I felt bad but it is her choice

that is not correct. You quoted me, you did not see that it was more than that?

 

Yes I did quote you Cheryl you do not have to get snotty about it.

Actually you did not ask anything, you were kinda thinking allowed. My situation could be similar, my kid does not want to go down the Halloween aisle, so I go the long way around. Is that my kid being in control or is that just me picking my battle. Just like this mother did with her child.

 

I just went back and read your OP. The part I put in bold stuck out for me. The same DS I mentioned in an earlier post, also has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). There are certain sights & sounds that affect him more than others.

An example would be for months when we went to a certain Aldi's he would not want to go to the back of the store. There was something that he was uncomfortable with. Early on, he would have a full meltdown that would last until we left the store. When I would ask him, he would just say he did not like it back there. As time went on, I would go to the back as quickly as possible to prevent the meltdowns. We were just there this afternoon and whatever he was afraid of no longer bothers him.

I'm not saying this girl has SPD, but I can understand a child not wanting to "go back there". Maybe the mom decided to try one more time to get her to go back to the aisle for her Kashi Bars and knew if she pushed her, it would end badly so she said "okay mommy's last. Let's go pay for this stuff.

 

Ok, Cheryl, say you are not judging the parent. Then... are you saying that you have some supernatural ability to see how the future is going to pan out for a little girl who you do not know and saw with her mother for 30 seconds?
What, I think a lot of people are having difficulty in being able to discuss this situation with you, is that your statements are more than a little way out there. How could you possibly be able to predict/know, or make such huge statements (as the ones in bold above).

What makes you think that you are in a position to be able to make such statements?

People also have a right to go about their business without some random stranger wanting to disect heir choice of whether they should have gone 7 aisles to get a Kashi bar or take their child home for whatever reason her choice is..

How do you know that the child is going to get a rude awakening? Do you have personal experience with this? Do you see children at school and think, oh those parents must let their child have their own way all the time, that's why they are the way they are (fighting etc.) - now that would be a huge judgement, wouldn't it?

 

I was not getting snotty. If you have snotty in your head when you read my words that is you not me.

 

You never asked a question. You went from taking a snapshot of this families life to the girl getting in a fight at school.

And since having kids I bet most parents have put themselves last and their children first. I am sure I have said plenty of things out in public that other people would find appauling.

 

no supernatural ability. And of course she has a right to go about her business. She has no idea and never will that I brought this to discussion on this forum.

I have experience with life, I have seen children responded to in this way before, I have seen them grow to be undisciplined, selfish children, teens and young adults. No, I cannot say that this little girl will turn out the way I have seen other children turn out.

 

We learn from the mistakes of others all the time. We learn from history. I don't need to rear end someone to learn to keep a safe distance. I don't need to get skin cancer to learn that sunscreen is good.

 

I'm not sure how learning history, or not following too closely so that you don't crash your car, or wearing sunscreen, relates to personal growth - that is after all your original question, how does it limit your personal growth, but hey who am I to judge how you choose to grow your inner self?

 

Well there you go Cheryl, because that's exactly what you have been saying throughout this thread.

 

I cannot say she will for sure but if I was a betting woman (I am not) I would say this child will have difficulties interacting with others. You can disagree with me if you choose to but I still say she most likely will. But we will never know.

 

Well aren't you the moral upstanding citizen everyone should look up to! Perhaps from now on, given your vast experience in this we should all just bow down to your parenting skills because obviously you know it all.

Can you tell I'm getting snotty now? I hope so, I have never seen such ridiculousness before, I've tried to be polite on many occasions, I've even tried to let it go and think what's the point. But you know what is the point? The point is that making huge statements which have no validity whatsoever, is a complete waste of time and energy and serves no purpose.

If you had said that your original aim was to see how many people you could wind up with this thread, I would say, that you have succeeded in your goal.

 

Please keep the discussion on topic and civil as per our Terms of Service.

 

Yeah, sorry okay, my bad.... I guess I expected more from a parenting forum than people who make wide sweeping judgements and refuse to take note on how this affects others. I still should not have made my comments and I apologise Cheryl, that was inappropriate of me to say what I did.

I'd been thinking it's time I bowed out from TS anyway, there is less and less about twins and more and more on people's opinions and judgements.

 

Anything that makes you think about yourself and your own choices contributes to personal growth. People don't have to make mistakes themselves to grow.

Like I said, I don't necessarily agree with all of Cheryl's conclusions, but I don't think there is anything wrong with analyzing a situation that you observe and drawing lessons from it. No one is taking action against this woman. Who does it hurt if Cheryl's conclusions are erroneous? Plus, there's always something that runs me the wrong way about criticizing someone for being judgmental while being judgmental.

 

Yes, blame the website for your actions. Make sweeping statements about everyone here because you are mad at one or two people. Isn't that exactly what you are mad at Cheryl for doing?

 

Why are you feeling the need to attack me? I haven't made sweeping comments about everyone here. I'm not "blaming" the forum for anything, my feelings are mine to own. I'm not mad at Cheryl, I was mad at her statement and I let my frustrations get the better of me. I apologised. I'm seriously tired of this continuous misquoting.

 

I'm not attacking you. I'm simply stating that making statements that the forum is more and more judgmental and less and less about twins (which is not really the point of the general forum anyway) is unfair and very much like the quick, sweeping judgments you accused Cheryl of making. Yes, you apologized, and that was a classy thing to do. But then you said the forum was more and more judgmental, which in my mind took away from your apology. No misquoting necessary. Your comments speak for themselves.

 

I feel that you are deliberately misconstruing my comments, not only this one but all of the ones I have made on this thread.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way. What did you mean to say?

 

I've said what I meant to say. As you said, my comments speak for themselves. We are on competely different wavelengths. I cannot see how anything I say further to you will be interpreted the way I mean it to be. So on that note, I'm ending my end of this discussion.

 

Okey dokey.

 

I know you are done with commenting and that is your choice but you have to know that this is not what it felt like to me.

never before have I run out of points to give out.

 

Your comment about being judgmental inhibiting personal growth struck a chord with me.

If you are judging someone, it would stand to reason you already think what they are doing is wrong and since you are judging them, you must not be engaging in that behavior yourself. But there are plenty of times we judge people for having the same faults we tolerate in ourselves, but can't see.

To me this concept is probably separate from the topic at hand, but definitely food for thought.

 

I don't think that being judgemental inhibits personal growth. That would mean none of us are capable of personal growth as we all make judgements daily. I think being quick to judge another person, inhibits your ability to look at other possibilities which can give you a narrow vision of how others operate in their world and this could limit your personal growth. I agree that often when we are quick to judge other's faults we are in fact in conflict with that part in ourselves which is probably why it resonates so loudly to us. Definitely food for thought.

 

Just to add one more thing... I guess it can only enhance our personal growth if we were to judge someone on their behaviour and then look at why we are doing so as it helps us become more aware of our own self.

 

I just want to comment on the original post. I would think twice about hearing a mom just give in to her kid and then make the comment that "mommy's always last". Picking your battles and being a "martyr mom" are two different things. We can't know if she does it all the time or if this was one of those moments of frustration that get the better of all of us. However, letting your kids dictate what's going to happen in whatever situation and then saying it's fine because mom's feelings don't count is pretty passive-aggressive and really not good for anyone.

My son has autism, and there are times when he does not want to go back across the store for the one thing I really want but forgot to grab on the way through. Giving in to him in that moment to avoid a tantrum is not because I'm putting "mommy last" it's being mindful of how he's feeling. That's way different than a normal 4-5 year old just not being in the mood to walk back to that area and mom giving in.

 

Again I am not happy that I have reached my quota for positive points today