I have B/G twins and over the last months we are seeing more and more roughhousing, wrestling, really close and forceful physical play. Many days this ends in tears or screaming or a real fight and I don't really know how to handle this. They usually agree to begin with and start somewhat carefully, but after a bit things get out of hand, i.e. they become rougher and rougher and really hurt their twin or hold the other too tightly or one wants to stop and the other does not respect this. I think they need this kind of play, but how do I teach them about limits, respecting the other one in situations like these etc.? I am a bit at a loss because I don't remember playing like this with my brother (if we fought it was serious fighting, no fun at all) and I really do not enjoy joining the kids although I do lots of other physical activity and play with them.
If you notice it getting out of hand, try just narrating (possibly loudly if they're being noisy ) what you see: "I see two kids rough housing. It looks like _______ isn't having fun. It really looks like that hurts." etc. It sounds so tame but I find it works well, especially in those situations where my girls aren't purposefully being hurtful or mean just maybe pushing things too far. Plus it puts the responsibility in their hands to resolve the situation which is helpful for the times you aren't there. ETA If the action is truly dangerous, I stop everything first, then narrate after the fact "I saw..."
If they are really hurting each other, I will physically stop it. However, when I see them rough housing and about to get annoyed and then come crying to me, I tell them all that this is just what happens when you play to rough, someone is bound get hurt or frustrated. If you don't want to cry or be ticked off a your sibling for playing too rough, then use your words and tell them "no", or just don't play rough. I'm a matter of fact yet VERY loving parent. If they get hurt...its a lesson learned. I do try my hardest to keep them out of harms way...but you know what I mean.
^^^^^^This is what I do. If they come upstairs crying that his brother hurt,hit,bit ect. him, I tell them that's what happens when you play that way.
My boys play like this ALL the time. I start off by saying "get off your brother", "your brother is crying and that means he doesn't like that", etc. If it continues, I separate them - make them each sit somewhere apart for a bit and do something alone (like look at a book, play with a toy, etc.). If they were fighting or roughhousing over a toy, I take the toy away for awhile. I don't mind them playing physically, they just don't have good control yet and don't know when it crosses the line from fun and play to someone getting hurt. I figure they'll learn that down the road, so for now, I step in and make them stop when it's getting hurtful.
I've given up the battle with these two. Last week I broke up two huge fist fights, started out with wrestling and deteriorated. I hate to gender stereotype because a lot of boys do not fit the stereotype, but mine do.
Thank you for your ideas. I think I will try narrating for them or translating the tears into possible consequences, and accept that this seems to normal for their age ...
