Broken sleep for months now

I haven't been on the forum in a while. Life has been hectic as you can all relate too! We moved this past September when the boys were almost 3 years old. They just started climbing out of the cribs - which was a nightmare in of itself. So when we moved, instead of moving the cribs, we bought twin beds.

Sometime after we were in the new house - after my boys turned three - my one son Samuel started waking in the middle of the night screaming. When I would go in to check on him, he would want me to lay with him until he fell back to sleep. This has gone on for months now - sometimes he wakes and screams for us a few times during the night. I thought it may have been a phase, so I was waiting for it to pass. But it doesn't seem to be passing.

Anyone have any suggestions? I don't know how to handle at this age. If there is something I should be doing to help him soothe himself, I would do it.

Thank you!!

 

Sometime during the day, ask him about it and ask him what he thinks would help him sleep through the night. He may have some good ideas. If not, it may give you some insight and an opportunity to brainstorm your own solutions.

That being said, I'm a huge fan of co-sleeping/bed-sharing so if it's working why not continue to sleep with him as needed?

 

Hi, Lynn!

I totally feel for you. My boys' wakefulness at night was a very long, exhausting phase. They were great sleepers until we moved them out of cribs. They went through A LOT of sleep changes between age 2.75 and 4 with A LOT of night time wakings (around 3-5 per night) and we weren't even dealing with a move. At age 4, I do still have to tend to usually one waking per night, but they do go back to bed without a fight. They have asked me to sleep in their bed with them, but I usually just say that I need to sleep in my own bed so I haven't had to battle that. But, here are some things that I have noticed with them over the past year... maybe something will help you.

1. My boys went from needing to sleep in a completely dark room with the door closed to needing a night light and the door open. They were binky users until age 3 and we struggled to find them stuffed animals they loved to sleep with instead, but we eventually did.
2. Potty training really affected their sleep. At night, they never just get up, go to the bathroom, and go back to bed. My one son flops around in his bed whining until I force him to go to the bathroom (he is usually still mostly asleep and never says that he has to go). My other son still wakes me up to sit with him while he goes.
3. I have increased their cuddle time before bed. We have our usual night time routine, but I add an extra 15 minutes per boy when I lay in his bed and scratch his back to help him settle down. I think the added lovin' has really helped them settle and feel secure.
4. My boys are 4 and I still enforce a nap most days. On the days that they don't nap, they go to bed earlier and easier but are more wakeful at night.

As far as him needing you in his bed multiple times a night, have you tried laying until he is almost asleep? He may be waking again later, sees that you are not there, then gets upset. If you leave before he falls asleep, he knows you are already gone so he is not surprised if he wakes again to see that you are not there. Just a thought.

I am so sorry you are going through this! I can assure you, it will not last forever!

 

I am so uncomfortable in his bed. I can't stay asleep. And when he sleeps in our bed, it's not much better because he is a kicker. So he kicks us throughout the night. (Strange that he kicks in our bed and not in his.) I've never been able to sleep with my boys. I tried even when they were younger, and it just didn't work for me.

Well I have to say that it makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone! In regard to your points:
1) I was wondering about introducing a night light. We have a night light in the hallway outside his room, and whether his door is open or closed, it doesn't seem to change anything. I put a blue light in his room once, and he seemed more confused when he woke. But maybe a regular night light would help?
2) Potty training: Ha, that's a whole other conversation! Not too much progress with him - he is in early stages - just starting to learn what it feels like to have to pee. He is still in diapers, but working on it
3) Increasing cuddle time: This could definitely help. He has even been showing more separation anxiety when it comes to going to preschool in the morning. He says, "Can I stay home with you Mommy?". So maybe some more cuddle time would help him.
4) Naps: Funny you mention. He has gone back and forth with giving up his nap. I do see that he wakes less when he naps. And like you said, he goes to bed earlier when he doesn't nap, which is nice .
5) Leaving after he falls asleep: Yes, I thought too that this might be a problem. I also lay with him when he goes to bed at night and don't leave until he is asleep. This started after the transition to beds - because both boys got crazy and we couldn't keep them in their beds. So we started laying with them until they were asleep to eliminate that problem. So, he is probably waking and shocked that I am gone - and then it is a vicious cycle because I lay with him again to fall asleep. So, maybe I need to get back to the time when they go to "sleep" on their own. I can read books with him and lay with him for a few minutes, but then I need to leave before he is actually asleep.

Thanks!!

 

Like I mentioned in the other post, we've had this issue too! Fortunately Ozzy is good to sleep with, so that is a solution for me. But, I think the other suggestions are good too; nightlights, talking to him during the day etc.

Miles went through a really insecure phase as well and we let him pick out a stuffed animal, (which happens to be stitch from Lilo and Stitch) and now I talk to stitch every night and ask if he's keeping Miles safe, and talk about how he's safe in his bed and Mommy checks on him. The dog also likes sleeping on Miles' bed sometimes, and as long as she's not taking up too much space that makes him feel more secure too. He almost never gets up at night anymore.

Ozzy is a different animal. His terrors are completely involuntary and he doesn't remember them. Sometimes he comes into me at night and tells me that he had a bad dream, and sometimes can remember what he dreamt about. Usually it's related to something he was playing or watching during the day so I make sure to talk about it when he gets up in the morning. I talk to him about what's real and what's not, and how to tell if something is a dream. I also gave him a glowlight that he can turn on himself if he gets scared (I got it from Ikea).

For both kids it's just lots of reassurance though, exhausting as that is at 4 am! They also like to sleep together; so that might be something else to try.

 

I totally understand how u feel. It's crazy. And since nobody has good sleep, it sucks. But really it's so important for your son that u are just right there when he is actually awake. The fact of u being there reassure him that he is safe from those nightmares.

I am a living example. I am a dreamer. There was certain time when I was teen, I dreamt every single night.( Ppl do dream every night. But they just don't remember most of them. ) and I had a nightmare that I dreamt over and over and over again. I even knew I was dreaming but couldn't woke up. It was a horrible horrible feeling. And eventually I woke up. I was so scared and TRIED not to go back to sleep again. Even now I'm 34. I still remember almost of my dreams. Some are good. Some are so bad. Now is 4:21. I just woke up from a nightmare just 30 mins ago. And I was scared too.

From my experiences, I can tell that I always have nightmares if I have been stressed out for long time, especially work.... It doesn't help if u talk to your son about his dreams. Talk to him about what he is scared and stressed about, and try to solve the problems... That's the key. Also stable schedules, and even out activities thru out the week, lot of cuddle before bed, make sure he is happy before bed will help. I helped my son outgrow this before. Now my daughter has this problem as well. But she doesn't do it every night. I don't take her in my bed. But when I heard she screams, I run in their room and stay there. When she is actually awake, she sees me there and goes back to sleep. I just reassure her everything is ok and that she is safe. That's very important.

It's very tiring. And he will outgrow it slowly. Just be patient. It's hard on you. But it's harder on him.

 

Rollergiraffe - thanks! It def makes me feel better to know that it is a phase and that we are doing a good thing by reassuring him and laying with him when he calls us. I try talking to him - but he jokes around instead of answering my questions. But I'll keep trying.

W101ttd - I remember a lot of my dreams too and had night terrors when I was young. When he calls us - one of us goes to him immediately. My husband and I alternate nights so that we can get sleep every other night.

Thanks for the support and suggestions. It really helps!