Does it really matter if the dad is involeved with the kids

does it really matter if the dad is involeved with the kids?

 

Yes I feel it really matters and they are important

 

YES!!!! My DD (4) Really loves her daddy and looks forward to her story every night (he doesnt get home until 9pm)
And at a young age (8.5 months) the twins LOVE their daddy. They get VERY excited when he is home. They go to him when he is home rather than me. A Daddy is very important in a childs life.

 

All children do best with both loving parents. That said, I do kow some dads that are more harmful by being in the child's life. I also know a family with no dad (he died of cancer) and the boys are doing great. Not to say that they wouldn't be getting a different experierence if their dad was still around.

I think NEED is the key word. I think children NEED to be loved unconditionally and can recieve that from many different combinations of people in their lives.
Is a dad Important, of course.

 

QUOTE(twoplustwo @ May 10 2008, 05:14 PM) [snapback]766026[/snapback]
All children do best with both loving parents. That said, I do kow some dads that are more harmful by being in the child's life. I also know a family with no dad (he died of cancer) and the boys are doing great. Not to say that they wouldn't be getting a different experierence if their dad was still around.

I think NEED is the key word. I think children NEED to be loved unconditionally and can recieve that from many different combinations of people in their lives.
Is a dad Important, of course.


Just another voice in the Yes, Dad's are important camp. The father is a child's most important role model for male behaviour. Girls frequently grow up to mary men who share many of the characteristics of their father (for good or bad) and boys model their behaviour after their fathers. Our role in our kids lives certainly isn't the same as their mother's. Mom is still the preferred choice when its time for comforting after an owie or emotional trauma, but I like to think that they're gaining a lot spending time with me kicking the ball around in the back yard, wrestling, playing "Peter Pan" and whatnot.

 

Well I sure hope so. I know that I have a hard time keeping up with the both of them, but I do as much as I can and I feel that is very important.

 

from a dad who's own father wasn't very involved in his life YES!!!!!!!!!

Dad's are very important

 

Very Much So! I feel the Mom and the Dad are equally important- it takes 100% from each parent!

 

my kids would be LOST without their daddy - so yes daddy is a VERY integral part of their life...in fact if DH is around, my DS couldn't care less if I was :laughing:

 

If they aren't involved, they aren't really a Dad, are they? Dad is the guy that spends time with you. Otherwise, he is just the father of the child. Plus think of it this way: If you don't vote, you have no right to complain about the elected officials, right? The same applies here: If you aren't involved (read: you don't parent...), you have no right to complain about how the other parent raises the kids.


If I weren't involved with my kids, I don't think I would feel right about myself, both as a parent and as a man taking care of my responsibilities.

 

OMG definately. i love my daddy and at 36 i am still a daddy's girl
both parents are important in a child's life. my kids love there dad and their face light up as soon as he comes home from work and if he dares try to get changed before picking one up he is in trouble :laughing:

 

IMO important is not a strong enough word for the role that fathers have. I can't even tell you how grateful I am I don't have to face raising my kids by myself.

 

I guess it depends on your situation. Yes- having both parents is ideal. I consider myself the " Main" parent as I do most everything with the kids. My husband takes a more passive approach. I wish he would do more with the boys-but he doesn't think he needs to do more. His dad was pretty absent in his life so maybe that is why he feels that way. We struggled to get pregnant and I was so happy when I found out I was FINALLY pregnant. We did IVF and I initially was pregnant with triplets but lost one very early on so the rest of my pregnancy was spent on bedrest and alot of hospital stays. I guess he was happy when we had the boys but didn't really show it- he left right after my c-section and didn't even wait until they brought me to the NICU to see the boys or to my room, no flowers or card or anything thoughtful to say, Thank you for our boys. 2 years ago he told me that if we had to do it all over again he would not do fertility again- that he wouldn't want kids- he told me that he just did it to make me happy. How do you respond to that? Now I feel that the kids and I are a burden to him and that he never really wanted the boys. He never takes them anywhere or does fun stuff with them and they always say they wish Daddy would play with them. So- if I had it to do all over I would have my boys again and again and again as they are the light of my life- I wish he felt that way. So- i'm not sure it is so healthy to have him in their lives- he is trying harder now. Maybe he sees how important a role he plays in their lives. He does love them. But if I had to raise them on my own I know I could do it. Thanks for letting me vent a little!!!!!

Tracy
Mom to Griffin & Alex :itwins_boys:
03/14/02

 

QUOTE(Tracy-mom to twin boys @ May 18 2008, 07:47 AM) [snapback]779566[/snapback]
I guess it depends on your situation. Yes- having both parents is ideal. I consider myself the " Main" parent as I do most everything with the kids. My husband takes a more passive approach. I wish he would do more with the boys-but he doesn't think he needs to do more. His dad was pretty absent in his life so maybe that is why he feels that way. We struggled to get pregnant and I was so happy when I found out I was FINALLY pregnant. We did IVF and I initially was pregnant with triplets but lost one very early on so the rest of my pregnancy was spent on bedrest and alot of hospital stays. I guess he was happy when we had the boys but didn't really show it- he left right after my c-section and didn't even wait until they brought me to the NICU to see the boys or to my room, no flowers or card or anything thoughtful to say, Thank you for our boys. 2 years ago he told me that if we had to do it all over again he would not do fertility again- that he wouldn't want kids- he told me that he just did it to make me happy. How do you respond to that? Now I feel that the kids and I are a burden to him and that he never really wanted the boys. He never takes them anywhere or does fun stuff with them and they always say they wish Daddy would play with them. So- if I had it to do all over I would have my boys again and again and again as they are the light of my life- I wish he felt that way. So- i'm not sure it is so healthy to have him in their lives- he is trying harder now. Maybe he sees how important a role he plays in their lives. He does love them. But if I had to raise them on my own I know I could do it. Thanks for letting me vent a little!!!!!

Tracy
Mom to Griffin & Alex :itwins_boys:
03/14/02


My husband is the same way. I've had a lot of people get upset when I've told them "No, he isn't excited that I'm pregnant" But really I'm not too worried about it. I know too many men that didn't take an intrest in their children until they were out of diapers. And I know he'll be a great dad, it's one of the reasons I married him. I just don't think he knows he'll be a great dad, and right now he's thinking more about everthing he thinks he can't do once they're born. He's living in denial at this point, and that's fine with me because I know he'll grow out of it, probably when the boys are about 5. I did tell him that while their still babies he can live in denial all he wants, but he still has to help out when I need a hand. I don't know, like I said, I've known a lot of men who weren't dancing for joy when their wives first got pregnant, but they turned out to be great dads anyway, my own dad included. You would never have guessed from the way he acted at my wedding that he ever thought "I wish I never had kids!" It wasn't really the fun stuff he did with us that made him important, he really didn't do all that much. But he was there, and that was very important. I guess I'm just trying to say, you're not the only one who's husband acts like this, and I'm glad you posted about it because I take a lot of comfort from what you said, that he's trying harder now, so I know I don't have false hopes for my husband.

 

VERY IMPORTANT!

 

Without a doubt! My husband is a gem when it comes to our little guys! I can't imagine trying to do this without him!

 

Umm, Yes. I feel that we are very important. As a stay at home dad of twin 22 month olds I play a huge roll in my guys life. And I wish that every dad would have the chance to stay at home with their kids for a while.

 

I wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't a part of my kids life. They are what I look forward to when I get off of work every day. I especially look forward to my Wednesday's off when I get to spend pretty much the whole day (well until 5:30) with them. Those are some of the best times in the world. Just last night one of my daughters was not feeling all that well and crawled up and laid on the couch with me and we watched baseball all night. My girls are my life.

 

My husband is just as important to my twins as I am. Neither one of us is more important than the other. If someone gets hurt, sometimes they will come to me, sometime go to DH. He is fully an equal member of this family and of parenting. Our children are far and away the most important thing in my husband's life. And that is exactly how it should be. Like Daddy_At_Home said, if only all men could experience staying home with the kids! My DH did it for 2 months when I went back to work, and we didn't have our daycare set up, so he took Family Leave for 2 months. He said it was the hardest and most rewarding 2 months of his life (they were 6 months when he started doing this).

But the part that made me love him the most was when he said "I would just LOVE to stay home with them. Nothing would make me happier."

My kids adore Daddy. So, a good Dad is SUPER important in a child's life. A crappy Dad? Well, that's just a detriment.

 

Absolutely!! My girls love their daddy soooo much. We do it equally, and if we could afford it, he would be a SAHD in heartbeat. He misses the girls when he is at work.

I am still a "daddy's girl" too. I have always felt more closely with my dad though he lives 4hrs away and I don't see him much.

I second that they wouldn't be a dad if they were not involved. He would just be the sperm donor.
April

 

IMHO, yes.
Dh gives things to our children that I never could. He is a positive male role model for them, and he loves them unconditionally. I do too, but I do believe men and women have different things to teach kids and social roles. He has been home with them in the mornings while I work since M&T were 2 months old, and even now when they will be starting full time kindergarten in the fall, he says he does not want to give up his time with them.
On the flip side of that, the kids make him a better person. He is more giving and wonderful and positive than when it was just him and I in our family.
I am taking this from a positive dad role. I also believe, yes, unfortunately, there are kids that are better off without their "dad". And I think we all know those kinds of relationships. Dads can be more than the biological thing too: men like step-dads, grandfathers, uncles, and big brother volunteer can all come under the headings of "dad" I think, and I am sure I am missing some other titles that go with blended and mixed type families.

 

QUOTE(Merin @ May 10 2008, 09:57 AM) [snapback]765869[/snapback]
does it really matter if the dad is involved with the kids?


Absolutely. I read of a study that showed that girls who did not have a positive relationship with a male role model (aka Daddy) in their lives were more than 5 times as likely to be promiscuous as teenagers than girls who did have that influence. Yes, for that reason and many others, dads matter greatly.

 

I am 16 and I would say that my father is very important in my life. I love my mother and father equally but some things are easier to talk about wiht my father. Not to mention he is also the nurturing (I totally just butchered that word ). Fathers are very important because often times girls marry people who are like their fathers.

 

My father is soo important to me. Depending on the father I do think its important for the child. My father is very nurturing and he has always been there for me. We are his little princesses. However he and his twin have very different parenting styles. Maybe its because his brother had boys and my dad had girls. Dads are very important. Thats who a girl will base her standard of men off of.

 

As as 33 year old woman who has just lost her mother, I have to say that it has shown me how important my pop is to me. He has always been a wonderfully strong presence in my life, for this I am so thankful. I pray that my DH will be as strong and supoortive to our children as my pop was/is to me.

 

As a dad myself i think that it all depends on who the father is and how he is with the children. I have one of my own and just recently added three step children (who i love as if they were my own) and now i have twins on the way. The first time i heard i was going to be a dad i was scared as hell. I know alot of guys feel this way and it may see like they "don't care" but most of the time that is not the case at all. I now have twins on the way and i am so excited i am acting like a gitty little school girl. thats right i said girl. I the question being asked is really a trick on. Daddys are very important in a childs life, But daddy comes in many differant forms. Like me i am a step dad but does that make me less important no. because i am the only positive role model in these kids life. Their father decided about a year ago he didnt want to be a dad anymore. And when there mother and i got together i am the one that putt the pieces of these 3 beautiful childrens hearts back together. Now on to my son. I am both a father and a dad to him. At first i did not know about him. His mother moved away before we knew she was pregnant. After about 5 years she decided that i needed to help and filed a child support order. blood test were done so on and so forth. Now i have him all the time and his behavior has improved and his goals in life have changed (which i am sure they will do about a million times again before he decides) what i am trying to get at is that yes a daddy is important in a childs life and daddy can come in many differant forms.

 

I agree with both of you! I honestly don't think I would survive without DH's help.

 

This pretty much sums up what I had to say.

 

Now, when the boys are getting older and more into sports? (I should have prefaced these remarks by saying I've never been interested in sports.) But with DH? They can play, they can get tips on bowling, baseball throwing, catching, batting, etc. They can also talk about sports with DH -- talk about players, the results of games, etc.
I think DH is great for the kids for that reason, and they're great for him for that reason. I've often wondered where DH would've gotten his "sports fix" without the boys here.
They also use that time to talk to DH, things I think they need to talk about with some parent, but are embarrassed to tell me. I can't imagine my DS discussing sex with me without being so embarrassed he'd fall through the floor!

Last, but not really least: They go on roller-coasters with DH and vice versa. Yay for me -- I really hate coasters.

 

Troll

 

I'm a twin who grew up without her Dad. My Mom barely could handle it, and as a result, we suffered a lot. I've since met my Dad, and even though he's not the best, I think it would have been much easier on my Mom to have someone that she could depend on to help raise us. Being on this forum makes me realize how much she had to do ALONE.

 

What I meant by that ----
I think there are subjects that my sons, at their ages, are somewhat hestitant to discuss with me, their mother. I find that distracting them with light physical activity while talking makes the talk flow more easily, and supposedly "casual" topics can lead into more intense ones as the talk continues. I also recognize that in many cases they are more comfortable talking to DH about certain subjects, and there are things he alone can teach them. For example, how to respect and value and have a mature relationship with a woman is something I can only teach them about in theory, as opposed to showing them.
It's part of their lives, their stages of development, and I don't take that to mean that I mean less to them because of it. There are some things, individual to every family, that are better suited to one person than another. I didn't mean to say that I don't think dads aren't important -- I can't imagine my life or my children's life without their father. If we were to be deprived of him, we would be devastated.
I didn't mean my remarks to be insulting or inflammatory in any way.

 

Sorry, I wasn't commenting on your post. :FIFblush: The thread itself is a troll, meaning it's a ridiculous question intended to get people arguing. I was hoping that if that was the last thing on the thread people would stop responding and pushing it back up to the top of the men's forum. :ibiggrin:

 

i wouldn't have survived twinfants if DH hadn't been equally involved.

plus we have boys, and the most important parental role model is the same sex parent.

 

I think Dad has an essential role in raising his children. Both Mom and Dad are together responsible for the rearing of their children. Fathers can teach, comfort, guide, console, coach, instruct, play with, and show an example to their children. Dad may also be the primary bread winner in the home and needs to provide for the temporal needs of his children. Dads are also vital in helping Mom so that she doesn't have to do all the work in the family herself.