Cries every night to go to bed

Alex has always been my hardest one to get to sleep/stay asleep. What gets me the most is that he cries/screams himself to sleep every night!!!! :icon_eek: I keep thinking he will eventually grow out of this, but he is over 2 now and has done it just about every night since birth. We have a set routine, Nick goes to sleep just fine, but Alex screams every night. Sometimes it is just maybe 5 minutes, some nights (like right now) he goes on for 1/2 hour to an hour. He is really tired tonight, we had "Day out with Thomas" and naps were messed up. But Nick has been asleep for 20 minutes now and Alex is still going. I go in every 10 minutes or so and give him a hug (don't get him out of crib) and tell him it is time to go to sleep. What else can I do????? The go down around 8, sleep until 7:30-8am and nap from 1-3.

 

I think, as long as he's sleeping well at night and taking a good nap, I wouldn't worry too much about the screaming/crying when you first put him down. My boys did this until their 3rd b-day, and like Alex, it would last 5 minutes or 45 minutes depending on the night. Some kids have issues with separation and that's all it is (not teething, not ear infeactions, etc.). I know a lot of people try to tie things like this to an illness, but I have found it to be a phase for us.

 

Don't go in and give him a hug anymore, he knows that's what you are going to do...Mine used to do the same thing for up to 45mins because I would go in and pat their butts and say night, night love you, etc. when they would cry. Now they scream/cry for 5 maybe 15min, they usually don't but I can still hear them a little for about a 1/2 hour after I put them down with no crying. Sometimes I forget and go in to cover them about a 1/2 hour or so after I put them up and Evan will still be up in his crib not asleep yet and pops up and that is usually the only time he will cry when I have to lay him back down and leave.

Someone always wakes up about an hour after I put them to bed and cries for about 10min but I don't go in anymore it causes more of a problem. GL!

 

My problem with not going in is that sometimes (not often, but occasionally) he will throw his beloved "blankie" out and then he would never go to sleep without it. That seems like too much "tough love" to me. He really loves that blankie. So, I go in mostly to make sure he has it, and then since I am in there, I give him a hug and tell him to go to sleep.

 

My Nick is the crier in our set. He's always been the more emotional one of the pair. He cries at every nap/bedtime. He wasn't always like this. When we put a stop to our nighttime antics and did CIO about a month ago the crying at nap/bedtime started and hasn't let up yet. Most of the time it is for 5 minutes or less and very rarely gets to a level of hysterics. 25% of the time it lasts for up to 15 minutes.

I can't go back in because it makes it worse with Nick. Every kid is different, though. With my Nick, going in just re-sets his ANGRY clock back to zero and the whole process starts over.

Good luck.

 

I understand what you're saying about too much tough love, but I think at his age he's old enough to learn that if he throws the blankie out, he doesn't get it back and it's his loss. I was having a problem with Rita throwing all of her lovey, pillow, and blanket out of her crib every night and then crying until I went back in to pick them up for her. It went on like this for a while, and she didn't always do it, and usually it was just the one time and then she went to sleep, so I didn't mind going back in and giving them back to her because it just seemed like part of her "settling down" ritual, KWIM? But then she started throwing them out immediately when I left the room after giving them back to her, and doing it 4-5 times in a row, and doing it pretty much every night. Well, I decided that had to stop.

So what I did was start telling her firmly after putting them in the cribs, "Don't throw your toys out! If you throw your toys out Mommy is going to take them away and I am NOT going to give them back!" Then as soon as I heard her toys hitting the ground, I went in, picked them up and said, "Because you threw the toys out Mommy has to take them away" and I picked them up off the floor and set them all over on the changing table. As you can imagine this caused much crying. The first couple of nights I waited about 5-10 minutes, then went back in and gave her the toys back and repeated that if she threw them out I was going to take them away again. She did still throw them out for a few days, but she never threw them out after the first time of getting them taken away each night. Then after the first few days, she did still throw the toys out, but instead of crying when I came in to take them away, she just settled down and went to sleep w/o crying when I took the toys away. Now she usually doesn't throw them out, but if she does, she just goes to sleep after I take them away, so at least I'm not going in there multiple times for over an hour, so it's a big improvement. Next up is just teaching her that I don't come back at all, but we'll work on that next! (I do go back in and put the toys back in the crib after she falls asleep because if they're on the floor when she wakes up she will not play happily in her crib. It buys Mommy a little more time in the morning.)

So anyway my feeling is that he knows if he throws the blankie out, Mommy will come return it to him, so he throws the blankie out to get Mommy to come see him. Basically he's getting rewarded for dropping the blankie. The only way to break the cycle is to teach him that Mommy will NOT come in even if he drops the blankie, KWIM?

 

My son does the same thing with his teddy bear, he has to have it to go to bed. I get him all set up and not even 2 minutes after I walk out of the door he has everything in his crib, even his beloved bear on the floor....After going and giving it back to him many times with the same result.. I stopped. I don't see it as too much "though love"just "mommy isn't playing that game with you anymore" type thing. It worked, I'm sure he would have had me doing this all night long if he could..lol..Now he throws it out of the crib and I put it back in when I cover them before I go to bed and the next morning guess where it is? Back on the floor...

 

My girls cry every night lately. I've been trying not to go in. It was "easy" when it was Melissa (she always responded well to CIO so I knew what I had to do), but then recently it's switched on us and it's Jade -- who was the more docile content one who just laid there quietly while her sister screamed her head off. Note that my girls are closing in on 3!! I am really hoping it ends soon!! :unknw:

On the bright side...USUALLY it's just a few minutes.

Re the throwing stuff out of the crib, for us that ended when (and not before) we installed crib tents. It's an added bonus. So...if you are thinking about crib tents, this could be an added incentive.

Good luck.

 

Mine often cry at bedtime too. Sometimes they don't at all, but usually we get at least 5 minutes of "Mommy! Moommmyyy!!" from Amy, and some fussing from Sarah. Occasionally (if they are really wound up, or for some reason I can't identify) they will fuss or cry for longer. I wish they wouldn't do it, but they sleep so well otherwise, I have just gotten used to it.

Re: the blankie throwing, I think you have to go with your gut as to whether he is throwing the blankie accidentally because he's having a fit, or whether he's consciously trying to get you to come back in. I do go in if I can tell that a lovey has gone overboard (I can tell because there's a sudden dramatic increase in screaming), because usually it was just accidental, and I know it will take 10x longer for them to go to sleep if I don't return it. It doesn't happen often, so I don't think they are just playing with me.

But it does sound like going in to give a hug is probably prolonging the agony. It's a good instinct, but for us it definitely resets the clock. If you don't have any other way to tell whether he's thrown the blankie, that does make it tricky... but IMO, going in to give a hug is causing more problems than giving the blankie back is resolving (if that makes sense).

Good luck!

 

We had this start right about this age, and added "snuggle time" to our routine, and it helped a lot. As a matter of fact we still do snuggle time every night.

All snuggle time is, is for about 20 to 30 minutes before the girls go to bed, we lay with them on the couch, in a chair, or wherever and snuggle. We usually watch TV together, and talk to them, sing, and kiss on them. The girls love it. It's works great for us because it's a good way to settle them down from playing mode into sleep mode. Then when snuggle time is over we say, ok, time for bed, and they're off to bed.

Brooke usually doesn't make a peep. Occationally Reagan will cry and ask for me to lay with her (this has gotten expecially bad lately because we took the girls to Holiday World, and we all shared a king size bed at the hotel. Ever since Reagan wants someone to sleep with her). I will then lay with her for 5 minutes of so and then tell her "ok, mommy has to go "blank" (do laundey, dishes, take shower) and I'll come back and check on you later ok?" She is fine with that, and usually when I check on her shes sound asleep.

I love the snuggle time, and don't plan on giving it up any time soon. And it has made bedtime a lot better for us, with less crying. IHTH.

 

I cried every night for a really really long time... at least a year I would say. I just quit going in there and it stopped. Now they know if Mommy goes in there they are in trouble.

 

My little ones are doing the same thing. I was just saying to DH last night that I didn't understand why they were still crying when they've been putting themselves to sleep for over 6 months. I guess I know now from reading the other posts that this may go on for quite a while. UGH!!!

 

MY JOE IS THE SAME WAY. HE SCREAMS AND CRIES FOR A LONG TIME. EVEN IF MY DH GOES IN AND ROCKS HIM FIRST AND HE FALLS ASLEEP, AS SOON AS DH LEAVES THE ROOM, HE SCREAMS.

THE OTHER CHILD GOES TO SLEEP JUST FINE.

WE HAVE DECIDED TO STOP GOING IN TO THE ROOM...BUT IT BREAKS MY HEART TO HEAR HIM CRYING!

i HOPE THINGS GET BETTER SOON FOR US AND FOR YOUR SITUATION TOO.

GOOD LUCK!

SINCERELY FROM A MOM WHO UNDERSTANDS AND IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING! YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

 

Has anything worked in the past? What have you tried? It sounds like maybe he's OVER tired and might actually need an earlier bedtime. When Abby gets overtired - even now at age 5 - she is an emotional wreck.
And some kids need physical contact, others need to cry to get the pent-up energy/emotion out.
A big, hearty bear hug until she stopped crying helped me get Abby calmed down when she would do that.