sharing & fighting over clothes

We get most of our kids' clothes as hand-me-downs or at consignment stores. We rarely buy things specifically for one girl or the other. When we get a new batch of hand-me-downs or I come home with a few "new" things that I happened to see at a store, the girls sort of informally divvy them up. They have separate rooms, so everyday things (like shirts and shorts) generally wind up getting claimed by one kid or another. It's all totally fine with me as long as they both agree.

But they keep getting into these fights over lending things to one another. Even though technically no one "owns" anything (with the exception of a few things like shoes and coats), if one girl usually wears something, she thinks of it as hers and then won't let her sister borrow it. I am so sick of screaming fights over clothes and (especially) swimsuits.

Would you try to referee or manage this at all? I would love to just say "work it out yourselves," but that rarely works with my two because they always wind up attacking each other and then I have to intervene anyway. I feel like I need to be proactive somehow. I don't especially want to assign an owner for each piece of clothing -- I can't imagine trying to keep track of it all -- but I wonder if that would make them feel more secure. I know it's hard being twins and feeling like nothing is entirely yours.

 

My girls still wear matching clothes so no fights there :hug:

 

You know, I'd probably label all the clothes and when laundry is clean have them pick out their letter and put it in the proper piles. If they can't handle divvying up one *new* thing or two, it would be shared. Whomever can't share couldn't have it a la the meek shall inherit the clothes.

 

What about having a family meeting to address the 'cloths problem'. Brainstorm with them to create rules that they both can agree to. Rules that they will then be responsible for monitoring themselves, without you as referee.

Maybe they would like to split the cloths up so every item has an owner. (how do you sort the cloths now?.. never thought about that challenge with two same sex kids)
Maybe they could each pick X number of cloths and mark them as solely theirs. the rest of the cloths will be shared. When they want to mark a 'new' item as personal they have to return one personal item to the shared 'pile'. Discuss the rules for the shared items.

They might have other ideas that would work. Helping to make the rules might be a great lesson on compromise and negotiation for them.

I would also suggest one 'parent rule' - any item that you hear being fought over goes in your closet for one week.


My mom got all our cloths as hand me downs or from consignment shops. I never knew that until i was in high school. As a teenager, i was embarrassed, but since i had money from babysitting and working i just started buying my own cloths. A good lesson in being self dependent and in the value of money.
As an adult, i am so impressed by and grateful for what my parents gave us with the limited income they had (stay at home mom, teacher father!).
Now, ironically, I do 80% of my shopping at consignment shops.. not for money reasons but as my own personal fight against consumerism.
We are fortunate to live within just a few miles of the big Pinehurst Golf community.. where the local consignment shops are called FiFi's and Jazzy's.. lol. You would not believe what those Pinehurst ladies get rid of!.. $170 jeans in mint condition, $25 bucks.. thank you very much!

Hope you figure out a good solution with your girls!

 

I too remove anything they are fighting over. I don't do it often, but always with the condition that they can have it back when they figure out how to share it. It is amazing how quickly they have learned to make their own rules, which are sometimes completely bizarre, but it works for them....

 

I think Amy has a good idea, with having a calm discussion to brainstorm ideas. And if they agree to label things, then it can be their responsibility to sort it, come laundry time. Maybe leave a few things unlabeled that they agree to share.

We don't have that problem because my girls are such different sizes. But it's still their responsibility to sort out their clothes (and they're about the same age as your girls). Usually, one or the other just gets all the "girly" things and takes them upstairs to put in their drawers. Then when they're getting dressed, they find something in their own size. But they share a room and a large dresser. All my kids have their own laundry baskets, and sort their own clothes out of the clean stuff... except Spencer (4) who still needs a little help with it.

After going to all the work of labeling things, personally if a fight ensued, I'd just take the clothing and no one would get it for a week.

 

Even though I know sorting & keeping all the clothing separated would be somewhat of a pain when doing laundry, I would still let them have their own clothes. Labelling them would help and the girls could definitely sort them on their own after they are clean. I just feel like, as twins, all of our kids are expected to share so much, probably more than the average siblings and that it is likely frustrating for them to not have their own things. And, if I put myself in their shoes, I wouldn't want to be forced to share all of my clothing with someone else either. ardon:

 

If one has claimed it, then label it with their name. I understand where you are coming from with the sharing, one of mine tried to claim an item of clothing at school from her sister saying it was hers, not fun. They don't share anymore.