We've really had great sucess with it. I'll probably start sending them to their rooms when they're older but I feel they're too young now. Good luck, hope it works well for you too.

 

here is how i use it... and it works great for me... if i see a bahaviour that is unacceptable, i tell them to stop immediately or i will x. for us, if the behaviour was taking a car away from bro for example, I will be the one to give it back if he does not do it himself... if he is not getting in the car when asked, i will carry him to the car if i get to 3. my boys want to be so independent that me doing it for them seems to be a big threat to this independence... i start the count and they usually do it on their own... i say i am going to count to three. if u do not x, then i will do it for you. this could be too much modification... but i figure if it is working i am sticking with it. so far they all want to be big boys and do it on their own... sometimes i do not even need to count... i love that book... :bow2:

 

QUOTE(All Boys @ May 20 2008, 08:00 PM) [snapback]784412[/snapback]
... if he is not getting in the car when asked, i will carry him to the car if i get to 3. my boys want to be so independent that me doing it for them seems to be a big threat to this independence... i start the count and they usually do it on their own... i say i am going to count to three. if u do not x, then i will do it for you...


YES, this EXACTLY! It works so well for the independent type. My guys cry and whine "Waaaaaaaaaaaalk!" the entire time they're being hauled to the car and the next time they will get right in.