My sister is trying to get pregnant again

My sister (younger) and her husband got pregnant the first month that she stopped taking her pill. DH and I finally succeeded with IVF after 3 years of TTC. Her daughter is one week older than Jack and Lily.

I definitly would like to have more if possible. Our IVF was due to my own extreme exercising which caused me to lose AF. I will not do IVF again; however, I do think now that my own hormones are back to where they should be after regulating my exercise, etc... we may have an easier time getting pregnant. MY DH; however, is adamantly (sp?) against it and I am sure it is going to take a good 3 years or so to convince him to try again. I think he is traumatized by the first 3 months of Jack and Lily's life.
Also, we are totally house poor right now and need to sell our house. Of course, no one is buying it.

I just spoke with my sister (who obviously has all the money in the world) and she said she just went off her pill. SHe said they are not trying, just not preventing. Whatever, I am sure it will happen soon. I am happy for her but I am sort of struggling with not being sad for myself. I LOVED being pregnant and I would LOVE to have another and I think that her (impending pregnancy) makes me feel weird - jealous, maybe? Opps, I know that is not the right way to be towards my sister, but I am just being honest.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Also, she said it is different for them because we have two and they only have one. I don't really think that is a fair statement. So many people think that just because we were blessed by b/g twins that we should be content and not upset if unable to have another baby. I just do not think that is right at all. Even if you have a boy and a girl, you can still want to try again.


***sorry about all of the spelling mistakes...in a hurry!

 

I think your feelings are totally valid. When we struggle with getting pregnant, it's ALWAYS difficult when others don't struggle with it and just get pregnant "like that!"

But, I do absolutely agree with her about just having one. If I would've "just had one", I would've gotten pregnant immediately ONLY because I would want the sibs to be close in age. We got the best possible case scenario going on.. our kids have built in sibs. We are in a much better boat.

I think that I see it less about "people with twins are content and are done" and more about her (or anyone with one) wanting to have another one to keep that one company. I personally think it's important to have siblings close in age, when they aren't twins, of course..

Anyway, I understand what you're saying. If I wanted to be pregnant EVER again, and I most certainly don't, I would feel the very same way that you do.

You are experiencing totally normal feelings for sure. I also totally get where sister is coming from to, as I would do the same thing.

 

We struggled for 6.5 years of infertility before doing IVF one and a half times (first cycle cancelled before transfer of embies).... We are done and my DH is getting the big V at some point in the next few months. We have not had "protected" sex for 3 years since the boys have been born... So we are working on a decade of never getting pregnant on our own. I have come to terms with the fact that the boys will be our only children, but I still get a tinge of anger or resentment when a friend announces another pregnancy or "plans" to be pregnant soon. I think it's less about their right to build their family and more about the fact that I don't have that luxury and never will. Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to them without burdening yourself with whether they are "right" or "wrong" to have. She is your sister and OF COURSE you love her... and OF COURSE you want her happy.... and OF COURSE your experience makes you jealous of the ease in which she can get pregnant. Please give yourself a break... you have DEFINATELY earned it!!

 

I think you have all the rights in the world to feel the way you do. We have my 9 yr old and then the twins who are 18 months old. We didnt struggle with it at all it just happened. I want more, but DH doesnt. I got 'fixed' after the twins and everytime one of my friend or family gets pregnant i get a bit jealous. I really want more kids.

 

i think your feelings are more than valid, normal. i often feel that twinge of jealousy whenever someone announces they are pregnant, more so if it seems to "come easily" as you describe. but i feel SOOOOO much empathy for those who have trouble getting pregnant, and i just want to be near them as much as i can and offer hope. it's sort of a weird balance when you stand where we do (those of us who needed ART in some form)

of COURSE you love your sister and want her to be happy, and of COURSE just because you have a boy and a girl already it doesn't mean you only want one of each (the assumption ALWAYS chaps my hide, too). but i do agree with her as well, having one kid, is not the same as having 2 (aren't we always saying that??) regardless of the number of pregnancies involved in reaching that number....KWIM

i don't know if i helped at all, or even added anything new, but i wanted to commiserate with you, i have BTDT, most recently with my brother's wife last month who announced they were pg (they have a little boy 6 months older than my 2, and a 5 year old daughter) and i felt that bit of jealousy you describe--and then she miscarried and i felt even worse. i hope you come to terms with your very real feelings, and i'm sure you'll be genuinely happy for your sister when and if she gets pg again.

 

I think your feelings are valid as well. I know that feeling of wanting another one and DH not totally on board. The girls were a total surprise, and had they not been a surprise, I probably would have never had another baby because DH did not want anymore. For several years before the girls were born I envied anyone that I knew that had found out they were pregnant b/c I wanted just one more. Maybe your husband will come around!! Hugs to you in the mean time!! :hug:

 

Oh gracious, deary- I think your feelings are completely normal and understandable! I'm sure I'd feel the same way! It's tough! :hug: Don't be hard on yourself- something I believe is that "feelings" are never wrong- you can't help the way you "feel." You can act poorly based on feelings, but don't ever feel you are WRONG for feeling a certain way. It's what makes us human- and can then help us be sympathetic to others. :hug:

 

QUOTE(junglemomx2 @ Oct 7 2008, 11:22 AM) [snapback]1015488[/snapback]
I think it's less about their right to build their family and more about the fact that I don't have that luxury and never will.



Very well said.

Like everyone else said these feelings are normal. We personally will never have any more children ( a choice of both of ours) and we are happy with what we got but everytime someone announces they are, I still get that sinking feeling. I think as much as infertility is behind us it was a huge factor in our lives, one we will never forget and I think with that old feelings come back whether we want them to or not. And although you never wish harm upon anyone or wish infertility on someone, hearing those words still hurt. That is okay it is normal. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Ditto what everyone has said. My DH is not up for another, either, but Im still longing for more. We shall see. I haven't given up hope, yet. HUGS to you. I