Update: Behavior Therapist

I posted in the past how we've been seeing a therapist for our son's behavior. I'll see if I can link to some older posts so I don't have to reexplain...

This was my post after the first session:
http://www.twinstuff.com/forum/index.php?/topic/179375-update-first-appt-with-sons-therapist/page__p__1887832__hl__behavior__fromsearch__1#entry1887832

I posted an update within this thread, which was sort of an update of his "diagnosis" - which there really isn't one other than normal:
http://www.twinstuff.com/forum/index.php?/topic/179983-i-was-told-4-is-better-then-3-and-5-is-better-then-4/page__p__1894817__hl__behavior__fromsearch__1#entry1894817


The appointments have been sporadic because of her schedule, so we've gone 4 times since I called in August, with at least a month lag in between each session. So that part has been frustrating. But in the end the experience has been a good one. I'm no longer worried about his behavior as being signs of some horrible disorder that will get worse with age. We've found he's actually pretty normal, very intelligent for his age, and has some good personality traits that will really help him as an adult. The experience has given me peace of mind, and I'm treating it more like a parenting class now. I just thought I'd share some of the advice from our first session dealing with how to handle things - (the first 3 sessions were related to diagnosis):

Giving Effective Commands: (this is pretty common sense, but I also found some things on here that I can do better)
1) Make sure you mean it. If you don't have the time or energy to follow through, then don't say it!
2) Get within 5-7 feet of your child before getting their attention to make a command. If you absolutely have to yell at them from another room, then yell for them to come over to you.
3) Make sure the child is paying attention to you, with no distractions, watch for eye contact, gently guide face to yours if necessary
4) use gestures when giving commands for further comprehension - (if you say throw this in the garbage, you can point to the item and then to the garbage)
5) Ask the child to repeat the command - she said most kids hate doing this, and will more likely start listening better so you don't have to do this anymore. Also useful because they can't claim they didn't hear your or didn't understand what you said.
6) Make commands direct, not indirect - do not present as a question or a favor (don't confuse them into thinking they have a choice)- state the command in a businesslike tone of voice. You can be polite and respectful while still being direct.
7) Make commands specific - don't say "be good" when going in a store, give them specific examples of what to do or not to do. This makes it easier to decide whether the child has obeyed.
8) State commands positively - tell them what to do instead of what not to do
9) use explanations sparangly - children who ask for explanations are likely stalling rather than interested in knowing the answer - "because I said so!" is completely acceptable - you are the parent and the one in charge. They need to accept that.
10) use a neutral tone of voice instead of pleading or yelling - once you start to yell, your children won't listen to you until you start screaming
11) make up chore cards - use a notecard for each separate chore and list the steps involved in correctly doing that chore - will reduce arguing over whether a chore has been done properly. Your child's idea of what is considered a clean room probably differs from yours. You can use pictures for younger children.

The second list we went over was more interesting - What consequences to use and when to use them. I'll post more about that later...

 

Thank you… I wish I had this list when oldest DS was about 7/8… though it all seems so DUH… to me now… I learned all this the VERY hard way and was guilty of some BAD habits… the “What did I just say?” works awesome and I even started using it on S & N when they were of age to repeat more than an occasional bad word :hush: (J/K’ing we are careful of our language around the kiddo's)

Elizabeth

 

Loved this post. cant wait to read your next one.

 

Great list, for every parent.
my niece is 6 and is a champion tantrum thrower. they we worried about her enough to see a therapist, and things have gotten better but they are always looking for more/better ways to handle things. SIL and i talk a lot about different situations. Hope you don't mind i shared your list with her.

 

I'm glad you found it helpful! I know I struggle with being assertive enough, and my phrasing always comes off like they have a choice to listen or not. Luckily it hasn't been too much of a problem with them yet at their age, but I know that may change as they get older and are more willing to test me. So now I'm trying to be more aware of this.

I'll hopefully get to my other list soon!

 

Denise - this is super helpful! There are several recommendations I'm going to take... starting with making chore cards. Thank you for posting this list!!

 

Denis,
Thank you SO much for this information. My boys will be 5 in October and Luke has these crazy meltdowns and what you are describing is him to a T. Although he does them at school too which really worries me. He was almost dismissed from his school/ daycare last year we have been going to a child behavior specialist but she never termed him as anything and we really just play games. Your information was so helpful. I am going to keep reading i jut ordered a bunch of books on amazon about disciplining difficult children. Hope they help! He can be tje aweetest little boy but when he wasnt gotten his way he turns into a demon

Thanks again,
Kristen

 

Oops, sorry... Denise, no Denis!!!

 

Denise,
I would love to email you further about this if possible and if you are OK with it... Let me know! I am just struggling with one of mine right now and its been tough. But then he will go or do the sweetest little thing.

Thanks, kristen

 

No problem, Kristen. Send me a message with your email address and I can send you over the lists the therapist put together for us. I honestly haven't used them much. This was such a long process for us, the timing between appointments was so long, etc, that I think by the time I got all the "answers" he matured and kind of grew out of the worst of it. But it was very helpful to get some tips and understand his personality better.

 

Awesome, thanks Denise! Glad to hear he outgrew it. My email is [email protected]

Thanks so much
Kristen

 

Hi Kristen,
I just sent you an email today. Let me know if you don't get it!