anxiety help

So i don't know if this is a 1st time mom thing or maybe a twin mom thing, but im gunna put it to the group. 2 things...

#1) When i think about my registry i start to get anxious. Partially because we have registered for everything from carseats to strollers to mattresses, and since those aren't really small bill items, i worry. I think that the reason that im worring so much is because there is 2 of them and they are need to have items.

I know as long as we get the basics, and need to have like carseats and things like that we will be fine and everything else can wait but im trying not to think about it much...

#2) When you had your 1st, did you ever have doubts about your decision to get pregnant? I have wanted to be pregnant for probably 3 1/2 maybe 4 years.. Some times where stronger then others. But now after being pregnant and actually being far enough along that... barring somethign horrific,... i will have 2 little ones and i wonder......

Me and DH have a wonderful relationship. I mean we really get along we have are fights but in the 6 years that we have been married we really haven't had any major problems at all, he is my best friend.. Im scared what a little one will do to the relationship. We have had lots of our friends say not to have kids or that they regret having kids, enough people to make it a worry for me. I love him and im so scared that it won't be the same after. Some say that it is good but it changes, have any of you felt this way with your 1st or do any of you 1st time moms feel this way too?

TIA

 

I think it is a bit of both. My girls were my first pregnancy. I also registered for EVERYTHING. It was a little ridicuolous looking back at it now. But you know what, I got what we NEEDED and we made it. You will be fine. :hug:

 

Twins can be stressful on your marriage. Some work through it some cant. The first few months are stressful and very sleepless but you still need to make the time to be a couple. For us, the boys are the last and they put more stress than any of the other kids ever did. They had alot of health problems in the first two months. We did a trial seperation for three months and are just now getting it all back together. Just remember your love for each other gave you these 2 amazing little ones. Being parents creates a different kind of relationship. You will look at him one day while hes holding one or both and say to yourself "Thats the daddy of my babies" and fall lin love with him all over again.

I only registered for one of everything but they were the last so I had alot. First babies need it all so its nothing to feel bad about.

 

This is our third pregnancy so kids 4 and 5. I think I have had those questions (is this the right thing to do) with all of them. My guess is that we understand what a BIG deal having children is. Not everyone reacts to this idea the same way, but a few of us reflect it by doubting ourselves. We wonder if we can really do this, can we take care of all the things we are suppost to, can we live up to all the expectaions (which usually we put on oursleves). You worry because you love your DH AND your babies. We as women are much stronger then we give ourselves credit for. I thnk you'll be a great spouse and a great mom. Congradulations!

 

Relax. You can make do with only 1 crib/mattress for a while. N&M were in a co-sleeper until 8 mos. Carseats are not optional but the bases are. (They do make life more convenient though). A stroller is optional for the first couple months as long as you have someone to go with you to the pedi appts. You can get cribs and a stroller second hand if necessary. We received a lot of gift cards for Aidan's shower which we were able to use to buy a travel system (carseat & stroller). We were given a lot of second hand stuff for N&M. Wait until your shower then check Craigslist for the things you don't receive.

Aidan was a surprise so I can't say I regret the "decision" but N&M were planned and I did wonder about the wisdom behind our decision to have more kids. Your relationship will never be the same post-kids as pre-kids. It's not possible. The dynamics will have changed but that can be a good thing. Having kids is a HUGE strain no matter how solid or well established your relationship is. It's hard work. It's even harder when you're hormonal and sleep deprived which makes you crazy as bat-poop. But it's up to you to decide what kind of affect kids have on your relationship. Your perspective is vital to your sanity and relationship. I think having kids makes mine better. We have less time for each other but watching my dh play with Aidan and the babies, watching M reach out to her daddy, seeing N all sprawled out on dh's chest on the couch, hearing all of them laugh together - that's makes it worth it to me. My dh is an awesome daddy. That's a side I would never have known if we didn't have kids. I am so glad I got to meet the person he is as a father.

Relax. You're going to be fine, better than fine - you both are going to be great. You're just having some stage fright.

Christy

 

flutterbymama- I love your quotes!!!!

And what a nice answer, I loved it.

 

Ditto to all the PP.

Boy, you brought back memories for me. The first time I went to Babies R Us I about had a nervous breakdown. I felt so clueless and overwhelmed I panicked about putting the registry together.

Fast forward to the present--it all seems so inconsequential and ridiculous. You will be FINE. The most important thing is, you and DH love each other. AND you will both be crazy about your twinkies. Everything else will fall into place. There will be bumps along the way but you'll figure it out. I was a businesswoman with no domestic or maternal instincts--if I did it anyone can!

Believe me, you have no idea the joy that awaits you!!! Good luck.

 

my dh and I had a great relationship as well going into this and I remember thinking "what have i done ?" we did argue more in the first couple of month right after they were born but we always were respectful in our comments and arguments. We are back on track and loving having a family. We actually have another on the way. My dh never cared if we had kids or not and now he loves them to death.

I wouldn't change a thing.

Heather

 

QUOTE(Sisrea @ Oct 29 2008, 11:50 AM) [snapback]1047093[/snapback]
So i don't know if this is a 1st time mom thing or maybe a twin mom thing, but im gunna put it to the group. 2 things...

#1) When i think about my registry i start to get anxious. Partially because we have registered for everything from carseats to strollers to mattresses, and since those aren't really small bill items, i worry. I think that the reason that im worring so much is because there is 2 of them and they are need to have items.

I know as long as we get the basics, and need to have like carseats and things like that we will be fine and everything else can wait but im trying not to think about it much...

#2) When you had your 1st, did you ever have doubts about your decision to get pregnant? I have wanted to be pregnant for probably 3 1/2 maybe 4 years.. Some times where stronger then others. But now after being pregnant and actually being far enough along that... barring somethign horrific,... i will have 2 little ones and i wonder......

Me and DH have a wonderful relationship. I mean we really get along we have are fights but in the 6 years that we have been married we really haven't had any major problems at all, he is my best friend.. Im scared what a little one will do to the relationship. We have had lots of our friends say not to have kids or that they regret having kids, enough people to make it a worry for me. I love him and im so scared that it won't be the same after. Some say that it is good but it changes, have any of you felt this way with your 1st or do any of you 1st time moms feel this way too?

TIA


I've had both of those concerns. My thoughts on them:

1) I had a file on my computer where I listed everything on my registries. (I actually started with this list--using the "twin essentials" checklist from this website as a base--and then when I would register for something I'd put down what brand, which store--since I registered at more than one place--and the price.) A few weeks ago I went through that list and color-coded it: gray highlight for things we could probably do without, at least first, and then I've been highlighting in blue things that we have bought or received so I know what's taken care of. The things in white are essentials/priorities. So when we do our last round of shopping before the babies come I know I can just focus on those. If we feel we have more money to spend, I'll look through the stuff in gray and buy the most important of those items as well. That may be more work than you want to do. But for me it helped me feel less overwhelmed by all the "stuff" when I had things organized by priority. I also have a Big Sister here on Twinstuff and she was kind enough to critique my registry list (the highlighted version), so that helped, too.

2) That's a very normal concern. Not to scare you, but studies do show that marital satisfaction tends to plummet during the first year of having kids, which is understandable--it is a huge transition and there's a lot of stress as you adjust to your new roles and the new person(s) in your family system. I think the best way to handle that is to go into it with realistic expectations, and talk to your spouse about it--including your expectations for how you'll handle parenting and household responsibilities, so there are no assumptions or unpleasant surprises. A very experienced marriage counselor I know tells his clients, "Those first six months (or so), your goal is simply this: survival." Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself beyond that. I believe your marriage *can* recover, if you're both committed to riding out the challenges. Try to find ways to stay connected during that stage; I'm sure people who have been through it can offer better advice there about what worked for them. Maybe even consider posting in the general parenting forum to ask people how they dealt with the adjustment to marriage during that first year or so?

Now in a few months I'll put that advice to the test for myself.
At any rate, best of luck, and big hugs, to you, and know that you're not alone!

 

You are totally normal...i think we all go through this at some point.

The boys were my first and I wasn't sure what we were doing, if we made the right choice in getting pregnant, etc.

First, you will manage with your registry items. They are necessities and there are things you can do without. If people get you what you need...great, if it's not a necessity and you have something you need...exchange, and if it isn't purchased for you, you will find a way to get it. One crib and mattress will do for a while but you need two car seats. You need bottles and formula (I think whether you bf or bottle...and I bf my boys but occasionally gave bottles), footie sleepers, onesies, blankets, diapers, wipes, diaper cream, and bath stuff. There are other items that are nice to have but not a per se necessity like second crib/mattress (which you'll eventually need), baby bathtub, hoodie towels, fancy burp clothes (just buy the pack of cloth diapers...they work great), bottle warmer, boppies, swings or bouncy chairs, pnp, etc. Then there are things you can do without. You'll get it figured out. Also remember, a lot of people will not buy off your registry so you may be doing a lot exchanging...hopefully people are mindful of giving you gift receipts to make exchanges/returns easier (try to make sure you get receipts with diapers...so if you have too many of one size you can exchange them easier).

Second, having babies is hard on you and DH. My DH and I fought several times during the first few months, more so than we ever had before, but it was the stress and lack of sleep too. But we always knew that we loved each other and our babies. After we started getting more sleep and more of a routine, things got much better, and I'd say our relationship is stronger than it's ever been. It just takes hard work and patience. For me, I had to remember that he was a parent too and I wasn't the only one in control and that he had a say-so in how things were done with the babies. I also had to remember that it was me and DH first long before babies so I had to make sure and give him some attention, praise, etc for what he means to me and all that he does for me(and the boys).

It'll be fine, and you'll look back and think what was I so worried about!

 

QUOTE(Sisrea @ Oct 29 2008, 05:50 PM) [snapback]1047093[/snapback]
So i don't know if this is a 1st time mom thing or maybe a twin mom thing, but im gunna put it to the group. 2 things...

#1) When i think about my registry i start to get anxious. Partially because we have registered for everything from carseats to strollers to mattresses, and since those aren't really small bill items, i worry. I think that the reason that im worring so much is because there is 2 of them and they are need to have items.

I know as long as we get the basics, and need to have like carseats and things like that we will be fine and everything else can wait but im trying not to think about it much...

#2) When you had your 1st, did you ever have doubts about your decision to get pregnant? I have wanted to be pregnant for probably 3 1/2 maybe 4 years.. Some times where stronger then others. But now after being pregnant and actually being far enough along that... barring somethign horrific,... i will have 2 little ones and i wonder......

Me and DH have a wonderful relationship. I mean we really get along we have are fights but in the 6 years that we have been married we really haven't had any major problems at all, he is my best friend.. Im scared what a little one will do to the relationship. We have had lots of our friends say not to have kids or that they regret having kids, enough people to make it a worry for me. I love him and im so scared that it won't be the same after. Some say that it is good but it changes, have any of you felt this way with your 1st or do any of you 1st time moms feel this way too?

TIA


I think its perfectly natural to feel nervous or anxious. Having 1 baby, let alone 2, is a huge responsibility. I did IVF and knew there was a possibility of twins so it wasn´t a big shock when we found out I was pg with 2.

My DH and I are the same as you - have a great relationship and he´s my best friend. I won´t lie, your life will change when the babies arrive but if you have a strong relationship already in place, you will be fine. DH and I have had our world thrown completely upside-down but we´re getting through it. It´s a lot of work and you have your up and down days but you will marvel at the mini yous that you have created.

A little tip for when your two little ones are here: line up as much help as you can.

GL with your pregnancy. You will be just fine.

 

hey hun take a deep breath
dont worry about the registry, people will get togeather on the expensive stuff, or get what they can afford , make sure your baby shower is early enough you can get the items you need that arnt given to you.
a for your marriage. communicate with each other as much as posible, i was so scared my husband would have no clue what to do but i was wrong, my husband and i got more close after our 1 st baby was born, our second baby was rushed to nicu after he was born, my husband gave me a kiss and asked if im ok. i said yes he said ill find out whats going on ill be back i promise ill find out, he said i love you you did good and ran out the room. this took all my worry away because i knew he was there, evan with out me he could handle it. why because he is and always will be dad
you are both equal parents. let each other know what you want for your babies , start there life out by being on the same page. its work great for me

 

With my very first pregnancy (a singleton), I was worried sick about how DH and my relationship would be effected and I was so clueless on what all we needed. I was a mess! But let me tell you... things DID change and for the better for us! I feel as though the birth of my daughter has strengthened our relationship. DH is my best friend, my confidant, my everything. He is an amazing father and I know that we will always be strong together even with the surprise of the twins we are now expecting.

It is overwhelming, but I actually don't feel stressed about what all I need to register for. I still have the crib from my first one and I figure we can make do with that for a while before we need a second. The only thing I am making a priority is the carseats.

With my first, I didn't have a crib when she was born... couldn't afford it, didn't have much family to help us get the big ticket items. We made do with a pack play bassinet and we did fine. I think you'll be fine, too! Sounds like you have a wonderful DH and I am sure you'll have all the support you need from him