GAHHHHH! Bedtime drama rages on ....

Holy crow. Between the twins tearing their beds apart and than pulling the mattresses off the box spring to use as a slide and now her screaming bloody murder because she wants to sleep in our bed, I'm gonna lose it!

Sending out an S.O.S. ASAP.

What in the world am I gonna do???????

As of late, I think we have the boys issues at bedtime curbed, knocking on wood as I type this, literally.

She, on the other hand, is crazy. Pure craziness. This all started about two months ago. She'd want to be rocked at night, no biggie (she used to just lay down and go to sleep), than she would wake up in the middle of night and have to be rocked back to sleep. Than she would throw a fit about wanting to sleep in our bed but we somehow managed to keep her in her crib .... until she figured out she could climb out. UGH. So bring in the big girl bed, next few nights went relatively well. And than all H#ll broke loose. She screams and cries and throws a fit that she wants to sleep in our bed. She won't stay in her big girl bed, doesn't want to sleep in her crib. She wants to sleep in our bed. We have tried rocking her to sleep only for her to wake up 2-3 hours, sometimes 4 in the morning, and start screaming because she wants to our bed. Last night she went to bed rather well but woke up at 1130pm and started screaming she wanted our bed. Tried rocking her for a half hour only for her to stir awake and start screaming all over again. And this is no normal scream. This is one of those deep down, bone rattling scream. Ear piercing. And with the boys right next door .... ugh. So I brought her down into our bed. I've done this a few times now and I know ... I've dug my grave.

What can I do to get her to want to sleep in her room?? She's 2.5. Arguing with her and trying to talk with her about it is out of the picture. She just won't listen at that time of night. I want my bed back!!! HELP!

 

My boys are 4 and are still in my bed. So no advice. I would go with whatever gets everyone the most sleep. I am very thankful we have a king size bed!

I climbed out of the crib when I was less than a year old. I got a big girl bed for my 1 year birthday. My dad would lay on the crib mattress next to my bed while I fell asleep. This kept me in my bed. If I woke up he would do the same. He would pat my back or hold my hand while I fell asleep. I also had asthma and was up coughing almost nightly so he often rocked me or held me propped up as well at some point during the night.

Unfortunately nighttime parenting can be a nightmare. Which is the big reason I have two 4 year olds in my bed. Life is just so much easier and I get a heck of a lot more sleep.

 

Wow, stories like yours are the reason why I still keep my 2y 9mo old kids in cribs - with the mattress on the floor and with sleep sacks on backwards - so far they can't climb out with those on - but I am sure at some point we have to move them in big beds, and that scares me . I am sure my DD will do the same thing like yours.

Is she still napping at least? I hope it's just a phase. Would she sleep easier if your DH puts her to bed a few nights? Maybe she is asking to go to your bed only when YOU put her to sleep? Try to have him go in at night, maybe she would react differently with him. I am sorry you are going though this and I hope she gets over it fast.

 

As to what I would do: decide whether or not I want her in my bed (or am willing to have her in my bed/in my room). This needs to be decided when she is not screaming.

Then, at nighttime: have a plan including what happens if she wakes up other kids. I'd probably get on the same page as DH and deploy parents whichever way is most effective-I she is easier with DH, send him in. You can be his support person/ go to your boys if they wake.

Since she is 2.5, I'd start talking during the day a lot about what will happen at bedtime or if she wakes up. We would talk about what she is supposed to do and what mommy or daddy would do- ie get you a sip of water then tuck you in your big girl bed.

Then, if you've done your part, like tucking her back in and she starts to cry I'd say see you tomorrow and lock the door. It won't be pretty for a few nights which is why it's something you should seriously think about during the day. Good luck - it's so hard when kids don't sleep.

 

:hug: Night time parenting is exhausting!

A couple of thoughts:

It's very normal for her to want to be close to you at night.
It IS just a phase, albeit one that may last a while.
So you'll need to brainstorm a solution that meets everybody's needs - what can you and your partner agree to that meets her need to be close to you at night while respecting your need for sleep?

We started cosleeping with our girls just before their 2nd birthday which worked well for us (I wish we'd done it since birth but I believed then that it was a slippery slope to creating overly clingy dependent children - I don't believe that now ). However when I got pregnant with their brother we quickly ran out of room for everybody and my belly in our queen bed so we made little "nests" on the floor of our room for the girls. They started the night in their room but were welcome to come sleep in their nests at any point in the night. They had to be quiet and tuck themselves in. That worked well for a long time. We've since had several other sleeping arrangements and are seemingly always playing musical beds but I'm a big fan of sleep so whatever maximizes sleep is what we do.

 

My boys just had their 3rd birthday and we decided that they needed big boy beds for their birthday. Ugh. They share a room and up until that point we had them in cribs with sleep sacks zipped up the back. They never tried to climb out, we just thought big boy beds was a way to celebrate their birthday. In hindsight, we should have just waited until they asked for big boy beds or we were forced to make that decision by them climbing out.

The first few nights were okay, then they figured out they could climb out and all hell broke loose. We did 2 nights of the sleep nanny approach, without talking, emotion or eye contact, lifting them back into their beds. The first night it took 1 hour of that for them to fall asleep, the second night it was 1 hour and 20 minutes. The third night they fell asleep quietly and quickly and we congratulated ourselves thinking the hard work was over. That lasted for a couple of days, and then all hell broke loose. I started sitting with them in their room to enforce quiet time (at nap time), telling them that they didn't need to sleep, just be quiet for an hour. We all read books and they inevitably fell asleep because they still definitely need to nap. Everything was working okay, and then one night all hell broke loose at bedtime, again. Climbing out, taking off PJs and diapers, moving furniture around, pulling curtains, etc. We tried the super nanny approach again and it didn't work. They were escalating and finally after 2.5 hours of super nannying it, we tucked their curtains over the rod, took everything out of the room and tied the door shut until they eventually fell asleep 3 hours after bedtime. It was a terrible night. The next day for quiet time I sat in their room as usual and they started escalating just like the night before. Right then and there we put them back in their cribs with their sleep sacks. Amazingly it took us only 26 minutes to reassemble the cribs, remove the big boy beds from the room and get them in their beds with both boys screaming and crying the whole time. Talk about adrenaline. As soon as we left the room them quieted down and had a good nap. They were so overtired from several days/ nights of poor sleep.

We left them in their cribs for a while to get them back on track sleep wise. When they asked us about their big boy beds, we told them that they needed to earn them back. That said, we didn't have a plan. What we did realize is that we never gave them any tools, or made clear our expectations for how to behave in their beds. I started doing some research and found a link to this fantastic article from my families of multiples group for dealing with just this issue:
The wake up light system:
http://www.twinparenthood.com/2010/02/09/wake-up-light-solves-sleep-issues/

The author of the article called what we experienced with the boys amping each other up Twin Escalation Syndrome or TES. I think it is so right on!

Anyway, we decided to give it a try and in hours spent on line looking for a good light and a good timer, I came across the sleep buddy. It does the same thing that the woman in the article describes, namely it is on when the kids are supposed to be quiet in bed and off when it is okay to get up. Additionally it has a little story book that tells the kids what is expected of them with the sleep buddy. All I can say is that it has worked out brilliantly for us. We started a sticker chart and the boys earn a sticker each morning that they follow the sleep buddy all night long. We started this when they were still in their cribs and we told them that when they got 3 stickers they got their big boy beds back. It worked brilliantly in their cribs and they've been back in their big boy beds for 3 nights now and it has worked just as well. I don't work for sleep buddy, but I have to say it has been an awesome product for us. www.sleepbuddy.com

It seems like you have other issues than what I describe in my huge long diatribe, but it was all to point out how well it worked for us and that I think it could work for you. If your goal is for her to sleep in her own bed throughout the night, I think having the light be an emotionless arbiter in an emotional situation can be a positive tool. Good luck!

 

I have a similar problem with one of mine. He'll cry for hours until he's hoarse, just begging "Mummy snuggle!" and beating on his door. If I go back in he settles quickly, but he'll pull me down into a headlock and if I make even a subtle move towards getting off his bed or toward the door he'll freak out. Ultimately I usually have to make a run for it (literally) and hope I get out and close it behind me before he plows me down. CIO is not working very well right now, but co-sleeping for 10 days on a recent trip is how he got so spoiled by being with me. DH doesn't want me to cave with co-sleeping, and encourages CIO and will be a lot firmer than I am about saying IT IS BEDTIME. But he isn't always around and I'm struggling to get their sleep under control again (not that it ever really was!).

A friend said that what worked for her was to prepare them for the idea of bedtime, keep it ritualistic and CONSISTENT and then talk them through it. I've had some luck with talking to him in bed about "I have to go see your brother, etc." so he knows what I'm doing when I leave his room and he knows I'm still around.

I've been told that this clinginess is a phase, but it could last for months. ACK!

 

This is what I would do and did when Jack was 2 and went through this patch. We tried fixing it and soothing and it wasn't working and he was getting more and more exhausted. So we told him that he had to sleep in his bed, left, and didn't go back until morning. It was a rough night, but he went to sleep and the second night was worlds better. He was quickly well tested and back to normal. Ultimately, it was a rough couple nights but far less crying and sleeplessness than the alternative.

If you are cool with her in your bed, go for it. If you don't want her in your bed, do not ever put her there. You will just confuse her, make it worse, and unintentionally teach her that she just needs to cry more to get what she wants.

 

I used to have a quilt and pillow on the floor beside my bed, I couldn't sleep very well with them in the bed with me.

 

[quote
The wake up light system:
http://www.twinparenthood.com/2010/02/09/wake-up-light-solves-sleep-issues/

The author of the article called what we experienced with the boys amping each other up Twin Escalation Syndrome or TES. I think it is so right on!

Anyway, we decided to give it a try and in hours spent on line looking for a good light and a good timer, I came across the sleep buddy. It does the same thing that the woman in the article describes, namely it is on when the kids are supposed to be quiet in bed and off when it is okay to get up. Additionally it has a little story book that tells the kids what is expected of them with the sleep buddy. All I can say is that it has worked out brilliantly for us. We started a sticker chart and the boys earn a sticker each morning that they follow the sleep buddy all night long. We started this when they were still in their cribs and we told them that when they got 3 stickers they got their big boy beds back. It worked brilliantly in their cribs and they've been back in their big boy beds for 3 nights now and it has worked just as well. I don't work for sleep buddy, but I have to say it has been an awesome product for us. www.sleepbuddy.com

[/quote]

I bought a "gro clock", it works on the same priciple. It has stars for night time and a sun that comes up in the morning when it is time for them to get up. We have been using it for a couple of months and it works realy well.

 

My son is the exact same age as your daughter and I am going through the same thing.

What is sort of working is letting him sleep in the room with his sisters. The girls share one bed and Cooper sleeps in the other bed.

The only other thing that's worked is putting a baby knob on his door so he can not open it from the inside. That's what we do if he won't stay in the girls bed or in his bed and then I open it after he falls asleep.

It is an ongoing battle at my house to get him to sleep in his bed. Part of the problem is my husband works nights regularly and I don't always wake up if DH is on nights and Cooper sneaks in my bed in the middle of the night.