Not sleeping in their beds

I'll admit that I think I probably messed up somewhere...

The twins are 18 months old. boy/girl. They were previously nursing through the night but I did the Dr. Jay Gordon method and now they're fine just nursing to sleep (or before bedtime, in my daughter's case) and then once they wake for the day.

While we were doing this method, we would pick them up and comfort them when they woke up hungry. Of course, they just ended up in our bed every night because they wanted the extra comforting (this was expected). Now, they're not waking up from hunger, but because they want the comforting. Sometimes they will go back down easily after waking (in case of son - give him his pacifier), but after 2-3 wake ups they realize whats going on and won't go back to sleep in the crib.

The final step of the Jay Gordon method was to not pick them up, but to just comfort them in their cribs and they're supposed to just stop waking. But illness and teething happened during our "training time" and we never got to that part.

NOW, they've suddenly learned how to climb out of the cribs at night. The last thing I wanted was for someone to get hurt, so we converted the cribs to toddler beds. They are fine with the change, but are still waking and now we can't just "leave" them in the beds.

So, like I said.. I probably messed up somewhere.. maybe should have pushed the "leave them in the cribs" part of the training, maybe shouldn't have comforted them as much to make them want it more.. ugh! I just need help getting them to sleep all night in their cribs!

Any suggestions appreciated.

 

You didn't do anything wrong! Your kids sound perfectly normal to me. My first question is - why not let then sleep in your bed for now when they wake in the middle of the night? If everyone's getting sleep then I see nothing wrong with it. They'll sleep in their own beds eventually. Another option, that worked well for us when I was hugely pregnant with #3, was a small sleeping area on the floor of our room. The girls would tuck themselves in there if they woke in the middle of the night. Usually DH & I didn't even have to wake for that, we'd just find them there in the morning.

 

Ah yes, I seem to have left that part out.

The reason I don't want them in our bed anymore... my back is killing me. Son rolls around constantly, pushing me and my husband to the edges of the bed. Constantly getting kicks/punches to the back/head from all the movement, plus since there's 2 of them we wake constantly because son is trying to use daughter as a pillow, or kicking her, etc. None of this is intentional of course, he's just a wiggle worm in his sleep.

I like the idea of having the space on the floor, but with the way my son wiggles around all night, I don't think much sleeping would happen without our constant intervention.

 

You can try the supernanny technique. Basically you'll have to stay right by their bedroom door after they get out of bed, and every single time they get up, you put them back to bed. No talking, no comforting, don't even make eye contact. Just open the door, put them into bed, tuck them in, walk back out. You can also trying sitting in their room and doing this, again, no talking or eye contact, just matter of factly putting them back to bed.

It can be time consuming and you have to have a ton of patience, you can't get upset or show any emotion. It could take a few nights of this but supposedly they'll learn to stay in bed.

Personally, what I would do, is be sure they are dressed in warm enough jammies, and close their bedroom door (assuming they can't get it open), and just leave them. If they wake up crying let them cry a bit, see if they can sort themselves out. It won't hurt them to end up sleeping on the floor I have gone in to check on my kids and find them sleeping right in front of the door, that requires some interesting maneuvering to get into their room and put them back to bed without waking them up :lol:

The mattress or sleeping spot on the floor has worked for many people too. My bedroom simply wasn't big enough for that option. And after cosleeping with my kids until about 9 months I was beyond ready for my bed back

Oh a crib tent on the crib is another though, many many parents and parents of twins have extended the actual crib time by using a crib tent. The zipper is on the outside of the tent so the kids can't actually unzip it themselves.

 

Thank you everyone for your ideas! I kind of modified the supernanny idea and spent the night in their room last night. Quite tired today.

Daughter woke up around 2am.. she would stand up in bed and I would just give her a quick hug & kiss and lay her back down. She did not like this. She was up for about 2 hours crying/screaming off and on and attempting to come up with reasons why she wanted to be up.

I usually keep her water bottle on my nightstand in our room.. so first she asked for water. Having thought ahead, I already had her water with me.. I handed it to her, and she looked very disappointed and then didn't want it anymore. haha.

Then it was things like.. "Meow?" "The cat is sleeping, lay down"
"Elmo?" "Elmo is sleeping. Let's go to sleep too" etc.

Son was quite the trooper.. he only woke a couple of times and went back down pretty quick.. he only woke because sister was being so loud.. you could hear the complaint in his voice.

I'm planning to do the same again tonight.. hoping she'll get the hint sooner rather than later.

 

Between 12-18 months my kids' sleep was bad also. It might have been teething or just developmental, but it was a pain. Most nights Vanessa was waking up and she was so loud and she was waking Max up also. After 6 months of a lot of night wakings we were all so tired so I gave up on my idea that the twins should stay in the same room and I moved Max in the guest room with his crib. Even if the one woke up the other wouldn't be bothered and it got much better. I would advise you to split them at night if you have the space, in my opinion, that made a big difference for us. My kids are 2 and they are 38 inches tall but and are still in their cribs - they sleep in sleep sacks so I think that's why they can't climb out of the cribs yet.

 

Night 2: Another night spent in their room.

Everything I said about son being a trooper... forget it. Apparently the two of them just like to take turns. Last night was the opposite of the first - daughter slept and son cried.

He only cried for less than an hour.. and was clearly tired so wasn't standing up like daughter was.. he just kept sitting up, then laying himself down over and over. He finally accepted his water bottle.. drank and then went to sleep.

Daughter didn't wake up at all through his crying and woke for the day an hour before she usually does.. I'll take that as progress!

I'm surprised (and glad!) that they sleep so well through each others' cries. This was one of the reasons why they ended up in our bed so often in the first place.. whenever they woke up crying I just wanted to take them out of the room immediately so that the other wouldn't wake. This way I won't have to split them up yet!

Tonight will be spent in their room again... maybe they'll both sleep?!

 

When my girls had trouble staying in bed I started a sticker chart. They got a sticker every morning when they woke up if they stayed in their beds all night. Every day they got a sticker, they got a small treat, and if they had all their stickers for the end of the week we went and got milkshakes, or something extra special. Now, my girls were older when they went to toddler beds (almost 3), so I don't know if this will work or not, but it worked wonders for us. I got cute glittery, sparkly stickers and they picked out the one they wanted, then put them on their chart. It was a life saver for us!!

I started the whole process by explaining what we were doing, hanging it up where they could see it, then talking about the rewards that they would get. Also, they both did not get stickers, sometimes one would get it and one would not. But that is when it really started to work, because one would get jealous that the other got a reward and she didn't. So, yes there was crying about it, but boy did it work.

 

[I'm surprised (and glad!) that they sleep so well through each others' cries. This was one of the reasons why they ended up in our bed so often in the first place.. whenever they woke up crying I just wanted to take them out of the room immediately so that the other wouldn't wake. This way I won't have to split them up yet!
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This is the exact reason why I split them up, it was getting exhausting and they were waking each other up and like you said, one night the one was waking the other night the other one was waking, and most times they would wake each other up and the one that was asleep was crying even worse. I really think it got better after we split them at night. It didn't bother them at all, they don't seem to miss each other and it's much better for everyone. Now that they turned 2, they started to have teething pain again from their 2 year molars and they wake up at times, but at least it's one child at a time - I think that's easier.

 

So glad you are making progress!! Just remember your "tiredness" from now is going to a good cause! Mine have always slept great through each other's cries. In fact, I can even turn the light on to change a diaper, or strip a bed when the stomach virus visit's our house, and the other one sleeps right through it! :lol:

 

Night 3 went ok...

They both woke up a few times throughout the night, but each time for less than 5 mins. No standing, screaming or crying - just sitting up, whining a bit and then going back to sleep with me shushing and rubbing their backs. Tiresome for me because I had to do it for one or the other almost once every hour, but I think its still going in the right direction.

Maybe I'll be back to sleeping in a bed after a couple more nights.

 

Sounds like you are making good progress. :good: Keep in mind that you want to be gradually withdrawing your attention, so you might want to go from shushing and rubbing their backs to only rubbing and then to only resting your hand on their back so that you can get to not touching them or talking to them at all.
:youcandoit:

 

Sounds like you are making great progress! :clapping:
Keep up the good work!
:escape: (this is you sneaking out of the room and back to your bed!!!)

 

We made good progress over the weekend.. only a few wake-ups from daughter, (son had minimal half-asleep "lost my paci" incidents) but they both went quickly back to sleep with minimal intervention.

Last night I decided I'd sleep back in my own bed. I set the baby monitors on max sensitivity so that I would know if they were waking..HOWEVER.. daughter has now gone stealth mode - she got up out of bed 3 times and without a peep came over to our room and just stood by our bed. My husband woke up, saw her and was quite started. He actually described it as "creepy". I find it amusing that our tiny 18-month old daughter can be creepy :rotflmbo:

The first time she came over, he asked me what to do and I told him to just take her back to her bed... naturally she protested. Cried for maybe 5 mins and then settled. She did this each time.

So now the question is.. do I need to spend more time camped out in there to try to keep her in her bed? Or will she just give up her sneaky ways if she realizes she's just going to get taken back to her bed each time?

 

Personally I would close their bedroom door, unless she can open it already! :lol: I still keep my twins door closed. They can open it of course but it helps keep them in bed better.

Otherwise I wouldn't worry about camping out in their any more, just keep taking her back to bed if/when she gets up. And I've had the kid come "creeping" into your room, stand about 1 inch from your nose and wait for you to wake up. I've screamed a few times too....:lol:

 

If she's settling quickly when you take her back to bed then I'd just carry on with that for now. She will most likely give up soon enough once she learns that all you'll ever do is take her back.

 

One thing to think about is your house fully baby proofed? If not what can they get into when they get out of their room? I baby gate off the nursery so they can't get out. If they climb over the baby gate then put a small eye hook on the outside of the door. Recently one of the kids I nanny for came in my room and was standing next to my bed playing games on my iPhone. He is 2, I am glad he came in and was playing with my phone because other wise he could have been doing anything! He has a eye hook on his door and a baby gate they had just not been used that night. I keep thinking "What if he crawled out the dog door and went out in the cow pasture to ride 'his' tractor!"