Looking for advice

hello I'm new to the site. Been looking for an updated community board and stumbled across this one . My boy/girl twins are 4.5 yrs old. My son has been diagnosed with ADHD and is currently in therpy. I feel as though I have lost all control of them and their behavior. They constantly fight, wrestle, kick, hit and throw things at each other. My daughter is now picking up my sons behavior. I have a behavior chart that starts the day with awesome and the bottom is time out. At the end of the day if their tag is on awesome they get a prize. For time outs I need to put them in their room (they share) and hold the door knob so they can't open it. They yell,scream,cry and pound on the door. They won't sit still in a corner, or chair with timer. I'm at my whits end to the point of locking myself in a room and crying.

 

First of all lots of hugs to you Momma.

My question would be, can you separate them for time outs? Also institute the rule that during time out if they yell, scream, kick, hit the door, their time in time out will restart until they spend the specified minutes in time out quiet?
This is also something I would also mention to your son's therapist as his behavior is now affecting your daughter's. My son goes to therapy for anxiety and sometimes the therapist will do a session with my son and daughter. Perhaps yours can do the same? Keep us posted!

 

I never found time outs worked. I have two strong willed kids one who is on the autism spectrum. I know how tough it is. I am also a single parent so no one to help out even at the end of the day. You can't force a kid to turn off the emotions. You have to teach them how to channel the negative stuff. Putting them in time out does not help them manage those big feelings. You are basically telling them hey you go deal with that crap on your own. Only they don't have the tools adults have to handle their "crap". It is time consuming. Give them words for their emotions. Wow I see you are really angry right now. Describe how their body might feel. I love the books about emotions called "when I feel angry" "when I feel jealous" etc. Its "the Way I Feel" series. I read several of them to the boys around that age and we talked about them.

Another suggestion is to go ahead and read the book sibling rivalry. It is a geared towards older kids but I got a lot of useful information out of it when mine were that age. Talk to the therapist.

Give them more structured activities and reset them so to speak. You may have to spend more time with them to watch for trouble before it starts and catch them before it gets bad. Do you get to spend time one on one with each of them? If you can make the time. Now that mine are older its easier. I have one that likes to help me cook so that is "our" time. One likes to snuggle and talk. Reconnecting is really important when the house feels like its complete chaos. Sometimes I just throw up my hands and we all go for a walk. Fresh air does the body good.

 

Big hugs to you and good luck.
If you feel like locking yourself in a room and crying and you think that taking that little time out will help you to feel better. Do it.
You have to take care of yourself first.
I used to deflate explosive situations with distractions and fun activities.
Just remember that as long as you are doing the best you can no one else is likely 6 fo any better.

 

You are me six years ago! My boys both have high anxiety, which can lead to symptoms similar to ADHD. Parenting them has been NOTHING like parenting my two older kids. First, don't compare yourself to other moms. They are not dealing with the dynamics you are dealing with. Apples and oranges. Second, read 1,2, 3 Magic. It SAVED me and I thought I knew all there was to know about time-outs. Third, (in all your spare time) read Siblings without Rivalry. It will save the relationship between your children. Fourth, take your daughter to therapy as another poster suggested. Your therapist should be working with the family as a whole as well as with your son. Please know that every bit of energy you expend now will pay off a few years down the road. It WILL get better! What you are dealing with is normal for a parent in your situation. You can't beat yourself up about it. Cry when you need to. Get some exercise. Eat healthy. Sleep well. It takes a lot of energy to raise a children with a special need, but you won't regret expending it. Both your children will probably be much more well-rounded and mature than their peers by the time the hit adolescence.

 

really good advice